EVERYONE.

29 replies jump to bottom

Fri, 02/03/2012 - 23:56

justlikebeautyx

Joined: 01/25/2012

i wrote two poems. tell me what you all think, please Smile

I was born in love.
My early years we're filled with obnoxious music
needles, powder, and smoke.
They did me wrong.
Then I got thrown into a different kind of love.
A cleaner, more conservitative love.
A strict kind of love.
Although that love was pure I longed for the first love.
The love that did me wrong, the love I forgave.
Although the second was clean and pure.
Why do we always go back to the love that did us wrong?

and the second..

That misleading heartbeat.
So loudly beneath your chest,
leading me to beleive that yes, you really like me.
yes, i excite you.
yes,yes,yes.
Wrong.
the next day confused and ignoring sleep and food.
all my self worth goes to you.
my self worth is not my own, just like our bodies are not our own.
if i think highly of myself i will take it too far.
its either black or white.
life or death; there is no being content.
this fuck of a being, a body, a face.
this fuck of a mistake that god made.
or this lovely girl standing in the mirror.
with her blue eyes.
Yes,yes,yes
that's what your heartbeat leads me too.
Yes,yes,yes,
if only i could beleive what other people say is true.

even if you dont like the poems, tell me how i can improve <3

__________________________

danielle xo

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 00:00

_kit

d.i.l.l.i.g.a.f.

From: NYC

Joined: 05/10/2010

you should probably keep those somewhere private.

and stop spamming.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 00:16

pepper

Three Cheers from Everyone

From: Closer to Heaven

Joined: 02/25/2009

Thesaurus.

__________________________

Frank wrote:

There's some goid stuff posted but 99% of the time I kill it with fire and no one gets to see it, ever.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 00:20

Fano

Joined: 07/14/2009

The language is really simple. It feels like there is no effort to do anything other than write a paragraph and then break it up and call it poetry. I'm not saying you should give it up or anything. Do whatever pleases you, but you have to understand that there is much more that goes into writing poetry than the subjects you write about or the structure of it.

I'd be interested to know how long you spent writing those two poems. Would you be willing to tell me that?

__________________________

big S wrote:

Bitch, craft my nuts on your chin, i'm the craftiest craftsman who ever crafted a craft.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 00:46

kenzie hasten

Joined: 01/21/2012

Invest in a poetry class.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 02:02

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

I already gave you advice in the General Discussion thread.

Stop spamming.

Seriously!

If you keep spamming, it means I have to do my job here. And everybody will tell you I'm lazy.

Also, listen to Kenzie and Fano. I think they're on to something.

__________________________

subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 02:05

_kit

d.i.l.l.i.g.a.f.

From: NYC

Joined: 05/10/2010

please delete the threads Pete. Or at least merge them?

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 02:15

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

I don't think I have the power to merge...

I deleted the one. There are three right?

__________________________

subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 02:17

_kit

d.i.l.l.i.g.a.f.

From: NYC

Joined: 05/10/2010

I think so, yeah. Seems to be more every time I look

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 02:21

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

I'm logging out, if there are more - feel free to PM me.

also - HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIT! Smile Big

__________________________

subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 02:22

#10

_kit

d.i.l.l.i.g.a.f.

From: NYC

Joined: 05/10/2010

Thank you. And THANK YOU Smile Big

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 03:24

#11

audreythirteen

From: City of Dreams

Joined: 05/12/2009

PGoutis01 wrote:

I'm logging out, if there are more - feel free to PM me.

also - HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIT! :D

LAAAZZEEE

__________________________

I just want someone to accept my craziness...haven't found the right kind of crazy though.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 03:29

#12

Frank

Filtering through the meaningless to once again find the meaningful.

From: Chicano, Illinoise

Joined: 10/03/2004

I'm on vacation, Pete. You have to pick up the slack.

__________________________

Police

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 03:39

#13

rosiemoonjumper

From: New Zealand.

Joined: 04/25/2007

This only means one thing...

CULTIES RUN WILD!

__________________________

audreythirteen wrote:

Sneaky little sprite. You love leading a wild monster rumpus but underneath pretending to be a mischievous little fiend you're as innocent and playful as a child. Everyday is dress up and play time, even though you may be faced with harsh realities at time. You never fail to find some playmates and get lost in the fun.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:08

#14

Frank

Filtering through the meaningless to once again find the meaningful.

From: Chicano, Illinoise

Joined: 10/03/2004

Just because I'm on holiday doesn't mean I can't keep an eye on this place. I'm watching you, missy!

__________________________

Police

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:20

#15

Imke

From: Norway

Joined: 06/22/2008

Conservitative? That sure is a special kind of love.

__________________________

I want more than them
That's the difference

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:23

#16

labelleza

[instrumental break]

Joined: 09/23/2007

I think this should be Kit's birthday thread, the sequel.

cake cake cake cakecakecake!

cake cake cake cakecakecake!

cake cake cake cakecakecake!

cake cake cake cakecakecake!

cake cake cake cakecakecake!

I mean, nutella.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:43

#17

big S

It's one thing you should know about me.

From: TX

Joined: 03/30/2004

Do poems bother you guys that much

__________________________

Ricky wrote:

"Tripped 'em up with a hockey stick, no big deal, and fired a few shots at them. The way I see it I bought the bikes, I own 'em. Just like owning a target. You shoot at that, I shot at the bikes. Then Julian's got this attitude and fires a bullet at my brand new car! Real nice! So I fired a shot at his new car. Spy for a spy, that's the way it works around here."

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:50

#18

labelleza

[instrumental break]

Joined: 09/23/2007

Sure do. Spam even more so though.

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 04:56

#19

rosiemoonjumper

From: New Zealand.

Joined: 04/25/2007

Smartazboy wrote:

Just because I'm on holiday doesn't mean I can't keep an eye on this place. I'm watching you, missy!

Who me? I'm sweet and innocent and nice. Angel

__________________________

audreythirteen wrote:

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 05:03

#20

Frank

Filtering through the meaningless to once again find the meaningful.

From: Chicano, Illinoise

Joined: 10/03/2004

Police

__________________________

Police

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 12:25

#21

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

Smartazboy wrote:

I'm on vacation, Pete. You have to pick up the slack.

Fuck!

rosiemoonjumper wrote:

This only means one thing...

CULTIES RUN WILD!

I'm sorry Sarah... BAN!

big S wrote:

Do poems bother you guys that much

Negative attitude? BAN!

Smartazboy wrote:

{):)

Off topic! BAN!

Oh no... I'm dizzy with power.

__________________________

subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 15:55

#22

Frank

Filtering through the meaningless to once again find the meaningful.

From: Chicano, Illinoise

Joined: 10/03/2004

Atta boy.

__________________________

Police

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 15:58

#23

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

haha - I'm cleaning house Frank!

__________________________

subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 16:00

#24

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

But I won't ban Justlikebeautyx

And then the cult will become a place where every new post is the exact same peom. Oh nos!

__________________________

subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 16:03

#25

rosiemoonjumper

From: New Zealand.

Joined: 04/25/2007

BANNED?

Crying

__________________________

audreythirteen wrote:

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 17:16

#26

PGoutis01

MOD

From: Michigan

Joined: 06/03/2004

It's weird, Sarah is impossible to ban. My computer crashed the first time so I tried from my phone and then it made my phone reboot. You win this round Sarah, you win this round...

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subby socks wrote:

I'm going to kick her in the pussy. I don't care if she's only 13 and I don't care if I go to jail

Sat, 02/04/2012 - 18:47

#27

rosiemoonjumper

From: New Zealand.

Joined: 04/25/2007

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

__________________________

audreythirteen wrote:

Sun, 02/05/2012 - 04:23

#28

audreythirteen

From: City of Dreams

Joined: 05/12/2009

Her cuteness is indestructible.

__________________________

I just want someone to accept my craziness...haven't found the right kind of crazy though.

Sun, 02/05/2012 - 04:40

#29

labelleza

[instrumental break]

Joined: 09/23/2007

Like that of a tardigrade.