Bring me the head of Mr. Brown

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v436/funky237/brakinterview_final.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/image.php?u=3928&dateline=1094418050[/IMG]
An interview with a Grade-A [url=http://chuckpalahniuk.net/community/member.php?userid=3928]rogue[/url]

[B]Brak note:[/B] This interview was conducted on Aug. 28, but I am just NOW getting it posted because I'm a total SLACKASS! Also, a few things have changed since the interview was conducted, so I had to re-ask some questions and update and blah blah blippity bloo. Enjoy!

[B]Fullmetalbrak[/B]: Brown!

[B]Mr. Brown[/B]: BRAK!

[B]Brown[/B]: LIGHT OF MY LIFE.
[B]Brown[/B]: Gimme the bat, Brak.

[B]FMB[/B]: The bat?

[B]Brown[/B]: GIMME THE FUCKING BASEBALL BAT.

[B]FMB[/B]: Over your head?

[B]Brown[/B]: The Shining quotes. Tsk tsk.
[B]Brown[/B]: Appreciation level...
[B]Brown[/B]: plummets.
[B]Brown[/B]: Joking lady.

[B]FMB[/B]: Blast it! I'm not quick with the movie quips like you.
[B]FMB[/B]: I just threw a Sinatra disc in my CD player because I think ol' Blue Eyes is a good soundtrack to a Brown interview.

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh.

[B]FMB[/B]: So strap yourself in tight and let's rock. We "met" at the Cult last November and became fast friends and even wrote an unfinished over-the-top pulp story, but then you disappeared because you got busy with work and moved and such…then, after a long hiatus, you recently came back and made a bit of a splash.

[B]Brown[/B]: I did? Man, SPLASH that takes me back...

[B]FMB[/B]: Yes, you did. The movie Splash takes you back? Were you a mermaid in another life?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well maybe I did. I hope it was fun. Man, SPLASH, wasn't that with Daryl Hannah as a mermaid? I kinda like those goofy '80s films.

[B]FMB[/B]: Yep. That's the one. Pretty good flick, even though I haven't seen it in years, but I remember she and Tom Hanks are cute in it. Anyway, back to the splash you made. It seems like you were barely there even a week and got nominated for two Cult Awards: Best Comeback and Best Lay.

[B]Brown[/B]: Best Comeback, I think maybe it was the 'faux subtitles' thread that pushed me over.

[B]FMB[/B]: That movie-photo thread with the custom-made titles was definitely quite the hoot and people seemed to have fun with it. In fact, you made the accompanying photo for this interview, except that's not a scene from a movie…that's actually you. I think it's pretty funny how you have one cig in your mouth and another tucked behind your ear. You're [I]smokin',[/I] Brown. But why is your head worth $1 million, and the lives of 20 people?

[B]Brown[/B]: That pic was actually taken by a friend at a BBQ. I guess I had forgotten that I already had a cig behind my ear when I lit up a new one. I had just been handed grill duties at that moment if I remember correctly. That line about my head being worth a million bucks and the lives of twenty people, well, I stole that tagline from Sam Peckinpah's film BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA. I just thought it sounded very cool.

[B]FMB[/B]: Oh, it does. Hence the title of this interview. You were also the lone fella on the Best Lay ballot, too, so it would seem you made an impression with the Cult ladies as well, and/or the fellas. I don't want to leave anyone out.

[B]Brown[/B]: Oh man, now you're making me blush. I still don't know how I made it on the Best Lay list. Though I don't mind it.

[B]FMB[/B]: Ha. I'm sure it's quite flattering.

[B]Brown[/B]: I'd like to go out with all the ladies sometime. They seem like a bunch of nice gals. We could shoot some pool and have drinks. Ladies are nice. I like ladies.

[B]FMB[/B]: There are definitely some cool gals here, and since the interview was conducted, I've noticed a certain lady has really caught your eye. Care to comment?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, you'll always be my first Cult love Miss Brak, but since you're already taken and that I've never been one to break up a happy couple (though I'd do that for you), I'd kinda laid low on the ladies front, till a certain someone really caught my fancy. I guess it's the fact that... well... she's kinda uber-cool in many ways and she's definitely someone I would ask out and like to hang with in real life. It also adds to the fact that she's a real goddamn looker and well, oh hell, if there would be such a thing as an internet crush I'd definitely have a crush on Miss Maddy.

[B]FMB[/B]: Of course there's such a thing, and you've got it, pal. It's so obvious. *wink* Are you a ladies man?

[B]Brown[/B]: I wouldn't categorize myself as a ladies man, as I didn't have that many girlfriends. But my libido is kicking in like a muddafukka these days.

[B]FMB[/B]: Oh yeah?

[B]Brown[/B]: Like you wouldn't believe.

[B]FMB[/B]: Is something in the air?

[B]Brown[/B]: I think so. Or was it 'hope so?' I always get those two mixed up.

[B]FMB[/B]: Dare I ask?

[B]Brown[/B]: fullmetaldare me.

[B]FMB[/B]: Haha. Well I certainly can't turn down a fullmetaldare. What's got you feeling so frisky these days?

[B]Brown[/B]: I haven't gotten laid in a while. That usually does it.

[B]FMB[/B]: Uh...yeah, that usually does, or so I would imagine.

[B]Brown[/B]: You 'imagine?' As in "I wouldn't know 'cause I get laid pretty often?"

[B]FMB[/B]: As in, I'M the one who's supposed to be asking questions here.
So is that why you recently started a thread asking advice about that little number who comes into the video store where you work? Was any of that advice helpful enough to use next time you see her?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, I was curious to see what people would say. I never met her again so I couldn't do what I already knew I should do, just talk to her and see from there.

[B]Brown[/B]: 'Little number,' you make it sound so cheap. Heh.

[B]FMB[/B]: Oopsie. It wasn't my intention to make it seem cheap. I hope she comes back. Good luck with that. Do you usually prefer to be the hunter or the prey?

[B]Brown[/B]: I think it changes. Sometimes I like to be the one doing the chase, but man, it has its moments when a woman wants 'you' too. Being a 'hunter' means there's still a chance it won't work out. Now if you're the 'prey,' chances are that we'd definitely be...'getting it on.' To use the parlance of our times.

[B]Brown[/B]: Wait, 'getting it on' is pretty much seventies. I live in the past.

[B]FMB[/B]: Get with the times, man! But what if you don't want her and she's chasing you? That could get kinda ugly.

[B]FMB[/B]: Like stalkerish scary. Like Fatal Attraction scary. I hope you don't have a pet rabbit.

[B]Brown[/B]: That...it happened a few times, sans stalker moments of course. That'd be crazy man, having a chick scare the shit outta you in the middle of the night.

[B]Brown[/B]: *knocks on wood*

[B]FMB[/B]: Wait, back up. You've been stalked by someone, or just kind of pursued?

[B]Brown[/B]: "Pursued." It's always the ones you don't like that like you, as was my case sometimes with women. But...you can't be worried about that shit. Life goes on. Once, my sister's friend had a crush on me. She was 14, though, and I was 17 at the time. So that doesn't work out much when you're in those age stadiums.

[B]FMB[/B]: I suppose not. Do you prefer a bombshell or a brain?

[B]Brown[/B]: Good question.

[B]FMB[/B]: Then answer it.

[B]Brown[/B]: Bombshell gets boring after a while and brains you can't really have hot sex on a platter with, so you already guessed it, it's gotta be a mixture of both. But brains can be bombshell, too. As in, smart chicks can arouse me, too. But brains I guess. Yeah, I go for brains.

[B]FMB[/B]: Given that answer, I'm guessing you think it would it be better to meet a woman in a bookstore, as opposed to a bar.

[B]Brown[/B]: I guess I'm kind of the romantic type of guy that likes to meet a girl in a bookstore where she accidentally drops her book and it lands next to me and I pick it up and say: "Is this yours?" and she goes, "Sorry bout that," and I say, "That's okay," and blah blah blah. And notice she's got great eyes and it's actually a Elmore Leonard novel that's out of print and we start talking about it and...

[B]Brown[/B]: Bookstore. Definitely. People are hogging the girls at the bar by the way. Too crowded.

[B]FMB[/B]: Besides, books are much better to talk about than beer or mixed drinks...and there's no smoke that can get in your eyes.

[B]Brown[/B]: "Smoke gets in your eyes," good song. I like smoke, doesn't bother me.

[B]FMB[/B]: I love that song...you caught the reference.

[B]Brown[/B]: I did. *smiles*

[B]FMB[/B]: Is "great eyes" code for anything?

[B]Brown[/B]: Nope, just good ol' eyes.

[B]FMB[/B]: Just teasin' ya. I know you did actually mean eyes.

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh, no never meant that, though while we're on the subject, I'm not a really 'big tit' person. Medium or small is just fine with me.

[B]FMB[/B]: Too much information! Ack!

[B]Brown[/B]: HEH!

[B]FMB[/B]: Sinatra or Barry White?

[B]Brown[/B]: Sinatra, definitely, although Barry White's "Mellow Mood Part 1" should go next to Beethoven's piano sonatas for 'best moody music ever.'

[B]FMB[/B]: I feel like I'm totally pimping you out to perspective Cultists.

[B]Brown[/B]: I hope so.

[B]FMB[/B]: You want me to be pimpin' you?

[B]Brown[/B]: Hey, I'm all for equal rights.

[B]FMB[/B]: Ha. Then consider it done.

[B]Brown[/B]: Long as I get to do my pimp, too.

[B]FMB[/B]: Wha?

[B]Brown[/B]: Hey, if you're gonna pimp me out, you gotta test-drive me first, right? Would only seem fair towards your respective customers.

[B]FMB[/B]: Speaking of driving, I better steer this conversation elsewhere before there's some kinda trouble. How did you first discover the Cult?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, like I usually do after I've found an artist that I like, I go about the Internet to find some stuff on him/her and The Cult was the place to be Palahniuk wise. I remember it when they were still hosted by Xoom. Or whatever the hell the host's name was.

[B]FMB[/B]: I'm definitely not familiar with Xoom. So is Chuck one of your favorite authors?

[B]Brown[/B]: I guess he is, though he tends to get repetitive with a few later books.

[B]FMB[/B]: What's your favorite book of his?

[B]Brown[/B]: FIGHT CLUB, without a doubt. It's hard to beat Tyler Durden.

[B]FMB[/B]: Do you identify with that character?

[B]Brown[/B]: The narrator or Tyler Durden? Weird question, but hey. My question is weird, I mean, being that they're the same guy and all.

[B]FMB[/B]: I haven't read the book yet, but I've seen the movie, of course. I was just wondering if you identify with Tyler in any way or any of Chuck's other characters.

[B]Brown[/B]: I guess I identified with the Narrator in the sense that he was looking for something in his life and the stuff that he pursued was kind of meaningless and then he got to this search as to what mattered in life.

[B]FMB[/B]: What was your own search?

[B]Brown[/B]: I remember seeing the film back in '99 and I was a bit younger then and walking out of the theatre going, "Jeez, my eyes are open." I mean, I was struggling with sorta the same things, but the film/book put it into much better words then I ever could at that age.

[B]FMB[/B]: Sounds like the movie had a bit of an effect on you.

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, I found out pretty early that I wanted to do something creative. I always drew a lot and wrote little stories and after a while, in high school, two years before graduating I thought to myself, "What the hell do I wanna do when I graduate?" All these people, I mean, everyone wanted to be a lawyer or a chemist of something in accounting, 'cause you know, "That's where the money's at." But I realized, "Man, I wanna do things I like," so after some soul-searching, I found out that I like writing and pictures and after a while it kinda gelled together in 'film.' Soon after, RESERVOIR DOGS hit and I found out that, "Shit man, a film doesn't even have to cost much." So then, my fate was sealed.

[B]Brown[/B]: The film in a way kinda cemented my ideas that you gotta do what you want to do you know. It might not be easy always, or profitable. But fuck that man, the joy of making something is almost enough. And anyway, if you work at it, those other things'll come.

[B]FMB[/B]: That's a great attitude to have, and you nicely answered the question I was going to ask about how you got interested in films. It sounds like you're really passionate about pursuing your movie dreams and I really hope that works out for you.

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh, thanks…

[B]FMB[/B]: OK. You're from the Netherlands, but I've gotta ask the other obligatory question: name/age/occupation? You don't have to feel obligated to share this information, of course, but people are curious about such details.

[B]Brown[/B]: I'm cool with that.

[B]FMB[/B]: Then spill the details.

[B]Brown[/B]: Name: Baris Azman. Age: Born in 1979. Occupation: Writer/Director as in I (almost) only direct stuff I write myself and I write more than I can direct ('cause it ain't cheap), so I write for other filmmakers, too. On occasion I write essays for magazines. Sometimes I dabble in graphic design, too, such as Web sites, record sleeves.

[B]Brown[/B]: I'm trying my hand at a novel, too, but it's not easy changing from screenplays to novelistic prose, so that may take more time to adjust

[B]FMB[/B]: Wowsers. You're quite the busy fella. What are some of these films you're directing/writing? And what is your novel about?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, I did one decent [url=http://www.geocities.com/efendi228]short[/url] and it toured a few festivals before I ran out of money. The film production was funded by me. It's about an estranged father and son who are forced to flee together. The film focuses on the day that they make a run for it. As they make a pit stop at a deserted parking area, the film kind of delves back in the past. It was my graduation film for the Arts Academy. I'm now writing two feature film screenplays for money. One is for a relative new filmmaker (we're co-writing it for him to direct). The other is for a more established filmmaker who gave me the chance to single-handedly rewrite a 50-page script. So I'm writing it all by myself for him to direct. I'm doodling some ideas for my own first feature. I'm trying to use the money that I earn with writing projects for other people to finance myself. As a few side projects, I'm doing a few shorts with filmmaker friends for a local TV station. I'm directing a video for a new up and coming hip-hop artist. The novel, well, that kind of sucked, 'cause I'm still not too good about it. The feature for the older director is about one whole day where three old friends get together. The feature for the younger director is about 'communication' and more than that I'm not able to tell.

[B]Brown[/B]: As for my own projects, they're still too much in 'the air,' so it's not very interesting to tell what they're about. It'd just sound like jibber-jabber.

[B]FMB[/B]: That all sounds quite cool to me, actually, and now I feel like even more of a slack ass. Thanks. There's an amateur filmmakers' group at the Cult. Were you aware of that?

[B]Brown[/B]: I had noticed it yeah. I browsed through it.

[B]FMB[/B]: Would you have any interest in joining it?

[B]Brown[/B]: I usually browse through some filmmaking sites, but in the end it just takes time away from actually 'doing the work' so, believe it or not, I try not to get too stuck in filmmaking forums.

[B]FMB[/B]: Since you already have some experience under your belt, would you mind if any other aspiring filmmakers at the Cult contacted you with questions and such?

[B]Brown[/B]: Not at all, though I have to add that I'm a beginner myself and indeed the best advice is to just go out and 'do it.' The best learning way is to gain experience, that's the best school there is.

[B]FMB[/B]: I definitely agree. You seem to be able to spout all kinds of lines from movies from the top of your head, hence I thought you were really asking me to hit you over the head with a bat and not just quoting a line from The Shining. Hmph! Do you have an encyclopedic mind for movie quotes or what?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, I always watched a lotta movies and I guess when the VCR became available I always taped a lotta films and since we weren't allowed to rent much (though that changed of course) I rewatched a lot. Nowadays I still just put on a film I like on the background while I'm doing stuff and it just creeps into my subconscious. Then again, I memorize lines I like pretty quickly. I just like to quote movies I guess, 'fuggedaboutit.'

[B]FMB[/B]: Haha. It just seems like you can spew them out with ease. What are some of your favorite movies?

[B]Brown[/B]: Ah, the 'List' question.

[B]FMB[/B]: Of course.

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, for me personally, these are some of the films that made an impression on me and that I like. It's not necessarily a 'best films ever list'; here goes:

[B]FMB[/B]: OK. Shoot.

[B]Brown[/B]: RESERVOIR DOGS (Tarantino), TAXI DRIVER (Scorsese), LOST HIGHWAY (Lynch), THE GODFATHER PT. II (Coppola), RABID DOGS (Bava), BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA (Peckinpah), CARLITO'S WAY (De Palma), COME AND SEE (Klimov), WHITE OF THE EYE (Cammel) LE CERCLE ROUGE (Melville), HEAT (Mann) and jeez I KNOW I'm missing a few which I'll hit myself over the head when the interview's over. But I guess you get the gist of it.

[B]Brown[/B]: IL CONFORMISTA/LAST TANGO IN PARIS (Bertolucci) (shared spot, still can't decide between them).

[B]FMB[/B]: I haven't seen all of those movies on the list (or even heard of a few), but the ones I'm familiar with are great choices. I still have yet to see Last Tango, either. "Bring me the butter." Or "Get the butter" or something.

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh, I love the mood in it. Gato Barbieri's jazz score is magnificent…

[B]FMB[/B]: Geez. No one EVER mentions the music.

[B]Brown[/B]: Yeah, butter as anal lube. Can't go wrong with that. Ah, the good ol' seventies.

[B]FMB[/B]: I was going to give you a point for mentioning the music...until you mentioned the anal lube.

[B]FMB[/B]: Being a director yourself, is there any movie you would like to remake?

[B]Brown[/B]: I'd like to do a Dutch Euro exploitation version of DEATH WISH maybe. Or BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA, but I don't know how well they'd translate to a Dutch setting. Also, they're still relatively too young a film to remake now. Maybe ten to twenty years down the line.

[B]FMB[/B]: A future goal to be sure, which segues into the question I was going to ask about future goals: what other ones do you have?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, I'd like to make a feature film before I'm thirty. And hopefully get it distributed. That's something to aim for. And if I meet a nice gal and gain some cool experiences along the way, hey, I'd consider myself a lucky muddafukka.

[B]FMB[/B]: Very nice things to aim for. Are there any movies you wish you had written/directed? And I take it by the films you listed, the directors of them are among your favorites, too?

[B]Brown[/B]: Well, the films/directors I mentioned are there on that list because they all went out and achieved something unique in one way or another and that's what I still envy. So I wouldn't wish I had made them, I just wish I can sometime make an impression or have a unique voice like that. And yes, those are my favorite directors, too. I still have so much to see and it's not a politically correct list, like for instance where is Kubrick or Welles on that list, but it's just the films for *me* that made my juices bubble. Though Kubrick's 2001: A SPACE ODDYSEY should be there, too.

[B]FMB[/B]: Who cares about political correctness, though, when you're dealing with films that have inspired you. Do you have any acting aspirations?

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh, sometimes I do. I acted in some films made by fellow directors and I like that vibe because you can just let go and be someone completely different. Also, I don't have any problems with being in front of the camera for a film I like. But I guess it won't amount to much because if you'd wanna go into acting, like writing/directing, you should go into it with everything you got. They're two different full-time jobs and it's hard to be good at both of them. Well, I'd do it, but on occasion I guess. Writing/directing is the thing for now.

[B]FMB[/B]: The occasional acting gig would definitely be fun. What kinds of characters have you played?

[B]Brown[/B]: I played a mobster (very corny and very bad short film), an obsessed Mariah Carey fan (very good and very funny film), a passerby (a very short and very indistinguishable part), a just-released psychopath who thinks he's actually Tony Montana from SCARFACE because he got stuck in a acid trip while watching the movie (a very funny very unfinished film), a gambling, lousy father (a very first role), a prison inmate who goes mental (a very tiring role) and some others that I can't think of right now.

[B]FMB[/B]: Wowsers. Those are some super-groovy roles, especially the Mariah Carey freaky fan and the psycho who thinks he's Tony Montana. Ha! Would I ever love to see you in action in these movies.

[B]Brown[/B]: We could trade for some pictures where I can actually see your face.

[B]FMB[/B]: Haha. I'd be getting the better deal. Tell me a little more about the Mariah role.

[B]Brown[/B]: Ah...hah...that's funny! Nah, it was me being a fan of Mariah Carey, but also being completely mental. I steal a jacket in a bar which I think belongs to Mariah Carey. The owner later confronts me with it and I then think he's Mariah Carey. My character basically lost all his marbles.

[B]FMB[/B]: Clearly. That sounds too damn funny. Do you have any favorite actors/actresses?

[B]Brown[/B]: Al Pacino without a doubt on top of that list. De Niro is excellent, but Pacino has just a bit more range I think.

[B]Brown[/B]: Add a dash of Christopher Walken, mix with Harvey Keitel, sprinkle it with Charles Bronson and finish off with Harry Dean Stanton. As a dessert, the one and only Warren Oates, he's the man's man. Actress wise, well, the hot ones I guess. Shit man, lists are hard.

[B]FMB[/B]: That's quite the tasty concoction of actors, and it's good to see you give a shout out to Warren Oates. I love him in Stripes.

[B]Brown[/B]: I haven't seen STRIPES. I remember seeing FIVE EASY PIECES awhile back and THE LAST DETAIL, two great performances by Jack Nicholson and great iconographic seventies films.

[B]FMB[/B]: Would you say the short film you made is your biggest success so far, or is it something else?

[B]Brown[/B]: My biggest success would be scoring this interview with you. *Ducks* Yeah the EFENDI short is my biggest success now. I hope to continue doing what I like to do and get better at it.

[B]FMB[/B]: What a charmer. Have you had any big failure you regret?

[B]Brown[/B]: Just with women.

[B]FMB[/B]: I bet you do just fine in that department.

[B]Brown[/B]: You'd be surprised. Like a muddafukka. Heh.

[B]Brown[/B]: I never told the biggest love of my life how I really felt about her. Though we didn't really have to put it in words. Then again, we were only kids.

[B]FMB[/B]: Awwww. Are you still in contact with this love of your life?

[B]Brown[/B]: No.

[B]FMB[/B]: Gosh. That's really too bad.

[B]FMB[/B]: Are there any non-movie-related things that inspire you?

[B]Brown[/B]: Music, conversations I eavesdrop on, people I meet. Experiences I gain. Just life in general I guess. Sometimes an idea pops in your head and you just gotta take it and fucking RUN with it.

[B]Brown[/B]: Though sometimes the ideas don't come. But you can't force it.

[B]FMB[/B]: No, you can't. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?

[B]Brown[/B]: Maybe just a tad bit taller. Chicks dig tall guys, I heard. Still some like smaller guys, so you know, what can I say? I guess less hair in my ears! For FUCKS SAKE!

[B]FMB[/B]: Haha! Get those ear-hair clip thingies.

[B]FMB[/B]: Never again will you…

[B]Brown[/B]: "Never again will you" ... I feel like I'm missing a quote here.
[B]Brown[/B]: FUCK.
[B]Brown[/B]: YOU'RE LOSING HER BROWN!
[B]Brown[/B]: THINK MAN!
[B]Brown[/B]: THINK!
[B]Brown[/B]: *blank*

[B]FMB[/B]: Heh! Sorry. I should have phrased that better and not blindly tossed it out thinking you would know I wanted you to fill in the blank. I was just asking if there's anything you will never do again.

[B]Brown[/B]: Ah. Euro-misunderstanding.

[B]FMB[/B]: No. That was my fault.

[B]Brown[/B]: Never again will I smoke pot again.

[B]FMB[/B]: Why is that?

[B]Brown[/B]: I used to a couple of times as a teenager and I have to admit I got stoned many a time. A good high, too, but man, I once got so sick that I vowed never to smoke again. I broke that promise and got so sick again, throwing up at a day out with school (we want to the fair). Then I vowed never to smoke pot again. I broke that promise once more and got so fucked up (added alcohol in the mix, too) and got so fucking sick like a dog (I threw up in the bathroom of strangers I had met just that night -- got waved off in a very friendly manner afterwards too -- they had not yet been to the violated bathroom), that I then finally vowed...never to smoke pot again. And to this day, I have not smoked pot. I guess my body just doesn't dig the stuff anymore.

[B]FMB[/B]: Holy crap. Good thing you escaped on friendly terms with those people before they saw what you did in the bathroom. I don't blame you for shunning the stuff now. Have you done any other drugs? What's your poison of choice?

[B]Brown[/B]: I'm fearful of drugs because I know I can't control myself and might get addicted, so I stay away from cocaine and heroine. Though both are extremely easy to get. I guess I'm controlled in a sense that I DO stay away from them. Alcohol wise I'm a big fan of Scotch. I occasionally have a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red at home for when I'm writing or just mellowing out. I drink beer, too, but almost never have the stuff at home. I haven't tried the different kinds of scotch yet, because at twenty-five dollars a bottle, one doesn't stray away from the known path too often. Though I would like to try my hand at the single-malt variations. I hear they're excellent.

[B]FMB[/B]: Do you have any free time for hobbies?

[B]Brown[/B]: My hobby is my passion is my work is my life is my hobby is my work is my passion is my etc... I do what I like and am lucky as a muddafukka for it.

[B]FMB[/B]: Indeed you are, fella. Besides scotch, what are of your other vices?

[B]Brown[/B]: Smoking. I fucking LOVE to smoke.

[B]Brown[/B]: It kills me while I'm alive, but people, I love to fucking smoke. (I'll regret it when I'm dying of it).

([B]Brak note:[/B] It's true the guy loves to smoke. At this point in he interview, he had already taken several butt breaks.)

[B]FMB[/B]: What kind of cigarettes do you smoke and how many packs a day? And what the heck is the appeal?

[B]Brown[/B]: Always Marlboro (or as you Yankees like to call it, Marlboro Reds). I guess I smoke around a pack a day. Sometimes less. The appeal? Well, it tastes fucking awesome and well I guess it's also the nicotine that does a lot. Especially after dinner and after...eight. You know.

[B]FMB[/B]: Is "after...eight" code for anything?

[B]Brown[/B]: After sex. I was trying to be funny.
[B]Brown[/B]: *blows up in Brown's face*

[B]FMB[/B]: Haha. What are 5 words to describe yourself?

[B]Brown[/B]: Pfff. Talk about boxing someone in. Ehm, lemme think.

[B]FMB[/B]: You're only supposed to be answering my questions, not knockin' 'em.

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh!
Independent, Learning, Honest, Cooltobewith, Creative.

[B]FMB[/B]: That "cooltobewith" is cheating a bit, but I'll let it slide

[B]Brown[/B]: Ah, to gain ahead in life, one must cheat a little bit.

[B]FMB[/B]: Hence the fact you're a devilish rogue. Do you have any recurring dreams?

[B]Brown[/B]: I have a dream where I'm stuck in this abandoned playground next to my old elementary school. There's this low rumbling sound, like something bad is approaching in the distance and it's a fixed point of view. I only see the playground and the school, both divided equally in the 'shot.' And suddenly, at the end of the school, someone is peering at me from around the corner. He/she is just a black silhouette. I'm terrified, yet I can't look away. Then, suddenly the person RUNS towards me and starts screaming this terrible scream and the face is so upclose that I can't really see who or what it is. Then rewind and it starts again. I used to have that dream when I was a kid. Nowadays I have recurring dreams of loved ones dying a violent death, which I cannot save them from. Also, one dream that shook me the fuck up was that I was arrested for a crime I did not commit and I was supposed to go to jail for four years. The dream consisted of me having a few days left before I was sent off to jail. I had to say goodbye to everyone I cared about and the life I was leading. It tore me apart. A week later I saw Spike Lee's THE 25TH HOUR. Needless to say, it made quite an impact.

[B]FMB[/B]: Holy craptacular! Those are some screwed up recurring dreams...and here I thought the ones I have of driving at night and hitting a deer or my front teeth falling out were bad. Those are nothing in comparison of yours.

[B]Brown[/B]: Heh, well they are all scary for the ones dreaming them I guess.

[B]FMB[/B]: Yeah, but still. That one you had as a kid is pretty chilling…and it's really weird how your other dream paralleled The 25th Hour.

[B]Brown[/B]: Hell yeah! Tell me about it.

[B]FMB[/B]: In describing that recurring dream and meeting someone at a bookstore, it was as if you were describing scenes from a movie. Do you always view life through an imaginary camera lens?

[B]Brown[/B]: It's sometimes hard not to. I guess my eyes are always looking at life through a widescreen frame. It kinda sucks sometimes because you're not in the moment then and you're usually thinking "Hey, this would be great in a film." I'm trying to lose the imaginary camera lens a bit more.

[B]FMB[/B]: I think it’s an interesting way to view things, though. Have you ever been to the U.S. or traveled to any other countries?

[B]Brown[/B]: Yeah I been to New York City once, loved it there. I have a kind of love-hate relationship with the States. Some things bug me, but most other things I love. I been to London, Belgium, Germany, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Greece, Bulgaria, the former Yugoslavia and Turkey. Though one can say that some of them are cheats because we traveled through them on the way to Turkey, but we stayed there for some days too, so I guess it counts.

[B]FMB[/B]: Of course it counts...and it sounds like you're pretty well traveled. What's your favorite place in the world?

[B]Brown[/B]: In the arms of a nice chick.

[B]FMB[/B]: Smooth answer.

[B]Brown[/B]: And the movie theatre. Diners.
[B]Brown[/B]: Parties, which you weren't planning on visiting but ended up there anyway and met someone really cool.

[B]FMB[/B]: Oh yeah, it's definitely cool to meet someone that way.

[B]FMB[/B]: Is there anything you would like to add about yourself or in general?

[B]Brown[/B]: Two things: I think what Frank Zappa said was pretty nice, something along the lines of "If it sounds like good music then it IS good music" I think that could pretty much go for everything in life.

[B]Brown[/B]: And:

[B]FMB[/B]: And...?

[B]Brown[/B]: What Al Pacino says in his own directed documentary LOOKING FOR RICHARD. A friend of his is pissed off about something and Al says something along the lines of "They're all just opinions. Not necessarily right or wrong, just opinions. That's all it is."

[B]FMB[/B]: Nice way to wrap things up, there.

[B]Brown[/B]: Thanks.

[B]FMB[/B]: You betcha...and thanks a bunch for your time.

[B]Brown[/B]: Yeah man, thanks for interviewing me. Nice set of honkers- I mean questions.
[B]Brown[/B]: I HAD TOO, come on!
[B]Brown[/B]: STOP HURTING ME!
[B]Brown[/B]: Ehm.

[B]FMB[/B]: HA! You're just lucky there's a vast cyberspace separating us or you would be getting hurt right about now.

[B]Brown[/B]: Thanks for the interview kitty kat!

[B]FMB[/B]: And thank you, puppy dog! Or something.

[B]Brown[/B]: Bye!
[B]Brown[/B]: Heh!