Opening Lines That Are So Awfully Horrendously Awful They Strike You Dumb & Unable To Compute What You Just Read

durh. hah. edit.

Jesus, what the fuck is this?

Here's one for ya pepper:
"You know, if I cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo."

Exactly!!!!

I read several pages, after I gathered myself back together and recuperated from that line, and it just kept getting worse after that!

Sema, this topic is suppose to be worst opening lines you have ever read in books. Your posts are confusing me...

Last night that book was sitting on the kitchen counter and Gabriel picked it up and asked me what it was. (he is always interested in what I am reading/new books that appear in the house)

I shook my head and told him is aunt loaned it to me and he didn't even want to know.

He opens it up and reads that first line, looks up at me with a look of priceless dumbfounded horror on his face, just stands there like that for almost a minute then walks over to the trash can lifts the lid and throws it in and walks away.

Mamma was proud.

Ooooooooooooooh. heh.
Guess who's assbackwards again. Sorry. I'll edit.

Editing isn't necessary!

I don't mind one bit if most of my topics are whacked off track. I just didn't understand your posts.

I only buy awesome books.

Yeah. Can't remember that last time I read a bad book.

I haven't read much lately though. Sorry Pepper! I've failed you.

I would quote Twilight, but I left it in The Netherlands, because it was so crappy.

I didn't buy that book, it was loaned to me.

I mostly just needed to tell people who would actually understand just how crappy that line was, especially as an opener, I showed it/told a couple other people but they aren't really big readers and just had the regular "that seems sort of vulgar" shock, as opposed to "...this... this.. was... published?".

Of course Gabriel's response after he insisted on opening it up and seeing why I told him not too was worth pure gold.

I might go find some more little gems in it, there were plenty in just the handful of pages I managed to read. (yes, I fished it out of the trash can, it isn't mine I do have to return it.)

It is an absolutely perfectly horrible line.

And is Steinke pronounced Stanky, do you think? I believe someone played a beautiful joke on you, Amber.

Thank You! Thank You! That is all I needed!

I do believe that must be the exact pronunciation of that name, too.

The opening of 50 Shades of Grey is absolutely horrible. But then, all the writing in that book is. I tried to find that first line to post in here, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

50 Shades of Grey, Brittney Spears, etc.
^Things like that give me hope. Hell, if they can do it. I sure as heck know I've still got hope.

"Hey, did you see the fight outside?" That's a bad opening line to use on a woman.

You're doing it wrong!

Also.

Is that for me?

I think it's for me because I'm doing it wrong.

Why is it a bad line? What's a good line?

What's not a line? Is this a line? Is it working? Just take your clothes off already.

I need some new macros.

‎"She's probably one of those art school chicks that would let you score with her if you told her that her ideas were really good"
-Butthead to Beavis

Not so horrendous or cryptic, but I just like to quote these guys.

Beavis and Butthead are sacred. They do not belong in this topic.

pepper, you are always trying to kick me out of here. I'm going to keep posting until I get it right.
*shakes fist*
One day, you'll all see!! I'll be on topic, in this thread!

I'm not trying to kick you out silly!

I prefer when my topics go astray anyhow. That is when things get interesting.

In that case,...