"I still got my U.S.S.R. passport and everything." An evening with Jill's Tits.

-[b]So, who was supposed to do this interview originally?[/b]

[i]Shite, well... Spike, I think, but he won't return my calls. Not even the ones where I'm threatening to be pregnant with his baby. Heartless, man, heartless.[/i]

-[b]boys are silly.[/b]

[i]Indeedly. I only PMed him once, though. Maybe it failed.

*Shrugs*[/i]

- [b]ahh dont worry old girl, there's other fish in the sea. I thought it was bearchaser, but his computer died or something

[i]Dude... um, for the record (And feel free to take this out of the interview if you want... or leave it in...) but I'm a guy.

If you didn't know.[/i]

- [b]yeah i did, i was calling you a girl on purpose.

[i]Fine, assclown.

;][/i]

- [b]And there'll be no censoring on my watch nancy boy! ok, lets get this started shall we?[/b]

[i]And, I was supposed to be interviewing Bearchaser.But yes, lets.[/i]

- [b]ok, lemme find my cheat sheet[/b]

[i]Hahah. Coming up with questions is hard! I'm much better at just jumping in head first and shooting things.

Or, you know, at least I think I am.[/i]

- [b]Name, age, nickname, and how on earth did your username come to be?[/b]

[i]My name's Vitaly, which was, up until JANE S. a kind of inside-joke-esque secret between myself, Shana (Synnove) and Thag. But now she announces it every time I sign on, so... cat's outta the bag. I'm pretty sure it's some kind of Soviet name, as I'm am part Ukranian. I'm gonna be twenty pretty soon. Scary age. First age that I've ever actually had any kinds of feelings about.

I ain't got no nickname, my name's strange enough as is. Jill's Tit came about because my sister was spoofing the whole "I am Jack's ________" thing, except, she didn't want it to me masculine, and she didn't like the name Jane (like in the movie)[/i]

Anyway, I was gonna make my own account, but it wouldn't've been premium, so I stuck with that.[/i]

- [b]ahhh, so your sister originally made that account?[/b]

[i]Yep. But she didn't do anything with it. I kinda hi-jacked it from her. Her husband renews the premium account every year because he thinks she's still on the site, and he's rich.[/i]

- [b]hahahaha awesome. so you're premium, what sort of premium only stuff dya use? dya write in the workshop?[/b]

[i]Yeah, I have some stuffs in the workshop. It's been slow, so I'm not as super active with it as I was.[/i]

- [b]cool. so you're 19? dya work? where do you work? or dya go to school / college? Where did you grow up?[/b]

[i]I was working up until the summer, as a bartender. Now that summer's over, I gotta get back in the game. Also, I finished a year of college (with MUCH better grades that high school, which I didn't even finish), but I'm taking a break from that because I want to find a better school.

I lived in Ukraine and China (for a year, my mom had to go there for work) until I was five, and then my mom and I moved to New York. So really, I grew up here... but also, there's this town upstate called Monticello, where I used to spend my summers with my cousin and my grandma. That's where I learned all of the, you know, other stuff.

By the way, when I lived in Ukraine, it was still the Soviet Union. I still got my U.S.S.R. passport and everything.

I think it's kinda cool, having a passport for a country that no longer exists[/i]

- [b]you should really post pictures of that man[/b]

[i]Haha, yeah, or sell it on Ebay. I'll post a picture when I find my camera.[/i]

- [b]next question. Chuck: Why do you like him as an author, what keeps you coming to his work? if you DO keep coming to his work of course[/b]

[i]His style. It was just SO far from the generic "Once upon a time they lived happily ever after" stuff that it was like a breath of fresh, cold, Alaskan air. I do keep coming back, in the hopes that he'll write something as good - or better - than Survivor or IM.

(Survivor's my favorite)[/i]

- [b]I dont keep coming back, or not very actively. I ADORED fight club, i ADORED stranger than fiction, but then i read choke and it just seemed i dunno. like more of the same thing. But it's your interview, which leads me to the next question

At what a time in your life did you first read/see fight club? how did it influence you?[/b]

[i]I saw the movie first. I didn't hear shit about it before I watched it, except, it was in like a Limp Bizkit song or something. Hahahahahah... ah crap. Anyway, I borrowed it from my uncle. On VHS. And I just popped it in and was kinda watching it while doing other stuff, but then it really got a nice, firm grip on me. Everyone says how, oh yeah, they saw the ending coming. I didn't. Whatever. Fuck them. It was SO much better that way. I bought the book shortly after.

Or maybe I stole it. I was young. Sorry. Viva la being punk rock, and all that jazz.

:P[/i]

- [b]hahahaha good answer. quick one, did you prefer the movie ending or the book ending?[/b]

[i]Movie. It was way sweeter. I'm a romantic deep down.
...deep, deep, deep down.[/i]

- [b]same here. like it was a happy ending after all. Guy gets the girl, even if he blew up modern economy. Which sounds kindda fun anyway[/b]

[i]Just like real life.

Sorry, my mom walked in and started harrassing me. I gotta move out again.[/i]

-[b] oh. you wanna continue this later?[/b]

[i]No, no, go on. I gotta move outta the house is all I meant. Not like, right now.[/i]

-[b] cool. dont sweat it, im talking to other people too, im not just staring at this window, all in the dark, sobbing each time you dont answer right away. next q. Are you a morning person?[/b]

[i]Yes you are.

This actually depends on a lot of things. First of all, my sleeping schedule is kinda screwed, so I seldom wake up in "the morning". But, when I do, I love love love it, and I'm super nice and cheery, [/i]if I'm alone.[i] When there are other people alive around me in the morning, I get really, really mean. Basically, morning time is me, completely raw.

;]

(there was innuendo in that)[/i]

- [b]rawr. How close are you with your family?[/b]

[i]I love my mom. I'm civil to my stepdad, even though he's just the guy fucking my mom. I love my grandmas, even though they can both be really fucking annoying, and I have to take them in small doses. I love my sister, and act accordingly as any older sister / younger brother situation. Basically, we're just mean to each other, but really protective as well. My uncle is really awesome, he plays video games with my cousin (who's like a brother) and me all the time. He's damn good, too. My aunt is really fucking cool, too.

Those are the family members I am closest to.[/i]

- [b]sounds like a fun bunch. Are you a country guy or a city guy? in other words, do you enjoy the speed that society moves at, do you hate it, do you find yourself wishing to go and live among natives in some outcast island, do you find yourself secretly attracted to city life... Explain.[/b]

[i]I'm a go with the flow guy. I can make wherever I'm at a good situation. Mostly because I have sampled all types of things, analyzed the shit out of them (as I do with everything) accessed, and adapted. Basically, I just love an adventure. That's what keeps me going.

As for New York City, specifically, I love the place, but I hate every single last one of these people.

With a bitter fucking passion.[/i]

-[b] how come?

[i]Well
To put it simply: everyone's fake. No one is 100% honest with you about anything. Even honest people. ESPECIALLY if they know you. I don't know what it is. I guess that since everyone's trying to impress everyone, they create all these fabrications. A shell, really. I guess it's because there's just so goddamn much going on here, always, all the time. Everyone has to wear a mask. Which makes them six hundred times uglier than they usually already are.

I mean

it IS kind of a generalization. There ARE people like me. And they're cool as fucking winterfresh. But alas, they're few and far between.[/i]

- [b] how do you know YOU'RE not putting a mask? i mean, in what examples can you really really be sure you're not doing it?[/b]

[i]I do when it comes to amusing myself and my friends. For example, I was at a party two nights ago, and I convinced a good sixty percent of people there that I'm actually fresh outta London, faking an accent and everything. It was so funny, watching them watch me "fake" my american accent. Priceless. But when I'm not taking a piss (elohel)? It's because I'm honest to the point where it's so raw, people think I'm an asshole. Like, I'm not a shit talker, but if I have something on my mind, I'll say it. Yes, you do look fat in that dress. I'm sorry, I DON'T give a shit about her breaking up with him again. No, you only like the guy in the Van because he has a mo-hawk and you're shallow. Although, that mo-hawk IS bitchin.

The only reason I get away with it is because (in real life, at least... I'm sure it doesn't flow over on the internet) I'm pretty charming. Almost as charming as xec8![/i]

-[b] yeah, charm isnt one of the easiest things to transmit through the net. who's this xec8 fella? your boyfriend i presume[/b]

[i]That's the username your mom goes by. Yes, she IS my boyfriend.[/i]

-[b] that makes sense, she IS a quarter ton male trucker after all. Do you have any life philosophy? Are you religious? are you spiritual in any way? are you supersticious, as in believing in astrology and whatnot?[/b]

[i]Sorry, I was on the phone with my sister. She's in fucking France. what the hell is she doing in France? She lives in Russia with her lawyer/doctor/whateverthefuck husband...I'll bet she took his credit card and left without telling him.

Again.[/i]

- [b]you dont seem to like the guy how come? he a jackass?[/b]

[i]He's a dick. She married him for the money. I know it, I didn't even go to the wedding.

Anyway, Philosophy?

I'm a very apathetic person, and that's how I go through life. I acknowledge my mistakes, and if I liked them, then hell yeah, I'll do it again. I don't plan anything more than maybe the next five minutes. Unless it's important. I guess you can just call it being a spur of the moment type of person. I have a motivation problem, but once I start doing shit, I go all out. Also, as for me being apathetic it takes a LOT for me to care about someone/thing, but when I do, I care for it fiercely.

As for religion? I just don't give a shit. If God (whichever one) is really, he, she or it can come down and be like, yo, I'm god. And I'll be like, tha's cool. Anyway, back to Legend of Zelda...I'm not supersititious, but I DO believe in ghosts. But in a scientific way.[/i]

- [b]how so?[/b]

[i]I believe - no, sorry, I THINK (there IS a difference), that when people die, well, their energy has to go somewhere. If it was calm and natural, I figure, the energy just disperses peacefully. But if some bad shit happened, I figure, for lack of better term, it gets cramped in one place.

And it becomes what we call a ghost.[/i]

- [b]interesting. Whats the last big decision you made? What outcomes did you aim for, and which ones have come through? what unexpected good has come off it?[/b]

[i]To try and not get into a serious relationship until I'm at least twenty five (by which I really mean, until I'm comfortably living myself and have a steady job). I was aiming for not getting heartbroken over circumsances I could not, at the time, control. It's working awesomely. Or so I express. Well it IS working awesomely, but i'm slowly and silently getting over certain things in my recent relationship. It was a pretty serious one. Only the second serious one out of the fifteen girlfriends I had. Or fourteen. I don't exactly remember.[/i]

-

[i]HEY. PAY ATTENTION!

Next question?

- [b]hahaha sorry, stupid girl flirting with me. How do you handle yourself in real everyday life in contrast to how you handle yourself on the cult? are there any differences? any details you might feel we're not quite seeing over the net?

Mhm.I am exactly the same. I type like how I talk. And I say what I'd normally say anyway. 'Kay?[/i]

-[b] but like the charm thing you said earlier. Do you feel that gets transmitted? cause communication between people is like 70% non verbal[/b]

[i]This is true. But I'll do shit like
*Jill's Tit waves*
*Jill's Tit grabs an ass*
Yannow?[/i]

- [b]yeah, good point. im interested in that sortta stuff, like how someone over the net might seem really confident and arrogant and then you meet them and they're completely the opposite, at least on the outside.[/b]

[i]That's Corellion for you. I'll bet so much.

I mean, nuttin.[/i]

- [b]hahaha whatsamatter, dontcha like the little guy?[/b]

[i]So I guess, I'm exactly the same way, except in real life, there's that and MORE.

. . . I'd rather not bash him behind his back. But ask again when he's around. (Although, I'm slightly warming up. Slightly)

(Insignificantly, almost)

Shit! dude, you gonna be on in like two hours?[/i]

-[b] might. wanna take a break? i'll probably be. its just 10 pm here, i doubt i'll be sleeping before 3 am[/b]

[i]Yeah, my friend pulled up and he won't stop honking the damn horn.[/i]

- [b]no problemo, see ya in a bit[/b]

[center]intermission...[/center]

[i]Got some time?[/i]

- [b]yeah, gimme 10 minutes, im writing some emails[/b]

[i]
My friend from the Navy just called me. Rene. He's stationed in San Diego. He was watching them fire test rounds out of their cannons. We were discussing what would happen if he brought a shell back and we put it in the street and shot it from thirty feet away with BB guns.

Interesting discussion[/i]

- [b]my dad actually did that once. he lived in a small city up north in the desert and there was an army base there. He and his mate stole a couple of shells. THey took one to the beach and shot at it with a rifle, nothing happened. So they took the two shells, and found the perfect opportunity the next day... apparently there was some sort of construction and the army was comissioned to blow up a hole for it in the ground with dynamite. but they dont just blow it off just like that, they put some big aluminum sheets on top of the thing to not have a big cloud of dust blow up to the air. on top of the sheets they put old tires, to keep em all down.

so my father and his mate decided to slip by and put the shells under the metal cover, right by the small explosives, and watch[/b]

[i]Sounds like a terribly awesome idea[/i]

- [b]hahahaha it does, when they blew the thing up the aluminum sheets went flying up in the air, old tires raining down like 4 blocks away[/b]

[i]Niceee[/i]

- [b]its a miracle nobody got hurt really, picture 50 metal sheets falling off the skies, but shit, i would have done the same thing[/b]

[i]Likewise[/i]

- [b]Whats the last time you can remember you where in a near-death situation?[/b]

[i]Hahahahhhaha, Okay.
Last time? Out in Far Rockaway (it's an island-ish part of NYC by JFK airport), there are a lot of areas that are simply unoccupied by anyone and are kind of used as a dump. My friend Mike threw a party in an abandoned building there, and we all got drunk... eventually, we went outside for cigarettes and talks, and there was an old car some meters away. So, we decide to blow it up. Just because. We went and got gasoline (Mike has a bunch of shit in his trunk. He's one of those people who's gotta be prepared for anything), poured it on the car and in the tank, stuck rope in there, doused THAT with gasoline, lit it, and sat like 20 feet away.

Well, it blew up, and rained car parts. more than one of them just barely missing them.

Either that, or this time my friend Chris and I tried to climb down an elevator shaft, drunk.

I forget which happened last.[/i]

- [b]do tell the elevator one[/b]

[i]Oh, I can't. I think I tried to tell it to JudasCow, still a bit fucked up, and it took like four hours.[/i]

- [b] hahhahah wow, a whole fuckin odyssey[/b]

[i]Well, it was more like an hour, and keep in mind verbally, I can tell that story in under five minutes.
But typing it out takes a while...[/i]

-[b]im betting it's actually not a good story and you're just weaseling your way out. Are you single or taken? if taken, how did you hook up? If single, does this make you anxious? Do you see yourself married? why?[/b]

[i]Pshh, I'll call you some time and tell you. Anyway
I'm single. It's been almost a year since my last relationship, which (out of fifteen) was only my second serious one. It doesn't make me anxious that I'm single. In fact, I'm very much content. I don't think I'll be ready for another serious relationship for a while. Unless, of course, someone comes and sweeps me off my feet. But, that hasn't happened yet. Yes, I see myself being married. I'm looking forward to that more than anything else in life. It might be corny, but my 'dream' is to have a loving wife and a kid (or two). That's all.

Of course, if the bitch ever goes against our holy matrimony in any way, shape or form, I'll fucking murder her.[/i]

-[b] you aint been in love if you havent seriously considered killing her. What do you find hot in the opposite sex? what do you look for in a girlfriend? what kind of relationships have you been in, and what kind of relationships do you aspire to be in?[/b]

[i]Yes, I've considered killing both of my serious girlfriends. Both, incidentally, named Victoria

Never dating another one again.

Anyway

Of course, everyone looks at the face first. If she used to stick live wires up her nose as a kid and damaged her face permanently, I'm not gonna be physically attracted to her. But she doesn't have to be super-model beautiful either. I ALWAYS look at the legs. I love long legs on a girl. Short stumpy ones, not so much. Even short girls can have long legs. Really hot.

As for what I look for in a girl, well, I haven't really done any of that. Just kinda whoever I was feeling for at the moment, or whoever looked like a good lay. I've dated a punk rock girl, an indie girl, a geek, a cheerleader, a burn out, a girl seven years my senior (but never anyone three years younger or more)... It's hard to figure out my type. I guess I look for what I like by trying things I don't.[/i]

[b]- good answer. what's a burn out though? souns kinky[/b]

[i]Girl who smoked a LOT of pot. She was kinda, well, dumb. But honestly, a LOT of fun. and great sex.

Anyway, I'm close, but I haven't figured out the type of girl I wanna be with over all others. So I can't answer the last question properly.[/i]

-[b] didnt really expect a concise answer really, it's the sort of question that if you answer properly, you're probably full of shit[/b]

[i]Haha... truest.
"I want a girl who's cuuute, and who can make me lauuughhhh, and who will listen to meeee"
Yeah, okay, way to describe 99.8% of the world. I really respect guys who'll straight up say, "Fuck, man, I just want a girl who will take it in the ear." You know? Lovingly. THEY'VE got their life a lot more figured out than most of us[/i]

[b]- i can totally relate. there's too much of this dishonesty in answers nowadays, like everyone's answering with the generic answer, not really saying anything...or this "well thats your opinion". no shit captain obvious[/b]

[i]Hahahahaha...BigShrimpn is somewhere out there, twitching an eyelid.[/i]

- [b] hahahahaa

i wonder how i'll edit this. im putting the answers in bold, not the questions. i always feel the answer is really more important and should stand out more than the question, though it might be awkward to read. i'll try different stuff[/b]

[i]You can just put the answers in italics. Hell, you can just copy/paste the whole thing and forget about it.

Hahaha[/i]

- [b]hahahaha no fucking way, i got a fetish for a readability[/b]

[i]So... you're gonna jerk off while editing this? That's cool and all, just don't get any on the keyboard. They break easy.[/i]

-[b] yeah, i learnt that the hard way. you'd think they would have warned you about that in the box or something. "Do not masturbate on keyboard. Do not eat keyboard. Keyboard is not a floating device"

whats with the nickname? me just happy robot sounds.....................geeky[/b]

[i]My screenname? this isn't a nickname. In fact, it's not even mine. I stole it from the first Victoria.
(Who, incidentally, called me two nights ago after us not speaking for ten or so months.)
(The second Victoria, I still hate. Even though she was a LOT saner than the first one)[/i]

- [b] that victoria thing is creepy, my ex's exboyfriends are all named the same. creeped me out at the time.[/b]

[i]Get this:

They're both named Victoria. Both Taurus's (something, that I found (assuming that astrology is real, which I'm still not convinced, but like to humor every once in a while) is like a deathwish when paired up with me). Both have crazy soviet mothers. Both don't have fathers. Both selfish over anything else, though they try to hide it.

I can go on.

CREEPY.

The only difference is, #1 is a lot more mature than #2. Even though I liked the relationship with #2 better.[/i]

- [b]maturity is overrated[/b]

[i]I disagree.[/i]

- [b]how so?[/b]

[i]Well, your immature girlfriend, while fun and adventurous and full of jokes and pranks, is WAY more liable to leave you or cheat on you or fuck you over in one way or another. I'm not saying it's impossible with a mature girl. Its just, she'll know better. And if she STILL does something like that to you, then she's a fucking idiot and she should go fuck an AIDS infested fire hydrant.[/i]

-[b] true, but i dont think both aspects (maturity and fidelity, or social intelligence if you will) are necesarily together. they come together a lot of times of course, but i dont think its necesarily like that.... like you can have a perfectly mature person being boring as hell, or an inmature person being boring as hell, or a mature person being really fun and knowing when to cut the crap. i dunno. i kindda like chaos and chaotic people though i do keep them at a distance. While fun to watch, i'd certainly not fuck the crazy girl. [/b]

[i]I'm the other way. I wouldn't date the crazy (because I have, and now know not to), but I'd fuck her if she asked. I'd be real cautious the entire time, though[/i]

- [b]oh yeah, same here, i didnt phrase that well. i meant fuck as in be in a relationship with her[/b]

[i]Ooooh. I see. Good choice.

But, crazy girls who have matured certainly ARE interesting. Like #1

She was fucking nuts

I can't justly describe just how crazy she was here

But she seems to have either gotten over her shit, or buried it nicely. Like, I'm sure she'd have episodes. But at least not all the fucking time. I wouldn't date her again, I don't think, but I'd gladly have her as a friend. #2? Not so much.[/i]