Bondage and Middle Aged Strippers with Bess Interview

[center][b]Based on a true story with essga11[/b]
[img]http://chuckpalahniuk.net/community/image.php?u=11121&dateline=1138050903[/img]
[b][I]vs.[/I][/b]
[IMG]http://chuckpalahniuk.net/community/image.php?u=32365&dateline=1185476982[/IMG][/center]

[b]Jeebus: Alright, let’s get this started. You are my third interviewee. I’ve been around the block by now and you have not so I’m devirginizing you. How does that make you feel?[/b]

Essga11: I feel nervous...and a little dirty.

[b]J: Lucky I have protection. What's your name, location, and occupation.[/b]

E: Bess — Atlanta, Georgia — Pixel Pusher

[b]J: If you could change one thing about (the above question), what would it be and why?[/b]

E: I don't know that I'd change anything when it comes right down to it. My name is technically Elizabeth, but my mother chose to call me Bess which is an old fashioned nickname for Elizabeth. It's very confusing in certain situations and I get really tired of explaining it to people, but I really love old fashioned names.

Atlanta is home. There are many prettier, more culturally rich cities that I would love to live in but I know this town like the back of my hand. I've tried to leave a few times but it keeps sucking me back in like a black hole.

Graphic Design is great and all, but I really should have been a rock star or a super model. Those gigs just pay better.

[b]J: I’ve been to Atlanta a couple times. Once just flying in, the other driving thru. We stopped at a McDonalds on the way to Orlando and by the coffee machine there read a sign that said, “Cofee don wokr” verbatim. No joke. One of my friends has a picture of it somewhere. How does that make you feel and are you offended? Also what are some good places to see in the ATL besides booty bouncing hoes?[/b]

E: No, I'm not offended nor am I surprised. I called the DMV or some such government agency a few years back and an automated recording asked me to "mash the tic-tac-toe sign for the operator". Everyone must go to The Clermont Lounge on Ponce De Leon. It is a strip club in the basement of an extended stay hotel. It has not been renovated since at least the early 1960's and all of the dancers have been there since then as well. The crown jewel of The Clermont is Blondie, a bleach blonde African American stripper that will smack you in the face with her very large breasts and also crush cans of PBR with them. She is a local celebrity. This place is priceless-it's like walking into a John Waters film.

[b]J: What’s your image of an ideal date, and how does it play out afterwards?[/b]

E: A date? What's that like? I've been married for 10 years. The closest thing to a date I've been on lately is the rare occurrence of getting to see a rated R movie in an actual theatre.

[b]J: A good date would be that strip club. What are you weird quirks or habits that go unnoticed to most but are eminent to you?[/b]

E: I talk to myself out loud in the car a lot. I don't really know I'm doing it. Like, I'll be at a stop light and realize when someone honks at me because the light has changed that I have been sitting there mumbling to myself about whatever happens to be on my mind.
Also, I can't seem to keep my hands still for any length of time but I'm pretty sure that people notice that.

[b]J: Tell me about your most embarrassing work-related or worst moment.[/b]

E: Well, I never got caught but in the end I was keeping a bottle of Bailey's in my desk to put in my coffee-then I went to rehab in Malibu. Now I don’t drink. My worst moment was when my boss made me sit in his cubicle for 5 hours while he screamed at me in front of many other occupied cubicles because he didn't know how to use Illustrator and he couldn't "correct" the work I had done on a map of Raleigh, NC. The other people finally went to Human Resources and told her that he was treating me inappropriately. Then we had a big, scary conference in which he cried and said "I've failed you as a leader." I thought I was going to vomit. Vile little man.

[b]J: In office situations, how much inappropriate behavior goes on?[/b]

E: I think it depends on the office. The last one I worked in was extremely conservative, although there was a rumor about the mailroom guy having sex with an admin in a supply closet and getting caught. He was this black dude that used to sling a little weed on the side and would sometimes wear a purple fedora hat cocked to the side. The admin was a rather large African American woman who had only been there for a week or so... she got fired, he didn't.

[b]J: Have you ever had any experience with bad behavior? Situations like, “Dude, keep it in your pants!”[/b]

E: Not so much really, that last boss was a chest looker though. Sometimes I could just see the restraint in a face as though there was a ticker in his head going "Don't look...don't look...awww! You looked!" Oh and HR used to do a thong hang out patrol, to see if any thongs were peeping out of girls pants, but I say hand outs would be a much cooler story.

[b]J: Indeed. Alright time to move on. It’s Cult time. What do you think of it, why did you join, and why are you still there?[/b]

E: The Cult has become a sort of touchstone for me. I never thought I would feel so tethered to a bunch of people whom I have never met in person. I think The Cult is really quite an enigma. I joined initially because I wanted access to the writer’s forums and essays. I posted an introduction thread and Levi invited me to join the postcard thread. Then, I started making little attachments to a few people through the chat and now I don't know what I'd do without it!

[b]J: Staying in recent theme with the updated happenings at the Cult, if you left for some reason, how do you think it would happen and why do you think it would happen?[/b]

E: I would never leave because of a spat. I think there is an unsaid understanding that you better just let any snide-ness roll off. The Cult is sort of built on snide, jaded, smarty-pantsness and it's what makes it what it is. If you can't take it, you'll just get weeded out. I'm personally not a big boat-rocker, but it does make me snicker when someone tries to get all edgy, gets slammed and then runs of yipe-ing with their tale between their legs. It's just fun-don't take yourself so seriously!

I guess if I didn't have online access for a while I would be forced to leave. But, if I don't have interwebz access, just kill me please. I gave up TV because it's mostly crap, but you can pry my interwebz from my cold dead fingers.

[b]J: What are some of your favorite books and what makes them your favorite?[/b]

E: I have recently decided that I cannot make a true judgment call on a book until some time has passed and I find myself still thinking about certain scenes or descriptions. I think about parts of The Bell Jar a lot, like the part where she wants to get between the mattress and the box spring when she is going though her whole deep, dark depression thing. I felt like that the other day. I think about the part in Survivor when he is in the bathroom stall and Fertility's lipstick-ed mouth is taking through the hole and the gun is poking through the other hole. Sometimes I feel like that, too.

[b]J: I have to ask this question because it has come a staple at the Cult, what made you find Chuck, or to be pseudo-philosophical, how did Chuck find you?[/b]

E: With Rant! I had never read a Chuck book before Rant. The cover art caught my eye because I thought it was this artist that I had once seen in a little, independent art rag. I went home and looked it up on Amazon not even realizing that he was the author of Fight Club. I read the excerpt on Amazon and had to go back to the bookstore to buy it immediately. Then, I felt the need to read about Chuck and found a brief interview on Barnes and Noble.com in which The Cult was mentioned, so I gave it a look and here I am.

[b]J: So that’s the only book you’ve read?[/b]

E: No, I blew through Invisible Monsters, Survivor and Choke immediately after Rant. Lullaby is waiting for me on my bookshelf.

[b]J: If you were locked in a room with Chuck, what would you do?[/b]

E: There's always S&M to keep ya busy on a rainy day.

THE END!