Purge Your Soul for the New Year
.jpg "Dr.Jekyll8Mr.Hyde's picture")
Ok, I’m having some fun.
It’s time to come clean. Get your reading haunts off your shoulder.
Did you read something this year that left you feeling angry and sick for putting the time into it? What did you continue to read even though it was evident that the book was bullshit? Perhaps the characters were one-dimensional, the plot illogical, or just a plain case of bad writing. You don’t have to of read the entire thing, just stayed with it long enough to give it “the benefit of the doubt.”
Ok, me first.
I began reading it and my retinas started detaching. Then I thought, “There has to be something to it. People are obsessed with it.” I listened to the audio book while driving to work. I actually got through most of the tapes, but it was so detrimental to my ears, I think I lost forty percent of my hearing.
The book is the [I]The Da Vinci Code.[/I]
I don’t get it, how is this book such a huge hit? I’ve read [I]holy blood holy grail,[/I] so the information Brown was giving was not that surprising to me. If you take away the conspiracy of the Holy Grail you’re left with absolute awful writing. It gives me dry heaves to think about it.
The characters were stereotypical and paper-thin. The narration started to put me to sleep at the wheel. The dialogue is absolute bullshit and cliché. The plot feels forced and manipulated. Should I go on?
I’m actually starting to feel bad for attacking it, but the book is making millions, and I can’t get it through my head, “why?” Especially when I’ve read stories in the workshops that are well crafted, and in my opinion deserve publication. Yet books like the Code are getting published, it makes me sad. (Again, I'm too much of an idealist, don't know why, been kicked plenty.)
Is it because this is the only book people will take the time to read regarding the Grail conspiracy?
Oh well. Jay warned me, but I didn’t listen; now I’m left with this dirty feeling.
Anyhow that’s my confession and cleansing for the New Year. Anyone else want to come clean?
No, its a bad bad bad thing they're reading. Because the more of that trash they read the more likely they will to read more trash. Reading Dan Brown will not get them to read Hemingway.
[URL=http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2003/09/24/dumbing_down_american_readers/]"Poorly written books must DIE!"[/URL]
I posted the above before, but I don't think many people read it. Its about Stephen King, not Dan Brown but same thing.
I also read the DaVinici Code and was appalled. Not only that I read Angels & Demons to see if it was a fluke. It wasnt. Dan Brown and the likes are Mad Lib authors, they have one plot line and the just change settings/characters and a few tweaks and they've got a totally new books. Compare Jurassic Park and Prey by Michael Cricheton - exact same story line, just replace dinosaurs with nanoprobes.
I don't regret reading the DaVinici Code, I was just disappointed. It took me a day to read and it was just an awesome example of how not to write. So in some ways, it helped.
[CENTER]in a place far away from any one or anywhere, I drifted off for a moment[/CENTER]
i felt this same way after reading A Catcher in the Rye
[QUOTE=karbunkle]i felt this same way after reading A Catcher in the Rye[/QUOTE]
Dear God,
May I never meet this person.
Love and Amen.
[QUOTE=the audacity!]Dear God,
May I never meet this person.
Love and Amen.[/QUOTE]
heh heh heh
and also i despised Donnie Darko
[QUOTE=karbunkle]heh heh heh
and also i despised Donnie Darko[/QUOTE]
Ok. Listen, if there's anything else I should know about you, let's get it all out at once, alright?
my turn on are women with hair, women without hair and women with wigs my turn offs are muddy shoes, yawning only to swallowing flying bugs and screaming babies
i'm studying to either be the pope or a retired eccentric
and one day i hope to find a cure for polio
karb, did you just say you were studying to find a cure for the pope?
[CENTER]in a place far away from any one or anywhere, I drifted off for a moment[/CENTER]
[QUOTE=Proton]karb, did you just say you were studying to find a cure for the pope?[/QUOTE]
yes and i think ive got it
silver bullets!
[QUOTE=karbunkle]my turn on are women with hair, women without hair and women with wigs my turn offs are muddy shoes, yawning only to swallowing flying bugs and screaming babies
i'm studying to either be the pope or a retired eccentric
and one day i hope to find a cure for polio[/QUOTE]
The above is all good, but [I]Catcher in the Rye[/I]? Your kidding, right. How the hell do you compare [I]Catcher in the Rye [/I] to [I]the De Vinci code[/I]? We're talking different hemispheres, no, galaxies here.
[QUOTE=Proton]karb, did you just say you were studying to find a cure for the pope?[/QUOTE]
Ha ha!!
Proton, is your avatar a picture of you or Beck? If it's you, you look a hellofalot like beck. Just pointing it out because I love his music, and I think he is a contemporary musical genius.
[B]Ps. and i did read "Poorly written books must DIE!" but completely forgot about it. Thanks for bringing that back into play.[/B]
[QUOTE=wolvesinthewalls]In an attempt to let popular fiction redeem itself in my eyes, I read "Portrait of a Killer: Jack the Ripper Case Closed" by Patricia Cornwell. It was rambling, confusing and very self indulgent. Her so-called evidence would be blown out of the water by any first year law student.[/QUOTE]
You know, I almost read this. I was in England when it came out, and all the Brits were in an uproar. I must admit, she showed balls. She went to England, got heavily ridiculed and stood her ground despite all the criticism. I respect her for that, although I didn't read the book.
[QUOTE=Dr.Jekyll&Mr.Hyde]Did you read something this year that left you feeling angry and sick for putting the time into it? What did you continue to read even though it was evident that the book was bullshit? […] You don’t have to of read the entire thing, just stayed with it long enough to give it “the benefit of the doubt.”[/quote]
I haven’t, for years, felt obligated to finish a book all the way through. My patience has grown wafer-thin for mediocrity and bad craft. I try to give a book 100 pages, if it doesn’t grab me by then it’s over. There are far too many other books I want to get to rather than piss around with crap.
I can’t recall all the tiles that got smoked this year, I’ll catalogue them through [url]www.bookcrossing.com[/url] and send them out, a few have met the fate of fire.
_Shella_ was the last I recall not completing. As _Generation X_ keeps popping up, that too is on the list, but that was early in the year. Something by Bill (twat) Bryson, after years being told he’s “hilarious” several chapters in I found him to be “funny, like how?”. Simmons’ _Song of Kali_ which won lots of awards and is said to be ‘suspenseful’ and ‘horrifying’ I found to be boring as…this post.
[QUOTE=Dr.Jekyll&Mr.Hyde]I don’t get it, how is this book such a huge hit?[/quote]
It’s fast-food. Pre-chewed.
It’s Hollywood in book form.
[QUOTE=Dr.Jekyll&Mr.Hyde]Oh well. Jay warned me, but I didn’t listen; now I’m left with this dirty feeling.[/quote]
Shall I send you some Swiss-scented soap?
Needless to say I agree in that questionability of the astounding popularity of that book…but I can’t explain just about anything The Masses do, so…
I don’t know how or why, but I heard about it quite early on and scored a 1st edition, signed for like 10 bucks…I keep meaning to see what I can pimp that for on eBay, but can’t really be arsed…
[QUOTE=karbunkle]and also i despised Donnie Darko[/QUOTE]
I’m not a fan of movies in general, but I heard many, many good things about this flick.
I gotta say I found it to be not just bad and pathetic, but abysmal.
Can anything with Patrick Swazye _really_ be even close to “good”?
[QUOTE=Proton]karb, did you just say you were studying to find a cure for the pope?[/QUOTE]
Please don’t! Let the undead stay undead…
j(ay)
[QUOTE=jay]
Needless to say I agree in that questionability of the astounding popularity of that book…but I can’t explain just about anything The Masses do, so…
I don’t know how or why, but I heard about it quite early on and scored a 1st edition, signed for like 10 bucks…I keep meaning to see what I can pimp that for on eBay, but can’t really be arsed…
j(ay)[/QUOTE]
Ha ha hahah!
Thanks jay, you give great stuff. Shit, I find it creepy that you would have a sighed first edition of the book. I mean that is realllllly creepy, a real twist of fate. :eek:
[QUOTE=Dr.Jekyll&Mr.Hyde]Shit, I find it creepy that you would have a sighed first edition of the book. I mean that is realllllly creepy, a real twist of fate. :eek:[/QUOTE]
“sighed” indeed.
It was just luck of the draw. I’m not a fan of paperbacks (and this was before it was in backed-paper anyway) so always look for hardcovers, and apparently this was before it was seen as "Culture" For The Masses, so it was cheap.
If you wish, I’ll hold onto it and next time you’re in The City Whereth James Joyce Lay we can get together and pound nails into it…
j(ay)
[QUOTE=Dr.Jekyll&Mr.Hyde]Proton, is your avatar a picture of you or Beck? If it's you, you look a hellofalot like beck. Just pointing it out because I love his music, and I think he is a contemporary musical genius.[/QUOTE]
Not Beck, that picture is of myself, but thanks for saying I look like someone famous. However, that picture was taken before I shaved my head so now, if anything, I look like a white supremacist.
moving along,
I thought of another book series that revolted me - The Celestine Prophecy and it's two sequels by James Redfield. Has anyone read them? they are usually all hyped up by treehugging hippies so I gave them, all three of them, a try. Interesting idea and I enjoyed the philosophy behidn it. But the writing level was sub-par. It felt like I was reading an elementary school book report. *barfs* stay away from these books. The more I think about it, the less the actual philosophy made sense. It was like the author kept making up new rules to fit his story line and vice-versa. I like unconventional books but when an author crafts an idea he should stick with it the length of the book.
[CENTER]in a place far away from any one or anywhere, I drifted off for a moment[/CENTER]
Unfortunately I read quite a few stinkers this last year.
De Vinci code and Angels and Demons.
Why does Dan Brown think a turtle neck and a knit jacket look good together? Oh, because that’s the way he dresses. I read Angels and Demons first because it came out first and I like to read things in order. My chick got both of them through the book club. They both sucked ass. I think they are interesting to people that don’t read very often. The head method gets them all excited and they feel like they are learning something. I will l say that I did read a biography on Leonardo right afterwards though, so it was good for that. And it works an indicator of who NOT to take literary advice from, any one that liked it.
Battle Ready, Anthony Zinni and Tom Clancy.
Over half of the book is written in italics. They wanted to separate the two authors, but it is murder on the eyes. Then about 2/3 ‘s of the way through the book, they switch places! Oh, and the whole book is just a jackoff session of Zinni’s old bosses.
The Catcher in The Rye
I know, I read what every else wrote. Let me just say that I should’ve read it when I was 14, not 34. I appreciate the work and the era in which it was written as well as it’s impact, but it was a waste of my time to read it. I learned nothing and felt very little for the character.
I know there were more; maybe I will post them if I can remember. It’s hard to remember everything I have read because I get most of my books from the library and don’t have them around taunting me anymore. Yes books taunt me. Starin’ at me all high and mighty from on the shelf.
Oh, Shella was crap, but at least it wasn't about raping children like his first few books.
EDIT; Battle of Corrin by Brian Herbert.
I love Dune and Frank Herbert, but I waited for this book to come out and then had to wait for it to be available from the library, it was horrible. I hated finishing it, but felt compeled to out of loyalty to his dad. Ooh, that book made me mad.
"well she's either a cruel horny bitch or she might actually like you." - audreythirteen
Simple:
'Junky' by William S. Burroughs
Shouldn't I binge my sould first then purge it?
Say with a wekk of seedy motels, hookers and 8-balls?
Then purify by theological repentance/regurgitation?
I was here. Then I wasn't. Then I was again.
[QUOTE=Dr.Jekyll&Mr.Hyde]I don’t get it, how is this book such a huge hit? I’ve read [I]holy blood holy grail,[/I] so the information Brown was giving was not that surprising to me. If you take away the conspiracy of the Holy Grail you’re left with absolute awful writing. It gives me dry heaves to think about it.
[/QUOTE]
I read Holy Blood, Holy Grail when I was doing research for an idea along the lines of Da Vinci Code, but more like Foucault's Pendulum, which did not suck...
Alas, there might have been sundry millions in it.
Anyway that book was intriguing at least.
I haven't read more than a page of Mr. Brown's Opus. That's enough for me.
I was here. Then I wasn't. Then I was again.
My biggest waste of time this year was
The Adventures of Augie March by Saul Bellow
It was a 600 page novel, very American-coming-of-age-during-Depression-era story.
I began it during my fling with being a maid, I went to a private summer house to clean that bitch and would read it late at night. It took me three months to finish it.
The characters were one dimensional, the plot was bullshit, and forget about the main character learning anything about himself, maybe Bellow ran out of ink? The man is a fucking classic, I was so dissappointed, I kept thinking it would get better, but no, I was wrong.
I started Naked Lunch by Burroughs but no, I read maybe twenty pages, and began to hate the characters, myself and everyone around me, so I put it down, and left it there, maybe one day.
But I'm sucker for finishing books...
My two cents.
-NARS
[I]American Gods[/I] by Neil Gaiman.
One third the way through the book and the deja vu feelings of Clive Barker's [I]Weaveworld [/I] and [I]Imajica[/I] were just too intense. I know a lot of people enjoy Gaimans work, and I'm sure me and him will cross paths again at the local bookstore, but folks, read some Barker and tell me where you think Gaiman got the concepts for that novel.
[B]We were about to give up and call it a night when somebody dropped the girl off the bridge.[/B]--[I]Darker Than Amber[/I], John D. McDonald (Best opening sentence ever.)
Oh man, I read Kiss Me, Judas by Chris Baer and I hated it so much I returned it. I read through till the end thinking he could still redeem himself with a good ending but man, it totally sucked.
[QUOTE=joeyjord]Simple:
'Junky' by William S. Burroughs[/QUOTE]
ahh come on man. You didn't like [I]junky[/I]. Put it in perspective. I read that in college. It didn't say anything new to me, actually I felt I could have written it, but for its time it was cutting edge. Authors didn't write about addiction. The beats broke that barrier. :cool:
[QUOTE=dzudzu]Oh man, I read Kiss Me, Judas by Chris Baer and I hated it so much I returned it. I read through till the end thinking he could still redeem himself with a good ending but man, it totally sucked.[/QUOTE]
I think K sent that to me for Christmas, I can't not read it, the dude sent it to me for Christmas.
I've heard such a range of criticism (on this site especially) that I have to read it. People either love or despise it.
It's not you. The book is terribly written. While the concept is interesting, no doubt, it is written in typical mainstream/popular fiction fashion with a focus on what happens and not whom it happens to (this is in my opinion one of the most important distinctions between popular fiction and literary fiction). Somewhere on chuckpalahniuk.net is a short essay written by Craig Clevenger (The Contortionists Handbook), which gives a great example regarding exactly how bad the writing is. You should check it out. This leads me to the second thing concerning the distinction between types of fiction: a focus on language. Chuck Palahniuk is one of those writers that can dance the line between the two fiction facets because of both his stress on interesting language and character development, and his focus on plot (perhaps this is because of his minimalist approach which as a style focuses on language). It's a rare thing to do well. Unfortunately, much of the reading populous is concerned more with what story is being told as opposed to how it is being told. They want results and care nothing about how those results are attained. The DaVinci Code is a prime example. But look at the bright side--at least people are reading.
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