When you grab the bull by the horns today...what exactly are you going to do with it?
Huh? Will you try to wrestle it? Try to leash it up and make it your pet? Or will you just grasp helplessly in the clutches of near death, hoping for some divine intervention to guide you through the next step? Do you even have a point to grabbing it? Do you know how you're going to grab it? It is a bull, you know. They just tell you to grab the bull like it's such a simple thing to do if you believe hard enough. One of the hardest things you could ever do in life is grab a damn bull by it's horns. Infact, for YOU, it's impossible. That is a feat you will never accomplish in life. Can't you just ride the bull instead? Even that's probably not a good idea. Are you at least going to try? Well that's good. Idiot. Who are these lifeists? These people, just telling you to do these things? Are they trying to kill you? Are these lifeists actually deathists? All these fitness gurus and born-agains and YES YOU CAN YES YOU CAN folk...are they actually stone cold killers on a psychotic idealist's mission to end humanity? Is it all a fraud? What's that country where they unleash the bulls in the street and run from them? They do it as a yearly annual event. A sport. I forget who does that. Brazil or Spain or something. Then you got those psychos who climb a mountain cliff face with nothing but a bungee cord and booty shorts to improve their IQ. Motorcycle speeders who want to feel the planet. Street lugers becoming a piece of wind. Cave spelunkers hunting for spiritual enlightenment. Deep sea divers who need to swim with the rapist dolphins as a form of yoga. Jungle explorers ready to get up close with the face-ripping monkeys for a better libido. Somebody put all these ideas in their heads. They read somebody's books or saw somebody's TV spot and absorbed these suicidal messages cloaked in POSITIVE ENGERY and SECRETS TO LIFE IMPROVEMENT. This is a PSA. DON'T GRAB A BULL. STAY YOUNG LONGER. GET AWAY FROM THAT LEDGE. PUT SOME PANTS ON. Don't even go into the bull pen. There is nothing good in there. I guess if you survive, you'll win ten thousand dollars or something. (LINK REMOVED) We are the life gurus and we care.
Do you think people who climb to the top of Everest ever have one of those moments, like halfway up, where they are just like My God What Am I Doing How Did I Get Here?
You know climbing that thing is not actually a fun time. And once you get to the top you have to go all the way back down.
Or the people who inject botulinum toxins into their faces. I guess you would call them youthists.
I saw a video where one of those bull running guys purposely went out into the street to have bulls run at him and then he chickened out and jumped off a cliff to get away. Out of the frying pan and off a damn cliff.
My dad always gets mad when he hears about people who get stuck in caves and under rocks and out in the ocean because of all the money we have to pay into rescue teams just to allow people to do stupid things. He thinks they should just have one helicopter and when somebody gets stuck in some place they have no business being, they should drive the helicopter by and laugh at them and then go back to the rescue team base.
His favorite line is, "I'll read about ya in the paper!"
And he's one of those safety fiends who won't even be able to sleep if he knows there's something sitting on the stairs.
So we were driving out of a port town a few years ago, just as a storm was hitting the town, and this guy and his two sons were all going out on a tiny boat while the waves were getting higher every second and my dad pulled up to the side of the road and put his head out the window and yelled to the family's dad, "READ ABOUT YA IN THE PAPER!"
I am the bull. Don't grab my horns.
And he's one of those safety fiends who won't even be able to sleep if he knows there's something sitting on the stairs.
I'm one of those safety fiends too, but only with things that have to do with fire/fire safety.
But we had two house fires when I was a kid, the first one my bedroom when I was just about to turn fourteen and the second less than a year later, my sisters bedroom just after she turned thirteen. It is a big family joke though, the way we both burnt our entire rooms down when we were thirteen. Goodbye Childhood! Hello Destruction!
*grab*
Adventure...!!!
Si vis pacem, para bellum
*grab*
Adventure...!!!
BANNED AND STABBED
you mean GORED.
No, I mean STABBED. I would never dirty my horns.
aaaahhhhhhhh
Word of Warning: DO NOT IMAGE SEARCH FEMALE MINOTAUR.
Some things are just wrong. WRONG!
Word of Warning: DO NOT IMAGE SEARCH FEMALE MINOTAUR.
Some things are just wrong. WRONG!
You grabbed the bull by the horn huh?
Cast the Cult: Mythological Creatures
I'm not talking about the Bull any more, or its Horns. 
We got into mythology a little with the last one about animals.
So we were driving out of a port town a few years ago, just as a storm was hitting the town, and this guy and his two sons were all going out on a tiny boat while the waves were getting higher every second and my dad pulled up to the side of the road and put his head out the window and yelled to the family's dad, "READ ABOUT YA IN THE PAPER!"
When a hurricane was coming to get us I think last spring or fall, the live news was showing some parents of the year candidates at an ocean ledge with their small children in hooded jackets and stocking caps seated on the ledge watching the waves rise up up UP UP UP as the wind roared and rain poured. I might have read about them in the paper if I had read the paper.
Word of Warning: DO NOT IMAGE SEARCH FEMALE MINOTAUR.
Some things are just wrong. WRONG!
Some of those were actually kinda hot.
It also seems like a lot of those young artists are a little unclear on exactly what constitutes a "minotaur." But the feverish drawing of the anthropomorphic donkey and fox engaged in coitus was really something.
Get on over to my website, young'un! www.subvertfromwithinrecords.blogspot.com
But I wanna stare at monkeys to get a better libido.
Si vis pacem, para bellum