What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened in church?

i remember once we had some firecrackers and we were popping them after church and these homeless guys the church was helping got mad because they were vietnam vets and the pops scared them. that's all i really got right now.

When I was younger my church asked the pastor to leave. He decided to make his last sermon about how my family and a few other families in the church made him not believe in God anymore. He also said we were all the "Spawn of Satan".

A few months after this he was driving drunk and hit a car and killed a little boy. I think he's probably just gotten out of prison.

A girl got elbowed in the face during youth group and broke her nose. After her mother came to take her to the hospital, the youth leader made us all pray to cast Satan out of us, because we'd been so rambunctious that he (Satan) had come into us and made us throw elbows.

FUNDAMENTALISM YESSS.

My daughter and I were in church one Sunday and we were about ten minutes from leaving. They decided to close with a silent prayer and my daughter starts to wiggle. All of a sudden I hear a fart and a giggle then she says, "I pooted. AMEN!"

My husbands boss invited us to his church to hear some guest speaker once, five six years ago it was, when the guy came on stage I remember thinking "Good lord! This guy is fruitier than a gift basket!" (or something to that extent). Turns out he was a gay in denial, or in other words reformed and healed by the love of christ, and his wife was a reformed lesbian, there to speak on how it is possible to turn your back on satan and be healed of your lustful sin by god.

All I could think mostly was of how awkward their , him and his wife, lovemaking must be.

I have lots of stories! I'll only share a few of them.

There was this one church I went to that was really, really old school. Like, speaking in tongues (most of the churches I went to when I was a kid were like this). But, they were old and had the big hair and only wore dresses, you know, like legit old school Pentecostal shit.

I went to the bathroom during a Sunday morning service and one of the pastor's dauhgters was lying on the floor in one of the bathroom stalls. She called out my name and asked me to get help for her. I guess she went to the bathroom and her apendix had burst, or something? They called an ambulance and basically church was over for the rest of that Sunday.

Then this other time the Pastor (same church) had just had dentures fitted to him. It was the first day he had them in and he was preaching like "Ans tha Lorch Shed" kind of shit. It got to the end of the service and suddenly he goes "Oh! I was preaching this whole time with my dentures in wrong." Um... ya think!?

Then there were all the times I was bullied in church. When I was about four or five I could draw bettwe than the Pastor's daughter (different church than the appendix story.) One of the saddest memories I have is drawing something for my mom and the Pastor's daughter and her fucking squad of church bullies walking up to me, knocking me off my feet and into the dirt, ripping the paper out of my hand. I watched as she took the paper to her mom and presented it to her as though she was the one who drew it. After that is when I took my dad's advice and started signing my artwork!

Blah, blah, blah...

*PLEASE STAY ON TOPIC*

EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT ON TOPIC GETS DELETED.

THANK YOU

I randomly walked into a church once when I was fourteen, walking down the street and service was just starting and I was bored, saw the small crowd and just went in and sat down with them. Afterward several of the women came up to me and asked me if I would please dress in nicer more church appropriate clothing next time I attended.

Did anyone else hear your daughter?

Church Bullies huh? That's crazy...never would have thought

Umm, did anyone see the other post from this guy?

I don't think so....why? was it weird or bad?

You mean his other topic?

http://chuckpalahniuk.net/forum/1000171/what-would-be-the-best-way-to-ge...

No clue what to do with that one.

Also, I only went to church when I was little, and I don't remember much, except for singing in a choir and being part of plays [Dressed up as a sheep, for example].

Yeah, like...wtf?

The only thing I've ever done in a church is mercilessly be forced to go (as a child), and boycott it ever since. With of course the exception of weddings/funerals and whatnot. I did have sex in a baptismal once, though.

Yeah they did. It's a small church and I'd be surprised if someone didn't hear it. The older couples really seemed to enjoy it, which was strange. Old people and babies shouldn't be put in the same room together. Who knows what kind of chaos they would start.

How does me saying burying my mother was a sad experience qualify as off-topic? Was it worth deleting? Really?

Valid point. Also, the lady in your avatar looks like she's trying to sexily sniff her armpit (in church? don't want to be off topic)

Yeah, I understand my post about a preaching Satan getting deleted, but Phil's was a legitimate experience, and for him, it was weird.

jane, that's a freaky story.

Well, my church story is that there was this man who sat behind us. He would always play tic tac toe with me during the lecture. I hated going to church. I was probably, 7? 8? The guy was a high school teacher. Later, he was asked to resign from school because he would make sexual remarks to boys, and he was caught up at the Rest Stop where he had asked a boy from high school to meet him. He had a dildo in his car. he was a perve.

perv stories aren't uncommon for churches, i guess.

Why did phil's post get deleted? Some nazi shit going down?

looks more like a deletion frenzy than anything nazi-related.

The weirdest thing for me only seems weird in retrospect, because back when it would happen it seemed appropriate in a weird way.

My grandfather on my father's side is a pastor and he has a small church in Long Beach called His Nesting Place. The church doubles as a home for unwed mothers and the majority of the property is a dorm for mother's/soon to be moms.

Anyway, due to divorce and my grandpa being a horny bastard, a third of my uncle's and one aunt are very close to myself and my siblings in age. My aunt Geri is actually a couple years younger than me. Being so close in age, my uncles were my friends growing up, and we'd always be getting into trouble together. A lot of it was only trouble because my grandparents were so strict. Like not doing chores, or staying up too late. Not going to church on Wednesdays or "stealing" food from the church cafeteria. Probably a hundred other minor rules we broke. Eventually we started smoking pot and drinking which was the equivalent of satan worship and human sacrifice.

Like i said, the church itself is rather small. The chapel probably seats less than 40 people comfortably. On top of that, Sunday service back then was usually comprised of about 10 people or less, half of which was my uncles, grandma and myself.

What was weird, was that a large number of sermons I had to sit through, were obviously SPECIFICALLY targeted at me. I'd have to sit in the front row, because if I didn't, what kind of grandson is that? And my grandpa, the pastor, would chew me out covertly via some old testament verse. I say covertly, because he'd never actually call me out while preaching, but he would start off the sermon with something about how he was going to read from the book of such and such today, but he's having some issue with somebody in his real life, and will everyone please turn to this book, chapter blah and then squint over at me before he started his angry speech.

Doesn't seem super weird re-reading what I wrote, but it's the weirdest church-related thing I can think of right now.

In high school I was arrested for drive-by water ballooning pedestrians and found myself grounded for the larger part of the school year. Though an outspoken atheist, the only non curricular activity my father would allow was to attend a youth group at the corner church with a friend. As I sat through the opening lecture of the first night the pastor went on a homophobic tirade while also attacking every other religion he could find off of the top of his head. From what I remember the speech ended with a suddenly calm tone that went something like this, "Kids, many people will tell you that religion is like spokes on a wheel, and that they all lead to the center which is God. They will say that we should tolerate each other and get along. I am here to tell you, tolerance, we don't do that here." I was quickly removed and banned after exclaiming "Is this guy fucking serious?"

I didn't mean to delete that one.

When you quote somebody. And then I delete the person you quoted. I think it deletes yours too.

So even if you didn't leave the quote in.

I really don't know. I noticed it deleted a few that I didn't mean to.

Again I apologize.

Please repost.

What kind of church was it? Do you remember?

Uh, I don't wanna go into details, but they aren't necessary. We knew where the church wine was stored, and they bought it in bulk.