drug withdrawals and transplanted organ rejection.

Withdtrawal from heroin. First there's the head fuck, this can start straight after the last fix, intentional or inforced. You know that you are gonna feel shit and this brings about a sort of anxiety and restlessness. After approx twelve hours without the smack the restlesness becomes very real with muscles begining to cramp and involuntary moveing of the extremities. Constant yawning and watering of the eyes, wanting to sleep but knowing that there is no way, sleep is a thing of the past for at least a week. You can't concentrate on anything to distract you and your mind is constantly thinking about smack. I did my withdrawal through choice so I don't know if your mind can focus better if the possibility os scoring is removed through incarseration. Your whole body begins to sweat and tremble and strong spasms begin to hit home. Spasms is not totally correct as its more a case of your body trying to wrap itself into a huge knot. By the time youve been twenty four hours without drugs your body feels like there is a current of pain passing through you and each wave hits it brings with it nausea but you know if you vomit it will be the most painful thing you will ever experience, tough shit you have no choice, the heaving racking jolts of pain start with the occasional spewing forth of steaming hot black stomach bile. The years of constopation come to an end but this is not as comforting as you would think as first you begin passing thick rock hard stools that feel like they are teaering your anal passage apart as they pass but this is soon replaced by a simular steaming hot bile like fluid shooting from your ass, simular to that what you've been spewing that is. By this time time itself appears to have slowed to a painracked dragged out version of its former self and your brain is telling you to score as this is more than you can take. No sleep, constant twisting, shaking jolts, spasms, shit, vomit, pain, pain and more pain, depression, bargains with yourself and god, fever type hallucinations, depression, self hate, panic, shortness of breath, anxiety. I'm not sure when it happened but at some point all hope falls away from you and I remember actually picking up the phone. I must have picked the phone up a thousand times over that week. I managed to resist phoning for some smack but the possibility reduced me to tears, through the power of my wanting and how fuckin pathetic I felt.

There is nothing I have come across to compare to the joint physical and mental abuse your body and mind go through and I'm not doing a very good job of explaining the very real horrors of withdrawal. You are stripped bare and left feeling like a shitty fucked up corpse. The feelings of snakes in your guts and insects crawling under your skin that you've heard of are real, so are the feelings of someone trying to pull your muscles off of the bone.

After about a week you may start grabbing little snippets of sleep and you may beable to eat something lite. The deppression hangs around for a long time and the self hatred at what I became still lingers and returns every now and again. The whole thing about its like a dose of the flu is such utter nonsense. In the end I was like a skinny wraith with nothing of any value left but this is the closest I have ever come to having a clean slate and am still rebuilding myself. I did the rattle without any support groups etc but this is because I had kept my habit so tightly under wraps that I didn't  want to suddenly step under the spotlight and admit to others what I had become. I should imagine its different for everyone but others I have spoke to since all agree on one thing, for about four days it is nothing but pain and more pain poured on, so much so it takes you to places that you have never imagined existed within yourself, and man they are fucked up dark places.

At the end of the day I thought I could be different and use without getting hooked, DOH, yeh right.

i did a project on organ transplants so i should know.

what i remember is that the immune system attacks the organ like its any sort of foreign object or virus in your body.

it tries to destroy it, that's all i know.

and that there are two types of rejection.. acute rejection... the kind where just right away your body is like.. .Fuck It.

and then chronic rejection where your body can live off the organ until a new one is found, but it's not living properly. like its trying to destroy it at the same time as living off of it.

one can live off a faulty lung accompanied with breathing machines until a proper lung is found for them.

but the time period varies depending on the case.

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