What did YOU find on the Internet today?

When he was about 20-21 ish there was this cable access show he used to watch in North Portland (NoPo, for those that want the ghetto name) that had this fat black kid that used to go on rants about what pissed him off, namely 'Happy White People' (what the fuck do you have to be happy about?! You're WHITE! Stop Smiling!!!)

So it has always been just a thing, a sort of private joke he has with himself... You know what pisses me off? Happy white People.... he will just say at random times for no reason.

If it came from somewhere else first, or if someone else more main stram took it up, I do not know.

NoPo, particularly St. John's (where he lived at the time) is/was the worst part of town as far as gangs and shootings and naming streets after famous black people and all that ghetto nonsense.

When you wake up on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., you know you're fucked.

Malcom X Street, forget it.

Rodney Allen Rippy Avenue, on the other hand...

They renamed a street Rosa Parks Way.

I have always wondered if calling it 'Way' instead of 'Boulevard' or 'Lane' Or 'Drive' or whatever was some plot by city planners to make it so eventually people would forget and just start calling it 'Rosa Parkway'.

That or a gross oversight.

my racist wannabe nazi ex-step-father-in-law huddled on the floor board of the truck shaking when he was driven down MLK.

heh.

Also, we used to have this car game. My friend Mike made it up. We would play it while carpool driving to church sunday mornings, which the drive took us the entire length of MLK.

It was called 'Ho's, Bro's and Do-rags'.

Everyone in the car picked a particular sort of ghetto person. Ho was hooker. Bro was a african with a fully matching tribal looking outfit and/or and gangster wannbe in a fully matching outfit, it had to include the hat, either way. Do-rag was any one wearing one.

There where also other characters that could be claimed such as Man With Cans, any bum with a bag or cart full of returns. Hoodrat, any particularly young trashy gonna be a hooker someday soon girl. And Wigga and Cholo and Meth Head and whatever else.

You picked your character and whoever spotted the most of their character before our destination was the winner.

Best. Car. Game. Ever.

And yes, you read right up there.

this is what we played on the way to church.

I fucking miss Mike.

Kind of a Deep-South Slugbug.

Hey look, it's a cool map of Romania.

I can't remember right now where my 3-D glasses are...

Sad truths.

mtv is a pay channel around here.

They'd have to pay me to watch it.

HAhahahahahhahahaahaH!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!

I can't even watch that video. Kid boogers are so gross.

That was adorably gross.

Not my taste. I don't understand how it made it to Tosh.0.

The trick dad always pulled on us and that I've only recently found how to do.

So if I did that to you last week, would you have freaked out?

If I had a time machine I would do that. Before killing Hitler even.

I would do that and then go kill Hitler and then return to last week again and do the trick again with Hitler's thumb.

I would postmeditate that murder with you.

We could each take a thumb and do it at the same time!

Our pranks will be so symmetrical.

If it were possible to time travel into the past (it is possible to travel to the future) I wouldn't kill Hitler. Without him maybe someone even worse would have taken over. You just can never know with these things.

The technology these days is mind blowing.

I wouldn't kill Hitler either, I'd just see what I could do to get him into that art school.

People always belittle his art (still) but I think he was quite good at drawing.

I confess
- not lying -

Indeed
I lhoved you

Yes with an 'h'
because it was
a mistake

I like that a lot Irina.

Phillip Roth has some advice for new aspiring authors...

http://www.avclub.com/articles/read-this-philip-roth-gives-some-very-sob...

Well what does he know.

I'm gonna miss this.

Ive only ever had one Twinkie, half a cupcake thing, and half a HoHo. I remember the chocolate parts tasted like wax which is why I only ate half.

As far as wax goes though, it was probably relatively delicious wax.

yes.

Pål Martin's dad is in the US right now, and he was supposed to bring us back Hostess cupcakes and twinkies. I hope he'll manage to buy some!

Never had a Twinkie.

That's not my poem, I found it on the Internet and just attempted a rough translation for those who can't speak Spanish.

eek.

Remind me to never get rid of my eyebrows.

Don't get rid of your eyebrows.

LMAO

http://www.vice.com/read/some-fire-fighters-got-showered-in-shit

Not funny:

So what was the reaction among the crew when you guys found out it was sewage?
We thought it was kind of funny. Or at least I did. But then they sent in the paramedics and they explained the health risks, like you can get Hep A and everyone was like fuck that. We had to wash in this chemical stuff and wear biohazard suits, and by then everyone was pissed off at being placed so unnecessarily at risk. One of the guys called the workers union and now they’re helping us settle it. We just work too hard for this kind of shit. And that’s not even a pun.

Haha, no, I guess not.
Yeah, not when two of the guys were taken up to Port Macquarie hospital because they had open cuts that could have gotten infected. I’m not a doctor, but I know raw sewage in an open cut is bad news. The rest of us were just instructed to visit our doctors if we got sick.

This Part, is exactly why firemen are so fucking sexy. Yes, I realise I just said someone being covered in raw sewage is sexy, which is the contradiction of the year, but he was so busy Being a Fucking Hero he couldn't even be bothered to notice something like raw shit falling on him from the sky:

And when did you notice they weren’t dumping water?
Well I didn’t notice anything. I was fighting a fire and that kept me occupied,

And this, did make me laugh in my head:

And what did your friends say about it?
Most of them have been good. A few of them thought it was funny. I’ve got one buddy who thought it was really funny, but he’s nearly 30 and works at KFC.

That is all probably the nastiest thing I have read in a long time.

I'm gonna go barf now.