Rico Slade Will Give You a Big Sloppy Kiss

It sounds a lot like that movie MacGruber.

Yeah, I saw MacGruber with its throat tearing after I wrote the book and I was like "Oh shit." But whatever. I guess we were both influenced by Road House.

Brad, how can you legally have Ahnuld on your cover?

There's no such thing as "Too much throat ripping" though, so that's good.

I'd much rather read "Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy". They have that at Barnes & Noble?

How about a Kindle edition?

You've got a knack for titles, I'll give you that.

Thanks, Tuffy.

I'll probably put up a Kindle edition in a couple of months. My publisher doesn't do kindle editions, but I retain the electronic rights, some I'm free to publish it myself. So when the Kindle edition goes up, I'll try to remember to go back to this thread and send you a PM.

About Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy: Barnes and Noble sells it online on their site. I doubt if you can find a copy in one of their stores, but I'm pretty sure you can special order it from the customer service desk.

Here's the first chapter online (in a slightly different form): http://www.robotmelon.com/issuefive/bsands.html

The Kindle version of the book is now available here: http://www.amazon.com/Rico-Slade-Will-Fucking-ebook/dp/B004UVQTPK/

Six Amazon reviews, all five-star!

Just like Tietz!

Brings up an interesting point. Perhaps worthy of a thread of its own.

How many Amazon reviews are necessary before you think a true average rating is achieved? 20? 50? 100? I would take with a very small grain of salt any rating with less than, say, 25 ratings, and I totally discount any reviews - as well as blurbs, etc. - by other authors.

At what point do you trust a rating?

Heck. I'm gonna copy & paste this into a new thread.

edit: Done & did.

Also.

I still think "Rico Slade Will Smurfing Kill You" is a far superior title.

A lot more time is going to have to pass before 25-50 Amazon reviews get written. This happens very slooowly for small press books. 6 reviews is very small amount. The book came out a few days before I started this thread, so it hasn't been out very long. If the book were published by Doubleday or another traditional NYC publisher, then it would probably already have a lot of reviews. This is why I really appreciate it when readers review my books on Amazon. And small press authors tend to write Amazon reviews for books they've read because they know how helpful Amazon reviews are for their own books.

My other books have gotten some negative and lukewarm reviews. But for some reason, it usually takes a while for them to pop up while the positive reviews show up quicker.

I usually trust excerpts more than reviews. I linked to the first chapter above. If you read and don't like it, then you probably won't like the book.

Ok, so I've never done this before, but I'm going to link a few things that are so favorable.

Here's a 3 star review on Barnes & Noble's site that isn't on Amazon (looks like I can't link to it directly, so hit the "customer review" tab to read it: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Rico-Slade-Will-Fucking-Kill-You/Bradle...

And since the review is one massive paragraph, here it is again on the reviewer's blog cut up into multiple paragraphs (scroll down through the first review that isn't my book): http://www.jimgavin.net/2011/04/new-reviews-of-gischler-smith-sands-and....

Someone on Goodreads gave the book one star and listed it as "garbage" along with a few other books. Judging by the titles of the other books, I'm skeptical about whether or not the person has actually read them and I think it's much more likely that the titles offended their delicate sensibilities. One of the other books listed as "garbage" is Steve Aylett's Slaughtermatic. This is one of my favorite novels, so my book is in good company as far as that book goes. Although the person gave it two stars rather than one. So here's a link to this Goodreads user's "garbage" shelf: http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/3151794-leadpsyche?shelf=garbage

Well, that's all for now as far as the Rico Slade book. But while I'm at it, here's an extremely negative review of Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy: http://decompmagazine.com/blog/?p=262

Lastly, my title is so superior to "Rico Slade Will Smurfing Kill You" that it has just poured gasoline all over your title, set it on fire, and thrown it off the roof of a thirty-story building.

By far, my favorite promo thread.

Me, too. Its got pizazz.

You need to get over it, man. It's nobody's fault but your own if your little writing dreams haven't come true. By all means, keep being a bitch about it. You've been like this for what...at least a year or so? You're going to have a wonderful career of writing snide remarks on here and Thunderdome.

Someone has a bad attitude...

Butbutbut... He has a BLOG!

I am now in possession of a copy of Rico Slade Will Smurfing Kill You. Once I have read it, and I will read the whole book whether I love it or not, I will give an honest and fair review of it here and on Amazon.

I've never done Gonzolit before. I could totally go either way on this.

In fairness Big S can write. I've read some if his stories and he's real good. This kind if conversation on the Cult makes me sad.

I never said he couldn't write.

To be honest you said worse.

Conversation about writing and books and relative success re: the writing of books?

We could talk about sandwiches but I'm kind of over that whole gag.

Problem with some people here, and I'm not referring to Stephen - he's actually mostly alright -is that they could be the next freakin' James Joyce, but I'd never know because they never present themselves as anything but complete assholes, so why would I read their scribblings? Why would I care enough to even notice that they write? Also not referencing Mr. B. Sands, btw, who has shown some grace in addition to balls, but there are those that aren't able to ever put away the bullshit for a moment and become engaging. This being the interwebs, we all have our turn at being jaggoffs, but comes a time you have to transcend your own douchebaggery.

Reading, for me anyway, is an intensely intimate thing. I'm going into the fucking mind and world of that writer, and if they're just uncontrollably ugly inside, no thanks; the pits in my own head are dark enough.

Totally fine by me. It's really no secret that we aren't best buds. I'm not losing any sleep over it though.

**hands thread back to Mr. Sands**

Tuffy: I'm all for talking about books. Dammit how many Culties read more than me? Plus I'm all for supporting people around here. Chances are I was the first Cultie to read Out of Touch. Along with the majority of other books by fellow members.

Oh and Bradley I have ordered your new book. I read It Came From Below the Belt years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Yep. I remember thinking, "The cat dude got it!"

Another great title.

Thanks for picking up the book, Barca Boy.

And damn, when did the name of this thread change (and who did it)? This whole smurfing thing has gone too far!

I changed it.

You're not supposed to have swear words in thread titles.

Haha it was there for two months. I laughed every day.

See! Then there's no reason to complain too much about it. lol

I changed it to the title that I'm using for my resume.

That's fine!

I am disappoint.

You liked smurfing better?

Fuck yeah!

haha nice!

I'm putting Rico Slade in my next amazon purchase. I'm stoked. You really can't have too much throat ripping.

So. My review of RSWSKY will be written this weekend. I can't wait to find out if I liked it.

I can't wait either!

Sweet, thanks.

Reading this as we speak. Extremely funny, didn't realise books could be this constantly hilarious

Awesome, I'm really glad that you're liking it, Valmont. Thanks for giving it a read.

I keep starting my review of Rico. Which I promised I would do. I keep deleting everything. How the hell do you review a book like that?

This is still not that promised review.

Part of the problem is that I was a bit mad at myself for liking the damn thing. R.S.W.F.K.Y. is so far afield from good literature - any sort of literature, in fact - I feel like I'm trying to use a standard wrench on a metric nut. While on fire. Wrestling with a giant squid. This isn't just a different genre, it's a different everything; I have nothing by which to measure it. It makes my eyelid twitch.

I wish it had been a bit longer. Though too much more would have been stupid.

So, yeah, until I have actual words wrote, buy Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You!

Or I'll karate chop you in the pussy.

I flipped the book open randomly and read that line - I laughed out loud for reals.

I was disappointed when I saw how short it was. But flipping through, I realized it wasn't going to win any prose awards so the shortness thing was probably a good thing. Then I read a few pages and realized I was going to like it regardless of the prose. It just seems like a fun book. Too bad I have a shit load in front of it that I have to read.

The first chapter, you're like, "I hope it isn't all like this." It is and it isn't. And it's too short by a quarter, maybe. Ending plunges up rather sudden.

You are sadly mistaken. Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You has received the Rico Slade Award for Innovative Prose.