Homelessness

Did you ever get beaten up by louts?

Louts? I don't remember being beaten up by anything. Could have happend, though. My memory is vague-to-absent for some of it. But I think that would have stood-out. I had, on one occasion, a Latino gang member in LA stick a pistol up under my chin and tell me that he was going to blow my head off.

I was also later robbed of everything I owned. I would have rather been beaten up by louts.

did you ever try tog et put in jail so as to have a warm place to sleep, or was it worse?

I, of course, have a thousand questions. you will be sick of me by the end. So let's just started.

How did people treat you? How did their treatment make you feel?

[QUOTE=glamhoth]did you ever try tog et put in jail so as to have a warm place to sleep, or was it worse?[/QUOTE]

It ocurred to me, yes, and I did keep it as an option, but I think jail is more than just a place to get free room and board. I like my freedom, and it's not like I was miserable all the time being homeless, I would have just killed myself in that case; I had fun, girlfriends, went places, did stuff, read a lot, wrote like a motherfuck. Never again will I have the time to read or write like I did in those days.

[QUOTE=snuffy]How did people treat you? How did their treatment make you feel?[/QUOTE]

How do people treat people generally? Unless you saw me sleeping in the park (did that, not recommended), you generally wouldn't know I was homeless. I wasn't a "fucking bum". I bathed fairly regularly (Thank you, all-night coffee shops!), carried a comb upon my person at all times and used it, and didn't sit in my own filth arguing with sock puppets. Brilliantly, I didn't push a shopping cart (dead give-away there), but had instead one of those large backpacks that people travel around Europe with, so I often got mistaken for a hippie tourist.

Police would recognize me as a transient sometimes. I got hassled a little, but not much.

I got hassled towards the end of my stay much more by people who felt that men should not have long hair - I had regular "business guy" hair when I started, by the time I landed it was more than halfway down my back. If you're ever homeless, don't waste what little cash you come up with on haircuts, but deoderant is a good investment always.

Where you homeless for socio-economic reasons or for Thoreau "i wanted to live simply" reasons?

[QUOTE=snuffy]Where you homeless for socio-economic reasons or for Thoreau "i wanted to live simply" reasons?[/QUOTE]
I didn't grow-up with a silver spoon, so living that "simply" holds no real appeal to me. You want "simple" shave your head and become a Buddhist monk; simple living but with a modicum of dignity and self-respect.

I've met people who were homeless because they didn't want to be part of society, they wanted to be off-grid, they dropped-out, or any number of similar reasons. Some of them manage quite well, and live regimented but nomadic lives (Hobo camps are real!)

My reasons were economic. I got myself unemployed (unjustly, I believe) and after a few months, when nothing appeared on the horizon, the utilities started clicking-off and finally that yellow paper appeared on the door NOTICE TO VACATE. Rather than fight it (I was frustrated and depressed), I said fuck it, threw my stuff into storage and went to live with a girlfriend (who, at 30, still lived with her parents). After a month, her father (a USMC drill instructor) called me into office and asked me what my plans were. I told him I didn't know. He told me that it was time to leave then. I told him I had no where else to go (and, yes, flashed momentarily upon Richard Gere in "An Officer And A Gentleman"), and he said, "Son, that is not my problem." I concurred, thanked him, grabbed my backpack and started walking.

What government services were available to you, and how effective were they in helping you?

I just want to know what kept you going, I was homeless for one night and i swear I'd off myself before i lived on the street. Did you have comprade's or were you solo, something keeps people going, what was it for you?

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck](Hobo camps are real!)

My reasons were economic. I got myself unemployed (unjustly, I believe) and after a few months, when nothing appeared on the horizon, the utilities started clicking-off and finally that yellow paper appeared on the door NOTICE TO VACATE. Rather than fight it (I was frustrated and depressed), I said fuck it, threw my stuff into storage and went to live with a girlfriend (who, at 30, still lived with her parents). After a month, her father (a USMC drill instructor) called me into office and asked me what my plans were. I told him I didn't know. He told me that it was time to leave then. I told him I had no where else to go (and, yes, flashed momentarily upon Richard Gere in "An Officer And A Gentleman"), and he said, "Son, that is not my problem." I concurred, thanked him, grabbed my backpack and started walking.[/QUOTE]

You are writing about this with honesty and a flair for storytelling. I could see a book coming from you easily.
Let me ask a less obvious question: Aside from the aforementioned writing and reading time, what were the GOOD aspects of homelessness?

Snuffy and I are going to keep you busy. I don't even know where to begin. And, not to sound crude, but really, . .how could you stay clean? Did you wash your underwear in coffee shops? What did you wardrobe consist of? What was in your backpack? Did you do [I]any[/I] work at this time, legal or illegal? And, I"m most curious to know how you went from homelessness to husband/father/domesticity. Yeah, I know I'm asking a lot, here. . . but you offered and you know I've been curious.

[QUOTE=snuffy]What government services were available to you, and how effective were they in helping you?[/QUOTE]
There are tons of services. Problem is, they don't really go out of their way to make their exsistance known to anybody. After a couple years, I hooked up with this skinhead, who wasn't homeless, but conned like he was and would go down once a month to collect food stamps and "Emergency Cash". I'm not sure what Govt. Agency this was associated with, but essentially, you can show up, and fill out a wad of paperwork, watch a 40 minute movie on how to apply for a job ("Be sure to brush your teeth before your interview, and try to wear a clean shirt!"), afterwards you would be handed food stamps and Emergency Cash (the amount of both lessened according to what day of the month it was). I walked-out with about $300 in stamps and $106 cash, iirc. I was stunned - I could have been doing this every month, but they don't advertise this fact. I was not yet very hip to the concept of Using The System. First thing I did was buy a pack of cigarettes and a two-pound box of Fig Newtons. Beat the hell out of snipe-hunting.

[QUOTE=morey]I just want to know what kept you going, I was homeless for one night and i swear I'd off myself before i lived on the street. Did you have comprade's or were you solo, something keeps people going, what was it for you?[/QUOTE]

Mostly, I was solo. I tend to prefer to be alone most of the time anyway. I had friends, and there's never any shortage of people to talk to. I find that strrt people tend to cut right past the polite chit-chat and get right into the serious discussion. Conversation is a treasured artform among the displaced; if you listen intently to their thoughts and ideas, you're giving them more than most people do, plus you're allowing them to make their mark in some small way. Many of them are more well-read than you'd think; they either have an education, or have had a lot of time to read. One thing homeless people have a lot of is time. A lot of time to read and think. Their minds tend to be incredibly active. And this can lead to trouble.

But what kept me going? Early-on, I was naiive enough to think that something would just happen that would "fix" my situation.

Later, nothing kept me going. I decided to travel down to San Diego and visit a good friend, then I was going to sit down somewhere and wait to die.

On the way to SD, I was walking through a storm with wet boots and developed a nasty blister on my foot. A few days later it tore open and went septic. I developed some kind of blood infection and was finally reduced to laying on the floor burning with fever while my entire left leg was swollen with drum-tight purple skin. This is the absolute worst pain I had ever been in my life. Someone took me to a free clinic, and they drained my leg and shot me full of all kinds of shit I don't remember.

I ended up on my friend's couch until I could walk again. Then I sked him for $20. I walked to the Goodwill and bought a shirt and tie. I went from door to door at every business in the area asking for a job. Got hired, split my first paycheck with my friend, used the rest to rent a room from a nice old lady who raised hundreds of guinnea pigs in her backyard.

[QUOTE=Arcana13]Aside from the aforementioned writing and reading time, what were the GOOD aspects of homelessness?[/QUOTE]
There aren't any.

Except that I would be a very different person in a very different place now if it hadn't happened.

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck]There aren't any.

Except that I would be a very different person in a very different place now if it hadn't happened.[/QUOTE]
Okay, I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. Perhaps a better question would have been, what are the most important or altering-for-the-better aspects? I imagine you would be quite different now. So what crucial things do you think shaped the persona you now have? Perhaps instead of answering at length, you should write this story.

[QUOTE=Lisa]Did you wash your underwear in coffee shops?[/QUOTE]
Didn't wear it.

Quote:

What did you wardrobe consist of?[/QUOTE]
Three pairs Levi's. Five t-shirts. About a dozen pairs of socks. One pair 12-hole cherry-red Dr. Martins boots. I think I must have had a sweatshirt or something, too.

Quote:

What was in your backpack?[/QUOTE]
The aforementioned clothing items. A small wool blanket, a canvas drawstring money bag I kept toiletries in, books, notebooks, pens, some photos. I think that was it.

Quote:

Did you do [I]any[/I] work at this time, legal or illegal? [/QUOTE]
Oh, yes, I had a few actual jobs along the way, even managed to get 'almost not homeless' a few times. This is when you rent those shitty motel rooms by the week until suddenly they inform you that they need a security deposit if you're planning on staying any longer. Sometimes I would meet a girl and move in with her for a few weeks. I did some minor prostitution, sold plasma, got some odd jobs, and even finagled a job at a jewelry store (which went out of business after I was there a month or so, but that's okay, I'd stolen a shitload. Don't ever steal jewelry - no resale value.

Quote:

And, I"m most curious to know how you went from homelessness to husband/father/domesticity. Yeah, I know I'm asking a lot, here. . . but you offered and you know I've been curious. [/QUOTE]
See my 2nd response to Morey above.

Oh, almost forgot, in the middle of all this is where I got the yacht caretaker job.

what substance addictions did you fall into while homeless? How did the abuse start? Where did you get help?

Alright, I"m giving up on the rags to riches story. . s'okay, probably too long.

What was the state of your mind during this period? What did you want your life to be like? What were you afraid of? Did you have any family contact? What was your educational background prior to becoming homeless? Are you content w/ where you are now?

I'm wondering how you kept from wanting to kill yourself and give up. What "willed" you to keep going? I think this is what Morey was getting at. . and I wonder about it, too.

what was the impact of homelessness on your sexual/romantic life? When you saw women you were interested in, did you feel ashamed or angry? How would those feelings manifest themselves?

Wow, apparently a few people find this stuff interesting. give me some time, and I will answer all; it takes much less to ask than it does to answer.

[QUOTE=Arcana13] what are the most important or altering-for-the-better aspects? So what crucial things do you think shaped the persona you now have?[/QUOTE]
You'd have to ask one of my shrinks, really. I'm not sure I got anything "positive" out of the experience. I don't think "there's a lesson to be learned here." I developed paranoia and became pretty much an alcoholic. Silver cloud? I do have to admit to some new agey crap like evrything I have experienced has brought me to where I am now. Hell, I'd probably be still living in Fullerton working a shit job. Maybe not. Who can say?

I wish I had a better answer for you, but I really don't.

[QUOTE=snuffy]what substance addictions did you fall into while homeless? How did the abuse start? Where did you get help?[/QUOTE]
I like the booze. Always have. Always will. I was a bit of a binge-drinker before But during the trip, I became more of a sustenance drinker. It was vital to being able to relax, getting to sleep, killing hunger. For a while, my main source of caloric intake came through malt liquor. I was always partial to Mickey's; clean beer-like flavor with an extra whallop plus it came in a wide variety of sizes, from the twelve-ounce "wide mouth barrel" bottle, the 16 oz (ponder) can, the 22oz "Stinger", the 40, and the queen bee 64 ounce jug we called "Mickey's Mother". Of course, you took what was available.

I was already experienced with a number of street drugs from my highschool & college days; most of which never really interested me. I stated away from most hard drugs during this time of life because the last thing I needed was to become some kind of junkie.

I never really got "help". At present, I am only addicted to nicotine, and I wish I could get off that. Sooner or later I will.

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck]You got it. Between 1992 and 1996 I spent several long stretches of time being [i]locationally challenged[/i][/QUOTE]

why

tell me something you saw that sticks with you from that time.

[QUOTE=Lisa]What was the state of your mind during this period?
On a day to day basis, "Survive." On rolling into a new town, it was "Find a place to stash your stuff, figure out where you're going to sleep. Once that's done, you look for food." Upon acheiving all that, I'd try to figure out what to do withmyself when I wasn't eating or sleeping. Could I just hang? Did I need to lay low? How friendly were the locals? etc.

Keep in mind, I did a lot of stuff that was in no way necessarily dependent upon being homeless. I went to gigs, socialized, and did pretty much everything that someone in his twenties would do.

[QUOTE=snuffy]what was the impact of homelessness on your sexual/romantic life? When you saw women you were interested in, did you feel ashamed or angry? How would those feelings manifest themselves?[/QUOTE]
Heh.

I'll say this. It wasn't as detrimental as you'd think. The type of woman I was interested was mainly interested in scuzzy, damaged "bad boy" types who needed to be saved from themselves. That was me. It worked-out nicely.

Being young and freak-slash-punkish, I would find the bars where the other young and freak-slash-punkish guys would hang. This was where you'd also find my particular "type" of woman. I was at fighting weight in those days, and my flesh was as hard as nails. I was desperate and mean. I had nothing to lose.

Be charming. Don't ask for anything. When she takes you home for the night, you make [b]damn[/b] sure that she wants you back the next night. Do this, and you've got at least a week. Often longer. Blow it, and at least you've got the rest of the night to sleep there. I admit this makes me an asshole. My morals were different then. I had none. Sorry.

But I also had real girlfriends, too. Actual relationships. Those were difficult because they would start worrying about me or, worse, [i]wouldn't[/i] worry about me, and the first time I had to roll out of town... well, shit, they'd be off fucking someone else, and I couldn't abide that. Hypocritical? Yeah, so? Like I said, you can't afford niceties such as morals once you've eaten old pizza out of a Dempsey Dumpster.

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]why[/QUOTE]

were you locationally challenged?

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]why[/QUOTE]
Why, what, Axel? Why was I homeless?

Asked and answered.

I could go into greater detail if you like. I could harp on how here in America, we have a social disease called disenfranchisement (Did you know that homeless people can't vote? Gee, why do you think their plight continues?) Or do you mean, why didn't I suck it up, get a job at Mickey D's and own my shit? Or why didn't I take advantage of all that welfare money that the Govt. wastes on lazy unemployment leeches?

Well, it was my fault, mainly through ignorance, that I didn't know such programs existed. I had no issue with accepting Food Stamps once I realized that I could collect them, because I had been employed every single day of my life since I turned nine (that's five days a week, 52 weeks a year, for 14 years) and paying taxes on in from the time my paychecks grew big enough. A McJob in Southern California won't cover your rent, let alone utilities, food, and clothing.

It was a matter of personal pride that I never went up to someone and uttered the dreaded "Spare change?"

[QUOTE=lofivinyl]tell me something you saw that sticks with you from that time.[/QUOTE]
I have a goodone for you when I get back.

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck]Why, what, Axel? Why was I homeless?

I could go into greater detail if you like. I could harp on how here in America, we have a social disease called disenfranchisement (Did you know that homeless people can't vote? Gee, why do you think their plight continues?) Or do you mean, why didn't I suck it up, get a job at Mickey D's and own my shit? Or why didn't I take advantage of all that welfare money that the Govt. wastes on lazy unemployment leeches?
[/QUOTE]

yes, more detail.

What do you want to know about?

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck]I have a goodone for you when I get back.[/QUOTE]

you have a goodone for me? where?

when you first started, what were your first reactions, your instincts?

what did you learn in the ways of homelessness over the years or how did you grow to better function as a homeless person?

if someone had to follow a similar path, what kind of advice would you give him/her?

[QUOTE=Wesley Sonck]yes, more detail.[/QUOTE]

so you become homeless because you were disenfranchised?
i dont want to, but im going to have to call bullshit on that.

you can have at least had a smack habit

I was disenfranchised because I was homeless, Wes. Cart before the horse. No smack habit. I dunno, maybe mine was a uniquely American situation - you don't have people living in their cars in Ozland? I'm sure you have winos, but it's not the same thing.

[QUOTE=lofivinyl]you have a goodone for me? where?[/QUOTE]
A good one. We'll get to that when I have some typing time. Maybe I'll also describe the differences and status levels of homeless people - what's the diff between a bum, a hobo, a wino, a digger, a DP, and the rest. That should fill some time and space.

In answer to a number af alluded questions here and in PMs:

I suppose I could write a book, or at least many short stories. A lot of stuff has already been written out, but I'm not optomistic about being published/purchased/read.

One story that came out of all this was the [URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=7219&page=7&pp=40]Burning Down a Boat[/URL] story. It can be found in the Emperor Thread for those interested (click title, scroll almost to the bottom).

Towards the end, I began to get very cynical and bitter. I feel that this was hopelessness creeping up on me. Luckily, I dodged that bullet. My life is a lot better now in terms of stability. I have acquired a heavy distaste for moving - I own a house now and, as far as I'm concerned, I'll live here the rest of my life. I think to an extent the whole experience was good for me and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I never want to go through that again.

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck]There are tons of services. Problem is, they don't really go out of their way to make their exsistance known to anybody.[/QUOTE]

Yep. I've run into some of that myself with medical stuff. How I found out about some clinic I could've been going to instead of my regular doctor and paying his regular fees. I'm sure there's something out there that will help me w/ my medical bills...but I have no idea where to look.

Can you tell us more about all the services you found out that are available? I wanna know in case I'm ever homeless Oh and like how we can figure out where we need to go to get them.

Can you detail your first day of being homeless, like the whole day as much as you can remember?

Thanks

can't be that bad. no bills, no house to keep up, no job to worry about, etc.. me? if i ever hit that area, i'd go live in the woods somewhere where no one would want to kick me off of. oh that's crazy ivan, just don't make eye contact, and if you do offer food.
but i have been close to homelessness. been in the army. not a place you call "home", you just sleep there. not exactly a job because i calculated that since i was on call 24 hours a day that at the time i made 17 cents an hour. that's not a pay check. i could make more than that collecting aluminum cans and sweeping sidewalks.

[QUOTE=Tuffy the Dump Truck]You got it. Between 1992 and 1996 I spent several long stretches of time being [i]locationally challenged[/i]. Exact dates are difficult for me; you know, no calendar. But I did the complete tour - from sleeping on friend's couches, to letting myself get picked-up in bars, to sleeping under over-passes, behind dumpsters, in welfare hotels and crackhouses. I ate what I could steal and what you threw away. I did my time in Los Angeles, Orange County, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and San Diego.

I was not insane or an addict or an alcoholic. When I started, anyway. Homelessness fucks with your head in a big way, and booze and drugs are no less availabile than any other place, and often the only comfort one might have.

Not once did I panhandle.

Anything you might want to know, I will try to answer.[/QUOTE]

this thread is really making me think about the time i spent on the streets. the contrast between who i was then and who i am now is astounding. thank you for sharing this part of yourself Tuffy.

some things I've discovered: for $90 (which my boss is paying right now), you can get a parking pass in LA, so I just sleep in my van of a fifth of what i could be paying for a shitty room; and for $30 I can get a monthly pass to a gym, like 24 Hour Fitness or Ballys. So for only $120 a month I can sleep soundly (more or less), get a work out and shower anytime I want, and the average person is paying like $700 for a shithole apartment. So I don't feel too bad. I've been doing this for almost a month now, and I'm starting to get really bored during the daytime (probably the worst thing about being homeless), and i'm sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon (i go to sleep around 4 am).

Otherwise, its not too bad.

[QUOTE=alex cassun]some things I've discovered: for $90 (which my boss is paying right now), you can get a parking pass in LA, so I just sleep in my van of a fifth of what i could be paying for a shitty room; and for $30 I can get a monthly pass to a gym, like 24 Hour Fitness or Ballys. So for only $120 a month I can sleep soundly (more or less), get a work out and shower anytime I want, and the average person is paying like $700 for a shithole apartment. So I don't feel too bad. I've been doing this for almost a month now, and I'm starting to get really bored during the daytime (probably the worst thing about being homeless), and i'm sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon (i go to sleep around 4 am).

Otherwise, its not too bad.[/QUOTE]

I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. I had explained to him about the time I had been adrift away from the family several years back. I would use the gym membership I had at 24hour gym to work out and shower and I'd find places for crashing out in the back of my car in certain spots in town. Of course, I wouldn't sleep in till 2 in the afternoon. I would crash out early for a short amount of time(2 - 4 hours tops), due to the hot weather in the daytime and my lack of being able to sleep normally. 24 hour restaraunts free refills on coffee would keep the nights interesting when I had nowhere to go. (which was just about every night.) Those days are gone for the time being though, but I was reminded of this with your post.

How did you spend your money - where did you eat, whats the best way to make a little money last in terms of eating

1: retrieving golf balls nets you $0.25 each
2: at airports, returning those carts gets you $0.25 each
3: call any fast food restaurant and tell them they fucked up your order and you either demand your money back or demand getting your next meal comped.

I had a forth, but i forgot it.

Wow.

Also, Ivan, if you ever come back, you're an idiot.

This is an awesome thread. The first thread in a long time that i've read start to finish without getting bored.

Good bump, Tuffy.