disabilities

This is a very fishy thread. Is it totally non- PC for me to ask what exactly is your disability? What do you mean by disability? Like, wheelchair- style or fucked-up-in-the-head style? 'Cause... we're all disabled.

-Anesthetized

[QUOTE=Anesthetized]This is a very fishy thread. Is it totally non- PC for me to ask what exactly is your disability? What do you mean by disability? Like, wheelchair- style or fucked-up-in-the-head style? 'Cause... we're all disabled.

-Anesthetized[/QUOTE]

i personally am in a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy. and am no more fucked in the head than anyone here who enjoyed "choke". but in my life ive come in contact with an uncountable number of people with different disabilities. anything from severly crippled to people so badlly burned they didnt have hands. and pretty much anything in between.

and while we're on the subject heres some useless knowledge. the word "handicapped" is devised from some other languge, (german, maybe?) anyways the original word is used ot discribe beggers. which i personally find offensive.

Oh. Geez. I apologize if I offended you. I guess the only disability I have is ... well, nothing in comparison to those examples. Maybe some mental health issues. Mad props.

-Anesthetized

[QUOTE=Anesthetized]Oh. Geez. I apologize if I offended you. [/QUOTE]

no worries.. not offended. just thought that u know? i'd empart that bit because i think its a neat, if not disturbing fact.

[QUOTE=Atomos]no worries.. not offended. just thought that u know? i'd empart that bit because i think its a neat, if not disturbing fact.[/QUOTE]
That's awesome that you see it that way. You rock.

-Anesthetized

[QUOTE=Atomos]i figured since i was here.. im disabled. and ive known and had relationships with people with many other disabilities, deformities and other such limitations. so ya know if u need to know something along those lines, dont hesitate to ask and i'll do my best to answer[/QUOTE]

at what moment in your life were you most cinscious of your disability? When didi you feel the most "different" or whatever from other people?

how did you get it? was it during birth or very young in life? have you ever felt the need to blame someone? how are you limited?

[QUOTE=snuffy]at what moment in your life were you most cinscious of your disability? When did you feel the most "different" or whatever from other people?[/QUOTE]

thats an interesting question. a very good one too. in fifth or sixth grade my therapists insisted i sit in a normal chair and desk. so i fit in better with the class i guess. but at any rate im very short. even now i am 23 and im like 5'3. so back then i was smaller still so obviously this didnt make me fit in at all. and i felt even more out of place than before. i got picked on a lot in those grades too.. so i was very painfully aware of it then.

in highschool it was a hard thing to over look as well. being that i was in remedial classes for reasons less that im an idiot and more that i just cant write as fast as "normal" people. aside from being on an IEP (individualized education program) which gave them the right to dick me over basically, i was also persecuted along with my close friends because they helped me do things like get to classes and going through the lunch lines for me. so becaue the school district wanted me to be more independant, my friends, these people who were only showing compassion twards me were punished and suspended from school.

also the length of chain i kept my wallet on, so i could pay for my lunch and then grab the tray without having to struggle it back into my pocket was considered to be a weapon and was taken and never returned to me.

also the year i dropped out there was a fat kid who (might have) had some mental issues aside from his morbid obesity who started picking fights with me because one time i told him to leave this girl alone (he was basically sexually harrassing her) and he would try to throw mw down the stairs and such. and because i wasnt mentally challenged i woould be the one in trouble for fighting back. in the end my IEP caseworker called me a waste of time and i flipped him off and dropped out.

i hope this is what u wanted to know. if not i'll try again

[QUOTE=TheUnaffected]how did you get it? was it during birth or very young in life? have you ever felt the need to blame someone? how are you limited?[/QUOTE]

no one knows if i was born this way or if i contracted (if thats the right word) it when i was two weeks old or something i chocked on some water and stopped breathing.

do i blame anyone? not really. i blame myself if i blame anyone. i blame myself for not doing the things my therapists told me to do to make my back stronger. because now i have severe scholiosis.

as far as limitations i cant walk. i cant move my legs very well. and my left hand isnt very well coordinated, and not very strong. actually im not very strong peroid but my left side is my weaker side. which is a classic symptom of CP

[QUOTE=Atomos]i hope this is what u wanted to know. if not i'll try again[/QUOTE]

yes, you have covered a lot. essentially, the school system you were in made it MORE difficult for you to feel normal and adjusted. during a time in life when feelings of autonomy are supposed to be OVERCOMING feelings of shame and doubt that pretty much all kids have. that must have been irritating.

who was your support during this time? did you feel closer to friends or closer to family? were most of your friends disabled as well?

and if you have time, how do you view people who feel sorry for you?

i felt close to my friends then. especially the three or so that seemed to be targets with me. who else did i have then. in the situation, who really understood it the way i did. my family tried to help. but they werent very much help after middle school i stopped involving them because as soon as they would show up or call in or anything the staff would do threiir best to make it all my fault. or to make it look as if it would be better for me to be in this program or that in all actuality made the whole situation worse on me.

i dont know if people feel sorry for me. but i hace noticed that if i tell someone online (like girls i meet in chats) that im disabled. almost everyone apologizes. which bothers me. and i cant really say way but its almost offensive. and it almost always changes the nature of things as if maybe im a different person with that revelation.

[QUOTE=Atomos] in the end my IEP caseworker called me a waste of time and i flipped him off and dropped out.
[/QUOTE]

Was it a case where you were in a shit school district? Or working with some shit staff?

The reason I ask is I have an autistic daughter, and with IDEA legislation as it stands, her IEP has to actually justify the time she's not in the mainstream.

Which turns out to be a lucky situtation since I happen to have my kids in a really awesome public school district. But going to conferences for parents of kids with special needs (I hate that euphemism, but I'm not sure what to replace it with), I hear horror stories about other school systems.

And I've even been at a Thanksgiving dinner and had a brother-in-law who is a teacher (now Administrator) come out and say, "kids on IEPs are a pain in the ass." I'm like, "Dude, there's a kid at this table on an IEP." And of course, I'm thinking, it's too bad you're in education with that attitude.

When I think back to my grade school experience, I went to the same school they shuffled off the completely un-mainstreamed special-ed kids. They weren't in the class with us, the little bus deposited them over by their little wing of the lower level, and they did not mix with us 'normal' kids (I have ADHD and so does my older daughter, though I was not diagnosed at the time). I graduated high school in 1988, to give you an idea. When I was in grade school, Jimmy Carter was President and IDEA was brand new.

I remember on the playground, they tried to keep the special-ed kids segregated even at recess, and with reason. There were times where they overlapped, and I can remember kids gathering around this poor kid, one of the only black kids in the school (like he needed another way to stick out,) just taunting him. Not about being black. I'm guessing at his exact conditions, but probably MR and some autistic spectrum tendencies, judging by the thickness of his strapped-on glasses he was probably close to blind too. He was so damn visible, the 'normal' kids just turned into parahna.

He'd echolalia things, and I remember the kids shouting at him "P!" They'd shout this because he'd start stammering "P...P...P...Pickle!" Everyone would laugh and shout "P!" It was one of the cruelest things I've ever witnessed.

And yes, I was shouting "P!" right along with them.

I've watched the kids at my daughters' school and how they interact, gone on field trips and what-not. Molly is definitely liked by her peers even though they obviously know the limits of interaction with her. But she's not the only one. Instead of isolating all the special needs kids and keeping them out of sight 99% of the time, they put them right in the mix, paras as needed, all that. I don't think the 'little bus' kids at my grade school would have been viewed by the rest of us as such unbelievable freaks if we'd been forced to get along with them.

We're all damaged goods. Either physically or mentally, everyone has problems/weaknesses, and yeah, I know it's corny, but strengths too. My daughter (the autistic one) can't hold anything that you'd call a 'conversation,' but she's whip-smart, ornery, stubborn and frighteningly strong. She's been getting into Special Olympics stuff, but from a pure athletic standpoint, if she gets focused on a sport, I wouldn't be surprised (no exageration) to see her in the regular Olympics.

So to you, do you feel like the down sides of mainstreaming where bigger than what they would have been if you'd been isolated to a class of other 'disabled' kids? Especially since CP, MR, Autism, Aspbergers, etc., all really call for different strategies (hence the IEP)?

I'm glad you started this thread here. The web sites dedicated to particular disabilities and whatnot all tend to become a preach-to-the-choir situation.

do you think that popular media -- movies, TV, stuff like that -- handle the portrayal of the disabled in a balanced way? or are these outlets too nice or too mean?

you know, like south park with "cripple fight" and all that. in your opinion, is that in fair taste?

(btw, i ask a lot of questions. i understand if this is annoying.)

I have a friend with a degenerative disease, she says her chair is an extension of her body and when people touch it or really when they lean on it its like they are leaning on her. You feel this way?

Do you guys ever get competetive? like [I]I'm more disabled than you are![/I]

i couldnt tell u if it was the district or the staff. and i cant do this because when i got out of middle school (as a sophomore) they had just integrated the freshman teachers i just got done telling to fuck off got new jobs in every HS in the district. and they ALL hated me. and i know at least some of them told the other teachers who didnt kknnow me yet that i was a troublemaker, and i was. but people change right? anyways i know this because i made friends with some of the office staff that was also sent to one of the high schools i actually went to.

one of the older schools i went to had a "wing" for the bad off kids. i didnt realize it at first i just thought i was the only disabled person period.

ive had IEP teachers offer to kick my ass. spray me with a hose cecause i smelled like B/O and call me a waste of time. and i belive that at some point the only thing on my IEP was score higher in english. i found it useless and a reason to be fucked.

im glad i wasnt actually in that wing or room or pigeon hold with the autistics and the other really disableed kids (no offense to your daughter) because my head works fine. and i had enough problemns without people thinking i was anymore fucked up, but im on a fine line. im disabled physically but im fine mentally. and its honestly really hard to be a normal 20 year old guy who isnt normal.

but the "special" classes are needed. i had a very disabled cousin and that was his ooonly life, he loved every second of it

as i just said ima normal guy in a wheelchair. some of it offends me. yes. the ones that i know are just stupid peole being ignoramt gucks but i like timmy and the crutches kid

you know, like south park with "cripple fight" and all that. in your opinion, is that in fair taste?

(btw, i ask a lot of questions. i understand if this is annoying.)[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=meatthinker]Do you guys ever get competetive? like [I]I'm more disabled than you are![/I][/QUOTE]

LOL no. but we do comapre abilities and disabilities sometimes if u know the person well enough. sometimes u can learn new things from people even those who arent afflicted as you. they might teach you how to do something better. (ie learning to get dressed and undressed while sitting ina wheelchair)

[QUOTE=Atomos]

im glad i wasnt actually in that wing or room or pigeon hold with the autistics and the other really disableed kids (no offense to your daughter) because my head works fine. and i had enough problemns without people thinking i was anymore fucked up, but im on a fine line. im disabled physically but im fine mentally. and its honestly really hard to be a normal 20 year old guy who isnt normal.

but the "special" classes are needed. i had a very disabled cousin and that was his ooonly life, he loved every second of it[/QUOTE]

Sounds like the district you went through wasn't ready for you.

As far as 'the other really disabled,' part of what I was asking you about was, basically, which is worse? Mainstreaming or isolation? Both have been tried, but you can't get as good an answer out of an autistic (who's brain may work really well but they may not be able to express themselves adequately), as opposed to someone who's problems are primarily physical.

Every disability has a different set of needs, which to me, is an argument for mainstreaming, and it sounds like, on the whole, that's your view. It's tricky too, because Downs and CP, as examples, tend to be visible disabilities. Autism, and a lot of other developmental disorders don't show any physical manifestation. People see normal and healthy bodies, they assume typical social responses. From what you've posted, it sounds like the same people see the wheelchair and figure you probalby also don't understand anything they're saying.

Do you often feel like a blind person who's being shouted at because the idiot talking to you figures blind must also mean deaf?

[QUOTE=Chixulub]Sounds like the district you went through wasn't ready for you.

As far as 'the other really disabled,' part of what I was asking you about was, basically, which is worse? Mainstreaming or isolation? Both have been tried, but you can't get as good an answer out of an autistic (who's brain may work really well but they may not be able to express themselves adequately), as opposed to someone who's problems are primarily physical.

Every disability has a different set of needs, which to me, is an argument for mainstreaming, and it sounds like, on the whole, that's your view. It's tricky too, because Downs and CP, as examples, tend to be visible disabilities. Autism, and a lot of other developmental disorders don't show any physical manifestation. People see normal and healthy bodies, they assume typical social responses. From what you've posted, it sounds like the same people see the wheelchair and figure you probalby also don't understand anything they're saying.

Do you often feel like a blind person who's being shouted at because the idiot talking to you figures blind must also mean deaf?[/QUOTE]

even tho intigration is inevatoably going to get the kids picked on its ultimately better than hiding them away because it onllly breeds more idiots who in turn breed more idiots who dont teach tier kids aboout disadvantaged people.

yeah, id say once a month i get asked how i have sex, if i can have sex, ect. ive been asked if i sleep in my chair also (dont ask me why) so yeah i tend to feel like that sometimes

[QUOTE=Chixulub]Every disability has a different set of needs, which to me, is an argument for mainstreaming, and it sounds like, on the whole, that's your view. It's tricky too, because Downs and CP, as examples, tend to be visible disabilities. Autism, and a lot of other developmental disorders don't show any physical manifestation. People see normal and healthy bodies, they assume typical social responses. From what you've posted, it sounds like the same people see the wheelchair and figure you probalby also don't understand anything they're saying.[/QUOTE]

I saw this show on the Discovery Channel about reconstructive cranial surgery, and they got into some of the ethical issues. For example, there was a couple with a downs kid having cranial surgery to make him appear normal, the idea being that would give him a better chance at a "mainstreaming" type approach I guess. But someone else pointed out that the downs appearance was a visual cue to people in terms of what they could expect the kid to be able to do. I thought the extensive series of surgeries was quite an ordeal to put a toddler through, so that was my main objection to what they were doing, but beyond that, I'm not sure which side of the debate I would fall on.

I think about that. My daughter isn't disabled, but she is rather tall for her age, so other kids often think that she is older than she is. She's 5, but other kids sometimes think she's say 7, and then they are confused, and maybe even rude, when she can't do certain things that they would expect from a 7 yr old.

Another issue that I'm not sure what to make of is the obligatory disabled character that gets inserted into practically every children's show. I don't know if it's bad writing or what, but often it feels to me like the character was added as an afterthought, or it's a bit gratuitous or phoney somehow. How could this be done better?

[QUOTE=Atomos]LOL no. but we do comapre abilities and disabilities sometimes if u know the person well enough. sometimes u can learn new things from people even those who arent afflicted as you. they might teach you how to do something better. (ie learning to get dressed and undressed while sitting ina wheelchair)[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I guess it's kind of like when I was starting out with CPAP for sleep apnea, and asking people for hints about masks, and what to do about this problem or that problem, sharing knowledge. I don't think I've ever had a [I]My CPAP mask is cooler than your CPAP mask![/I] kind of thing either. Some of the discussions around here have seemed a bit [B]intense[/B] to me today, so I just wanted to try to inject a little humor.

South Park and the politically incorrect thing is a bit tough. There's stuff that I see like that that makes me feel ill, like embarrassed that someone would do that, but I'm not sure why that is. Then there's other stuff, like questions that people are afraid to ask, or think that you shouldn't ask, that people should lighten up on, like the question that I asked about competition. I wonder what's the difference between the two. On the surface, it's just a gut feeling that something isn't cool and something else is cool.

I have CP as well. It affects my legs, but I'm fortunate in that I can still walk and have functional use of my legs. When I was in school I wanted to try and play sports and all that, but coaches avoided phone calls from me like the plague (In case I got hurt or wanted to sue). When I was 11 I decided I wanted to try and play the drums. I went to a local music store and the teacher there agreed to work with me, but told my parents that they didn't know if thy could teach me. Long story short, I've been a drummer for almost 10 years, recorded 3 CDs and done some session work. I'm not the greatest there ever was, but I'm not bad. Anyway, I feel like I know where your coming from atomos. The only problem I have with "normal" people is that some of them try to hide their discomfort for the different by acting as if you're their best buddy, or they claim to have no problem with one's disability, and yet they can't stop discussing it.

[QUOTE=kennysquires] The only problem I have with "normal" people is that some of them try to hide their discomfort for the different by acting as if you're their best buddy, or they claim to have no problem with one's disability, and yet they can't stop discussing it.[/QUOTE]

i have friends that when i initially met them sorta just "pretended" to be fine with me. and i found out later that they werent. tho most of them are cool with it now. (even some of the people who were basically scared of me) members of my family that i dont spend much time with kinda give me space (if u know what i mean) and dont really seem to understand how to help me with simple shit. or seem to get annoyed when i ask them to get me things i cant reach (like cereal bowls)

this is also a big thing in my (lacking) love life. because i have this image of how "normal" people see me. which may or may not be entirely accurate, but i cant get around it, and its become something beyond a fear of rejection.

[QUOTE=morey]I have a friend with a degenerative disease, she says her chair is an extension of her body and when people touch it or really when they lean on it its like they are leaning on her. You feel this way?[/QUOTE]

sometimes yes.. people tend to use my wheels as footrests, and people like my mom and grandma used to hang their purses and such on the back...... which didnt bother me so much, that is unless they left it there.

no in fact i used to let kids in my schools play in my wheelchair so they coould understand me better, u know? well, untijll the school district decided that was an insurance hazard cuz some dipshit flipped it over and tagged his head pretty hard on a locker.

sorry i didnt answer this when u asked it morey, i must have missed it in replying to other people's posts

I know exactly what you mean about your own idea of how others see you. I've been through that exact thing. One day I decided that if I let that stop me than I'd never get anywhere with anyone, so I made it a point not to be afraid to try. I can't exactly say that I've got a line of hot ladies around the block, but I'm not afraid to try and date them, because they're no better than I am. Remember that, they're no better than you are. Now give it hell.

Have you read "My Left Foot" By Christy Brown?

He had cp and became a writer, it's kinda inspirational.

[QUOTE=Peon of Grand Ambitions]Have you read "My Left Foot" By Christy Brown?

He had cp and became a writer, it's kinda inspirational.[/QUOTE]
no.. i think i saw part of the movie once though. thank you for reminding me that i still need to see that.. **wonders how how extensive 'on demand' is** im sure thats more of an interesting correlation to my life now as an aspiring writer as it was when i was 12 and i rented it.

I haven't read the book or seen the movie, in fact, I'm sorry to say that I haven't even heard of it; I might have to check it out.