TMI

Yeah, one of the advantages of being in a relationship. And I just realised you probably have been with James for almost (?) half your life and that is just beautiful and amazing and I admire all of you ladies for stuff like that.

That sounds really bad written out like that. hahaha

I've been with him for 17 years. We were on again off again every six months for the first six years.

I was his first girlfriend and first kiss and first fuck and everything.

He likes to tell people about that, but always fails to mention the oddles of girls he messed with in between the times were were together in those first few years (and a few when we were together, I am no saint there either though for those first few years)

I have fapped, I think, twelve times.

No, it sounds dreamy and wonderful. I realised last week as I was watching a third quarter moon rise over the sea that I have been in love for the past 10 years, continually, like I've never taken a break between who I loved, whether it was four, two or again four years. And now I'm not in love anymore and it feels very discouraging and strange.

Not sure if that makes much sense.

It hasn't always been dreamy and wonderful. Trust me.

I wouldn't know.

Enjoy not being in love with anyone for a bit, and then the next time you fall in love, it'll be all the more amazing. At least, I guess so. I enjoyed not being in love with anyone between the time I was divorced and when I met Drew. I'm glad I got to have that alone time, only having to be responsible for my own feelings (and those of my kids, of course). When I met Drew, the love smashed me in the heart and I welcomed it in a way I may not have if I hadn't had that down time.

Today?

Today.

Jerked it in a dressing room once.
I was 13 and thought thought new that it needed to be done.

Okay, I was being modest. It's probably closer to 15k. I'm still young though. Plenty of time to catch up.

I have been in love more often then not. I enjoy being in love, I still get nervous aaround Xia, and get butterflies, kiss her awake, all that cute hsit. It is great. But also stressfull at times. Not being in love is like a vacation sometimes, its easier atleast.

The sad part is that it's a two-digit number and I've no longer been a virgin for almost 6 years.

Two digits is better than no digits.

Interestingly, I tried to come up with an actual number of partners earlier this summer. Forget remembering names - some I never knew in the first place - but I did eventually come us with one. And that number is wayyyy too much information.

I know my number and I don't know if it's bad or not since I couldn't tell you how many times I've actually had sex.

I use metal bands to rate each shit I take. If it comes out fast and furious, it's Napalm Death. If it takes a while to come out and I need to push hard and there is a heavy splash, it's Sunn O))).

An ideal shit to me is Black Sabbath.

I'm not sure if I've read your interview and yeah I guess I'll have to ban myself for a week or forever or whatever.

If I ever count up the number of people I have been with it always seems like I am missing one. It is rather inexplicable and perplexing.

I think it is because there was one person that I was with and then several years later with again. Both very brief (and lousy) flings. The second fling sort of a, in my mind, well I have been with you before so this doesn't add to my slut factor too bad really, sort of deal. So my mind wants to add that as two people, when really it isn't.

I don't understand how this is a problem, and if it is how you can not solve it easily.

You are a youthful sexy female. If you want more sex then as much sex as you want is there for the taking. You just have to make it clear you are desiring it when around men you find desirable.

If it is that you want to be having sex with someone where there are mutual feelings of love involved then I can see how it may be difficult to get sex when you want it. But otherwise? As i said above.

I don't go out much, I only go out at night if I'm with my friend who has a car, and since high school I haven't exactly been around a lot of men - one boy in our high school class, 2 in our college one. It also doesn't help that I am shy as fuck in real life, at least before I get to know the person. Or that I mostly look underage and have the height of a 12-year-old.

Do you ever have those indy metal band shits that try too hard to be offensive? Like, because they don't have corporate restrictions, they just come blasting out in a disgusting wet scream-beam of swear words and anti-religious sentiments about dropkicking babies for your god's mistress in the midnight kill fuck farm...but then when you look in the bowl, there's nothing even there? They rely on shock value so they're just loud noises and stench, but no contents. And yet, it somehow still takes ten minutes to wipe?

I'm taking a Deep Purple right now.

Also when if I'm stressed and my diarrhea is bloody, it's a Pig Destroyer. If it's slightly soft and bloody and makes me cramp, it's Cannibal Corpse. If it's solid and bloody, it's GWAR.

Blackened solid shit that makes me cramp is Eyehategod.

If a baby poops messily is it Cradle of Filth?

I've been constipated for the last couple of days. It all just came out. I'm so ready for the kegger we're throwing tonight.

How many courics did you poo?

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/155640/crap-verification

Not many. I've dropped much bigger with much less effort. My butthole's shrinking, I guess.

It got scared when you started talking about maybe putting pinky fingers up in it and stuff.

My posture has been getting better.

I know we get silly in in these kinds of threads and say funny, outlandishly gross things because we're all pals and can say anything to each other with absolute trust and confidence. Heck, I've been known to pull a few gaffs myself, right? But this is really disgusting and I don't want the women here to read it. I need male input. Genitalia.
So...here we go...(deep breath)
You see, lately I've--NO, no, no, I meant I'm going to talk about genitalia...and I need your opinions. Don't be gross. Alright...
(Deep breath again...)
Lately, since you were just talking about peeing in the shower in the other Gross Things thread, my part has been extremely sensitive to the water. It always has been but lately it's so much that when I run shower water over the head, I urinate.
Automatically.
This began a few weeks ago. Maybe I should note that I, um...I'm not...Oh my goodness, ladies, please stop reading this. Please. Perhaps it should be noted that I am part of the Ant Eater Club, so I am extremely sensitive out there at the tip, which is where the water needs to caress it for this to happen. Perhaps I should also note this began around the time I went back to taking coldish-warm showers, and no longer hot showers, as hot water never did this to me. I've always peed in the shower anyway, but just if I so happened to need to while in the shower...Now, I can do it by simulating myself with the cold water. On command.
Is this normal?
At first, I thought no big deal...until I started playing with it. I would begin a shower with the usual pee, as would always happen...but then, after the wash, I would run my part's exposed head underneath and pee again. I started ending my showers with the same piss I began with.
How about this?
Today, I peed four times in the shower. With an erection. Anytime I stroked myself under the water I peed, so I just kept pissing while stroking. Now wondering about the things I've heard and read about prostate cancer, I decided to insert an index finger and feel around for some unusualities, while at the same time tending to my erection...I ran it under the water and had the fourth piss, which was followed by an orgasm. And it felt iiiincreeeedible, you guys. Aaaammmmaaaaazzziiing. I didn't find anything up there, though.
But after the orgasm, I could no longer urinate. But before, with the erection, I could just keep going and going, and these were legit pees, too, not those strickly pathetic ones that look forced and uninspired. These were all rocket jet streams, happy to spray the shower curtains and splash the walls of the tub on their gleeful descents.
Should I be alarmed?
I'm not. I think it's great. I'm beginning to look at this as a talent. I am filling out an application to America's Got Talent now as we speak. I am going to upload videos onto some adult tubesites. I am going to write to dirty magazines. I was going to put this in the Embarrassing Confessions thread but I am not embarrassed. I am no longer looking for medical advice as much as I am gloating. Bragging. Showing off. If I am anatomically in danger right now, I don't want to know. I want to piss blissfully into the orgasmic oblivion. If you see a threat here, keep it to yourself. If satisfying myself this way means I drown in the cold, wet urethra of Death than so be--ah...ooooh...AAaaahhh...Then so be it.

You're not fooling anyone Ritt.

You put all those Stop Reading This You Ladies! Disclaimers at the the beginning for the sole purpose of inciting us to read on and then have, all of that, stuff, in our heads.

You fucker.

At least you didn't mention anything about shooting a snot rocket while you did it.

Absolutely not. Snots are disgusting.

I love you for your part in this conversation. And I didn't read the long post because I can deal with loving you until I start thinking about your genitalia on top of it.

Tooweirdtooweirdtooweird.

She's saying your genitalia's too weird, Ritt.

Common knowledge.

Which makes me think she must've at least skimmed that long post.

Nope, not at all. I stopped at the "I need male input. Genitalia."

I try to always stop there, if I'm warned.

I started the first day of my being 22 with a shower and a fap.

Also never had birthday sex or holiday sex.

Common occurrence?

Showering before a fap? Or during?

You males are always in need of input.

Haha... input.

We don't always need male input. In fact, some of us prefer none at all. You must attract the uncommon, missy.

Pinkies count, mister.

During.

Only if it's consensual.