____ vs. _____

give him an electronic suit virus.  batman would win.  hands down, no question.

and chuck could so beat jerry springer's ass.  and my woman could beat up your woman..

Maybe he could us his batmagnet to fuck up iron mans electronics. Then he cud turn him round, open his crap flap and give him some batty boy bum love. Batman wins and iron man offs himself when the rest of the avengers piss themselves and thor asks him for a date.

I had an idea for a thread like this with culties, but I figured it woulf lead to some bad blood and name calling. Hmmm...

Nancy Pelosi vs. Hitlery

Hitlery would throw haymakers, Pelosi would scratch and claw. Hitlery would lose a lotta skin, but she'd eventualy knock Pelosi unconscious.

didnt you read Dark Knight Returns? Batman put the kibosh on Superman! He'd finish off IronMan in about 3 minutes

word, nate, word.  batman would so kick ironface's face in.  bats got that magnificent brain, man..

stewart vs colbert

tough. but i say conan o'brien.

stewie would kick bart's yellow ass

odd that i infinitely enjoy simpsons more than the griffins, though

conan wouldve won five years ago. hes losing it.

i say colbert by thumb war. stewart...he just sucks.

stewie's kind of whiny. my vote's on bart. yeah, conan's not as sharp as he used to but he's, like, seven feet tall. that's got to count for something. plus he has that mad glint in his eyes. and his red hair. yep, it's the hair.

crunchy peanut butter VS creamy peanut butter?

creamy. i like my peanut butter texture to be consistent. otherwise, it'd be a jar of peanuts.

you know, the red hair might just push conan over the edge

a peanut butter war will never end. creamy or chunky. impossible.

creamy peanut butter doesnt have that nice chunkiness but the chunkiness of chunky fucks up bread when i try to spread it.

jehovahs witness' vs. mormons

i hope god smites both of them

but i think mormons win just because theyre creepier. too fucking nice and agreeable. makes me want to throw a brick at their face.

The 1927 New York Yankees vs the 1972 Miami Dolphins

People way overestimate Batman.  Tony Stark isn't a brainless schmuk.  It's not like he has no defenses against hacking.  Hell, Stark could hack into the Batmobile and drive it off a cliff before Batman could hack the Merk III.

I wanna see Mormons vs. Scientologists.  I have a personal theory that Mormons are happy that Scientologists came on the scene to make them look less crazy.

i think scientology is a branch of the moron diocese

and i love advertisements

i will definitely click to receive my free e-book about the end times.

speaking of ebooks, kindle vs sony reader. i want to get one but kindle might be the way to go if they make it cheaper and people can hack it to read PDFs.

harry potter Vs. Jane S.

Malfoy Vs. Corellion

Tough ones. I'd say harry would beat jane, duh, magic, but corellion would beat malfoy because he'd scare him so much.

I miss being around here. I need to visit more often.

Mormons win by sheer volume. I think that bunch from Texas alone could win it with one unibrow tied behind their collective back.

 Stephen King's worst nightmare vs. Neil Gaiman's 

I think this could be tough, honestly.

p.s. anyone that cares: good news - Neverwhere is going to be a feature film. good news, indeed.

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/

But if it was something to do with brains, like say a chess match, the 27 Yankees might have a chance. Surprisingly no, the 27 yankees were plenty stupid as well.

xec8 versus ODIN, GOD OF ROCK!

Batman always wins.

Crunchy.

Hell yes.

Mickey Mouse vs. Ronald McDonald.

Mick's got size, and he's probably faster because he doesn't eat shit like Ron. I see R McD fighting dirty though, maybe pulling it out with a nut shot.

Mac vs. PC. 

Mac would win no question right now, but a few years down the road, once Windows notices no one's buying their computers, they'll probably start to pull themselves together, come up from behind, and have a few more years in the limelight before they start to suck again.

paris vs. london.

i'm gonna stop putting off a trip i've been wanting to do for a while and since rome and santorini are too expensive, these are two options i'm contemplating that are (slightly) less. i'd like to see the castles in london. i'm leaning to paris because of the louvre (and monuments too) but the language barrier is intimidating.

count chocula vs lucky, the lucky charm leprechaun

count chocula because frankenberry's got his back

zombies vs vampires

In a fair fight. No effing flying away and shut. Walking zombies instead of running zombies. To win the zombie would need to bite the vampire or the vampire would need to suck the zombies blood.

MULTIPLE OUTCOMES!!!
One! It could never happen because
A. Vampires would not need to kill a zombie because
1. They would use their fancy pants magic and fly away... or jump or whatever... flee...
2. By killing a zombie in the "normal" vampire way- (turning them) the vampire would kill himself
B. VAMPIRES ARE TECHNICALLY ZOMBIES AND ZOMBIES DONT KILL OTHER ZOMBIES
1. They are undead
2. They feed off the living
C. Given the parameters set forth, in an actual fight the zombie would always WIN
Two! If there were no rules
A. The vampire could use its superhuman strength to decapitate the zombie HOWEVER
1. ZOMBIES OFTEN TRAVEL IN "PACKS" AND AS SUCH COULD OVERTAKE EVEN A SEASONED VAMPIRE
2. VAMPIRES ARE SOLITARY CREATURES- THEY HUNT ALONE
3. A VAMPIRE WOULD NOT HUNT A ZOMBIE
B. IF THERES AN A THERE NEEDS TO BE A B AND I CANT THINK OF ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THE VODKA MY ROOMMATES HAVE FORCED ME TO CONSUME

 Michelle Obama vs. Bill Clinton - with knives.

There are some problems with your analysis here.  Let me spread my geek wisdom:

1. Vampires would need to kill zombies because a zombie infestation would take away their food source (humans).  If there were only zombies, vampires would starve.

2. It's true Vampires are undead, but that does not make them zombies.  Vampires have free will and intelligence.  Zombies (common ones anyway) do not.

3. A Vampire can use weapons (guns, swords, artillery, hell even nukes if they needed to) and their speed/stregnth/possible telekinesis would never allow them to get outnumbered in a fight they didn't plan to win.  Also, Vampires can form covens and work in packs as well if they are so inclined.

4. An oversight you've made is that (according to some) vampires can create their own zombies from humans they have feed on and not changed to a vampire.  So a vampire can create an army of their own zombies to fight zombies if they were so inclined.

well said. i also had a problem with her post but decided to leave it alone. felt the world didnt need to know how much i love vampires and all that i know about them.

Ah duh. I realize that but it has no bearing on whether or not they will win in a fight against a zombie. I decided to leave that bit out.

Zombies are undead. Vampires are undead. Vampires are zombies but zombies are not vampires.

Vampire weapons would be cheating. In an unarmed fight a zombie would so kick vampire ass. I believe I made that point. I think I made it again in the NO RULES part of my arguement. If a coven of vampires with weapons fought a pack of zombies the vampires would win. My fight was unarmed one on one.

Are you calling a familiar a zombie? I DO NOT MAKE OVERSIGHTS. Im talking zombie in the undead sense. Not a zombie in the mind control sense.

AND

If youve got a problem with my zombie logic fuckin say somethin to defend your precious "vampires" Fuckin pussy ass vampire bitches. Vampires my ass. Vampires. Pshhh.

2007 Cult would totally destroy 2008 Cult.

IRONMAN VERSUS LOKI!!!

Stupid Phil I hate you.

Me vs. You

I'm gonna win. Because you're a little bitch and I'm a bad motherfucker. Remember that time when you were ten and fell down for no reason and busted your lip and skinned your knee? That was just the whiplash from the beating you're about to get. Seriously. You're fucked. You've got as much time as it takes for me to take off my earrings, do a couple pushups, and recite my signature "I'm about to beat your ass" monologue (roughly 35 minutes) to get the hell out of Dodge or sign over a Chrysler. Start countin.