Alternative Endings for Peter Jackson's KING KONG

[B]The Russ Meyer Ending[/B]

Kong destroys the airplanes with kitschy groove, all the while Naomi Watts is straddling the top of the empire state building.

Rated R

[B]The Disney Treatment[/B]

The movie will be an animated musical (Kong talks and sings in this one) with several numbers performed during the movie, including ones for Kong first being captured, falling in love with the blonde, attacking New York, etc. The ending has Kong defeat the ringleader, get the blonde, and the two stare at the sunset atop the Empire State Building, presumably living happily ever after.

[B]The Steven Speilberg Ending[/B]

Kong snatches a plane from mid-air, holding it precariously over the edge of the building. The other pilots hold their fire in the hopes he'll survive. Ann climbs Kong and talks to the pilot, and bargains for Kong's life with cliche messages of tolerance and understanding. Kong then hurtles the plane back into flight safely and they all go home. Kong gets down, does a slapstick dance with Ann and they are hired for a show that earns Kong enough money to buy a ride home.

Rated PG-13

[B]THE GENERIC FAMILY ENDING[/B]

Just as Kong is about to kill everybody, an enormous, 500 foot minivan pulls up and his parents step out. In monkey speak with subtitles, they have a humorous exchange about how the little rascal has gotta stop running away from the jungle, especially before he's finished with his homework. His mom calls him "Kongie" and he gets embarrassed, turning three shades of red. He jumps in, starts playing a giant GameBoy (TM). The minivan pulls away.

For the fifth and final time since the beginning of the movie, Jack Black shrugs and says "Dur! Whudduya gonna do!" and everyone laughs. The End.

Rated: G

[QUOTE=jase][B]The Steven Speilberg Ending[/B]

Kong snatches a plane from mid-air, holding it precariously over the edge of the building. The other pilots hold their fire in the hopes he'll survive. Ann climbs Kong and talks to the pilot, and bargains for Kong's life with cliche messages of tolerance and understanding. Kong then hurtles the plane back into flight safely and they all go home. Kong gets down, does a slapstick dance with Ann and they are hired for a show that earns Kong enough money to buy a ride home.

Rated PG-13[/QUOTE]
In your version, Ann is a flaky single mom, Jack Black is twice as fat to emphasise what a bad guy he is and the captain of the ship wears a baseball cap. There's a ten minute shot at the very end that's just John Travolta giving a frank speech about scientology into the camera.

[QUOTE=Vendetta]In your version, Ann is a flaky single mom, Jack Black is twice as fat to emphasise what a bad guy he is and the captain of the ship wears a baseball cap. There's a ten minute shot at the very end that's just John Travolta giving a frank speech about scientology into the camera.[/QUOTE]
Absolutely. Ann's daughter is, of course, played by Dakota Fanning.

[B]THE TAKASHI MIIKE ENDING[/B]

Kong throws the blonde to the weird worm creatures and they brutally kill her by sucking out her innards after decapitating her. They leave only her skin. Kong usues her skin as a profylactic and fucks the tryanosaurus in eevry way imaginable. The t-rex's boyfriend sees them fucking and mutilates his own genitalia in a jealous rage. The female t-rex gives birth to a horrid thorny hybrid baby that eats only human eyeballs. It spends the entire rest of the movie running around New York, eating people's eyeballs. Soon, nobody in New York can see. The Eunich Tyranosaurus decides to replace his penis by massacring whales in the aquarium, stealing their dicks, and tying them to himself using the intestines of his victims. He uses his pseudo-cock to rape the statue of liberty. The End.

Rating: UNRATED

[B]THE BRUCKHEIMER ENDING[/B]:

When Kong escapes a crack team of pilots (including Steve Buscemi, Will Smith and Nic Cage) strut slow motion to their bi-plane, fluffy hats and Stars and Stripes flapping to the tune of Hans Zimmer's swelling score... They salute the president and climb in. (lens flares so bad the audience goes blind)

Meanwhile Kong rampages on but the shaky-cam makes it so the action is barely visible.
Planes chase Kong down a stretch of highway in a giant one-take shot. Explosions big enough to make your ears bleed.
Kong is finally finished off with so much bullets, the weight causes the building to collapse.

Thank god. You've been looking in this thread for ages.

I was watching Big Brothers the same time... Preston ate 50 chocolate lacquers in one and a half hours!

That Preston. He'll do himself a blunder he surely will.

[QUOTE=Ghost Mutt]I was watching Big Brothers the same time... Preston ate 50 chocolate lacquers in one and a half hours![/QUOTE]
I liked it when Pete told that old lady to fuck off. I was thinking the [I]same[/I] thing!

has Michael Barrymore got lucky in the hot tub yet?

I think he copped off with the lifeguard they assigned him.

No but he's having a feud with Jodie Marsh. Dennis Rodman was all "I wou'n't puddup wi' that shit"

If I become a celebrity one day i'm so going on Big Brother.

there was no Air Force in the 30's

Michael bay wouldn't care

id kind of like to see the tim burton version where kong was a stop motion stick figure and the empre state building was all long and skinny and kind of bent outwards towards the top

Kong is elected president running under the Green Party

but is then impeached and run out of office in shame after a scandal breaks when some photos of Kong taking a shit on the white house lawn emerge

[B]THE TARANTINO ENDING[/B]

All of the above, told in montage, flashback, really quick cuts, with too cool for school dialogue and music.

[B]LOST HIGHWAY ENDING[/B]

Jack(Adrien Brody) fucks Ann(Naomi Watts) in front of a car where she tells him he can never have her. She disappears and Jack is now King Kong. Carl Denham(Jack Black) then stalks him with the film camera with his hand reaching for him. Kong than runs away. Then, I dunno, Kong kills Jack or Laurent or ann or whoever and leaves himself a message that he left in the beginning of the film, then cops chase him and his face transforms and he burns or something. To tell you the truth, I'm lost.

[b]WU XIA ENDING[/b]

After being beaten and humiliated by Kong, Jack Black returns to Kong's lair atop the Empire State Building and leaps to the very top of the Building's spire. Jack Black puts on his blindfold and dares Kong to knock him from his perch. A harrowing battle ensues as thousands of archers spray the building with poisoned bamboo arrows. It becomes obvious that Kong's great size becomes a disadvantage when he's hanging from a thin piece of metal, and he is quickly beaten. Just when Jack Black starts to walk off into the sunset Kong rises and charges Jack Black with his mighty sword, but Jack Black senses this and delivers a palm-heel-strike to Kong's bloodied face. Disoriented, Kong dies after falling on his own blade.

these arent really alternate endings
its descriptions of different directors versions of the movie

[B]Planet of the Apes-style[/B]

This version is nicknamed Planet of the Humans. The film will have all the characters speaking in ape tongue and will be subtitled. Kong, after being captured on what he thinks is an alien planet, will discover a Nova-like ape in the circus, run by Denham, who has a Dr. Zaius-like persona. Kong escapes with the Nova ape, all while howling the line, "Get your filthy hands off her, you damned dirty human!" with the aid of Darrow, who has a Zira-like persona, and Driscoll, who is similar to Cornelius.

In the end, Kong and the Nova ape escape from the clutches of Denham. While walking along the coastline beaches, Kong finds a banana tree partially buried in the sand. Kong falls on his knees and lets out an ape roar into the sky.

[QUOTE=karbunkle]these arent really alternate endings
its descriptions of different directors versions of the movie[/QUOTE]
You're such a spoil-sport!

"This isn't right......this thread isn't good to my palate....I hate life....go away Vendetta, you are too lively and fashion"

[B]BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER/FIREFLY/SERENITY ENDING[/B]

Ann, a beautiful 98-pound woman, has super human strength and intelligence. She knows every type of karate and can basically kick anyone's ass at any time with no problem. Unfortunately, she spends most of the film acting emotionally unstable and kinda duncy. Most of her scenes involve wistful descriptions of love, loss, and redemption. Her romantic relationships with men are never fullfiling, and she often spends time walking through wooded areas pining for an existence that is just beyond her reach, with soft yet emotionally resonant music playing in the background.

There's also a massive monkey and dinosaurs and stuff going on, but the main focus is whether or not she will get the cute soldier guy to notice her. They keep having humorous miscommunications involving the size of her butt, and throughout the movie, whenever she sees her reflection, she looks at her butt and wonders if it is too big. Maybe it's her big butt that has him not interestested in her. Men hate big butts! Especially in times of global holocaust.

With eight minutes left in the movie, the cute soldier guy is about to be killed by Kong, so Ann suddenly springs into action, using martial arts, her mastery of primative weaponry, and an uncanny ability to fly. She kicks Kong's ass in an impossibly stunning display of skill and grace.

In the last scene, she is walking with her notebook next to the cute soldier boy, whose arm is in a cast.

[QUOTE=Vendetta]You're such a spoil-sport!

"This isn't right......this thread isn't good to my palate....I hate life....go away Vendetta, you are too lively and fashion"[/QUOTE]
that has got nothing whatsoever to do with King Kong or Peter jackson

[B]THE KARBUNKLE ENDING[/B]

Ann, Jack, Carl, and Captain Englehorn are all hopelessly lost on Skull Island, running from Kong, Dinosaurs, natives, and really fucking big mosquitos. They have been on the move for days, had almost no sleep or food, and precious little water.

After a day of wandering in a massive cave, they emerge to find Kong and three t-rexs, now all on the same team, waiting for them. Ann kisses Jack, and Carl says something about how all beauty in this world shall be ravaged by horrible beasts. The captain picks up a large stone and prepares to hurl it at Kong, becasue goddamn if he doesn't go down without a fight.They prepare for the worst as all the monsters begin to charge.

Suddenly, a bevy of gorgeous, curvy amazons in revealing yet athletic loincloths comes swinging from the trees. They fight all the monsters to the death.

Later, Carl is sitting amounst several of the sexy women near a beautiful waterfall. They are partying together, and he says "You know? I was wrong, it was beauty that killed the beast." They laugh and proceed to make out with him and eachother. The End.

[QUOTE=snuffy][B]THE KARBUNKLE ENDING[/B]

Ann, Jack, Carl, and Captain Englehorn are all hopelessly lost on Skull Island, running from Kong, Dinosaurs, natives, and really fucking big mosquitos. They have been on the move for days, had almost no sleep or food, and precious little water.

After a day of wandering in a massive cave, they emerge to find Kong and three t-rexs, now all on the same team, waiting for them. Ann kisses Jack, and Carl says something about how all beauty in this world shall be ravaged by horrible beasts. The captain picks up a large stone and prepares to hurl it at Kong, becasue goddamn if he doesn't go down without a fight.They prepare for the worst as all the monsters begin to charge.

Suddenly, a bevy of gorgeous, curvy amazons in revealing yet athletic loincloths comes swinging from the trees. They fight all the monsters to the death.

Later, Carl is sitting amounst several of the sexy women near a beautiful waterfall. They are partying together, and he says "You know? I was wrong, it was beauty that killed the beast." They laugh and proceed to make out with him and eachother. The End.[/QUOTE]
someone tell me this wouldnt have been a 10X better movie then what we got
i dares ya !