Club Mental: Randomthought's thread.
I caught Randomthought off guard when I asked her about her recent stint at a mental health facility. Here’s how she handled it:
Snuffy: Is it true that everyone wants to get in your pants?
RandomThought: Sometimes I think so, but other times I think
that no one wants to and they're just looking, because I’m so ugly. I guess
that's just part of being me.
RandomThought: I thought that I explained myself pretty clearly. What didn't you get?
Snuffy: The “being me” part.
RandomThought: I'm bipolar, so I have mood swings. It's just a part of being me.
Snuffy: You recently spent a week in club mental.
Snuffy: How was it? Food good?
RandomThought: The food was surprisingly good. Most of the
time being there wasn't too bad, but it does kind of grate on your nerves. My doctor wanted to keep me there for another week or two! I would've
Snuffy: What were the other patients like?
RandomThought: Some of them I got along with really well to
the point where I'm going to illegally talk to them on the outs. Some of
them I wanted to fucking punch. This one girl was a tweaker, but she was
crazy when she wasn't on tweak. And she insulted me all of the time, which
really pissed me off. She told me that I looked like a dyke!
RandomThought: She should die. I was so happy when she
Snuffy: Are mental hospital guys hot?
RandomThought: I met two guys there that I'd do. Both of them
were 17, so don't think I'm a pedophile or anything.
RandomThought: I was the oldest one there up until my last
day, though, so I mean....I'm not a pedophile. Unless they were 17, I
wouldn't even think of it.
Snuffy: Tell me about your greatest tantrum
Snuffy: Uh huh.
RandomThought: I can't really think of tantrums, but I can
think of times when I've gotten really mad. I used to have a ton of anger
problems, and thank god I dealt with those.
Snuffy: Ok, tell me about what you did the last time you got really mad.
RandomThought: Last time I got really mad was when my mom didn't want me to go to the hospital. She didn't think that they'd help me at all, and she regrets that now.
RandomThought: I was yelling, crying and chain smoking all at
Snuffy: I guess I was more looking for stories of a mixture of your vomit, urine and feces in a bucket being thrown at somebody you didn’t like.
RandomThought: No, I'm not like that.
Snuffy: Why did the hospital help you?
RandomThought: I got on the "right" medication, and I was
actually able to open up to the therapists there. I couldn't ever talk to
RandomThought: I still need more meds, but I had to leave. I can't deal with that now.
RandomThought: I'm all cool and stuff, though. I'm not
seriously crazy, I don't think.
RandomThought: By cool I mean calm, just to clarify.
Snuffy: Is loving nothing important to you?
RandomThought: Nah, I love a lot of things. I guess it was when I bought that shirt 3 years ago, though.
Snuffy: What's Chuck Palahniuk’s nickname for you?
RandomThought: That's what it says in the book he sent me and on my necklace.
Snuffy: does it fit?
RandomThought: In a way, I think it does. I can be a little larger than life at times. I'm not on The Cult, but in person I'm a very different person. I have a definite presence.
Snuffy: What are we missing?
RandomThought: I'm not sure, really, but I think The Cult gets to see a lot of me that people in real life don't. It balances me out.
RandomThought: I should be less like that now that I'm on Lithium, though.
RandomThought: I'm a real person now!
Snuffy: Hooked on lithium, it worked for you?
RandomThought: It does to a certain extent. I'm still getting
mood swings with the mania worse than the depression, which is opposite of
how I am usually. I'm generally pretty calm and normal, though, which I've
never been for my entire life. It gave me a tremor, though, which is
driving me crazy. I never stop shaking.
RandomThought: The tremor is a genetic thing that the Lithium
is acting as a catalyst to. Very annoying.
Snuffy: How is being pacified better than how you were before?
RandomThought: I can act rationally and normally. Basically it makes me for the most part like everyone else. I'm still psychotic, delusional and paranoid, however. I need to find medication for that, but I've tried 5 already. I just don't have time to deal with that at the moment.
Snuffy: do the drugs make you more you?
RandomThought: They make me less me, actually. I've known nothing but being bipolar. Some people get "down time" between their mood swings, but I never did. I was rarely "normal." To a certain extent I miss the mood swings, simply because I've never known anything else. I'm more how I'm supposed to be, though.
RandomThought: Well, not how I'm supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be anything but who I am. They make me more of how I'd be if I didn't have chemical imbalances, though.
Snuffy: Tell me about you and Six on the Dot.
RandomThought: I think there's too much to tell. We're supposed to meet within the next week or two if at all possible, though.
RandomThought: I wore her birthday present when I was in the hospital for her.
Snuffy: What was it?
RandomThought: As part of her gift I'm giving her my old Tank Girl t-shirt. I don't wear it much anymore, and I know that she'll love it. She already knows about it.
Snuffy: Tell me about just Six on the Dot.
RandomThought: Six is crazy. She's definitely unique. She's always interesting and it seems that she has a lot of energy, but we'll see. She's intelligent, but she's a bad lil girl. Oh yeah, and all of the Cult guys want her with good reason.
Snuffy: If you were going to make me an avatar, what would it be?
RandomThought: Oh shit....well it'd have to be something random, I imagine. I'd have to scour the web for random photos until I found one that screamed Snuffy at me.
RandomThought: Oh, shit, wait.
RandomThought: I'd make you one of Snuffalupagus from Sesame
Snuffy: Like duh!
RandomThought: Like totally!
Snuffy: He's got lovely eyelashes.
RandomThought: He was always my favorite when I was a kid.
Snuffy: It's because nobody can see him, but the person who
loves him the most.
RandomThought: Big Bird's schizo.
RandomThought: Are you disappearing on me?
Snuffy: Not just yet.
Snuffy: How come you never sleep?
RandomThought: Sometimes I just don't get tired even after I've been up for a day. Sometimes I crash after 12 hours.
RandomThought: It was funny, because in the hospital they put me on Seroquel, a tranquilizer, but it made me really fucking hyper. They kept upping my dose, so I actually went insane because of it on Monday night and they had to give me a pill to counter it. It was crazy. Then they put me on Ambien, a narcotic sleep aide, and it made me hyper too.
Snuffy: Maybe you should take amphetamine.
Snuffy: Knock you right out.
RandomThought: It might.
RandomThought: I really don't have problems sleeping, I just
have to stay up pretty late, because I'm used to doing so. They were trying
to make me sleep at 9:30.
RandomThought: I was on Seroquel as an anti-psychotic, though...it just....didn't work.
Snuffy: So, you don't sleep because you don't want to. What do you do instead?
RandomThought: I keep myself busy online or watching TV. If I watch TV I'll fall asleep, though. I do that most nights.
Snuffy: Is there a person who calms you down as well as these aides?
RandomThought: In the hospital?
RandomThought: Nah, I calm myself down.
Snuffy: Do you worry about upsetting people that love you when you are in the hospital?
RandomThought: Nah, the only person that I upset was my dad, because I wouldn't let him visit. I really don't care much about him, so oh well.
Snuffy: Are you happy it upset him?
RandomThought: No, but it doesn't bother me too much. It bothered me for a few seconds until I remembered who I was thinking about there.
Snuffy: I gotta be at work in 20 minutes. Should I go?
RandomThought: To work? Ditch for a day.
RandomThought: Ditching work is fun. Just tell them you're
fucked in the head.
Snuffy: They'd know i was lying.
RandomThought: Tell them that uhm....your dog died.
Snuffy: while eating my homework?
Snuffy: On this, your 23rd hour of being awake, what do you want to do most?
RandomThought: Err.........smoke up
RandomThought: But I can't, so I'll just sleep.
Snuffy (8:30:44 AM): Night Night.
RandomThought (8:30:49 AM): Have fun at work