What is your invisible carrot?

it was your idea, you go first
im not saying until then

I've thought about it but I can't really come up with much. Sure, pornography has been found but that is about it. No carrots, no wax, no intestines with vitamens and no preggers siblings.

Is this the thread where we tell our own masturbation stories. I think that would be funny so i'll start one when im not at work.

my invisible carrot is dreaming of the day the robots take over.

i went on a 12 day tweak bindge and then stop and was dragin forlike two hours then got drunk with my friends passed out after blacking out i think i went insane but they won't tell me. cause they're full of lies. and now my tohoot is loose and i woke up with my pants off and for those who don't know your dick srinks up on meth. some all my freinds could have saw my srunkin dick and i wanna ask if they did and then explain the meth thing. but i can't because it's my invisible carrot.

[QUOTE=lofivinyl]my invisible carrot is dreaming of the day the robots take over.[/QUOTE]

Look around, chickie. Your day has come.

[QUOTE=Tad R. fitzsimmions]i went on a 12 day tweak bindge and then stop and was dragin forlike two hours then got drunk with my friends passed out after blacking out i think i went insane but they won't tell me. cause they're full of lies. and now my tohoot is loose and i woke up with my pants off and for those who don't know your dick srinks up on meth. some all my freinds could have saw my srunkin dick and i wanna ask if they did and then explain the meth thing. but i can't because it's my invisible carrot.[/QUOTE]

You aren't tweaked enough. You can almost hit the right keys still. You need more gak, Tad. sorry about your dick. But hey, you got to be on crystal, right? So, it's all good.

Remember kids: friends don't let friends shrink their genitals.

p.s. your invisible carrot isn't all that invisble if you're waking up without pants, trust me, I know.

[QUOTE=Parkaboy]You aren't tweaked enough. You can almost hit the right keys still. You need more gak, Tad. sorry about your dick. But hey, you got to be on crystal, right? So, it's all good.

Remember kids: friends don't let friends shrink their genitals.

p.s. your invisible carrot isn't all that invisble if you're waking up without pants, trust me, I know.[/QUOTE]

my dick is fine at the moment but judge by the way things are goin today looks like it won't be for [SIZE=1]longer[/SIZE] one of those kind of things.

i know they saw it but i don't want to ask them if they did. and then explian why it's so small.

about the cyrstal thing i'm pretty sure that it was anne or some red and then a little ice casue i like the dirty bitch stuff. if thats what you were reffering to

[QUOTE=Parkaboy]

Remember kids: friends don't let friends shrink their genitals.

[/QUOTE]

fuck the kids let them figure that out on there own.

[QUOTE=Tad R. fitzsimmions]

about the cyrstal thing i'm pretty sure that it was anne or some red and then a little ice casue i like the dirty bitch stuff. if thats what you were reffering to[/QUOTE]

i never did enough meth to get into the specific slang for various types. I only did meth when coke wasn't available.

invisible carrot....hehe.....
yikes...

uh....
well....
its complicated. a really long story too. i'll have to tell it later when im not at work....haha

all right... ive got a couple invisible carrots... but one i dont even want to share with u guys...so heres the other
me and my friends were at a concert downtown and a couple bums walked by...they were dead drunk... so... being my friendly self i invited them to sit with us. not a good idea... they started spiting and drinking and swearing and fighting... the cops came and i got them arrested. never talked about again.

one more i just remembered.
im in high school and my parents are preaise the lord kind of people(i would be castrated for swearing, porn, jacking off..etc) for english i wrote a short story about a homeless man who gets messages from voices in his head. blah blah blah he gets a giant cult all throughout the country and they have a mass suicide(just for the record...this is before i even knew chuck existed...now i relize its a rip off of Survivor, but written before iread Survivor)well the story had a lot of the word fuck for a ninth graders paper. summer came and i brought all my shit home from school , my parents got a hold of it and the carrot was lost

Allright. Heres my invisible carrot.

One night I spent the night at a friends house, he told me that fucking a teddy bear was the number one way to get it off. the next day I asked if he was joking...after an awkward silence he said he was joking.
So, Naturally, I went home a found my teddy bear my mom (dead these days) gave to me. I got out my knife and worked a hole in it. big enough for my boner.
I got to work. My friend
(joking or not) was right. It WAS the best way to get off. Add some spit. and you may as well be fucking a girl. the next day, my dad walked into my room, and sitting there, on my dresser, was the teddy bear. My dad asked me why there was a hole in it. I told him that it had worn down. the problem was, the rest of the bear was in top shape. No way he bought that one.
Just like that kid with the carrot, I waited under a cloud for him to confront me about it. and he hasn't...not yet.

There are some things, that even the anonymity of the internet can't protect you from.

I enjoy the real, tangible carrots that I often eat at dinner. They are orange and usually crunchy unless they've been overcooked (then they're still orange, but not so crunchy).

[QUOTE=Icantspeak]he told me that fucking a teddy bear was the number one way to get it off.[/QUOTE]
This makes it sound like you're trying to pleasure the teddy bear.
The rest of the story just sounds like a lie.

I wouldn't fuck anything that had fluff in it. It could get into places.

Is this a "Guts" reference?

Nah, we're just gabbin' about invisible carrots.

I love real carrots with vaseline on it...especially when placed up my butt. It is a perfect substitute for a penis.

On a completely unrelated note, I love women.

Ahh there is nothing like a suicide attempt to make people quiet at thanksgiving.

[QUOTE=Brad Foster]Ahh there is nothing like a suicide attempt to make people quiet at thanksgiving.[/QUOTE]
I can see that trumping the "coming out of the closet" announcement

I like carrots cooked in fresh gingeroot and fresh squeezed orange juice...I think I am missing the point of this thread.

[QUOTE=inkpen78]I like carrots cooked in fresh gingeroot and fresh squeezed orange juice...I think I am missing the point of this thread.[/QUOTE]

That sounds very very delicious, I mean, unless it involves any butt-shoving innuendo I didn't catch.

My invisible carrot....

Does the Cult count?

[IMG]http://data1.blog.de/media/332/471332_1183ee7a7d_m.jpeg[/IMG]

A while ago, before I went on my meds, I had some weird issues, and would get steamed up quickly, with interesting results. Once I got angry at one of the PE teachers.

He stood in front of me, blocking the door.
"25 pushups," he said.
I stared at him, mind boiling.
"25 pushups or you'll be marked truant."
My lips refused to move, I had nothing to say. Frantically, I searched for something to say, just anything, anything at all. Suddenly, from behind me, a voice shouted, "Just do the 25 pushups!"
I turned around and shouted, "F*CK YOU!"
The coach's face reddened. "What did you say?"
My trachea swelled shut and the earth swirled.
"I said, what did you say?"
For some reason, my brain occupied itself with the memory of an article discussing how, when one doesn't masturbate, one tends to get frustrated at little things.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" The coach was shouting now.
The following tumbled out of my mouth: "Do you masturbate?"

Now, a year later, any encounters with the coach are silent and awkward.

And that is my invisible carrot.