To Swiffer, a Baduism: I'm getting tired of your shit. Call Tyrone. It will be a cold day in hell--or, speaking Alighierically, a day of specific climes in the ninth circle itself, a day none-the-less fantastic, shouting ET TU at Brutus like a tourist--before I am to ever pine over a mop or find superb satisfaction in dusting shelves. Your commercials have been stricken by Stepfordites with mom jeans! I would rather jar worms. I understand advertising enough--I watch Mad Men, afterall, so I know how it works. with liquor, shit!--but, but, but, where are you getting this stuff? What kind of woman is romantically fulfilled by scrubbing the kitchen floor, without streaks? Satire can be a slippery slope to sled (the confusion happens all the time, mostly when convenient) and a schlock reading of The Stepford Wives seems to have come from all that slipping. I blame the film, or films if you wish to be specific, with its overt fetishization of household chores and cads of ersatz (I think you missed this most important of notes) women breathlessly asking each other about the virtues of cleaning supplies. read more »

My first thought upon hearing the title of the new Madison Smartt Bell novel-

The Color of Night? Isn't that that terrible erotic thriller where Bruce Willis shows his wang? Why would anybody reuse that title? It's been ruined.

My first thought after finishing the book-

Whose penis were we talking about?

So what does it take to wash the bad taste of Bruce Willis' wang out of your mouth? (I can't believe I just wrote that sentence.) How about the palette cleansing triumvirate of murder, rape and incest? Madison Smartt Bell peppers his new novel with a liberal dose of each, weaving together an unsettling tale of surrogate gods, the Manson family and the tragic events of September 11th. read more »

Buy The Color of Night From Amazon.com

Recently, Chuck told me about a new memoir being released called The Chronology of Water. The memoir was written by a friend and fellow workshop member of Chuck's named Lidia Yuknavitch.  Being that Chelsea Cain (Heartsick) and Monica Drake (Clown Girl) are two other fellow workshoppers that also came recommended from Chuck, I quickly perked up my ears.

It seems Lidia is hitting the road to promote this new memoir, and may also be touring with Chuck for his Damned tour later on in the year. Here's a blurb from Chuck about The Chronology of Water and then below are the tour dates.

"I'm not a fan of memoir -- most autobiography contains more untruth than fiction --but Lidia's a terrific writer and she demonstrates how bold good storytelling can be." - Chuck Palahniuk

The book was released by Hawthorne Press on April 1st.

Order 'The Chronology of Water'

Here are Lidia's tour dates:
(apologies, as I'm posting this a few days late) read more »

You know the drill, folks.  Every month a new book is selected and a new moderator steps up to lead the discussion.  This month, we will be reading and discussing Victoria by Knut Hamsun.  Purchase 'Victoria' here!

From the back cover:

When it first appeared in 1898, this fourth novel by celebrated Norwegian writer Knut Hamsun captured instant acclaim for its poetic, psychologically intense portrayal of love’s predicament in a class-bound society. Set in a coastal village of late nineteenth- century Norway, Victoria follows two doomed lovers through their thwarted lifelong romance. Johannes, the son of a miller, finds inspiration for his writing in his passionate devotion to Victoria, an impoverished aristocrat constrained by family loyalty. Separated by class barriers and social pressure, the fated pair parts ways, only to realize—too late—the grave misfortune of their lost opportunity. Elegantly rendered in this brand-new translation by Sverre Lyngstad, Victoria’s haunting lyricism and emotional depth remain as timeless as ever.

Check Out Our Book Club

For three years, Chuck Palahniuk contributed to our ground breaking online Writers Workshop (which he also helped conceive, btw) with 36 writing essays.  These are lessons from a best-selling author on how to improve your craft as a writer... the types of lessons they teach in $20,000+ MFA writing programs.  

To look back and celebrate these exclusive essays, each month we are "unlocking" one and offering it for free on the site.  Normally you would need a Workshop Membership to view these essays, but until you're ready to make that important commitment, we'll offer you one of these a month. 

For April, we have Nuts and Bolts: Hiding a Gun, an essential skill to the writer's arsenal that university writing courses almost never touch upon. Learn to identify and use multiple forms, including the Big Question, the Physical Process, and the Clock.

Read 'Nuts & Bolts: Hiding a Gun'

"Do you hunger, Saint Merrin? Here, I give to you nectar and ambrosia, I give to you the food of your God!" croaked the demon. It excreted diarrhetically, mocking, "For this is my body! Now consecrate that, Saint Merrin!"

O Exorcist. Patron saint of possession, most iconic. Many a viceroy has come now, mimicking your monarch but I confess: they are all merely well-mannered pales, having one on you with their possessed girls and doubting priests, their body horror and murder. Though some strangely incorporate scenes in barns, sadly none have enough fantastical cussing. Most importantly, none have Linda Blair bellowing demonically about cocks in hell. Check: mate.

The Exorcist was strictly verboten in my house growing up. My mother refused to even talk about it, instead saying only, "It's evil." while maintaining a very clear position that I was never, ever to see it. Not never. Not like, you can't see Jaws, ever, until you're 13 and chaperoned by us. Never never. Unflinching. Glare and the sign of the cross at the mention. This is how serious some Catholics are about this movie, loyal to their Church who was mortified by its existence, and like any good Catholic, she would hatefully ignore the problem in the hope it would dissolve on its own. read more »

Somehow I missed this one. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up since Fight Club continues to become one of the most spoofed and homaged films of the past 15 years. This spoof comes by way of The Girls on Film.  Here's their bio from their YouTube channel:

The Girls on Film is the earth-shattering, mind-blowing trio of professional actors Ashleigh Harrington, Cat McCormick and Jeff Hammond.

We're recreating awesome movie scenes between men, with women playing their parts. Its our innovative way of sharing our passion for storytelling and injecting our own personal cocktail of fun and friskiness throughout the galaxy.

We are in the process of remaking all of our favourite guy-on-guy movie scenes for your viewing pleasure. Please share with us your favourite male scenes so our fabulous team can make them too.

For more information, join us at our blog: http://www.thegirlsonfilm.com

Our favorite affiliates and friends, St. Helens Book Shop are having a very awesome and unique promotion.  They have recently acquired a number of foreign language books, signed by Chuck, and they are now offering them up for sale!  They are new/unread books, but have been sitting in storage at Chuck's place for several years, so they vary in condition.

The books have been graded them into 4 price categories of $5, $10, $15, and $20, based on quality and condition, and they are grouped by language within the price category.They  have cover images for many of them, but not all, so if you have any questions about the details of a particular book, feel free to email their Orders Manager at order at sthelensbookshop dot com.

So what are you waiting for?  Get over to St. Helens today!  The cut-off for this promotion is April 10th!

Order Signed Foreign Language Books Here!

St. Helen's has also launched their promo on signed pre-orders of Chuck's upcoming novel Damned!  Damned will not be out until October 18th, but Chuck will sign and personally inscribe (you have this option on the St. Helen's site) your pre-order for you and when it ships, it will be signed to you, with your personal inscription included!

Pre-Order 'Damned' Signed & Personally Inscribed Here!

Fear, Death and The Psychology of Fight Club

Fear is the mind-killer; it is the little-death that brings total obliteration. Whether you are a soldier on the battlefield or a housewife cornered by a cockroach, it is a formidable foe. It can heighten your senses, providing a performance enhancing jolt of adrenaline, yet it can also cause your body to completely shut down on itself. They say only the strong survive, but the many x-factors associated with the fear response pose a danger to even the most well prepared individual. Despite this, good old fashioned knowledge is still your best defense in a dangerous situation. And nobody is more aware of that fact than science writer/outdoor adventurer Jeff Wise.

Wise is currently a contributing editor at both Travel + Leisure and Popular Mechanics. He has also written for the likes of Details, Esquire, National Geographic Adventure and The New York Times Magazine, to name an illustrious few. Throughout his career he has repeatedly put himself in harms way for the sake of a good story (not to mention his own personal enjoyment), tackling everything from skydiving to dog sledding to piloting a WWII fighter plane. He recently distilled his years of experience and turned a critical eye towards the science behind the adventure. The result is Extreme Fear: The Science Of Your Mind In Danger, an investigation into what H.P. Lovecraft called the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind. read more »

Check out this awesome book cover for Invisible Monsters designed by Elyse Boutall.  This was part of an art project where Elyse had to read the book and then create a book cover illustration for it.  See a high res version of Elyse' design here.  And check out more of her work on her official site.

I have a soft spot for fan submitted artwork.  In the early days of The Cult, the largest section we hosted on the site was the Fan Submissions section.  It was loaded to the core with banners, portraits, wallpapers, and my favorite... book covers & dust jackets.  

Check out some of them in our Fan Submission Gallery.

And as always, if you have a Book Cover you designed that you'd like to submit, send it to submissions @ chuckpalahniuk. net.