Hack Writers
Who and, if you want [because it would make the thread much longer and more worthy of the attention], why:
(1) James Patterson - Awful, awful dialogue ["You go, girlfriend!": please]; poorly constructed sentences ["He considered the nurse inferior in every way, including the fact that she was female."]; sub-supermarket, clichéd description. Ugly.
(2) Mary Higgins Clark - Just because.
1. Dan Brown. [URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2643&perpage=15&pagenumber=2]Because of this and more[/URL]
2. Any romance book writer. My sister gives these to my wife (who doesn't read them) and I made the mistake of picking one up and reading some. Never again. Take this, for instance:
In the one snippet I read we are introduced to the main male sexual object. Not only is he buff beyond belief, but he is a genius computer programmer for the FBI. *what the fuck?* Further, he is a karate expert who has a famous painter for a mother (who taught him to be sensitive, im guessing) and for his creative outlet he............OH MY FUCKING GOD.................He........He......................................WHITTLES!
That's right, he carves little animals with his buck knife out of sticks of wood. Wow, she must have had to do tons of research to get that one right.
3. Laura Miller. Duh.
i know it's been said, but
NICHOLAS SPARKS
holy fuck can the man explain the shit out of something!!! now, i'm a fan of literary writing, but christ on a crutch, he bores the shit out of me. his plot lines are all the same, too: life is bad-->life is GREAT-->life could never be worst -->life is bad again, but an important lesson has been learned.
Sydney Sheldon. I cannot explain how bad he is. Just cannot explain.
There is hope, but not for us.
John Grisham
Those stupid Griffin and Sabina books
"I've never caught a jewel thief before. It's very stimulating."
Frances Stevens, To Catch a Thief
"Jeff, you know if someone came in here, they wouldn't believe what they'd see? You and me with long faces plunged into despair because we find out a man didn't kill his wife. We're two of the most frightening ghouls I've ever known."
Lisa Fremont, "Rear Window"
Tom Clancy - Rotten writer, arrogant annoying asshole.
Steven King - Made some great fiction once, way too greedy to devote himself to doing it again and is seemingly content to pump out crap at an alarming rate.
Anne Rice - See Stephen King
Patricia Cornwell- Bitch just bugs me.
Janet Evanovich - See Patricia Cornwell
It's not easy having a good time.
Even smiling makes my face ache.
Nicholas Sparks drives me CRAZY. what drives me even crazier are all the smelly old ladies who like to wax mystical about how great his books are. there is absolutely nothing redeeming about any of the pieces of shit he coughs out.
[SIZE=1][QUOTE=ehquestionmark]Wow. This little thread got CRAZY. People telling me to abuse my girlfriend, people showing an alarming lack of respect for women as a whole, people questioning my masculinity in some kind of bizarre machoistic pissing-contest. Hell, I even got called stuffy. [/QUOTE]
[URL=http://confessionalpoe.blogspot.com]Grand Mental Station[/URL]
[URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15714&highlight=interview+insomnomaniac]Insomnomaniac: the found interview[/URL][/SIZE]
The definition of 'hack' I've always known isn't 'terrible writer', but rather one that just writes for the money. Which would mean that in their later years, Mark Twain, Anthony Burgess and a lot of other really talented writers were hacks.
It doesn't really matter, since my picks fit both definitions:
1. Michael Crichton: The king hack of hacksville. Seriously, just write movie scripts and be done with it. His books are so cinematic (I mean that in the worst way possible) that he might as well chuck out all his attempts at character and narrative and just put in the cameraman directions. I hope Timeline makes Gigli look like Titanic.
2. Tom Clancy: He's not as bad, since he at least admits he can't write. The only thing he should be writing down are titles for more video games.
3: a mediocre and disdained writer [syn: hack writer, literary hack] 4: a car driven by a person whose job is to take passengers where they want to go in exchange for money [syn: cab, taxi, taxicab] 5: an old or over-worked horse [syn: jade, nag, plug] 6: a horse kept for hire
i also deeply dislike tom clancy. i struggled through most of "The Sum of All Fears" until I got to the part where he made [i]a nuclear explosion at the Super Bowl[/i] the most godawful BORING series of words I've ever seen strung together. i resolved never to read him again, ever.
[SIZE=1][QUOTE=ehquestionmark]Wow. This little thread got CRAZY. People telling me to abuse my girlfriend, people showing an alarming lack of respect for women as a whole, people questioning my masculinity in some kind of bizarre machoistic pissing-contest. Hell, I even got called stuffy. [/QUOTE]
[URL=http://confessionalpoe.blogspot.com]Grand Mental Station[/URL]
[URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15714&highlight=interview+insomnomaniac]Insomnomaniac: the found interview[/URL][/SIZE]
Stephen King, yes, pretty much anything he's written in the last twenty years or so.
Anyone remember the horror teen writers of 6 or 7 years ago?
R.L. Stein- Goosebumps. Wrote an adult novel too...Superstitous. It was the most god-awful thing I've ever read.
Christopher Pike- Wannabe R.L. Stein.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v298/Lazlosdead/completeLazloSig.jpg[/IMG]
christopher pike was good times when i was about ten.
[SIZE=1][QUOTE=ehquestionmark]Wow. This little thread got CRAZY. People telling me to abuse my girlfriend, people showing an alarming lack of respect for women as a whole, people questioning my masculinity in some kind of bizarre machoistic pissing-contest. Hell, I even got called stuffy. [/QUOTE]
[URL=http://confessionalpoe.blogspot.com]Grand Mental Station[/URL]
[URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15714&highlight=interview+insomnomaniac]Insomnomaniac: the found interview[/URL][/SIZE]
Patricia Cornwell.
Frederick Forsyth.
And a bunch of stupid french authors you are better off not knowing about (Jean-Christophe Grangé, Marc Levy...).
Take two:
1. Robert Ludlum. Anyone who writes a movie script and then novel-ises it. And then the book comes out before the movie. Years before.
2. Clive Cussler. I'm afraid to wipe my ass with his pages for fear it will make me dumber. Please, Clive, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT SUBMARINES!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Dan Brown. I am giving [I]serious[/I] thought to tracking this guy down and punching him in the throat.
4. Dean Koontz. This man almost go me killed multiple times; I was listening to one of his audiobooks (False Memory) on the way to and from work for a couple of weeks. It was twelve tapes long, abridged, and was read by one of those self-righteous guys with the fake british accent who says stuff like "you'll rue the day!" and "but, [B]I[/B] played Hamlet at Yale!". Dean has a real problem being glib. He also has a real problem getting to the FUCKING POINT. Long story short, this combo put me to sleep faster than a handfull of Xanax. I had to slap myself in the fase the whole way to and from work (about 1.5 hours).
End take two.
lol who is dan brown?
[SIZE=1][QUOTE=ehquestionmark]Wow. This little thread got CRAZY. People telling me to abuse my girlfriend, people showing an alarming lack of respect for women as a whole, people questioning my masculinity in some kind of bizarre machoistic pissing-contest. Hell, I even got called stuffy. [/QUOTE]
[URL=http://confessionalpoe.blogspot.com]Grand Mental Station[/URL]
[URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15714&highlight=interview+insomnomaniac]Insomnomaniac: the found interview[/URL][/SIZE]
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by insomnomaniac [/i]
[B]lol who is dan brown? [/B][/QUOTE]
He is the slimy piece of shit who is being sued for plagarism due to his latest, The DaVinci Code.
What was the book The Da Vinci Code plagerized, and was it any good?
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v298/Lazlosdead/completeLazloSig.jpg[/IMG]
I donno any of these authors except los muy famosos.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Lazlosdead [/i]
[B]What was the book The Da Vinci Code plagerized, and was it any good? [/B][/QUOTE]
That scum-lappin' shit bag Dan Brown plagarized the book, [URL=http://www.daughter-of-god.com/]Daughter of God[/URL] by Lewis Perdue
I personally didn't think much of it, but then again, I'm really not fond of "thrillers".
BTW, Lazlo, is you aviat0r trying to be sexy? 'Cause to me she looks like she's takin' a digger.
who is suing him? lewis perdue?
[SIZE=1][QUOTE=ehquestionmark]Wow. This little thread got CRAZY. People telling me to abuse my girlfriend, people showing an alarming lack of respect for women as a whole, people questioning my masculinity in some kind of bizarre machoistic pissing-contest. Hell, I even got called stuffy. [/QUOTE]
[URL=http://confessionalpoe.blogspot.com]Grand Mental Station[/URL]
[URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15714&highlight=interview+insomnomaniac]Insomnomaniac: the found interview[/URL][/SIZE]
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by insomnomaniac [/i]
[B]who is suing him? lewis perdue? [/B][/QUOTE]
yes.
(I hate one word replies so i'll add this: maam)
It's like one of those ink-blot tests.... She's doing what you want her to do...
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v298/Lazlosdead/completeLazloSig.jpg[/IMG]
to me "take a digger" means "to fall down"
[SIZE=1][QUOTE=ehquestionmark]Wow. This little thread got CRAZY. People telling me to abuse my girlfriend, people showing an alarming lack of respect for women as a whole, people questioning my masculinity in some kind of bizarre machoistic pissing-contest. Hell, I even got called stuffy. [/QUOTE]
[URL=http://confessionalpoe.blogspot.com]Grand Mental Station[/URL]
[URL=http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?t=15714&highlight=interview+insomnomaniac]Insomnomaniac: the found interview[/URL][/SIZE]
to me, too. but i guess she could eventually fall...
in my local work vernacular (I work with hillbillies, mind you), defecation has two classifications:
1. The Digger. A regular dump.
2. The Growler. A brace-yourself-against-the-partitions, white-knuckle, steel-cage-death-match.
That is all.
hack writers.. hack writers.. hack writers..
J T Leroy
Elizabeth Wurtzel
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Tuffy the Dump Truck [/i]
[B]J T Leroy
Elizabeth Wurtzel [/B][/QUOTE]
How is JT a hack?
I need to know cause i just ordered both of his books.
Brian Herbert.
Tom Clancy -- He takes the same plot, moves it to some other country(or planet), gives the characters new names, and calls it a new book.
[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by franc tireur [/i]
[B]Patricia Cornwell.
Frederick Forsyth.
And a bunch of stupid french authors you are better off not knowing about (Jean-Christophe Grangé, Marc Levy...). [/B][/QUOTE]
Please go indepth about these Franch authors. I have the feeling you hate them just because they are french, and I am hopeing that's not true.
Well, I'm french, you know. And I don't hate them, I despise them because these guys are pretentious turds. With the great litterary tradition of our country, they still manage to write as if they'd never read anything in their life.
For instance, the french critics were the first to recognise crime writers like Dashiell Hammett as more than just entertainment for the masses (they even coined the term 'noir ' to define the genre). Then comes Jean-Christophe Grangé, who writes his stupid predictable 'thrillers'.
And Marc Levy is a Harlequin-level love novel butcher. He's the hype of the moment because he sold one of his book rights to Spielberg.
Left Behind series - whoever wrote those stupid fucking books is very much a hack.
"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms." Albert Einstein
I know there's a lot of those Chicken soup books...but last night at Barnes and Noble I saw Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Soul.
How many of those were returned when they realized it wasn't a picture book. 
I second the Elizabeth Wurtzel codemnation. [I]Prozac Nation[/I] was the most annoying, whining non-book I ever had the displeasure of reading. AND it was over four-hundred pages, if I remember correctly.
Just finished [I]American Gods[/I] by Neil Gaiman and I'm very tempted to put him in here.
Too much hype- not enough content.
No way. American Gods was good.
Anne Rice-- a cure for insomnia.
Clive Barker I hate to say is climbing his way to hackdom. He needs to quit this children's shit and go back to his roots.
Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.
[url=http://www.angelfire.com/az2/eraserheadpress/mellick.html][img]http://www.angelfire.com/az2/eraserheadpress/carlbanner.gif[/img][/url]
She isn't?
It's not easy having a good time.
Even smiling makes my face ache.
I hate myself....a hack writer
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v298/Lazlosdead/completeLazloSig.jpg[/IMG]
Prozac Nation was supposed to be whiny because she was a whiny little brat at the time she is writing about.
I think it says that at the end of that book...or at the end of More, Now, Again
Bitch is the bad one...awful constant rambling that goes all over the place. And you can see why in More, Now, Again. She was on all kinds of crap while writing that.
Nicholas Sparks- Not that I will ever read his crap, I just know already how shitty he is. Actually, I heard a snippet of an audio book from him on AOL RADIO- AUDIO BOOKS so I can back myself up a little bit, I guess....
"Excuse me sir, Did you wash your hands after you took that big heaping dump. You know that sign, that sign says ALL employees MUST wash their hands after using the restroom, What part of that do you not understand?"- Malcom X
"Would you care to lick my sweaty baulz after they have been dipped in the finest venerial juices and sauteed in my own ass-sweat, madam?"- Winston Churchill