Nice ways to kill people, or just ways to get away with it

also looking for good attempted murder stories that dont involve your everyday weapons, guns, knives, baseball bats.

Basket Ball air pump, jabbed in somebody pumped and makes air bubble in the blood that goes to the brain then...dead.

This idea came when I was a kid I'd play with this basket ball airpump and my mom would yell at me that if I stabbed my brother or the dog with it, I could pump an air bubble in them that would travel in their veins to the brain and kill them....yeah tramatic right. lol

Mossad agents use the classic bump and run.

A nice way to get away with murder, depending on the person and his daily routine, is by drilling a small hole, carefully, into a light bulb and filling it with gasoline. I think jewelers use tiny drill bits that could possibly be used for this. Then screwing the bulb in where ever your hit is located: an office, a bedroom, a bathroom, etc. As long as you can create access for someone to the hit's potential location, where he would have to switch on the lights, you have yourself a perfect elimination.

I think mastor lord and savior chuck palahniuk did something like that in fight club the novel. I don't remember but in the movie i remember Project Mayhem blowing up that computer store display window with computer monitors after pouring in what appeared to be a volatile fluid. I heard of this when i was like 13 and cleaning some Italian mobster's yard for the summer to make some extra cash. He said he never did it but he probably killed off tons of useless rats with this technique.

Give it a shot...in your story that is...

To bore someone to death?

Jam fireworks in their eyes while they are tied down to a chair outside in the backyard on 4th of july. They are already fucked up because you jammed fireworks in their eyes so they're crying and shit. And you're like "I'm gonna light up now." and they are like "No! Please you already blinded me, please please stop!" But you don't give a fuck because you don't know the feeling of guilt; so you flick on your zippo by your pants and light up those bastards.

First of all, killing someone in general is the nicest thing you can do for them. Secondly, there is no "nice" way to kill someone. I mean, come on, the act of murder is enjoyable enough to make you forget that this poor sap may be someone you care about.
However, if what you meant was a gnarly way to kill someone, as in an exciting, ground breaking piece of Bret Easton Ellis literature, here’s the gig:
The character has to be well acquainted with the assailant. Your killer must be devious and cunning. Let him be the kind of man who hangs out and befriends someone for a few months only to fuck his wife, shoot his load in her eye, and tell him all about it over a beer.
You get the point.
If you set this tone, and have absolutely no motive at all, no matter how you decide to kill this person, it will leave your readers with disgust and contempt for the murderer.
But here are a few ideas,
1: Torture Involving Hair Care Products.
When I say hair care products, I mean a burning hot, thick gauge, lubed up curling iron in the ass while blow-drying the victim’s eyes till their dried up to a bitter crust and crumbling out of the sockets (and they will, sure as shit)
2: One Hammer, One Nail.
If you use your imagination properly, I’m sure you can see the fun one could have with these two simple items.
3: The Baseball Bat.
I’m sure your thinking, been there, seen that. But in all reality, murder with a baseball bat is a treasured means of killing that dates back to the stone ages. Our Cro-Magnon ancestors were definitely on to something, and frankly I think it isn’t practiced enough in our time. I mean, what’s so cool about shooting someone?
I hope I have helped your quest for a “nice” way to kill someone.
(BTW, if I see any of these in print, ill be expecting residuals)

As per your querry of the worst thing I have done to someone, see items 1,2, and 3 on my previous comment.

ok, i admit it. i never did those things. But the fact that no one has even commented is pretty dissapointing. Tough crowd. Knyuk, knyuk, knyuk!

You guys disgust me!

Except Alexa and Six.

Wait until they are 80-something and have had a full life then accidently trip over the power cord to the life support thingy or smother with a pillow until done.

Also "nice" is an poor word choice, it is extremely vague. "Nice" could mean amusing or entertaining. "Nice" could mean polite or pleasant. Do you mean nice for you or nice for the victim?

not actually, i am in med school, the water left from the ice will leak into the lungs, and there will be petechial hemorrhaging. meaning the little blood vessels around and in the eyes will rupture. plus the oxygen in the organs will be significantly diminished.

Just keep smothering a child and being overprotective until there like well into adulthood...that could potentially do it!!

Icicles. The weapon always melts.

stuff them into a woodchipper then mix what's shot out into cement, then when it hardens jackhammer it into little bitty bits and chuck a piece out your car window everyday till gone.

Why can't we all just get along? ::sob::

I know a good way to dispose of a body...according to a source that will not be named. Ah! Mysterious!

After you have offed your victim, wrap them tightly in fencing, like the stuff you use for a dog pen. Then drop them in a body of water. They'll sink, swell, fall apart because of the tight fence, and more than likely be eaten by fish.

This is all hypothetical of course.

Steal a gun from a house from a different state that you are in, making sure to steal the gun while that same gun owner is out of state themselves (be it vacation or whatnot). And make sure the person you're killing has no connection to you.

Also, make sure that, if you're going to leave footprints, wear a few sizes too big with a few weights in them. That way, they'll be looking for someone not you. With the stolen gun (which should be carefully stolen, might I add) it will be traced back to someone who wasn't even there.

And if you actually take the effort to do such a task, you really need to get a life.

I'm pretty satisfied that I am not the type to actually ever get away with crimes... therefore I just don't commit them. I think pretty much everything I read through prior comments were all solved ideas on CSI or some relative show. So if you're going to get caught... go for carnage. My choice to get it done:

Molotov Cocktails... or the silenced shotgun from No Country for Old Men.

you could always have someone come with you and make sure that they leave dna evidence at the crime scene then kill them and then throw there body in a tub filled with lie and water and just wait for them to burn away.

But for this to work you need three important things

1. They have to have a criminal record so that there dna that is left at the crime scene will come up on the computer and they will get blamed for the murder.
2. YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY RELATION TO THE PERSON OR THE POLICE COULD TRACE THEM BACK TO YOU.
3. You have to make sure that you kill them with posing and then dump them in the tub that is already filled with the lie and water and also make sure to throw the clothes that you wore to the crime in the bath tub with the body.

We choose not to give away our trade secrets.

Introduce her to Drew Peterson.

lock them in a room with a knife...
they'll eventually starve to death or kill themselves

Im going to say pack them tightly in a tub of salt. Turn them into a huge piece of human jerky.

take em on a trip to Juarez, Mexico!

i think the best way is to be creative. first you scare the person into a stupor, then you wear a mask of their face on yours. After that its all up to you.

Ugh, don't you have to hit a vein? Like heroin addicts. That's why them and medical professionals tap the syringe.

Either sell them some pure heroin or get them drunk then when they pass out, shoot em up with the smack. Then drop them off at the emergency room outside on a bench and haul ass (not as easy as back in the 80's cuz they have video cameras now).

The worst thing I've ever done to someone close was between #1. Repeatedly punching them in the face while chewing on the side of their face.
#2. Beat the fuck out of them, then dig my fingers into the back of their eye, while chewing on the side of their face.
#3 Cheated on someone that I love.
In my opinion, #3 is the worst, but what do I know. I'm just an evil fuck.

Why would you drop them off at a hospital if you were trying to kill them?
and how are #1,#2 or #3 have anything to do with killing someone and getting away with it? Cheat on someone you love? Are you high??

I would think so. #3 makes no sense to this forum.

Nice way? Blow them to death.

What about some accidental deaths, like when they pop the guy in the back seat during "Pulp Fiction"?

Appreciate all the feedback.

Invite your target on a nice private helicopter ride where you know and trust the pilot. Then fly over the middle of the Everglades at around 5 to 7,000 ft, preferably over a large alligator infested section. Then, taser the SOB and toss him (or her, I'm an Equal Opportunity Psycho) out the door like yesterday's laundry. A well deserved end to the mark's mean and boring life. Cheers.

hmmm....how about tying your victim to the back of a boat, once they are in the water make thousands of cuts all over their body and drag them behind the boat until the sharks have disposed of all the evidence for you?

I'm told that this works... but I don't make any claim about it really.

The idea is to inject someone with air. It creates a blockage that causes a typical heart-attack or stroke and leaves only the tiniest mark.

Subtle and clean.

My lawyer says not to say anything.

As far as nice deaths go...

If assisting suicide you could be there for the person while they take a ton of pills and hold them while they gradually stop breathing.

You could always shoot them up with narcotics. Opiates slow breathing and if you do it right and they have no tolerance it will be a painless death.

You could spike their drink or food with cyanide. Trust me when you have a seizure you don't even know your having it. It just looks painful but the person doesn't even know it's going on.

Blood loss is scary but it's relatively painless and quick if you sever a major artery. The best one is in the legs. The person just has the sensation of getting cut really.

Carbon Dioxide poisoning is also a easy way to go. Not suffocating in total immersion but just a gradual increase in the air supply.

As far as not getting caught....

Ice seems like a stupid weapon but it was proved on Mythbusters that it can be used fatally. When it melts you have no evidence.

Have the person ingest something they're allergic to. It's hard to trace back something like a bottle of peanut butter and get a solid conviction.

Induce a seizure while the person is on the stairs or driving. Assuming the person is epileptic you could just put a flashing light in front of them.

I'm blank right now but do not fear! I'll be thinking up many more things as the day goes along!

It takes more air than you can fit into any normal needle to get any physical damage from that. Even then you have to inject it into a vein or an artery (which is pure tough cartilage.) and that takes quite a bit of effort to do. If the person knows you're trying to kill them they may possibly squirm or struggle, making it difficult to insert the needle in the right spot.

I'm not sure if this is even possible, but I think a "nice" way to kill someone would be to kill them with kindness- like offering to paint their nails and toenails several times a week, only after you've added a lot of arsenic or something better to the nail polish(which is full of crap anyway.)
Then with a big, toothy smile you can admire the pretty job you've done making their hands and feet look good, and shake your head as they complain of the horrible leg cramps they've been experiencing. I just thought of this, so I don't even know if the arsenic would be absorbed by the body, or how much would be needed, etc. Plus it would be detected during the autopsy, but still, I think it's nice.

I used to love MJ but since he died and all the people start inventing reasons about why he is death , does not impress me because he needed to be in a drug addiction rehab center because he had problems and his family let him alone and without help .it is too bad because he seemed to be a good man , beside a great artist .

A great and different way to kill someone that is very easy i guess is a gas that renders the lungs useless.

all you need is a bucket some bleach organic nitrogen paint thinner windex and a few other things you can get in a store and perfecto suffixation of who ever inhales it but be careful if left in an enclosed space for to long will wreck walls and chairs in a matter of hours place this mixture in victims house and wait 6-10 hours

Gasoline in bong water? Probably doesn't work though lol.

American Psycho has some interesting ways to kill people in it, you could read that for tips

Buy a hand crossbow online with bit-coins (damn hard to trace) have it sent to a person who will be out of town. Pick it up from there and (with gloves obviously) load a pencil from the victims desk into it and shoot.
It works pretty well
I would imagine it works pretty well.

A rag. The ability to sneak up behind someone. Chloroform. They are asleep before they realize what is happening, and they are dead before they wake up and realize what has happened. It would have to take place in a somewhat monitored, safe and mildly controllable environment though.

Asphyxiation always seemed like a good way to get away with murder, albeit uninspired...

You could always hang someone and make it seem like an ordinary suicide...

I'm not really coming up with any good ones here...I'll need some time to get creative...

Got it. Render the victim unconscious by any sort of drugging means--alcohol, narcotics, ether, any such means of a clean knockout. Put the victim in their bathtub and fill it to the brim with lye. Within an hour the body will be reduced to a stew and completely impossible to gain any evidence from...as long as there is no evidence that you were ever there...

That kung fu punch in the armpit that kills the victim three to four days later- just be far, far away from the second day onward and come back to the 'terrible news'.

If your intended victim has an allergy, you could incite it by introducing and reintroducing the allergen and finally bump them off by encouraging a self-induced overdose of 'anti-histamine'.

Get the victim loopy on psychotics and talk them into suicide.

Push them out of a ski-lift- or better yet, get someone else to do it. <== my favorite.

Love the lightbulb idea.

stab them with an ice sickle it melts there is no evidence

A powerful stab to the jugular vein of the neck with a sharp object would do. It's quick in regards to suffering however, unless you plan to produce wine from the blood... it'll be a bit messy.