yes, i'm new. yes, i write. yes, i'm lost...

Matt O'Donell!

You sound Irish with that name!

How many AA meetings do you go to in the week?

Isnt Bono the greatest?

holy fuck. are you from texas you ignorant terd?

i hope playful sardonicism DOESN'T come across in writing.

O'Donnell is of irish origin. but so are half the fuckers in this country. we're all a bunch of fucking convicts.

i go to one AA meeting weekly.

and bono is an utter cunt.

HA! Im Irish dude

You are right Bono is a cunt!

well. i can see we are going to get along just fine. just fine indeed.

don't i get a welcome to the gang/tribe/room/workshop/obsession etc etc?

teach him the sarcasm font. and also teach me.

welcome, new person. try to piss everyone off right outof the box, then cry and be done with it. then you will enjoy yourself.

but seriously everyone is pretty nice. i'm fairly new so i don't know about the specific hazing, i think it is different for each person that asks for hazing.

are you also in the workshop???

Except for that cunt Derek!

derek is nice. he wears bows, and reads good books. sometimes his avatar makes it difficult to remember that he is a badass Irish trance lover as opposed to one of those people who stuff their pets after they die and continually sew new clothes for them.

aren't you derek barca boy?

thanks for the welcoming.

and yeah, i'm in the workshop. well i plan to be. i haven't submitted as yet, nor have i reviewed as yet. but i will. i can assure you of that. just getting a feel for it all so far. reading some stories that i plan to review, all the essays and some of the ridiculous shit on this forum.

forums are fun.

and that's not derek!!!

also as far as etiquette, the workshop tends to be be very review-me-and-i'll-review-you. it's a good unofficial polite thing.

oh okay. i like the idea of that unofficial, courteous behaviour.

i'm kind of just reading as much as i can now. hopefully find some people and their writings that i dig, and go from there. i guess.

thanks a bundle for your help. its well appreciated.

Chucks Essays are GOLD!

or oil. probably oil.

fucking brilliant. i've read a couple already that have made me not want to submit a whole bunch of my stories, that i thought were on their way. no i'm re-thinking introductions, and the use of the word 'i' etc. it's great though. i've been here for about 2 days and i already feel like i am growing as a writer. best 50ish bucks ive ever spent.

but, in sying all that rubbish, i'm not gonna disect them all too much. i wanna get some stories up there asap, get some feedback.

Not all who wander are lost, newbie. :]

And welcome.

Is your avatar a picture of you? If I were a dude, I'd want to be the guy in mine.

Also:

What other authors do you enjoy?

Derek is a cunt, but an awesome cunt. He is full of candy and irish liquor.

Im full of piss and Vinegar!

Derek is liked a used douche bag.

You know this thread was just getting back on track, my bad.

i really loathe all these 'newbie' and 'noobs' tags. haha.

i get it. i just think it seems, i guess, uneccessarily condescending. like it kind of implies some form of territorial line i mustn't cross. is this how it is intended, or is it merely a way of speaking to people you are unfamiliar with and in that case, is it a courteous gesture?

once again, thanks for all the welcoming you're up to.

the avatar certainly is of me.

i love awesome cunts. so derek and i should be fine.

other authors i dig. there a fucking loads but a few off the top.

monika drake - just finished reading clown girl, which was incredible. i dug it.
irvine welsh.
douglas coupland.
kerouac
jg ballard
orwell
amy hempel
tim winton
angela carter
early king.
joyce carol oates
uhhhh anyway. thats a few.

and yourself?

ugh.

Ah, don't take it too personally. I've been here two years and still feel like a newbie. Plus, once I saw your sig, I instantly realized the error of my ways and got over it. ;]

We have a similar taste in authors.

Here's the clincher: what say you about music?

its funny you say clincher. because i am such a fucking elitist wanker about everything. books. opinions. music. film. society etc.

although i have a massive music collection. 500 plus vinyl and well over 1000 cds.
my main thought with music is; does it have soul. and i dont mean soul, like otis redding and aretha - which i do love - but i mean, has the writer, singer put everything they fucking have into what they're trying to say. anyway, i'm basically a little filthy rock n roll hippie.

bob dylan is without a doubt my favourite artist of all time, for a multitude of reasons.

listening to heaps of the black crowes, ryan adams, dirty york, dirty sweet, allman bros, the faces at the moment.

but i could literally go on and on forever naming bands i am passionate about.

i see you are into the pistols a fair bit, sid to be precise?
it is sid isnt?

Based on your taste in music, we should make rock and roll babies.

Are you looking at my myspace or something? :]

I just got my Black Crowes 'Freak and Roll Into the Fog' last week. I also have the Beacon Theater DVD of the Allman Bros.... in addition to my Old 97's DVD, Rhett Miller DVD, Black Keys DVD, The Band DVD (which has some Dylan in it!), Rolling Stones DVD.... ah it never ends.

welcome. good to have you here.

I really need to reconsider ever making a dumbass comment in Gneral Discussion again.

I better stick to chat, my bad.

i dont have much to add to this, but hey. so, hey. how you doing? welcome and all that sort of thing.

i met ivine welsh last year and the Q/A devolved into soccer jibberish between welsh and this scottish fellow in the back of the room. it was both humorous and quite odd.

you won't last!

Welcome to the Workshop! ... why can't I write that without thinking, welcome to the Fuckshop. Gotta get that 2live crew outta my head.

So, yah, welcome.

Cheers!

Is your avatar a picture of you? If I were a dude, I'd want to be the guy in mine.

timberly, i scrolled back up several times before i figured out what that meant haha ps- i stumbled to your myspace the other day. i think i got a notice when i opened mine and went to report some account asking for "cheating in little rock" or whatever in my inbox and noticed you'd put up a new pict. that looked crazy.

i met ivine welsh last year and ... it was both humorous and quite odd.

haha i bet

matt

hey, man. welcome to the cult.
sorry if this does the exact opposite of squishing your heart, but i've never spent any time with dylan. could you recommend a place to start. an album that will floor me. just recently gotten into miles davis by asking a friend (an enthusiast) where to start and i'm loving him so far.

the workshop is pretty fucking strong. it's the strongest it's ever been, with the new layout and launch this year. last year it was a drag and limped whimpering. now it rages.

they real main etiquette there is that you bring pages. as in, you work. you write the reviews you would want to receive. and you rate not helpful to members who write for you a lazy or fluff one. also, there are several threads on how to craft a helpful review. if you ever come across questions or need help, or need some direction writing a review or learning how to submit a story, either proper manuscript format or whatever, always feel free to throw me a private message.

read the essays for perspective because they are nice tools to have. you dont have to use a minimalist aesthetic in your writing, but if you look through the texts, you see many of the tools everywhere as main tools in a body of work. like the heart authority in the works by dostoevsky and turgenev and king and denis johnson, or the head authority in grisham and clancy and chucky p, the hidden gun in anton chekhov's play the seagull--what is where the technique derived with a name. see, the techniques arent new ones or anything. in fact, it was a fellow minimalist writer who introduced chuck to the submerge the "i" one. they arent new inventions are anything. chuck just gives them a name and puts them into perspective for you. before reading his first essay on writing, i was openly not a writer. i was here only only for reading suggestions and booktalk. this place offers so much more..

you'll like it here. also, read baer and clevenger. they are pretty much required reading here. i think that even though eliza is still new, she even has some baer and clev on her *bookshelf.

there are short stories in the features section above, plus an essay from professor badass himself, stephen graham jones. (he's the editor for the shop this month!!)

so welcome to a new chapter in your life, brother
-kabol

..

*i really need to get involved in the bookshelf thread

timberly, i scrolled back up several times before i figured out what that meant haha ps- i stumbled to your myspace the other day. i think i got a notice when i opened mine and went to report some account asking for "cheating in little rock" or whatever in my inbox and noticed you'd put up a new pict. that looked crazy.

I tried REALLY hard to figure out what you were saying, too, and I think I maybe still don't get it. Did I get hacked again and send you something "cheating in little rock"-esque? Or you just noticed I'd put a new pic up when you were doing the reporting? ;]

See you in workshop, brotha...and welcome to the cult.

really? why is that? ps. fuck you. i'm here to share my writing with like minded people. read other peoples amazing unpublished work and try and get a tight little workshop of ppeople that i can work with. thus far in my journey as a writer, i havent had much luck with that. especially finding like minded people.

cheers to everyone else. i appreciate your kind greetings.

really? why is that? ps. fuck you. i'm here to share my writing with like minded people. read other peoples amazing unpublished work and try and get a tight little workshop of ppeople that i can work with. thus far in my journey as a writer, i havent had much luck with that. especially finding like minded people.

I think you will fit in great

**checks watch**

Where the fuck is Nate? He usually says something by now.

mat,

brother s was speaking more along the lines of tongue in cheek, because so few intro threads get the attention of more than ten posts in even as many days, and here you are two days in with thirty two. that's pretty strong. dont trip on people before you get the chance to understand what they mean or why they say. or just ask for the person to be clear. if you aim to spend constructive time in the workshop, please consider salt and thicker skin. unless of course your "fuck you" to him was a joke and i just dont know your sense of humor well enough yet. clearly

being a noob isnt all bad, as we all were at one point. at least you get to try things for the first time that many of us would like to try for the first time again. like baer and clevenger. and survivor. and being a noob and learning the site. after a few years, you will already know most things. like learning the resource page is fucking amazing hours upon hours.

.

timberly. sorry, i was working last night and was a bit unclear haha i meant that i went to myspace because i got a spam message in my inbox i wanted to delete asap AND noticed your new pict. you know, via friends update and i clicked your new update photo. NOT that i thought you spammed me for sex in little rock or anything. ive never even seen you in little rock

..

i'm just saying. new people usually disappear after their newbie thread. but maybe if you joined the workshop you'll stick around. it was nothing personal fuck you too!

**checks calendar**

where the fuck is karb? he usually says something by the seventh month..

one time i got called a cunt by another girl, and it made me cry, and now i'm sort of in love with her.

and all that took place in the space of a week - just like 2 weeks ago, in fact. after i was asposed to have my tough skin already.

and i can't believe your thread is still going. i think it's because you keep getting wither genuinely or fakely riled.

I still don't like saying that word. When I want to call someone that I usually call the a C U Next Tuesday.

i don't ever say it. it was a decision - i decide i needed ONE WORD that was off limits and offensive (everyone should have ONE THING that's too far) and that's the one i picked. i think because if you can't use it like henry miller used it, then don't use it at all.

i mean the word itself!! not... well, yeah.

My name is Matt too, are we soulmates? Though, your attitude leaves much to be desired...

Fuck you all! I don't have to post anywhere I don't wanna!

[nate fanboy-esque comment]

My name is Matt too, are we soulmates? Though, your attitude leaves much to be desired...

my attitude is the best part about me i'll have you know. and if you rotten yours up a little i think that yes, maybe we could be soul mates.

on other topics. it is pretty fantastic that this thread is still going, 40 odd posts now in about 4 days. it probably is due to the entertaining quality of the posts. hopefully my writings will entertain as much. ha.

now, looks whats happened, i go for one day and work and sleep and now i have about 15 posts to reply to...

JUST SO IT'S CLEAR AND EVERYBODY KNOWS. i'm a dick. i do apologise if i have offended anyone. i honestly thought i could come on here and just throw my sense of humour around and get away with it, much unlike in the real world. i recently was going to join a workshop, but when i showed my work to the leader, she politely asked me not to join because she didnt want the other members to get offended. eeek. haha.

in regards to the cunt topic; i do use the word. but i do find it kind of weird how, fuck used to me offensive. now cunt is. after that, what becomes offensive to a society of people that are so easily not offended? the evolution of the human just keeps getting worse and worse really.

i'm just saying. new people usually disappear after their newbie thread. but maybe if you joined the workshop you'll stick around. it was nothing personal fuck you too!

brother s was speaking more along the lines of tongue in cheek, because so few intro threads get the attention of more than ten posts in even as many days, and here you are two days in with thirty two. that's pretty strong. dont trip on people before you get the chance to understand what they mean or why they say. or just ask for the person to be clear. if you aim to spend constructive time in the workshop, please consider salt and thicker skin. unless of course your "fuck you" to him was a joke and i just dont know your sense of humor well enough yet. clearly

i know you guys are all just being welcoming, and stiring, and trying to get me, and my sense of humour and find out what i'm like. as i said above. i'm just fuckig around. mostly because it's good publicity. like it's been established. this has become a controversial and popular thread. anyway, hope i haven't made too many enemies. i do look forward to seeing you all in the workshop. just give me a little time to edit some works.

jkabol in general, thanks. your advice has been fantastic.

cheers everyone.

oh, and where the fuck is karb?

oh yeah, and baer and clevenger. i've read the stories that are on this site. and they're fucking brilliant. especially liked suffer the fool by baer. shit hot.

Hi Matt2.
Welcome to the cult. (:

You'll find that every once in awhile, this dark place is dripping with RAINBOWS AND HAPPINESS.

it's true.

And unicorns! Don't forget the unicorns!!! This place is genuinely evil.

Those crazy flaming hooved unicorns! Gotta watch em. In fact I'm just starting work now, in the dementia ward at my work and locking all the windows...

did you just read nikki's story?????

Yeah? Did you? That's crazy coincidence if you didn't!