"Classic" novels that you just can't get into

I can't stand Charles Dickens. The only ones I tried to read or was forced to read for school purposes were: [i]Great Expectations[/i], [i]A Tale of Two Cities[/i]. And for shits and giggles [i]Oliver Twist[/i].

I literally hate Dickens so much that I actually wrote a short satire called, "A Tale of Poor Expectations" poking fun at his long-winded sentences and specific detail to minutiae. That's how much I hate him.

The Great Gatsby. I read it in high school and thought it was a bore. In all fairness, I should re-read it because I've forgotten damn near all of it, I just remember not liking it.

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]Dracula, too. I couldn't even get through it on cassette. So I'm selling it.
I'm selling alot of shit, matter of fact.
*SHAMELUSS PLUG!*
[url]www.livejournal.com/~tobiis_crap[/url]
Give me your money.
Updating with movies, clothes, etc sooner or later this week.
P.S. Don't bother looking at any of the books unless you're like 8.[/QUOTE]

You're talking about Bram Stoker's book, right?

Why livejournal instead of ebay?

i cant stand shakespear, its been done to fucking death in every possible form of media

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]No credit card. Can't sign up. Workin' on it.
And yeah. Bram Stoker. Who else? Hehe/.[/QUOTE]

Who else? Ummmmm.....

...

Damn.

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]Crispin Glover does Shakespear with an all down syndrome cast.
[I]EVERY[/I] sort of media.[/QUOTE]

down syndrome might spice things up though,

i can picture it now, juliette is drooling on her dress and romeo just shit his pants.

"womiuah womiuah weh fot out womiuah"
"i wike chocowate!"

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]Dracula, too. I couldn't even get through it on cassette. So I'm selling it.
I'm selling alot of shit, matter of fact.
*SHAMELUSS PLUG!*
[url]www.livejournal.com/~tobiis_crap[/url]
Give me your money.
Updating with movies, clothes, etc sooner or later this week.
P.S. Don't bother looking at any of the books unless you're like 8.[/QUOTE]
SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY.... BE THERE FOR THE SIX ON THE DOT SALE. HURRY HURRY. NEW, USED AND ABUSED MERCHANDISE ONCE OWNED BY SIX SIX SIX. YOU HAVE LOTS TO CHOOSE FROM.... RANDOM JUNK, HAIR PRODUCTS, BOOKS UNLESS YOUR UNDER THE AGE OF 8 DON'T BOTHER. SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY.... YOU'LL BE ABLE TO PURCHASE ONE WHOLE SEAT BUT WILL ONLY BE USING THE EDGE......

yeah im bored again.....

__________________________

big S wrote:

Have a good one! I'd sing you happy birthday but the melody was written by a Sunday school teacher and i know how much you hate God so i won't sing to you. Have a good one though.

[QUOTE=Undertow]The Great Gatsby. I read it in high school and thought it was a bore. In all fairness, I should re-read it because I've forgotten damn near all of it, I just remember not liking it.[/QUOTE]
I'm reading it right now. For school. My teacher decided to read part of the first chapter out loud. I was really tired and could barely stay awake. Bloody torture. I'll have to re-read the beginning again.

catcher in the rye
i still have yet to grasp why on earth this book is even considered a 'classic'

[QUOTE=Ballerina]I'm reading it right now. For school. My teacher decided to read part of the first chapter out loud. I was really tired and could barely stay awake. Bloody torture. I'll have to re-read the beginning again.[/QUOTE]
is your teacher Andy Kauffman ?

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]You should be my narrator for the rest of my life. I could bring you to college with me. You could read all of my papers. You could announce my entrances, make me sound like an old Dick Tracey detective. You and me could make beautiful music.[/QUOTE]

Where do you go?

[QUOTE=Undertow]Where do you go?[/QUOTE]

She's in High School still -- don't get ideas, guy.

[QUOTE=Jeebus]She's in High School still -- don't get ideas, guy.[/QUOTE]

Sheesh, just asking a question. Typical response from someone around Milwaukee though, where Milwaukee's Best (worst?) is pretty much your tapwater. Must fuck up the minds early.

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]You should be my narrator for the rest of my life. I could bring you to college with me. You could read all of my papers. You could announce my entrances, make me sound like an old Dick Tracey detective. You and me could make beautiful music.[/QUOTE]
I would be all like..."YEAH SEE, SIX SIX SIX WALKING TO CLASS, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. SHE NOT IN THE MOOD, SEE. SHE'S RUNNING LATE AND DOESN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED BY SOME SPEDKID WHO HAS THE HOTS FOR HER, YA HEAR. BAD ENOUGH SHE SHANGHAIED SOME LOSER SPAZ KID TO DO HER WORK FOR CLASS BUT SHE GOT A SHITTY GRADE THATS TEARING HER UP INSIDE. GET OUT OF THE WAY, TOOTS, SHES FEELING LIKE AN UNTOUCHED ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET ON ITS 9TH HOUR UNDER THE HEAT LAMPS.

And you said
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving

(heard in the background)

__________________________

big S wrote:

Have a good one! I'd sing you happy birthday but the melody was written by a Sunday school teacher and i know how much you hate God so i won't sing to you. Have a good one though.

[QUOTE=Undertow]Sheesh, just asking a question. Typical response from someone around Milwaukee though, where Milwaukee's Best (worst?) is pretty much your tapwater. Must fuck up the minds early.

:p[/QUOTE]
me thinks Jeebus is trying to prevent you from getting in on some of his game... ya know ya know

__________________________

big S wrote:

Have a good one! I'd sing you happy birthday but the melody was written by a Sunday school teacher and i know how much you hate God so i won't sing to you. Have a good one though.

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]Hired. You start Tuesday. Congratulations![/QUOTE]
Im tickled pink I tell ya. Benefits?

__________________________

big S wrote:

Have a good one! I'd sing you happy birthday but the melody was written by a Sunday school teacher and i know how much you hate God so i won't sing to you. Have a good one though.

The hardest thing I have ever read was "How To Put Things In The Correct Place" by G Scott.

*moved to "proper" section*

thanks.

now, for a real answer: I tried to read The Brothers Kazmirov(?) By Doskievski(?), and although I found the first 100 pages interesting, I just couldn't read it. I have a hard time with a lot of book written more than 50 years ago. The only couple, off the top of my head, that I've read and enjoyed were Catcher In The Rye (screw you, Karb!), Frankenstein, Dracula, and A Brave New World.

[QUOTE=Undertow]The Great Gatsby. I read it in high school and thought it was a bore. In all fairness, I should re-read it because I've forgotten damn near all of it, I just remember not liking it.[/QUOTE]

I feel this exact way about Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I had a bear of a time trying to slog through it.

[QUOTE=alex cassun]The only couple, off the top of my head, that I've read and enjoyed were...A Brave New World.[/QUOTE]

I'm reading that right now.

[QUOTE=phlegmatics]down syndrome might spice things up though,

i can picture it now, juliette is drooling on her dress and romeo just shit his pants.

"womiuah womiuah weh fot out womiuah"
"i wike chocowate!"[/QUOTE]
I'd like to see a version with all Tourette's cast members...

Romeo, oh Romeo FUCK SHIT YOU COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER ASSWIPE! where for art thou Romeo?

SUCK MY DICK YOU CUNT!

[QUOTE=fullmetalbrak]I'm reading that right now.[/QUOTE]Good.

The hardest thing I ever read was "Under the Volcano" by Malcom Lowry, but it was worth it. It goes better if you drink some good scotch whilst reading it.

"Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" was a bit of a drag at points, like when it goes all [I]Platonic Dialogue[/I] about "Art". But it was also worth the read.

"Return of the Native" by Hardy ditto. I don't have a thing against a difficult read, in fact the more difficult reads have more often led me to some sort of epiphany. But it sure helps to have the pressure of "having" to read it for a class, otherwise I might just give up rather than slogging through to the end.

"All the Kings Men" there's that middle section where it goes off into that historical bullshit about some love story of his ancestors, and that was total writerly masturbation for the author in my opinion, I thought it was overkill and overdone. But otherwise, that was an awesome book.

[QUOTE=fullmetalbrak]I feel this exact way about Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I had a bear of a time trying to slog through it.

I'm reading that right now.[/QUOTE]
I take a multimedia approach--Music often helps me get in a groove with a difficult book, like I can somehow get into the mood of the book and [I]feel[/I] it. I don't know why but Smashing Pumpkins [I]Machina[/I] helped me with Heart of Darkness. And then supplement with the movie with John Malkovich and then Apocalypse Now.

[QUOTE=alex cassun]thanks.

now, for a real answer: I tried to read The Brothers Kazmirov(?) By Doskievski(?), and although I found the first 100 pages interesting, I just couldn't read it. I have a hard time with a lot of book written more than 50 years ago. [/QUOTE]

A bunch of my high school classmates had to read that book for an AP english class during my senior year. They basically enjoyed it but thought it was a bitch to read.

Oh, and I remembered another one I just didn't get into: Atlas Shrugged. I tried reading that for a scholarship, and man, did it suck. I doubt I got 100 pages into it. But at least now I can randomly ask people "Who is John Galt?" and either get confused looks or surprised looks followed by the reaction, "That book SUCKED!" Those people then become my friends.

The Great Gatsby
The 23 other books by Alexander Dumas (just so much useless detail, like zane grey)
About half of the books by Edgar Allen Poe (I'm just not afraid of some things)
The Grapes of Wrath
Lord of the Rings.... i go back and forth on this one, but right now, definitely not into it.
and then pretty much anything else I was forced to read. I hated reading in high school. I like reading now, but it's hard to get into a book you and your buddies have already set on fire after having to write a huge a paper on it that would decide whether or not your passed freshman english.

[QUOTE=ireLocus]...and then pretty much anything else I was forced to read. I hated reading in high school. I like reading now, but it's hard to get into a book you and your buddies have already set on fire after having to write a huge a paper on it that would decide whether or not your passed freshman english.[/QUOTE]

I hear you. Granted, I ended up liking some of the stuff I read in high school, but I really didn't get into books hardcore until college. Even now, I only read books that sound interesting to me. All the praise in the world couldn't get me to read something unless it has some angle that sells it for me.

yeah... I know what you mean. there's so much to read, so little time.

Funny.
[QUOTE=alex cassun]thanks.

now, for a real answer: I tried to read The Brothers Kazmirov(?) By Doskievski(?), and although I found the first 100 pages interesting, I just couldn't read it. I have a hard time with a lot of book written more than 50 years ago. The only couple, off the top of my head, that I've read and enjoyed were Catcher In The Rye (screw you, Karb!), Frankenstein, Dracula, and A Brave New World.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, same here. Made it through the first hundred pages. It was interesting, but not that interesting, I guess. Started Catcher the other day (yeah, screw you, Karb! ), and just bought Frank and Drac (same time I bought the Rye) becuase I've never read those novels either--and they were inexpensive bindings.

Catch-22 by Heller -- tried it twice. It's just not funny to me, bored me to death...

[QUOTE=rsarao]Catch-22 by Heller -- tried it twice. It's just not funny to me, bored me to death...[/QUOTE]

I actually liked that one. I thought it was hilarious. Again, like Great Gatsby, I should re-read it because I've forgotten most of it since I read it as a junior in high school. I just remember liking it.

"A Tale of Two Cities". I could NEVER get into that for the life of me. I even saw the movie but I ended up making out with my boyfreind instead of watching it. I do remember that I had to read it for High School and I almost failed English 3 because of it.

Also, "The Great Gatsby", give me a break, dumbest thing ever. I don't even remember that one either. All I know is that he died and that was like the big thing.

[QUOTE=Popcultjunkie]*moved to "proper" section*[/QUOTE]
Zeig Heil! just teasing. PS I saw your pic and thought of Northern Exposure, but hope you don't take that as an insult. I'm curious are you part Indian or Inuit and if so what tribe? I'm just curious about that kind of stuff, but I'm not a wannabe, really :rolleyes: Seriously, though, my great-grandfather was a shaman but in the Slavic tradition, so I've just been curious and studied a bit about shamanic / tribal traditions in general, been at a few Lakota and Cree pipe ceremonies and things like that.

i've noticed that there are books that they think you should read. these classics that, quite frankly, just aren't of interest to you when you're in high school. i found that with "tropic of capricorn" by henry miller. you pick it up a few years later though and you have a totally different perspective.

recently though i was encouraged to read "life of pi" and i'll be damned if i couldn't get any farther that the first 2 chapters...just couldn't get into it.

last of the mohicans. how in the hell can someone take 4 fucking pages to describe the damn scene? YAWN!!!!!!!!!
the dictionary, boring and no plot.

I am sad to see Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby on so many people's list. I loved both those books and The Great Gatsby is one of my all time favorite books.

The book I just couldn't get into - and I tried and tried - was Walden by Henry David Thoreau. I really wanted to like this book too because I heard that it inspired so many writers - mainly Kerouac, who really inspired me.

I've repeatedly tried to read Kafka's The Trial and after four attempts I've never gotten more than halfway through it. Tried his other works too and the same thing happens.

Great Gatsby was quite simply the worst thing I've ever read in my life. Fitzgerald did a great job of getting me to have no emotional involvement in his characters. A bomb could've wiped out everyone at the end and I wouldn't have given a fuck. I felt the same way about The Natural.

A lot of nineteenth centure literature is too dry for my tastes but I do enjoy Poe a lot.

[QUOTE=ivan]
the dictionary, boring and no plot.[/QUOTE]
::SPOILER!::

the zebra did it !

[QUOTE=karbunkle]::SPOILER!::

the zebra did it ![/QUOTE]

Dude, dude, dude, you got it wrong. You must've read that cheapie 99-cent book you get at K-Mart. If you go for the Webster's version, you know it was suicide by the xylophone.

[QUOTE=alex cassun]The hardest thing I have ever read was "How To Put Things In The Correct Place" by G Scott.[/QUOTE]

FYI

I started this thread in General Discussion because I got tired of people bitching at me for not putting threads in the correct sections.

GENERAL DISCUSSION - how could that be wrong???

I thought this was a more conversational question rather than a true book question - so I stuck it in general.

It's got 48 replies and counting so I must have done something right?!?!

Stop picking on me, damn it!

That is all.

[QUOTE=Popcultjunkie]*moved to "proper" section*[/QUOTE]

how can I hold a grudge against you with that hot pic of Natalie Portman

thanks for the move

[QUOTE=G Scott]FYI

I started this thread in General Discussion because I got tired of people bitching at me for not putting threads in the correct sections.

GENERAL DISCUSSION - how could that be wrong???

I thought this was a more conversational question rather than a true book question - so I stuck it in general.

It's got 48 replies and counting so I must have done something right?!?!

Stop picking on me, damn it!

That is all.[/QUOTE]
nothing specific goes in general discussion

Catcher in the Rye I was bored with. Stuff like Little Women, Dickens' stuff, Wuthering Heights...I just can't get into. The Fountainhead was one that was okay, but wished it was over a LOT sooner. I had to force myself to finish it...just kinda boring.

Anything that can be labelled as "Russian Proletarian literature." Ugghh.

[QUOTE=karbunkle]nothing specific goes in general discussion[/QUOTE]

So does nothing general go in Specific Discussion?

[QUOTE=Attim]"A Tale of Two Cities". I could NEVER get into that for the life of me. I even saw the movie but I ended up making out with my boyfreind instead of watching it. I do remember that I had to read it for High School and I almost failed English 3 because of it.

Also, "The Great Gatsby", give me a break, dumbest thing ever. I don't even remember that one either. All I know is that he died and that was like the big thing.[/QUOTE]

[sarcasm=5X13890256252]a fountain of knowledge and understanding

[/sarcasm]

The Hobbit and Huckelberry Finn. I can't stand the constant bursting out in song and the stupid spelling errors that are trying to tell me the black kid is uneducated. He could've just said it. I think they should release a version for people like me, people who get annoyed when you have to pause while reading to decode what was just said.

[QUOTE=niceguyjoe]I think they should release a version for people like me, people who get annoyed when you have to pause while reading to decode what was just said.[/QUOTE]

"Who dat, who dat knockin' on de do?"

I always dug classic Russian lit ([I]Crime and Punishment[/I], Dostoyevsky), some French (Flaubert, de Maupassant), but what stuck me the most when I was younger was Beat Generation bohemian pre-hippie shit: Kerouac, William Burroughs, Ginsberg was cool, Ferlinghetti, Corso, et cetera. And goddam Charles Bukowski, amazing. To name 1/1000 % of major influences.... Most of their shit are "difficult" for people to get into, but they were worthwhile.

As far as Classics I hate... I'll have to think about it.

[QUOTE=ivan]last of the mohicans. how in the hell can someone take 4 fucking pages to describe the damn scene? YAWN!!!!!!!!!
the dictionary, boring and no plot.[/QUOTE]

I have to disagree, I truly enjoyed the descriptiveness of the book, oh well to each his own I suppose.

I've always had trouble reading the "great" "female" novels - like:

-Wuthering Heights
-Jane Eyre

and some of Thomas Hardy's works other than "Jude the Obscure" which I enjoyed.

And although I can appreciate her contribution to literature (I guess), I detest Virginia Woolf. "To the Lighthouse" was pure Hell. "Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" I am mate, completely terrified!

Her 'contribution' is much like admiring painters who paint like children but attest that they can actually paint like da Vinci but only 'choose' to paint like a child b/c it is their message. I tend to think they actually cannot paint like anything but children and only say that they can paint like a da Vinci in order to be called 'artists.' I sometimes tend to think the same of Woolf, that perhaps she doesn't possess the literary genius or 'conceit' for her 'fascinating use of the pronoun' the 'shifting point of view' may just be that she cannot write and forgets who the hell is speaking in her novels and so she just rambles on and on changing pronouns willy nilly - yes? perhaps not? maybe she is a flipping genius and I just do not get it. If that is the case I do not want it, as it seems like a troublesome rash.

And I have tried to read Ayn Rand, but she is so boring and pompous - it's like trying to read bloody John Stuart Mill - mechanical and boring!

But this is just my opinion as I'm sure there is some one who appreciates these people *cringe* and I respect them for their opinions (even tho I may disagree)

Lady Chatterly's Lover - R L Stephenson
Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
The Golden Bowl - Henry James

just a few that come to mind - teeth pulling these were