TMI

Does the girl he's cheating on with you look like your mom too?

Someone's got issues...

I think Irina's "fuck buddy" is quite hot. Does look a bit similar to your dad Irina but that might just be the way he is in that photo that emphasises the similarities...

Whenever my kids are home, I get extremely amorous. I haven't wanted to have sex for over a month but now that the kids are here, I want to rip off my man's clothes. I think there is some sort of sub-conscience drive to have more kids. I don't know. It's weird. You would think I would have wanted to get all of that out of the way while they were gone.

It is probably that your brain is flooded with feel good hormones right now Madaline.

Irina's boy toy is cute enough and appears probably quite charming, but kind of plain looking, imho. Her dad and him look very similar, too.

Jane Fonda is running out of options.

I may have undone my good karma two nights ago when I had to shake someone's hand.

They didn't know I had just wiped without washing my hands. It was after midnight! I didn't expect to even see anyone.

Ewwwww. Don't be surprised if a piano lands on you.

I can't think on my feet. I should have said I had dirt or something on my hands.

You should told him the truth.

For maximum comedic effect, you should have informed him *after* completing the handshake.

Then farted loudly and ran off giggling.

Gotta love the classics.

You're a classic.

It was after midnight, I heard a noise outside. It was my neighbor (my best friend's little brother) I went for the manly hug, because of my hand. The girl he was with (she was cuuuuuuute) wanted to handshake as I'd never met her. Me with my new great outlook, (see buzz kill thread for reference) had no problem telling her her hairstyle was freaking hot. I think she appreciated my straightforward nature.

This whole exerperience has made me wonder how dirty poo really is, I mean it spends most of its time inside ourselves touching us.

So does stomach acid.

It's feces. It comes out of your ass. That's the second dirtiest part of your body; don't get busy with it!

I don't see what it being after midnight has to do with washing your hands or not! You are still going to touch things. The door knob to the bathroom, light switches... your own face!

I spent yesterday throwing up and with a headache like someone was taking a giant cork screw and drilling it into my spine at the nape of my neck and through my brain out my forehead, and then mother nature decided to make a visit today. hooray for vacation.

On the bright side, I only had two cigarettes yesterday so maybe I will just quit today.

Poor Pepper.

I got some bad razor burn around my nethers.

The last fuck buddy I had in college would get so horny the last few days of her rag, she would take a cold shower to try and slow down the bleeding but I would still always end up with blood all over my dick.

edit: and before y'all ask, no, I never gave her a bloody sanchez or war painted her face or made bloody hand prints all over her stomach or back after pulling out...I'm a gentleman like that

bahahaha

I had a Tuffy moment where I saw a girl I hadn't seen since she was in 5th grade. She's 18 or 19 now and hot. Made me feel old. Time really passes...

Thats why you do it in the shower.

Great. I have "moments" named after me now.

There's a dorm building behind the building where I live, across a courtyard type thing. I was looking out the bathroom window the other night and saw a dude jacking off with all the lights on and the blinds open. WHAT THE HELL DUDE. Children live in this building, close your damn blinds.

Would it make you feel any better if I named a really cool dance move after you?

Oh man! It was dark out! I thought people couldn't see me at that part of the night if I couldn't see them!

My friend has that same problem, her neighbor, who has floor to ceiling windows, jacks it every night, in the same room, lights on windows open. We started shining a lazer pen at him.

Once I saw a guy and a girl getting it on but they get a pass cos it was about 3am, but c'mon, this was 7pm on a weeknight.

There are hotels in New York with those floor to ceiling windows that people stand in front of, like theater/theatre stages, to fuck and masturbate for the spectators on the street below. One of them was in that movie Shame.

OH yeah, I forgot about that movie

You also have a Beanie Baby named after you.

I know this because when I was waiting for my prescription to be filled yesterday Lily was looking at a rack of beanie babies and naming what all their tags said their names were to me and then she handed me one and said she couldn't read its name, the tag read:

Tuffy
Some people say he's not to bright
because he loves to bark
and sometimes bite

Eerie.

ha. Little bit?

The things eyes were fucking creepy *ahem* I mean they were quite innocent.

You should probably contact The beanie baby corporation about that, they need to get these thing straight without any silly defamation and libel, you know.

Once when i was 14, in one of the small towns where i grew up, me and my best friend were walking home from school and we were down by the elementary school. There was this small row of identical, connected houses across the street from the elementary school and i happened to look that way when passing and there was this big black guy jacking his big black junk in a doorway. It was shiny and lubed. Anyway, i looked at what he was jerking off at out of curiosity (it was boys playing basketball at the elementary school) and when i looked back at his door, it was closed. I laughed my ass off.

Then a few years ago, i visited that town while on vacation and the identical houses were still there and i wondered if he was still living there, spending his afternoons masturbating to little white boys playing basketball at the elementary school.

I'm kind of jealous that I've never seen people jerkin it in front of windows n stuff.

The girl I crushed on for many, many youthful years happened to live right down the street to me. One day, when I was 13, I decided to release some stress. Nobody ever walked by my house, so I left the blinds open. If people were actually able to see through their windows into mine (during the day, there's quite a glare on my window) then whatever, I didn't mind. So I'm sitting at my desk gettin' it done when, wouldn't you know it, that girl decided to take a walk that day and pass right by my house. She looks directly through my window and I'm staring back with a very, very shocked face. She sort of widens her eyes a bit (I think) but immediately turns and keeps walking. I'm sort of freaking out, but I decide to finish anyway.

To this day, I have absolutely no idea if she saw something. Was there too much of a glare? Was the little door on my desk open enough to hide my shame? What did she think of my penis? These questions, I fear, will forever go unanswered.

Well you know what you have to do right? You have to go find her, hope she is good looking, and get a straight answer out of her. It would be like one of those bad romantic comedies/softcore porns!

You know, I had run that scenario in my head over and over, and... nah. I think that was actually the last time I really saw her. I bumped into her once with her dad at Blockbuster some 4 years ago. Since then? Nothing. She lives on my freakin' block, and I haven't even gotten a glimpse of her. Her parents are always outside, though. I looked for her on facebook once. Her pictures were with her and this one douchey looking guy, but those had been taken something like 2 years before. No updates. I remember around that time, my mom had said something happened to her that wasn't polite to talk about, so she didn't tell me what. I remember being very frustrated that day. This girl's one giant freakin' enigma.

...You are not helping you case for not finding her. Strange accident, never outside, no updates. It could become a murder mystery or some crazy horror.

I suppose I should find a duster and a fedora, show up at her parents' house and get the skinny.

You traumatized her.

Fuck.

Now you have to find out.

*sigh* ... Give me a couple of days.

LEAVE HER ALONE!

He is the only one who can fix this.

Seeing Lib's peener kilt dat girl!

Traumatizing is only step one. Move in for the kill.