Hello. My name is Daniel ...
... and I'm new here. Hi, hello.
I'm older than I act and I'm from the great north.
No, not Canada. Sweden.
Amatuer novelist and post-alcoholic, as my entire generation, and a mediocre guitarist.
I currently work in Norway due to a personal crisis which involve fake cancer, a secret wedding, becoming homeless, then getting somewhere to put my stuff again, and finally getting tired of my white collar-Sisyphus-cube-slaving excuse to work and then running off.
Nice to meet you.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
fake cancer, you say? you'll fit right in.
I appreciate the Klosterman-reference as much as the next guy, thank you.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
Fake indeed.
Nowadays, she's got Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
Or, that's what she says.
The cancer? Cured without a trace, as if God himself wiped it away.
Telling the story makes it sound as real as her cancer.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
first order of business is to get an avatar then jump right in.
where's your face? welcome invisible cultie
The avatar is on it's way.
I sure could snatch something off the internet.
But then it wouldn't be me on it.
And you wouldn't want that, would you?
thank you audrey.
you'll soon see my face.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
hey, jaz,
we should be friends. just sayin.
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
i think we are aren't we kabol? if not i'll shall add you immediately. you are a swell guy and all.
no. you are my friend. and you have kerry and chris and alex and chuck and frank and derek and mike and nikki and the other chris and pepper and matthew and the other mike and alexa.. but not me.
wait, we're friends now. campaign completed !!
i was discouraged, being that i have such thin skin and all 
__________________________________
play hard, like it's work to be done.
haha yes i am your friend and now you are mine!
BWAHAHAHAHAAHAA!!!
Hey Daniel! I live in Norway right now as well. 
Welcome to The Cult!
I rarely post in welcome threads, but yours is actually interesting, kudos.
Lobster, cujo, and all that.
Welcome to the cult.
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
Welcome to The Cult!
Hey!
Thats awesome, I guess!
Where do you live?
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
Thank you, ScribblingDes, I'll do my best to entertain.
And, now I have my avatar!
So, bring down the shitstorm of questions.
That is, if you have any about me.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
hi. i'm levi. nice to meet you.
Tell us what music you like.
tell us what tv shows you like.
what's your patronus?
Brentinlouis Wrote: What was that rule about being intentionally annoying?
Hi Daniel.
Im Derek, a Barca fan from Ireland. Whats your opinion on Zlatan Ibrahimovich? Im still not to sure about him
D
Forget Levi's pop-centric questions. Who are your favorite authors*?
*please note than any reference to Chuck Palahniuk in answer to this question will result in your disqualification from life
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
*please note than any reference to Chuck Palahniuk in answer to this question will result in your disqualification from life
FORGET YOU!!!
Brentinlouis Wrote: What was that rule about being intentionally annoying?
<3
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
Tell us what music you like.
tell us what tv shows you like.
what's your patronus?
What music do I like?
Well, it all depends on what mood I'm in.
Some of the bands I like are God Among Insects, Rotten Sound, Disfear, Bloodbath, Misery Index, Fleet Foxes, Band of Horses, The Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Bob Dylan, Vampire Weekend, Kongh, YOB, Iron&Wine, Abandon, Bongripper, Neurosis, Electric Wizard, God Speed You! Black Emperor, Graveyard, Mono, Witchcraft, The Shins, Fall of Efrafa, Nasum, Trap Them, Dismember, Dying Fetus, Immolation, Death Breath, John Frusciante, My Own Grave, Kíla ... and so on, forever.
The only thing I like more than books, is probably music.
But instead of continueing namedropping 354 more bands, let's narrow it down.
Sludge/Doom/Stoner/Post-rock/Punk/Death/Indie.
Something like that.
But as far as I'm concerned, a good tune is a good tune.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
Im Derek, a Barca fan from Ireland. Whats your opinion on Zlatan Ibrahimovich? Im still not to sure about him
D
Hi Derek!
I'll try to be as clear as I can possibly be:
I absolutely loath his persona.
He's a narcissistic tapeworm in the colon of ... Well, something.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
Nikanor Teratologen, H.P Lovecraft, Sartre, Camus, Dr. Thompson, Thomas de Quincey, Bukowski, Burroughs, Coupland, J.K Huysmans, Hermann Ungar, Daudet... Some of them.
*please note than any reference to Chuck Palahniuk in answer to this question will result in your disqualification from life
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
I met Henrik Larsson a few years ago. Damn he is one of the nicest people EVER!
Also I used to date a Swedish chick.
Henrik Larsson might be nice, but's boring as fuck.
Zlatan on the other hand kicks ass and balls, which in my book makes you a hero.
Zlatan unfortunately hasnt been kicking ass for Barcelona lately. Right now its halftime in the Barca Stuttgart game and Zlatan is dropped from the team.
Personally I fucking hate arrogance but I will excuse it in rare cases, ie Johan Cruyff.
Welcome to The Cult!
Hey!
Thats awesome, I guess!
Where do you live?
Close to Trondheim!
Welcome to The Cult!
Hey!
Thats awesome, I guess!
Where do you live?
Close to Trondheim!
Cool man!
Norweigan?
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
HI DANIEL!
I'm Z. Yes, Z.
Nice to meet you. Hope you stick around, you seem swell.
what's your patronus?
Mine is a marmot!
Hi RROWDY
Hi Z!
Well, thank you, and I sure will.
and, hello soda.pop
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
Norweigan?
I'm not Norwegian, but my boyfriend is.
Hello Daniel.
I hate Sylvia Plath... If I ever try to exit like her, just kill me will you?
Welcome here.
I met a girl from Sweden once. This was on a beach in Greece. She took her top off and I tried not to stare.
Failed.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
You can't not stare. It's like that guy that always comes to my work with that growth on his ear. It hangs AND dangles. No way you're going to ignore that as it jiggles while he talks.
...
From lovely eurobreasts to hangly dangly eargrowths.
Why?
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
I'm sorry. I don't deal with that many attractive women in my line of work. When there is a lady that comes in exposing her breasts, they're usually exposed from the bottom of her shirt, where the nipples play peek-a-boo when she lifts her arms.
Hey Daniel! Welcome, stick around. 
From lovely eurobreasts to hangly dangly eargrowths.
Why?
Has anyone seen the califlower ear thing? BLECK.
"...you want to be truly unselfish? Love someone or die for someone. Those are the only good deeds you can perform without any hope of personal gain."
What I'm talking about isn't cauliflower ear. This is like a purple dangly growth. If it was hanging from the neck of a turkey you wouldn't look twice. I've never heard this guy gobble.
gross...reversely, I love your sig. Happy dia de los muertos.
edit.
"...you want to be truly unselfish? Love someone or die for someone. Those are the only good deeds you can perform without any hope of personal gain."
So.
It's been a year since I've posted a thread, "Work sucks", something, or anything at all.
Made me come off like a spoiled spastic dick, my apologies.
Well. As I'm back, I just thought you should know.
As if someone cares, but I'll pretend.
New years resolution (I'm part of a cult celebrating new years when, well, it fits us):
More active on this cult.
Hey, hello again.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
I don't remember you.
Thank you, in all sincerity.
Wasn't that memorable anyways, to my relief.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
Yeah you're lucky in that regard I guess.
Melody thought all our newb threads were boring. 
Wait, are you that guy that is not Norwegian, but moved to Oslo?
That would be me.
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
To continue the saga about the woman with the spray-on-cancer; her chronic obstructive pulmonary disease was miraculously cured by two packs of Camel a day; she scammed her way through the secret marriage, leaving a trail of nothing but debts; stole an old ladys retirement-fund and finally left the face of the earth.
Until I saw her this summer.
And remember, all of this is true. Isn't it?
If karma had a gun, I'd have a third eye and a losing conversation with Jesus.
That would be me.
I should've just read the thread again, hah.
Are you sticking around this time? Are you guys being flushed away in Oslo right now?
Hey this guy ain't from Sweden, he's one of those hillbilly boys Chuck Klosterman met in "Killing yourself to live."