NEWBIE:Lower than batshit.Lower than Jessica Simpson's IQ.The lowest of the low.
Oh sweet jesus help me. I'm new here and lost as hell. I'm headed for the writer's workshop though. I've been lurking over the weekend. I wanted to try posting a hello. This site is going to completely destroy my productivity at work.
I am a fan of Mr. Palahniuk. After lurking here for a short while, I'm quite a fan of this site. I feel strangely at home here. I tried a writer's workshop class a few months ago, and I'm just now starting to get over the experience. I think I like it better here.
As a writer, I am a complete failure. My failure is exceeded only by passionate self-loathing. I'm trying to change my writing process as it is dysfunctional and sad. In the past I have done some music reviews for an experimental/electronic e-zine community in the UK. I received free music. The site/ e-zine changed format and I no longer write reviews there. I want to start writing fiction or creative non-fiction or something. I just need to be more productive. Lately I have been responding to (and corresponding with) those Nigerian advance fee scam e-mails. It’s amazing what people will let you say when they are trying to steal from you. When I was in high school, I had a girlfriend who was totally over my head. She would run away from home and come to my house in the middle of the night. We’d listen to “The Wall” all night and have sex. My room was on the second floor of our house, so I created this fantastic crisis wake-up-ringer mechanism for when she’d run away. I ran a rope out of my window and down to the ground. Attached to the other side of the rope was a pair of vice grips clamped onto an antique rusted cowbell that my grandmother gave me. My grandmother lived with us years earlier and would ring the bell from her bedroom when she needed something. Anyway, this beautiful girl would run away from home, come to my house at 3am and pull on the rope. The rope would pull the vice grip/cowbell contraption off my desk and fall ringing and banging into the wall. I’d be in a total panic from all the noise but I’d sneak her into my room and the smell of her hair would slow down my heart rate. Sometimes her parents would be inquisitive and figure out that she had left home in the middle of the night and would send the Maryland State Police to my house. We might be having sex in the bushes and I’d see the police roll up. I’d have to run around the house to the back door, into the house, answer the door and tell the police that I had no idea where she was. She used to draw pictures of household chaos. Children starting floods, cats licking up spilled Windex, babies on fire and the like. I would take her to parties and have to seek her out at the end of the night. At one party, the police came. We had to get out of the house but I couldn’t find her. I heard a police officer say that he had found some whacko girl balled up in the fetal position, crying in a closet. I interrupted him and said, "oh, that sounds like my girlfriend." I broke up with her so she bought me sheep's testicles from the grocery store. I think she had to order them special. She gave the testicles to me in a bag with all the love notes I had ever written her. I saved the testicles for a month in my garage. I was planning on giving them back to her when they were ripe but I forgot. My mom found them and I've always wanted to capture moments like that on paper. I hope that this forum and the writer’s workshop can help me.
~():>
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
Welcome to the Cult liquid.
I wouldn't worry about productivity at work, that shit is over-rated. Interesting story, what did your mother do with the testicles when she discovered them?
[url=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style7,capitalistnihilist.png[/img][/url]
I make sexual advances, call them perverse names, give them outlandish reasons for why their money isn't getting wired into their bank accounts... They, in turn, send me (fake) photos of their families, tell me that I am filthy and have dirty grammar, but continue asking for funds and restating the grave importance of our transaction. I printed out a 50 e-mail correspondence I had with one scammer. My best friend has it now. It reads like a bad e-mail screenplay.
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
i didn't realize it was better than automated. at my new job, we get them frequently. you should post some of this.
[url=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=176][img]http://www.italiamia.info/immagini/banner468.gif[/img][/url]
all it takes is $60 and a dream.
[QUOTE=capitalistnihilist]Welcome to the Cult liquid.
I wouldn't worry about productivity at work, that shit is over-rated. Interesting story, what did your mother do with the testicles when she discovered them?[/QUOTE]
She said "the garage was smelling awful today. I thought an opossum had crawled in there and died. But it was a package of sheep's testicles. Are they yours?"
I said "yea, Dawn gave them to me."
"Oh. Oh my."
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
[QUOTE=vidalia]i didn't realize it was better than automated. at my new job, we get them frequently. you should post some of this.[/QUOTE]
Wow. I can't believe I found a place where someone would actually want to read that...
Is this the place to post such rubbish? Or will I get belittled for wasting bandwidth?
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
hey welcome and whatnot, so the usual questions, what's the work part of your day? where is this all taking place? and um what about a massage?
[QUOTE=liquidmice]Wow. I can't believe I found a place where someone would actually want to read that...
Is this the place to post such rubbish? Or will I get belittled for wasting bandwidth?[/QUOTE]
do it! or put it in pointless announcements so you're absolved of any responsibility.
[url=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=176][img]http://www.italiamia.info/immagini/banner468.gif[/img][/url]
all it takes is $60 and a dream.
[QUOTE=liquidmice]Wow. I can't believe I found a place where someone would actually want to read that...
Is this the place to post such rubbish? Or will I get belittled for wasting bandwidth?[/QUOTE]
For the love of all that which is comical I implore you to post that shiznit post haste. Were I you, I would post this as a new thread in General Discussion.
[url=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style7,capitalistnihilist.png[/img][/url]
I like your username. Let's be friends. Also don't talk about "bandwidth", it's a dirty word. Just write good posts and people will give you presents.
There is hope, but not for us.
[QUOTE=capitalistnihilist]For the love of all that which is comical I implore you to post that shiznit post haste. Were I you, I would post this as a new thread in General Discussion.[/QUOTE]
DONE! I actually found the General Discussion board and posted a few.
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
Oh lord... we're already friends. That avatar picture of the pope had me pissing myself when I first noticed it... Tasteless, that!
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
It's...not supposed to be tasteless. I was a big fan of the pope. I'm trying to mourn him. 
There is hope, but not for us.
[QUOTE=liquidmice]Oh lord... we're already friends. That avatar picture of the pope had me pissing myself when I first noticed it... Tasteless, that![/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=jane s.]It's...not supposed to be tasteless. I was a big fan of the pope. I'm trying to mourn him. :([/QUOTE]
Oops.
I was here. Then I wasn't. Then I was again.
[QUOTE=jane s.]It's...not supposed to be tasteless. I was a big fan of the pope. I'm trying to mourn him. :([/QUOTE]
Well yea! Of course!
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
but you gotta admit, it is a funny pic.
Welcome to the cult. YOu have got some of the strangest stories ive ever heard, and youve only just begun to tell. You should be quite the interesting internet forum-thing buddy.
Fuck Bush!
And his hypocrisy
And all the drones
Who gave him his presidency!
- "Lay off the Sauce" by Kill Conan
Welcome to the cult
Please join us in haiku thread
Much fun for all there
[url=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style7,capitalistnihilist.png[/img][/url]
Liquid. Very good, entertaining. From reading your post, I feel youd be a big Judas fan soon. Baer is a very strong writer. I feel you have some of the same instincts. Check out his first novel, Kiss Me, Judas. Check his site [url=www.willchristopherbaer.com] here[/url].
Read Suffer the Fool [url=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts]here[/url].
Maybe it will help you understand that your writing is strong and beautiful. No sarcasm.
Am also a fan of Sound & The Fury--probably my favorite piece of art in the world of literature.
Chuck is a very good writer. Very entertaining. But Baer, like Faulkner, writes from his flesh, and you can feel the pain on the page. Very different writing, absolutely, and very different story telling, but damn strong writing notheless.
Hey, brother, welcome to the Cult. See you in the Workshop. Read the essays, write some exercises. When youre ready to play with your writing--outside of Chuck's assignments--we'll see you in the Self Side of the Shop.
& Hi, Im Kabol
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
Hey liquidmice~
Let's just begin by telling you it was envy at first sight of your screen name when I saw you listed at the newest member deal at the bottom of the main forum thread. My mind immediately flashed on some spokesmodel fembot holding up a bottle: "Liquid Mice! Now with the convenient Easy-Pour Spout!"
You can join my Kafka "Burn Everything" Club for "writers who absolutely know they suck and people are just being kind to say [I]brilliant[/I] and really, I should kill myself but if maybe I write one more story, just one more, it might make up for the horror of crap I have inflicted on the planet--or maybe God will have mercy and just turn me into a cockroach" You're new, but given your opening introduction that boasts not only real style, talent, and a wealth of material, I think the club members will bend the rules and let you run for an office. Recording secretary is the most popular as it provides an opportunity for more writing you can hate yourself for. (A bit of Kafka Club self-loathing advice, choose your girlfriends carefully; Kafka's wife took him seriously and upon his death burned quite a lot of manuscripts before his friends heard what was happening and stopped her.)
Your intuitions about this site are accurate. Workshops are equal parts chemistry and smarts. Here you get not only the perfect combination of those, you also get the whipped cream topping of sincere respect. And it is the real thing, not that Cool Whip synthetic sort of respect. Welcome. I've no doubt that you are going to fulfill all our Liquid Mice needs.
[COLOR=SandyBrown][SIZE=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=RoyalBlue]loster[/COLOR]. - Saul Bellow[/SIZE][/COLOR]
[Color=SandyBrown][Size=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=Red]lobster[/COLOR]. - Dean Young[/size][/color]
[QUOTE=capitalistnihilist]Welcome to the cult
Please join us in haiku thread
Much fun for all there[/QUOTE]
Oh god... there's a Haiku thread? Yes, I'll be there. I hope you're right about productivity at work being overrated...
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
[QUOTE=JKabol]Liquid. Very good, entertaining. From reading your post, I feel youd be a big Judas fan soon. Baer is a very strong writer. I feel you have some of the same instincts. Check out his first novel, Kiss Me, Judas. Check his site [url=www.willchristopherbaer.com] here[/url].
Read Suffer the Fool [url=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts]here[/url].
Maybe it will help you understand that your writing is strong and beautiful. No sarcasm.
Am also a fan of Sound & The Fury--probably my favorite piece of art in the world of literature.
Chuck is a very good writer. Very entertaining. But Baer, like Faulkner, writes from his flesh, and you can feel the pain on the page. Very different writing, absolutely, and very different story telling, but damn strong writing notheless.
Hey, brother, welcome to the Cult. See you in the Workshop. Read the essays, write some exercises. When youre ready to play with your writing--outside of Chuck's assignments--we'll see you in the Self Side of the Shop.
& Hi, Im Kabol[/QUOTE]
Kabol- Yea, I recognize your name (from lurking.) Didn't expect hellos from so many 'well established' members! Your greeting made me feel really really...good. Thanks for the suggestions. After reading your post I decided to by those two books without any of my usual 'research.' There are people who, when they give you a suggestion, you just have to shut up and listen. Ok, I'm shutting up now...
~():>
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
Dude, don't go insulting the IQ of Jess, that shit don't hang well here.
!
Hey hey!
I think I like you.
Have fun...
Hello and welcome, Earthling.
Great introduction. I'm sure that strange girl has provided fodder for a lot more stories. Enjoy your stay and good luck with your writing.
A Vendetta production. <3
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v651/Vendetta_M/batboy.jpg[/IMG]
[SIZE=1]Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair[/SIZE]
[QUOTE=sacredchao23]but you gotta admit, it is a funny pic.
[/QUOTE]
It is, that's why I like it. It gives me happiness.
Anyway, again, welcome to the Cult. 
There is hope, but not for us.
[QUOTE=Luddy Dunn]Hey liquidmice~
Let's just begin by telling you it was envy at first sight of your screen name when I saw you listed at the newest member deal at the bottom of the main forum thread. My mind immediately flashed on some spokesmodel fembot holding up a bottle: "Liquid Mice! Now with the convenient Easy-Pour Spout!"
You can join my Kafka "Burn Everything" Club for "writers who absolutely know they suck and people are just being kind to say [I]brilliant[/I] and really, I should kill myself but if maybe I write one more story, just one more, it might make up for the horror of crap I have inflicted on the planet--or maybe God will have mercy and just turn me into a cockroach" You're new, but given your opening introduction that boasts not only real style, talent, and a wealth of material, I think the club members will bend the rules and let you run for an office. Recording secretary is the most popular as it provides an opportunity for more writing you can hate yourself for. (A bit of Kafka Club self-loathing advice, choose your girlfriends carefully; Kafka's wife took him seriously and upon his death burned quite a lot of manuscripts before his friends heard what was happening and stopped her.)
Your intuitions about this site are accurate. Workshops are equal parts chemistry and smarts. Here you get not only the perfect combination of those, you also get the whipped cream topping of sincere respect. And it is the real thing, not that Cool Whip synthetic sort of respect. Welcome. I've no doubt that you are going to fulfill all our Liquid Mice needs.[/QUOTE]
LD- Ha! sometimes the cyber-planets are all aligned... I decided to read “The God Of Time” because it wasn't yet 'rated' or whatever. I thought, “oh, here's another new guy...new story... I’ll check it out” half expecting disappointment. Kind of a double-edged sword, starting out with something like that. After reading it, I actually felt a little bad. Like “oh crap, what am I doing here? I wonder if I can get my money back.” I was hoping to read something poor, you know, to lift my expectations. Damn you LD, DAMN YOU!
Mucho thanks for the kind words. What’s running for office? And, what? A Kafka ‘Burn Everything’ group? Are you serious? Where? I can’t believe I actually found this place. Where have you freaks been all my life?
~():>
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
hiding under various rocks, waiting to find each other.
Fuck Bush!
And his hypocrisy
And all the drones
Who gave him his presidency!
- "Lay off the Sauce" by Kill Conan
Dont worry, Liquid. Yes, there is talent here, and LD is certainly no exception, but...we all have our lives lived and our own stories and our own internal voices haunting us. What was it Chuck mentioned a little while ago in one essay, whenever ? Something along the lines of ... Live your life, have your adventures, and choose your friends poorly ... This makes for good story telling someday.
See you in the Shop, brother-
kabol
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
[QUOTE=sacredchao23]hiding under various rocks, waiting to find each other.[/QUOTE]
Continuing my Wizard of Oz obsession that seems focused on you sacredchao:
Just imagined Chuck in full Glinda the Good regalia, singing "come out, come out, whereever you are...." and us little munchkins creeping out from our hiding places.
Chuck looks pretty good in yards and yards of pink tulle.
"Masturbation, Penises and Ducks! Oh my."
[COLOR=SandyBrown][SIZE=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=RoyalBlue]loster[/COLOR]. - Saul Bellow[/SIZE][/COLOR]
[Color=SandyBrown][Size=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=Red]lobster[/COLOR]. - Dean Young[/size][/color]
i dont know if i should feel excited, proud, disturbed or what. I really just dont know...
Fuck Bush!
And his hypocrisy
And all the drones
Who gave him his presidency!
- "Lay off the Sauce" by Kill Conan
[QUOTE=sacredchao23]i dont know if i should feel excited, proud, disturbed or what. I really just dont know...[/QUOTE]
Picture it: Chuck, with a wand and a crown, reading "Guts" and then disappearing in a giant soap bubble.
[I]What?[/I]
The definition of maturity is the ability to entertain contradictory emotions simultaneously, without, you know, going insane...as you judge, so shall ye be judged.
I just read a whole lot of Christopher Baer, the first time I've read him, in one sitting and I think I may need a strong bout of electro-shock therapy to reclaim my mind.
True story: I used to stand out in my backyard and sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" at the top of my lungs, over and over. I was only like five or six but it was the only hope I had of getting the fuck out of Dodge. The phrase "Beam me up, Scottie" was still a decade from being coined. And I can't sing.
[COLOR=SandyBrown][SIZE=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=RoyalBlue]loster[/COLOR]. - Saul Bellow[/SIZE][/COLOR]
[Color=SandyBrown][Size=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=Red]lobster[/COLOR]. - Dean Young[/size][/color]
I feel you
LOL the first time I read Baer, it was Judas and in one sitting. A very dizzying sitting. Within a week, I got a kidney infection for the first and only time. Strong writing that my mind I guess took too far. True story.
kabol
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
[QUOTE=liquidmice]What’s running for office? And, what? A Kafka ‘Burn Everything’ group? Are you serious? Where? [/QUOTE]
I call bullshit, LM. A true self-loather would automatically sense that any club seeking his or her participation did so only in mockery or out of pity and would immediately, out of projected group-loathing, decline any invitation.
So, why not you and I form a club in which we sit around and mock or pity those who would feign self-loathing in order to wrangle a membership in a club meant for those as failed as we are? The secret password to join us at our table of self-hate and ridicule? Dennis Miller's definition of neurotic:" I worry that the people I hate don't like me."
And the only office is an immediate one: whose turn it is to buy rounds? I have a very good, very famous writer friend whose first lecture at writers' conferences is the politics of buying rounds. He holds there is no such thing as writers with drinking problems--only drinkers with writing problems. But then he is a drunk.
I may need a Will Christopher Baer exorcism. Like fast. In less that 48 hours I am spending an entire day teaching the importance of writing to 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th, graders. At a Catholic school. [I]Help.[/I]
[COLOR=SandyBrown][SIZE=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=RoyalBlue]loster[/COLOR]. - Saul Bellow[/SIZE][/COLOR]
[Color=SandyBrown][Size=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=Red]lobster[/COLOR]. - Dean Young[/size][/color]
[QUOTE=Luddy Dunn]I may need a Will Christopher Baer exorcism. Like fast. In less that 48 hours I am spending an entire day teaching the importance of writing to 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th, graders. At a Catholic school. [I]Help.[/I][/QUOTE]read Judy Bloom's [i]Blubber[/i] 
My woman & I will match a few shots of Jack for ya
all loves
kabol
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
[QUOTE=JKabol]My woman & I will match a few shots of Jack for you[/QUOTE]
Well, I can tell the kids at least that: the secert of writing is finding friends who will drink with you even in [I]abstensia[/I]. Do you think 5th graders will understand [I]abstensia[/I]?
I appreciate the gesture. I owe you and yours however many rounds you down on my behalf. Drink deep. I'm going to need it. Is there someone on the site who is running a tab?
[COLOR=SandyBrown][SIZE=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=RoyalBlue]loster[/COLOR]. - Saul Bellow[/SIZE][/COLOR]
[Color=SandyBrown][Size=2]Perhaps, being lost, one should get [COLOR=Red]lobster[/COLOR]. - Dean Young[/size][/color]
I saw you mentioned work productivity concerns. Don't worry. this is a writers forum and worskshop. it's more important than work. they'll understand.
[QUOTE=JKabol]I feel you
LOL the first time I read Baer, it was Judas and in one sitting. A very dizzying sitting. Within a week, I got a kidney infection for the first and only time. Strong writing that my mind I guess took too far. True story.
kabol[/QUOTE]
Alright you two, this Baer banter is freaking me out. I just ordered Judas and Hell's Half from Amazon. Being that you two are my new big loser friends and I need your love and acceptance, I'm going to attempt a caffeine induced all night read of Judas. Then, when I flip my freakin lid and start posting nude pics of myself covered in the torn fecal-smeared pages of Baer, you can be happy. Say, would either of you suggest The Contortionist's Handbook? Any of the Hempel stuff?
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
[QUOTE=snuffy]I saw you mentioned work productivity concerns. Don't worry. this is a writers forum and worskshop. it's more important than work. they'll understand.[/QUOTE]
Yes, I've heard that here. I'm going to work extra hard tomorrow so that I can spend the rest of the week lurking, reading, reviewing, and waiting for my Baer order from Amazon.
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
[QUOTE=liquidmice]Yes, I've heard that here. I'm going to work extra hard tomorrow so that I can spend the rest of the week lurking, reading, reviewing, and waiting for my Baer order from Amazon.[/QUOTE]
How To Get Promoted At Work While Doing Chuckpahlaniuk.net stuff:
1. print out the pages and stick them in a clipboard.
2. write some notes on postits and stick them on the first couple of pages.
3. highlight some random words.
4. stick an extra pen behind your ear.
5. sometimes, walk around the office with a sense of purpose, holding the clipboard.
6. while walking around, ask questions that sound important but aren't, like:
i. have we been working on this project since FY '03?
ii. does the client have a cell phone number they can be reached at after hours?
iii. is there a similar report i can use as a reference?
iv. what are the projections for FY '08?
you'll probably get a raise.
[QUOTE=liquidmice]Alright you two, this Baer banter is freaking me out. I just ordered Judas and Hell's Half from Amazon. Being that you two are my new big loser friends and I need your love and acceptance, I'm going to attempt a caffeine induced all night read of Judas. Then, when I flip my freakin lid and start posting nude pics of myself covered in the torn fecal-smeared pages of Baer, you can be happy. Say, would either of you suggest The Contortionist's Handbook? Any of the Hempel stuff?[/QUOTE]
Are ya kiddin ?
Smiles.
Yes, absolutely ! The Handbook is an incredible experience--such an interwoven plot and character... It was through Clev's suggestion that I learned of Baer. It was through Chuck's suggestion that I learned of Hempel. Hempel only writes short stories--with the exception of the Tumble Home novello... My favorite her-book being Reasons to Live, which contains my favorite her-story: In the Cemetery.
Check [url=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showpost.php?p=605503&postcount=31]this post[/url] for a more accurate Why of my appreciation of that story. Her stories can kick my ass and I agree with Rod that I absolutely have to read many of them several times over to really catch on. Hempel is a revered master of the short story. A bad-ass writer.
Clev is busy on his second novel--to be out next year, I believe. Im in lust with anticipation. His writing is pretty fucking strong. Baer's second novel, Penny Dreadful, kicked my ass up and down almost every page. His three novels, they are in fact a trilogy, but you can read Penny out of sequence ... Even years later, doesnt matter. But I definitely recommend reading Judas before Hells Half. Hell's Half was a very fun experience. I even said so in my Amazon review.
Anyway, LM, Im sorry to slightly strong-arm your thread. I just got excited. We're all friends here, except that you are new and youve stepped into a whole new world. Lets see how similar you are in a year to how you are now. In a year, Ive changed much, not only in my writing, but in my experience with the written word. When I came to the Cult, when I made my first posts, I was openly NOT a writer. I started reading workshop stories, and reviewing them because authors seemed to appreciate it. This year, Im a writer, learning learning learning. I know now, that's why I came here. That's why Im a Cultist. Welcome to the Cult !
kabol
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
[QUOTE=Luddy Dunn]Picture it: Chuck, with a wand and a crown, reading "Guts" and then disappearing in a giant soap bubble.
[/QUOTE]
Its quite the comic image.
Anyway, Kiss Me Judas is damn good stuff, but alas, i left it half read 180 miles away. Im so pissed about that. Contortionist's Handbook is one of the coolest books i ever read. I highly recommend it. I read one of Hemple's short story books, by i cant even remember which one it was. I just didnt really get into it. I plan on giving her work another try though and really putting some effort into it.
Fuck Bush!
And his hypocrisy
And all the drones
Who gave him his presidency!
- "Lay off the Sauce" by Kill Conan
[QUOTE=snuffy]How To Get Promoted At Work While Doing Chuckpahlaniuk.net stuff:
1. print out the pages and stick them in a clipboard.
2. write some notes on postits and stick them on the first couple of pages.
3. highlight some random words.
4. stick an extra pen behind your ear.
5. sometimes, walk around the office with a sense of purpose, holding the clipboard.
6. while walking around, ask questions that sound important but aren't, like:
i. have we been working on this project since FY '03?
ii. does the client have a cell phone number they can be reached at after hours?
iii. is there a similar report i can use as a reference?
iv. what are the projections for FY '08?
you'll probably get a raise.[/QUOTE]
I wish this would work for me. I usually work alone or with one other person who is also a slacker (well, not really a slacker, just working on his second masters degree while on the job).
[url=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style7,capitalistnihilist.png[/img][/url]
[QUOTE=snuffy]How To Get Promoted At Work While Doing Chuckpahlaniuk.net stuff:
1. print out the pages and stick them in a clipboard.
2. write some notes on postits and stick them on the first couple of pages.
3. highlight some random words.
4. stick an extra pen behind your ear.
5. sometimes, walk around the office with a sense of purpose, holding the clipboard.
6. while walking around, ask questions that sound important but aren't, like:
i. have we been working on this project since FY '03?
ii. does the client have a cell phone number they can be reached at after hours?
iii. is there a similar report i can use as a reference?
iv. what are the projections for FY '08?
you'll probably get a raise.[/QUOTE]
Thank God (or the lack thereof) that I don't have to hold clipboards in my job. And the "clients" I deal with? They'd merely reply: "What the hells a Fiscal Year? What the hells a projection?" What the hells that brown thing with the big silver clip on the top?"
~( ):>
[SIZE=1]Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
-Frank Zappa[/SIZE]
[QUOTE=capitalistnihilist]I wish this would work for me. I usually work alone or with one other person who is also a slacker (well, not really a slacker, just working on his second masters degree while on the job).[/QUOTE]
well, when in doubt, the word "research" goes a long way when you are doing something you are not supposed to be doing at work.
[QUOTE=liquidmice]Thank God (or the lack thereof) that I don't have to hold clipboards in my job. And the "clients" I deal with? They'd merely reply: "What the hells a Fiscal Year? What the hells a projection?" What the hells that brown thing with the big silver clip on the top?"
~( ):>[/QUOTE]
that's the whole point, dude. what the hell IS a fiscal year? nobody fricken knows.
[QUOTE=snuffy]that's the whole point, dude. what the hell IS a fiscal year? nobody fricken knows.[/QUOTE]
The fiscal new year is the one night of the year when all the accountants in the world get drunk and have a kick ass party.
!
[QUOTE=mikandrewz]The fiscal new year is the one night of the year when all the accountants in the world get drunk and have a kick ass party.[/QUOTE]
it's sorta like payday, you're rich for 24 hours until all your bills hit. i know the feeling.
The fiscal year is the year of your budget. Not based on calander, but on the moneys and budget. Most businesses want to close strong at the end of their fiscal year, so theyll make great deals toward the end of that fiscal year. Just like at the beginning, theyll sell hard to get the most money they can--at the end, theyre just trying to get business. My woman just told me.
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that all sounds like one of those spoken-word pulp songs.
what do the nigerians say back to you?
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all it takes is $60 and a dream.