Interview with Brock Landers

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]fanciful, you big galloot[/QUOTE]

dude, how in the hell should I know. I've gone 29 years on this godforsaken planet without once ever hearing anyone say or mean the word fanciful. In fact, I can't ever recall ever reading the word fanciful in an actual sentence of any book or anything. You didn't mean fanciful and you know it! Fanciful doesn't even exist in Australianese! This reminds me... I was watching this porno called ORAL CONSUMPTION #6...

[url]http://dvdrentz.com/AdultDVD/401564D6+Oral+Consumption+6+dvd.htm[/url] < adult dvd cover link

... and this chick named Elizabeth looks just like that chick from Australia here, the one with the knees, I forget her name, damn, I really have been gone a while, anyway, the interviewer is like "So... who are you? Where are you from? What's the national dish of your country?" and she's Australian and she's all "Vegemite!" and since the movie is all about sucking toes and licking ass and other assorted oral pleasure and toe sex, she proceeds to smear vegemite on his butthole and get to eatin', and let me tell ya, she was all into it, by the end of the scene her face is smeared in goo and vegemite and she has tears comingout her bloodshot eyes. Really, it didn't turn me on much. Damn porn! Still, it had it's moments, like when he was all THAT'S RIGHT WHORE, REALLY DIG DEEP! STICK THAT TONGUE IN MY ASS AND PULL OUT A NUGGET! in this fake annoying guy voice. I don't know where they come up with this stuff or who the hell finds this stuff sexy...

a nugget no less....

[QUOTE=Brock Landers]
... and this chick named Elizabeth looks just like that chick from Australia here, the one with the knees, I forget her name[/QUOTE]

i believe that would be me...

and yes, vegemite is not sexy. have you smelt that stuff? no wonder her eyes were watering.

are you embarassed or flattered that some of the radge lads on this board lust after you?

im amused.

kit! oh man, how's them knees?! crikey! not that I ever watched that idiot alligator bounty hunter thing with the obnoxious khaki dude who looks all neanderthalianatic with his forehead and hairy knuckles, but I seen him before, not that that counts, more like seeing that dude, what's his face, the one with the, um, like bowie knife who tries to poo in a bidet, plus I've seen muriel's wedding a zillion times, not to mention the coca-cola kid, an all-time classic, I'm sorta like that eric roberts in a sense, I'm pretty sure anyway, maybe eric roberts in some kind of lousiana kingpin flick where he has dreadlocks and talks like a southern belle on the most viscous velocoraptin' hurricane bender, what the fuck though, I was thinking about the kit! earlier today when I rocked out to Schtum or was it Ammonia or was it friggin', uh, fuckin' hell, oh yeah, like those dudes with the suicidal, suicidal, suicidal dre-ee-eam, like I forget, some kind of metal chair, like silver, there ya go, I knew you had it in ya Brock...

[QUOTE=big S]genius.
and brock and i share the same birthday.[/QUOTE]

Yeah... I'm like older now... 31 to be prezact... I really don't feel much older... just more smarter... and I'm in the best shape of my life... working on a feed store loading dock... throwing bags of goat chow and llama maintenance into the backs of big jacked-up trucks with window writing painted on saying stuff like "if you don't speak english get the heck out of america" and "cowboy up" and "I ain't skeered" and somesuch nonsense. I even wear wrangler shirts with the sleeves cut-off and cowboy boots and talk like "hey dude... I'm fixin' to go get me some vittles" and the like... I dunno, not much has changed since I been here last, just my older brother died, I got my heart broken and broke some hearts, I changed jobs a couple times, I got even better looking than usual and became addicted to Hot Topic shirts that say stuff like "Everybody loves a Ding Dong" and "Keep Staring... I Might Do A trick"... Oh man, my library hour is almost up, I guess that's just about that for now...

Woah! You're back!

Nightrious is going to shit himself.

That's why he wears adult diapers... he was always smart like that...

jesus fucking christ.

the prodigal son returns

ring the town bell

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]jesus fucking christ.

the prodigal son returns

ring the town bell[/QUOTE]
whoah, cool. jinx
i wrote something similiar elsewhere about the prodigal porn-star

it's ok, brock, i work around hillbillies loading and unloading trucks as well. git r done!

i dont think this is the real brock their using "like " too much i think its some air headed bimbo that stumbled across the real brocks password of "moistpanties"

[QUOTE=big S]it's ok, brock, i work around hillbillies loading and unloading trucks as well. git r done![/QUOTE]

I tried to post yesterday but this library computer wouldn't let me... fascist librarians with their hairbuns of hate and pointyglassesonneckstringthingiesofdoom... anyhow, I was gonna say that this dude showed up yesterday at work in this little yellow beat-up Datsun B-210 with giant white lettering etched on his back window... covering the whole thing... saying GIT HER DONE and he had on this stupid Dwight Yaokum-looking cowboy hat, all

... note: I'm gonna keep writing and editing this post for a bit 'cause this library computer wouldn't post this huge post I wrote yesterday and I wasted a full hour and got nothin' posted...

so his hate... er, hat was all bent and pimped-out with feathers and stuff, and he was such a nerd and that's cool, but anyhow, this dude at work named Sonny asked me out last night after the boss paid us, and I wasn't sure what he meant, but then he said his wife is into chicks and wanted to go to a strip club and wanted me to go, although I've never met her, except to smile off the loading dock when she picks him up... they are real poor trailer folk who share a truck and ride bikes to work and stuff, but Sonny is cool as hell... looks like a cross between Sam Elliot's handlebar mustache and Christian Bale in The Machinist...

... Sonny weighs like 100 lbs and looks like he just escaped from a concentration camp... and his wife is cute and chubby and sorta suckling like a little piglet or whatnot... by the way, my password IS NOT moist panties, although that's a pretty good password and I'll have to remember that next time I sign up at The Cult or whatever... but yeah, back to Sonny and his wiff... I think she's in heat or something and they are swingers, which I found out last night when we went to the T&A Cabaret strip joint and she put her hand on my leg when we were in this booth and started rubbing on my crotch while her husband was getting a lap dance across from me... he just looked over and smiled his brilliant Sonny smile...

He's really reminiscent of De Niro in Deer Hunter, all backwoods and blue collar and camo-wearing and basically he's the sort to argue that Chevy is better than Ford and he talks about lugnuts and bolts and gears and shafts and lube and stuff like that a lot... his wife and him met at a strip club, she's an ex-stripper... let me rephrase that... she's a retired tease of sorts, but she never quit her trade... and she jumped in his semi-truck the first night they met and drove off into the arkansas sunset with him and they got married two weeks later... but yeah... turns out he wanted me to do his wife, but he's all homophobic, like to the Nth degree, so he is all into it but not into it even though I think he really is gay, 'cause you don't have a mustache like that and not be gay... even though he's sorta gay in a Brad Pitt as Early Grace in Kalifornia sort-of way... like he'd just as soon shoot David Duchovny as sleep with him...

It's wierd too... he asked me a while back to get porn for him, since he is all religious in a jailhouse sorta way, he's an ex-con, and he just said to me IF'N YOU GET UP-A THAR AT THE ADULT SHOP, MAYBE YOU CAN PICK ME UP ONE O' THEM A-THAR VIDEOS WITH THE GIRL DOING ALL THE STUFF, YA KNOW, ALLLLLL THE STUFF, LIKE WITH HER MOUTH AND EVERYTHING AND MAYBE A BUNCH O' GUYS JUST DOGPILIN' HER AND GETTING CRAZY AND DOING NASTY DIRTY THINGS LIKE YOU CAN'T DO WITH YER WIFE...

He told me how when I gave him the movies, he came back to his trailer one night and caught his unemployed father-in-law, who freeloads off him, "taking care of business" on his couch while watching one... believe me, it's all inbred sounding when you hear it coming from him... anyhow, he hates his dad-in-law for freeloading and him and his wife fight all the time about that stuff to the point of divorce cause she loves her "daddy" and I don't even think he's really her dad since they are all swingers and stuff, the dude who is her father-in-law or whatever is like 25 at best, but whatever... oh yeah, I read part of GUTS to Sonny and he got all homophobic and was like YOU READ SOME GAY STUFF MAN, I BETTER WATCH OUT FOR YOU or something, the part about the guy getting his intestines stuck in the pool drain... I dunno... lunch is almost over and I gotta drive back to work and maybe monday I can write more...

The gist of all of the above, however, is that his wife blew me, and I don't know how I feel about it other than to say she was good about watching her teeth and I'm actually seeing this figure model chick from my gym at the moment but it's not really cheating because I just started seeing her and we haven't gotten nude yet... and this isn't braggadacio or a confession or any of that silly stuff, it's more just getting it off my mind so I can move on to other things... The Cult was always good for clearing my mind out... it's like the stuff just builds and builds and if this library would let me and I had the time, I'd be here all day and night typing endlessly, cause I got so much inside just waiting to get out of my spanish pantalones... so many new characters in my life story, so many events, so many thoughts, so many deeds, so much, so little time to review, so yeah, back to the warehouse and the freezing cold and the smell of horse manure and dumb llamas looking like they haven't a thought in their misshapen oxnards...

Good stuff.

i don't mind the teeth every now and then. a little pain is good for you.

[QUOTE=Brock Landers]stupid Dwight Yaokum-looking...[/QUOTE]

HEY!!! Don't be knocking Dwight!!!

You don't know!

did you miss me?

[QUOTE=big S]i don't mind the teeth every now and then. a little pain is good for you.[/QUOTE]

Speaking of pain, I had way too much Yohimbe, Yohimbine Alkoloid-thingies, you know, the South American tree bark trancendental herbal dick-hard stuff and I'm feeling a little, oh, I don't know... this was yesterday, mind you, and basically my penii wouldn't go down or stop aching and it made me kinda nauseous and jittery and it made me watch Brazilian tranny movies where the chick-dudes are all super-tan and shaven and with real breasticles and that fine, blond hair on their forearms from all the sun, and I don't think I'm gay or nuthin', it's more a combination of liking watching a yang get blown by a hot chick, except like, the chick has a unit, which sorta makes it not gay, but if you asked any guy I work with, they'd get all freaked and I suppose they're right, I mean, generally I watch the regular movies with the chicks and the dudes, but sometimes just for something different, you know... like all like with the stuff and everything... and my fingers feel numb from the cold...

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]did you miss me?[/QUOTE]

Everytime I even BEGUN to miss you, I just stick in my videotape of Muriel's Wedding and watch about five minutes before I really don't miss you anymore... but yeah, I suppose everytime I make a mixtape I get all, like, dew on my balls or whatnot. I really haven't read much since I left here, books or anything really, but sometimes when I watch movies I turn on the subtitles option and pretend it's a book... like a really vivid book with lots of action and cussing and nudity... like Star 80 meets Saturday Night Fever meets Last of the Mohicans meets Where The Red Fern Grows...

[QUOTE=succotash moon]HEY!!! Don't be knocking Dwight!!!

You don't know![/QUOTE]

Dwight's okay in Minus Man and Sling Blade, but I can't stand his music... and besides... THIS guy with the Yoakemy-hat is really fat and looks like either Santa Claus or Uncle Jesse, I can't decide which... some days I think both... you know, Uncle Jesse as Santa Claus and vice-a vers-a, dig... friggin' jujubes...

[QUOTE=Brock Landers]Everytime I even BEGUN to miss you, I just stick in my videotape of Muriel's Wedding and watch about five minutes before I really don't miss you anymore... but yeah, I suppose everytime I make a mixtape I get all, like, dew on my balls or whatnot. I really haven't read much since I left here, books or anything really, but sometimes when I watch movies I turn on the subtitles option and pretend it's a book... like a really vivid book with lots of action and cussing and nudity... like Star 80 meets Saturday Night Fever meets Last of the Mohicans meets Where The Red Fern Grows...[/QUOTE]

i love you.

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]i love you.[/QUOTE]

Yeah... well... the feeling is mutual. I love me too... and by the way, everytime I see the YOU ROCK thing in your posts, it's like, yeah... I do rock... you know? I mean, it's like you got me and then you got rock and then it's like you take the me and you put it together with the rock and then it's all, like, I rock, ya know, like you rock is really me rock or I rock or whatnot, and then it's all, like if you didn't have the I rock in you rock thing goin' on then it'd just be like this whole general you rock thing which wouldn't rock at all, not even one little bit, so like the only way it's gonna work is if we stick to the basic mathematics of the whole thing with the other thing, like the A, B, C thing except with rock, but like you divide the rock by the whole me thing, as if I am even indivisible or visible or you can even see me, which you can't, but forget all that nonsense because when the numbers fit, then it all makes sense or something, ya know?

i still think im going to ditch this place at the end of the year.

your rising from the grave as it were almost made me think
i should do otherwise. but life is too short, yknow.

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]i still think im going to ditch this place at the end of the year.

your rising from the grave as it were almost made me think
i should do otherwise. but life is too short, yknow.[/QUOTE]

Why the end of the year? Like, days from now or something? I don't get it...

But, like, yeah... life... is... too... short or whatnot... beatbox-style like this "adult movie" I own starring the West Coast rap sensation Too Short, where he gets a bunch of groupie sex with all the nappy dugout, dig? I mean, I don't own a lot of "black" "adult movies"... and I don't know why I even put "black" in "quotations" like that and all, but the whole "adult movies" quotations thing is on account of this "cruddy" "library computer" that won't let me all "cuss" and "stuff", ya see, so like, speaking of "black" "adult movies", like, I spent Christmas at the "girlfriends" "parents pad", and I say "girlfriend" because we haven't done "it" yet, but we did get pretty "hot" and "heavy" on the "christ childs" "birthday" or whatever...

... again, I "edit" because I don't want to "waste" an "hour"... the library "time limit"... "typing" a "long post" that the computer won't "post", like "last time"... for whatever "reason"...

... so this "chick"... she is so "fine" that I "lose my mind", ya know, like so "horny" I can't even "think", let alone "breath" thing... and she's "cool" and "smart" and "fun" and really an "upper", "so to speak", that I "think"... "yeah" "yeah", I "know" what you are "thinking"... that I "think" that I "might" be "in love" or some "semblance" of "whatever" "the" "hell" "that" "word" "even" "means"...

[QUOTE=Brock Landers]
But, like, yeah... life... is... too... short or whatnot... beatbox-style like this "adult movie" I own starring the West Coast rap sensation Too Short, where he gets a bunch of groupie sex with all the nappy dugout, dig? [/QUOTE]

you are SO right.

Awesome... thanks dude... so, like, yeah... I think I met the woman of my dreams... scratch that... GIRL of my dreams... in fact, she's still in high school, but definitely 18, which makes it all good, ya know, so like, yeah... she's beautiful and cute and bubbly and smells good and looks hot and is all fresh-faced and noxcema-clean and she's one of those smart young girls, the kind that are really much older than they, like, are or whatever, and it's like we meet somewhere in between, like, connect, you know, like all somewhere between 31 and 18 is some age that we both are, like mentally, like she makes me feel younger and I make her feel older and we have fun, ya know, like REAL fun, like not the fake kind of fun, but the REAL fun that sometimes older women forget exists, like she's so happy and yet sad, and like just all bursting over with enthusiasm and emotion and on the verge of spontaneous combustion at the same time as she's all calm before the storm-like, and I'm the same, and it's like a miracle we met, and I desperately am addicted to her and it's also a little dangerous and makes my pulse race and my heart beat just a few hundred beats a minute faster, ya know, like all blood boiling and my sleep is like, I'm not depressed anymore, and I sleep less and less and can't stop thinking about her, but I'm all refreshed and upbeat and on my game like never before, like she compliments me, highlights me, makes me all flourescent and like purple neon with a yellow outline that's like so friggin' razor sharp that it explodes and turns into something untouchable and all eye of the tigerish and... and... you know what I mean at all? It's like I'm on drugs, on some highwire tightrope thing, all exhilerated and hot and brilliant and everything I say to her makes her light up, and all vice-versa and I'm so flippin' afraid I'm gonna lose her even though I just got her and so like yeah and stuff, that's what I been up to...

[QUOTE=Brock Landers;445518]stymie
verb [T often passive] stymieing INFORMAL

Two birds in the hand is better than early worms getting too hot in the bush. QUOTE]

That is fuckin funny.

Every once in a while one of these gems escapes from the ocean of words and prose. Kinda reminds me of (don't cringe too hard) Alanis saying:
"You make the knees of my bees weak"

Requires a rich understanding of the English language to catch the humor, none the less.

[QUOTE=Girl Alchemist;1033861]

That is fuckin funny.[/QUOTE]Not really.

[QUOTE=bigshrimpn;1033901]Not really.[/QUOTE]

You must be a member of the Moron Tabernacle Choir because, for the life of me, I can't see why anyone would go from topic to topic and read my posts and read someone else's posts about me and then post nonsense like you just did in a thread about me just for the sake of adding to your post count and clogging up The Cult with crap and more crap. If you don't think I'm funny, then why do you keep reading my posts and other's posts about my posts? Why would you even come into a thread called "Interview With Brock Landers" unless you have some sort of gay crush on me? Lastly, I'd appreciate if you didn't insult new members all the time and try to run them off because you are so insecure and immature that someone else might come to The Cult who has something interesting to say instead of just posting shit posts like bigshrimpn does. I'm pretty sure there's a rule somewhere about harassing people like you do. I'd hate to be a nazi, but if I put some thought into it, I'm pretty sure I could get you banned for being a retard. I'll try to talk more on your level... remember the movie Bambi? The Disney movie with the deer? Yes, Disney like Mickey Mouse Disney... such a cute widdle baby you is... welllll, bigshrimpn... remember the rabbit who says "if you don't got nothing good to say then don't say nothing at all"? Well, he was a dumbass like you, so I killed him and made rabbit stew, and boy did it taste good. What he should have said, is that if you don't got anything to add to the discussion, then you should probably stay the fuck out of it completely. Just a thought, jackass. Now, with that said, I'll give you another chance to redeem yourself, because I am that kinda guy. Now, why don't you go and see if you can finish college and stop wasting your time watching American Idol reruns. I have no respect for anyone who defends Limp Bizkit like a true wannabe. Try scrubbing that nasty fish smell off of yourself and meeting a woman instead of masturbating to your Boondock Saints video...