Possible Experiment, i need advice

I think you spelled experiment wrong. or can you die from manic depression?

christ i am an idiot i cant spell for shit, and im assuming the sarcasm in the second part means im being melodramatic

please if your not being sarcastic explain what you meant, if you are so be it this will be the last talk of the subject no harm done,

Wow, it seems pretty intensive. I worked for quite a long time in various fields of mental health n usualy people got fobbed off with, take these once a day n come back in six weeks. It may be a case of wanting you to get back to your usual self ASAP. Is the medication new? This would explain the regular momitoring. Pherhaps I'm bein cynical n things are just better where your based. It's been a while since I worked in this field n pherhaps things are just better now, man, I hope so. Ive known people record their experiences and have seen some really creative results. There's one bloke where I come from who's had some stuff published, although his diagnosis is completely different to yours he's written some really good poetry n short stories relatin to his experiences. I can't for the life of me remember his full name (First names David) but when it comes to me I'll let ya know.

The one thing you may want to consider is, when the mania kicks in, things that seem like a good idea at the time can be regretted later. I would definitely recomend doin your own research into your meds n treatment and any Dr / consultant worth his salt will support you in this. Any way, all the best with the treatment n always ask questions cos it's your life n you'll usualy find that the disciplines that are helpin you will appreciate your questions and indeed input into your treatment.

PS. please be wary if they offer you prozac/ fluoxatine as it works well for the downs but can react badly with the mania side.

You're in good company, check it out, Google it.  I consider myself good company, when manic that is.  Good luck on the medication roller coaster.  I'm jumping off that ship myself.

And yes, it can kill you (by killing yourself).

And yes, kill your parents.

And no, don't kill anybody unless it's yourself.  But don't do that yet, make a mark first.

Make sense?  Good.  Feel free to type at me (I'm a J-cat).

thank you for your advice. I am currently on trazodone(the doctor said to just try it and see if sleeping more helps), and from what i understand they are putting me on a mood stabilizer and an anti depressant and based off of how i feel after two days of taking trazodone yeah its going away.

I told the doctor i didnt want willbutrin(does nothing) zoloft(made me a zombie) or prozac(im scared of prozac). As far as why so radical of a treatment i told the doctor about my past drug use in order to self medicate my self, about my familys history of mental illness & my one, two week journey into out patient treatment.

i dont know if that makes the whole thing more legit or more strange

Ive heard so much about the leading to sucide part that i am horrified, ive never been suicidal.

Ive been working on my mark for years, i have 13 hours of really bland mediocre music recorded & a decent amount of crappy sketches & paintings.

This whole thing horrifies me i dont want to be different or defective in anyway, i just want to be able to function socially normally thats all.Ugh even as im typing this its irritating me, I hate HATE the OH Woe is me type shit, if any of this turns out to be Oh woe is me type shit call me out on it.

On a positive note ive had awesome crazy dreams the past two nights that ive taken my trazodone. One about a fog based demon attacking me and some douche bag team high up in a tower and chucking the douche bags off the side of the tower. The other about people ignoring me deeply concentrating on eating the flesh off of each others hands.

If you want to see what type of post and how im planning to do this whole thing check here

Its rough right now, i just finished the design aspect, and the first two post

Looks nice, Struggling to focus my thoughts on the content though.

explodingpsychology.wordpress.com/

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago, and I live without therapy and medication and all of that these days.  Good luck with the medication; it's no picnic.  Keeping a journal is a really good idea just so that you know where you stand with yourself.  I used to do it all of the time, and I still appreciate having a record of where I've been.  If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around a lot these days.  The "oh woe is me" shit gets old real fast, but that doesn't mean that it's not something that you have to talk about.

Medication: i figure its free (i have great health coverage) so why not, if i feel worse i am going to stop immediately.

The Journal: Its more or less like you said "so i know were i stand with my self" & because its easier for me to process this from a detatched viewer like standpoint

I always had problems with side effects from medication, and none of them ever seemed to significantly help.  Apparently they help some people though, so it's always worth a try.  As for the journal, I definitely agree with what you said about a detatched standpoint.  It's nice to have the opportunity to view your own thoughts from a new perspective.  Honestly, I never journal anymore, but maybe a new perspective is what I need right now.  So hey, thanks!

That's a really good sign. I've never seeked medical help for my depression but when it came to the point of me planning to buy a plastic tarp to [i]not[/i] stain the carpet with my spattered blood, I knew I had to do something. Anything you can do to help yourself out of this rut, do it.

Documenting it would be an appreciated bonus.

Your post looks cool. Go for it, I wouldn't be suprised if you get a lot of feedback n meet some interestin people. The bit about monitorin your meds closely can only be a good thing as more often than not it takes a little time to get the balance right. A lot of people that expeienced what your experiencin now went on to be really good care workers, maybe that's somethin to consider for the future. Any way, good luck with everything n keep up the good work on the post. I for one will be followin it  wiv an honest interest.

Ya aint defective in any way man. Take this experience n use it. Keep ya head held high n always tell the people involved in your treatment how you feel, use the help offered to its fullest, even if it means disagreeing with them, they will appreciate it as mental health is such a soft science and one that will always improve.

i scrapped all ideas aside from the blog its self, i tried doing video journal entries only to have them come off way way too melodramatic.

my best friend's manic depressive. my stepmother. a friend of mine, his first wife was manic depressive and his horror stories eerily matched several of mine:

i say my best friend, he lives in tacoma, washington and i now live in little rock, ar. a few years ago, i moved him here, got us an apartment, he was more than a close homie; he's my fucking brother in all ways except blood. it was such a good feeling not to be separated by the Ks of miles. after a few months, it wasnt. so quickly it changed, when he moved here he stopped taking his meds:

his brain cannot produce chemicals in his brain any longer, so he needs to suppliment them. but the pils had side effects. he gained weight, slept all the time, felt like the world moved way too s l o w for him. so he stopped taking them because he didnt need them. within the next few months, i slept with my eyes open afraid he'd hurt someone, he was six foot one and two hundred and forty pounds and demented, he could really hurt someone. i replaced doors, patched plaster in wall holes, replaced windows, i didnt get my deposit back and the cops came out twice before i was told to be gone. that was all a tough time.

the meds affect people differently. his state was pretty bad and the amount of drugs and the type of drugs he needed was unbelievable. he was about as bad as you get: my experience tells me that youre being very responsible and taking this part of your life very seriously..

i think a blog would be a great idea. i doubt that i could be that open to strangers, but also imagine others who are afriad of their own "problem" and could learn a lot through your experiences, your trials:

i think you should keep a record. as for the journal, this could be a very critical stage for you and the more honest you are with the professionals the better they will be able to help you:

seriously take notes on those key times, when taking the medication, when your stress levels are high: make the notes thorough: this could show through trial and error which medication is right for you. luckily times have changed since my step mother was diagnosed and given every drug there is and now, over the course of intake and years, she's fucked up beyond repair. just way fucking off. this is a thriving field, meaning people study and test and give it heavy attention. you can very easily turn out fine with a lot of hard work and ritualistic adherence
good luck, my brother
-kabol

.

.

.

.

That actually is the key problem right now. How do you explain overwhelming emotions that come and go within seconds or flashes of intense paranoia. How do you explain something that comes on so quickly and feels like life or death
 only to leave you 2 minutes later with a feeling of udder confusion trying to remember what had you so upset.

again i dont see this as a huge huge epic thing for the simple fact that i am not a physical threat to my self or to others so it doesnt bother me to blog about it.

Also thank you to everyone for being cool about this and actually legitimately helpful.

i think you just did, thoroughly. you only have to add a time stamp, date hour and roughly what minute and what you were doing--homework, on the city buss, fishing with grandpa.

.

.

.

.