Mr Bungle- My ass is on fire- Interview with phlegmatics.

I thought of ten excellent questions to ask of phlegmatics while I was in bed the other night and he replied to them with all due haste:

[B]1. As usual, we’ll start by letting you introduce
yourself. Tell us about your job, origins, age, likes,
dislikes. All that definitive crap…[/B]

I am twenty one and the only major dislike I have is
rednecks and bible pushers and as lame as it sounds I
work at a gas station. I was raised in a crazy Italian
heritage obsessed family(even though I’m more German
than Italian) and brought up to be catholic(which I
still am not quite sure how much I actually believe
and how much I am afraid might be true)

[B]2. Do you have any stand-out memories from childhood
vacations?[/B]

The most memorable experience I can think of would be
one of the trips down to Ocean City, Maryland. One year
I decided I was going to go boogie boarding. So I get
out I’m pretty much falling alseep cause the ocean is
so calm. Next thing I know I hear the life guard
whistling and screaming at me that I’m too far out. I
freak out and fall off the boogie board. Eventually I
get back on, but my stomach is burning from something.
So I swim in as far as I can go until I see some
other people, without any real warning I freak out
and grab the side of one of the guy’s boogie boards. He
pulls me in thinking I was drowning (meanwhile I’m just
terrified of not being in control of my
situation). The guy pulls me to shore and punches me in
the stomach. Turns out I was waist high in a little
swarm of jelly fish. Eww not a good story.

[B]3. What do you keep in your bedside table? Or beside
your bed if you don’t have a table there. Give reasons
for your answers, for example, ‘I keep a bowl in my
bedside table in case I have to vomit whilst going
down on a fat girl…again’ something like that.[/B]

Beside my bed is:
a.)6 foot cardboard Chewbacca cut out(no real reason
for owning, other than the awesomeness)
b.)a black epiphone les paul from the 1970's
c.)a Doctor Seuss poster
d.)an enormous pile that is an assorted mixture of
video game magazines, comic books, dirty underwear, &
pieces of electronic things I took apart and have no
idea how to get back together

[B]4. Last time I did an interview someone complained
that they didn’t get to find out what the guy drank,
even though my subject clearly stated that he had been
drinking COFFEE that very morning, so here’s a
two-parter:
(a)What’s your poison? Be specific.
( What do you like in your sandwiches? Tell us what
bread you use.[/B]

a.)As far as alcohol goes I love jagerbombs. I
personally think it’s the greatest mixture ever
invented and that the red bull energy drink company
needs to announce that the sole purpose of their drink
is to make this God-like contraption.
(jager bombs consist of two parts red bull, one part
jagermeister, and just for the hell of it cherry
juice)
b.) I don’t really care what’s in my sandwiches I’m more
or less concerned with the condiments and how many I
can mix together to create an all new original awesome
taste
(but when I don’t have condiments I can’t eat anything
with onions or green peppers)

[B]5. This is a lame question but I love it anyway, what
is your theme song?[/B]

I have a couple actually.
When I’m in a good mood it’s: Mr Bungle- My ass is on
fire
When I’m creating something it’s: the Flaming Lips-Do You
Realize or the Velvet Underground-Venus in Furs.
When I’m miserable it’s anything by skinny puppy.

[B]6. I tried to get my other subject to dish on what
Culties he was into but he didn’t co-operate so much
however he mentioned me so I’ll let him off. I’ll try
again and more for another two-parter:
(a)Who are your three favourite Culties(I like that
word) and why?
( Who’s your favourite departed Cult-dweller?[/B]

My favorites would have to be, in no real order:
1.)fullmetalbrak- incredibly nice lady and she was
incredibly welcoming when I first came here.
2.)sara faye-she’s one of the few people that actually
plays along with my stupid rants and again like
fullmetalbrak she’s incredibly nice and friendly.
3.)it’s a tie mr brown, undertow and meatthinker-all of
them for different reasons though
mr brown’s a sly motherfucker,
I don’t think I’ve ever seen undertow say a single mean
thing about anyone(he’s that freaking nice)
and meatthinker’s just crazy as hell

[B]7. Have you ever had any Supernatural experiences?[/B]

(Just to explain the validity of the stories below I
feel I need state that I play around a lot with sleep
deprivation)
When I was in boy-scouts(yes I was a boy-scout) we would
often explore the woods, and every once in a while
there would be bright white lights that would fill
different areas. We would chase through the woods
until we got to the area of the light and it would be
gone.

Also there was the time when I thought I was abducted
by aliens(no joke!, I was like 12 though) I was lying
in bed and I heard a low rumbling hum, I look up and
my body is heavy as hell, it takes tremendous strength
just to lift my head, and when I look up there’s this
huge silverish-somewhat blue light right outside my
window, the light got really bright really quickly and
I woke up in my living room.

[B]8. Why did Jack Torrance go fucking mental in The
Shining? Was it really unexplainable forces working on
him? Cabin fever? He got the job at the hotel just so
he could get his annoying wife away from civilisation
and kill the hell out of her? What do you think?[/B]

Steven King would have you to believe that it was
Jack’s alcoholism mixed with his cabin fever and also his spousal abuse.

Kubrick just makes it look like he was possessed by
the negativity of the house and the curse that was
placed on the hotel.

I think its somewhere between the two. Maybe he was
suffering from dementia and cabin fever. Maybe he
started drinking again in an attempt to self-medicate
the dementia and cabin fever. Yup that sounds about
right.

[B]9. Last time I was drunk I fell asleep under a
suitcase and now have two big bruises on my legs where
it was resting on me. What drunken injuries have you
given and received?[/B]

Recieved: 3 broken fingers, one ass-kicking, one
abrasion on my scalp that ripped out hair,
& 2 mild concussions. Defaecation(less a physical injury
more of a embarrassment.

Given: Bloody lips, burned skin and clothing(not bad,
just annoyance) and a couple mushroom stamps.

[B]10. Who is the person, dead or alive who has
influenced you the most in your life and how has this
person affected you?[/B]

Shannon Hoon *the lead singer of blind melon* when I
was 16 I had my first major bout of depression and
honestly that happy-everything-gets-better-tommorrow,
hippy crap pretty much helped me eventually become
optimistic and get out of that slump.