Yeah,I'm just gonna settle down right here

If you eat enough Vicodan, they'll give you some concrete-hard turds.

Dooking after taking Lorcetts is close to child birth and the dang thing is something to be proud of once you stop sweating and catch your breath and look at what you made. You almost want to name it,and get it to an incubator. "that's my boy" I'll sometimes say with pride as I admire the fecal fruit of my loins.

I really didn't need to read about your poop, but okay.
Hey Allen! Allen's always been an old-people-name for me. You'll find that this place is indeed sort of like high school.

Welcome welcome! *Throws confetti*

Seriously though, what's up with all these Bukowski and Hunter fanboys joining up lately?

BUKOWSKI SLEEP KARATE

what a turd.

I woundl't say I was a fanboy but since this is a site dedticated to a writer I just wanted an interesting pic of a writer. I do like Bukowski and Thompson both alot though...ahh there's no fighting it I'm a fanboy.

I'm not trying to say there's anything particularly wrong with it. It's just weird that your like the 8th straight person to join to be a fan.

BUKOWSKI PUNCH BOWL

Well,it was kind of a toss up. I was like "sweet, a messageboard deticated to Chuck Palahniuk,I bet those guys read Brett Easton Ellis too!" Then as I proudly sauntered around this board like the cock of the walk with my Patrick Bateman avatar, I looked around and relized I'm not alone in my thinking..I'm not alone..
Then the song "No rain" by Blind Melon cued up in my head and then I relized I didn't want to be just another Bee-girl. Anyway,I have no idea why the sudden popularity of Bukowski has pulled people here. The irony is is thatyou don't see many Palahniuk avatars.

Most people are over it.

And it would be slightly tacky.

Welcome man...workshop is awesome so we'll look forward to seeing you in there.

I also enjoy holding my bowl movements

i know, BOWL movements suck.
welcome

I love how people discuss the write Thompson like there was only ever oe writer called Thompson. I like H S Thompson but Im a fiend for Jim Thompson.

I just have to get some bills sqaured away and I'll be there

Yes,passing a bowl sucks,hold it for as long as you can. *facepalms self* "how could I forget the "e"?...dang!

I declare this thread The Thread about Poop!

I'm down with that!

I moved my bowels a little while ago. It was the result of black coffee and Fruit loops, it coiled like a brown serpent,and had deep ridges around it's body, I grew impatitent as it unfurled from the depths of my lower intestine, which provoked me to contract my butt-muscles to pinch off the mighty loaf. The severed head poked up from the toilet water and laziness was why I just wiped and haven't discharched the rest. A piece is still inside of me. Festering...waiting...

Avatar changed. It's me with Vivid star and bondage queen Jacklyn Lick at a goth club in Alabama! NSFW: Jacklynlick.com in case anyone's curious.

I dig this forum so far! I appreciate some of your literary snobiness and sarcasm it keeps me on my toes. Looking forward to making friends when my neWbness wears off a little

last week i took the biggest, longest poopy, it was for sure in the running as my biggest ever.
thx for letting me share.

Nice, I reside in Auburn, GA.

Forgot to mention... Nice shit talk. Almost threw up.

How far is Auburn GA from Lawrenceville? I'm originally from Alabama so I always equate Auburn with the school there and football. Anyway,thank you

20 minutes. But if you drive like I do? 10.

Well,if you're ever near the Mall of Georgia,I work at the Borders in that shopping plaza,stop by and say hey!

Don't forget to shoplift a book!

Yes,please partake in our free merchandice. If you don't like our books feel free to ask me to get you a rice crispie treat or something from the cafe. We at the non-profit Borders Books in Lawrenceville Ga just appreciate you're showing up.

or you could do like those people do and reverse shoplift. Just bring a couple books into the store and start putting them on the shelves.
If anyone stops you just say you thought it was like a library and you took these books a couple weeks ago and wanted to bring them back.

Hey! You're in Lawrenceville!!! I went to Duluth High School...small world. I was actually in Gwinnett last weekend...

or you could go to Borders and grab all your favorite books and place them at the wrong places. Hoping someone finds them by mistake or piss off people who are looking for them.

Cool stuff,I'm originally from Alabama and still don't know alot of people here...especially anyone that reads. So,if you ever want to grab some Waffle House and talk some Phillip K Dick holler at me

Seahorses are where it's at.

how the fuck did this comment get past with out any attention?

nate, you crack me up. i laughed my guts out at this and my girlfriend just yelled at me cause its about half 12 in the morning here and shes working early. ahhhh well.

anyway, seeing as though this is really about shit. let me share.

aged care nursing is the place to be if you're really into shitting. especially if you're into big shitting. so, i was at work the other day, doing my rounds and one of my residents hadn't taken a dump for about 7 days. this isn;t unusual for this particular person. so the registered nurse gave her a suppository earlier that day, to help with the passing of all the clogged up feces.

so, this resident is what we call palliative care. they're bed riden, permanently. for these folks, we have these mechanical lifters to lift them up so we can change the sheets and sit them on the toilet and what not without getting haemorroids. so on the round, we had to lift her up over a bed pan to promote the use of bowls. you try shitting laying down. i know it seems like a treat, but it's not that easy. i've tried.

once we've got the resident lifted into a seated position i place a bed pan, which is about the size of a normal toilet seat, under her arse and leave her hanging there about 30cm (a foot) above the pan and exit the room for five minutes while she works it out.

when i poke my head back in the door a few minutes later i can't help but notice a black-green lumpy caccoon looking turd hanging out the arse and sitting in the green bed pan. there's still some left in the resident. this thing is the biggest shit i have ever seen in my life, and i've seen some pretty big ones. it's about as round as a compact disc by the way.

anyway, i had to heighten the lifter an extra 10 cm (4 inches) to allow the baby to flop out onto the bed.

the worst part. i had to wrap this fucking lumpy built up shit in the bed sheets and nurse it back to the pan room to dispose of it.

don't even get me started on the smell...

I smell a story here.

oh brandon. if only you could see the mountains of notes i have spoken of.

there is a story here. there is so many stories here. i have a whole buunch of ideas set in an aged care facility. especially in the dementia ward. i just can't seem to work out how i would like to present it. whether i would want it to be a small part or would i want it to be the major setting. i'll just let it all fester in my grotesque mind. then, one day, it'll all spew out.

That's the best part of a job...it's like getting paid to research.

Look, I don't want to put any pressure on you or anything, but you have until this Sunday 9pm Central Standard Time to get this done. No pressure. Take your time. 9PM. Central Standard Time. Crank it out. No pressure. Just let it flow.

what? really? shit. fuck. what is central standard. i'm all over here on eastern standard. fuck man.

no seriously. are you joking?

if not. what am i supposed to be doing?

Dude, chill out...I was just messing with you

Rule #2 - Don't rush.

did i miss rule 1?

hahaha. i know you were kidding. kinda wished you weren't though.