TMI
I really wish my step-dad would just go to bed already so I can jerk off.
Well, I hope you get what you want real soon.
I'm going to go get in the sack with my man now.
I feel like this might turn into embarrassing admissions thread because I'm really not sure what I should post without it sounding like a confession.
A confession implies a flaw in character. TMI is something more like, "I just popped a zit."
Si vis pacem, para bellum
When I piss, I like to see how far back I can step while keeping it landing in the bowl. Sometimes I can press my back fully against the wall. Sometimes I can step outside the bathroom. I always get back in before the stream dwindles down too much. I never miss or make a mess. At night time, I like to piss blindly in the dark like a bat. I never miss or make a mess. I'm a great pisser. One of my favorite parts about getting drunk is how often I have to piss. I like pissing. I love pissing outdoors. In the nature, into the wind. On trees, into the soil. I imagine it's a certain kind of weather storm to the ants who live in the ground. Not quite a regular rain storm because they already have those just as we do, this is something brief and abrupt, something they can't prepare for. I'm sure they have their own word for it. Like, during the spring and summer, they have their own versions of meteorologists telling the other ants that it's Humans Outside season which means large chances of abrupt piss storms, because it's going to be sunny and warm all weekend. They can predict that with their antlers or whatever those things on their heads are, and if they can sense the oncoming weather with those things, can they sense oncoming piss too? Can they sense it coming between the time of the piss leaving the man and hitting the ground, sense it flowing through the airwaves? Like a broadcast? What about as soon as my dick comes out into the air? Does the phallicness act as a satellite to their antennas, and that is their warning to go inside? Kinda like how we have grey skies to tell us that? Oh dear, I have stepped out too far this time! Better get back in there before I make a mess!
Gotcha.
*edited*
If anyone remembers what this said, I just checked today (hadn't in years) and I can report a happy never mind to you all.
This is the best book I've ever read.
I just cooked dinner in a tshirt and underwear. no pants party.
sexy
TMI: I've been having really bad gas this week...it's embarrassing.
Hah, my boyfriend and I do this all the time - my flat is boiling at the moment.
It's been far too long since a beautiful woman cooked me dinner wearing just a tshirt and underwear.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Also.
My penis is 17 inches of pure terror.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
My penis is 17 inches of pure terror.
Welcome back Tuffy.
On a completely unrelated note, I exagerate wildly to overcompensate for my insecurities and to make myself seem more interesting than I am.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Also, I have a small penis.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
I'm talking small. As in "Oh, shit, really?!" small.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
On an unrelated note, I tend to exagerate wildly.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
He's lying.
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
But, I *do* have a penis.
And now you know that.
And you are thinking about my penis.
So, really, that's a win for me.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
My penis is so average, current national averages should be ashamed of how far off they are. I also tend to exaggerate wildly.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
And now you know that.
And you are thinking about my penis.
So, really, that's a win for me.
I am not thinking about your penis. Dirty old man.
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
Who are you and what have you done with Melody?
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
I understand you're terribly insecure and make outrageous claims just to make people like you (they don't) but why do you have to be redundant (this is the internet after all) and state that you're exaggerating. Right there is an excellent spot for self-improvement. All you have to do is let your words speak for themselves and stop retracting every sentence you write. However from the mere thirty or so seconds I've been aware of your existence its clear you live a meager existence. The only highlight being is one you are able to string enough words together to mildly insult someone to the point of annoyance. Since self-improvement isn't even an option your goal in life must be improve your linguistic skill so that your tongue could be considered a dangerous weapon. That too will involve you no longer being redundant. So either way stop being fucking redundant.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king
What the fuck are you babbling on about?
I think.. He's calling out Tuffy..
Aren't you dead yet?
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Absolutely nothing at all. Ranting about nothing is one of the minor joys in this cruel universe.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king
Who the fuck are you?
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
Absolutely nothing at all. Ranting about nothing is one of the minor joys in this cruel universe.
I also like to piss in the shower. Not in the tub, but straight into the drain hole. It doesn't touch anything else. That would be disgusting.
I mean, I stand outside the tub and piss into the drain.
Who the fuck are you?
Can I answer that in multiple choice? Well I am anyways.
1) I'm you from the future trying to warn you about the impending doom facing mankind.
2) I'm Lucifer and I'm bored.
3) I'm your sub-conscious, who the fuck do you think it is?
4) I claim ignorance.
5) I am everything and nothing. I'm Alpha and omega. Heaven and hell. Order and chaos. Life and death. Energy and oblivion. I am the time that refuses to move forward. The mountain that won't peak. The fire that won't burn. The water that won't quench your thirst. I'm the eyes that follow you but are never there. The sounds you hear when you're all alone. I'm the ground that shakes. The sky that falls. The sun that collapses into itself consuming all around it. I'm the end of days but just the beginning. I make you shiver when your warm. Scared when your calm. I make you laugh when you should cry. I'm everything you tried to make and all you've destroyed.
or
6) Peter Lillycrop.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king
Bill Burr was saying the other week how someone told him your shower water goes down into the drinking water so when you do that, you are pissing into your own body. I did not know they recycled water. That is disgusting. I don't need to drink the rest of the world's dirt so since then, I have started recycling my own water in a private well with my own conversion system.
Then again, Bill Burr doesn't understand how an airplane works. Then again, neither the fuck do I.
Who the fuck are you?
Can I answer that in multiple choice? Well I am anyways.
1) I'm you from the future trying to warn you about the impending doom facing mankind.
2) I'm Lucifer and I'm bored.
3) I'm your sub-conscious, who the fuck do you think it is?
4) I claim ignorance.
5) I am everything and nothing. I'm Alpha and omega. Heaven and hell. Order and chaos. Life and death. Energy and oblivion. I am the time that refuses to move forward. The mountain that won't peak. The fire that won't burn. The water that won't quench your thirst. I'm the eyes that follow you but are never there. The sounds you hear when you're all alone. I'm the ground that shakes. The sky that falls. The sun that collapses into itself consuming all around it. I'm the end of days but just the beginning. I make you shiver when your warm. Scared when your calm. I make you laugh when you should cry. I'm everything you tried to make and all you've destroyed.
or
6) Peter Lillycrop.
They even made a song about you.
Seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary, I do, still, even now, hold out hope that we may someday have an influx of newbs that are actually cool without trying so fucking hard and add something to this place more than just trolling.
Mchatin's no noob. This your 4th or 5th banning coming up, buddy?
Nah, you're right; pretend you're really someone else this time promise. That's always funnier.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
You do that.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king
I haven't yet had sex in my college, and my classes have been over for a month now. In secondary school I made out and got fingered for the first time, the last day of classes; in high school I had sex in the school magazine "headquarters" aka a classroom I still have the key to, the day I graduated. So what now? My graduation is July 2, but it's in the Law School building as that one has larger halls.
If this isn't the very definition of TMI, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck are you?
Can I answer that in multiple choice? Well I am anyways.
1) I'm you from the future trying to warn you about the impending doom facing mankind.
2) I'm Lucifer and I'm bored.
3) I'm your sub-conscious, who the fuck do you think it is?
4) I claim ignorance.
5) I am everything and nothing. I'm Alpha and omega. Heaven and hell. Order and chaos. Life and death. Energy and oblivion. I am the time that refuses to move forward. The mountain that won't peak. The fire that won't burn. The water that won't quench your thirst. I'm the eyes that follow you but are never there. The sounds you hear when you're all alone. I'm the ground that shakes. The sky that falls. The sun that collapses into itself consuming all around it. I'm the end of days but just the beginning. I make you shiver when your warm. Scared when your calm. I make you laugh when you should cry. I'm everything you tried to make and all you've destroyed.
or
6) Peter Lillycrop.
They even made a song about you.
This song came out in the summer or '91, I was born approximately fourteen months latter. I had no idea Matalica prophesied my birth. Thank you for this information.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king
Nah, you're right; pretend you're really someone else this time promise. That's always funnier.
I'm cynical, nihilistic, facetious, bastard, insults everything and one (including myself), go off on random tangents for no reason, suffer from a insurmountable amount of mental illness that have for as of this time gone completely untreated, and last but not least have only one testicle. If I could be anyone else, even pretend, I would.
But great loaded question anyway.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king
18-19 year old nihilist troll?
You must have so much to teach us.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
I'm cynical, nihilistic, facetious, bastard, insults everything and one (including myself), go off on random tangents for no reason, suffer from a insurmountable amount of mental illness that have for as of this time gone completely untreated, and last but not least have only one testicle. If I could be anyone else, even pretend, I would.
But great loaded question anyway.
What about kidney failure?
^my thoughts exactly.
Who the fuck are you?
Can I answer that in multiple choice? Well I am anyways.
1) I'm you from the future trying to warn you about the impending doom facing mankind.
2) I'm Lucifer and I'm bored.
3) I'm your sub-conscious, who the fuck do you think it is?
4) I claim ignorance.
5) I am everything and nothing. I'm Alpha and omega. Heaven and hell. Order and chaos. Life and death. Energy and oblivion. I am the time that refuses to move forward. The mountain that won't peak. The fire that won't burn. The water that won't quench your thirst. I'm the eyes that follow you but are never there. The sounds you hear when you're all alone. I'm the ground that shakes. The sky that falls. The sun that collapses into itself consuming all around it. I'm the end of days but just the beginning. I make you shiver when your warm. Scared when your calm. I make you laugh when you should cry. I'm everything you tried to make and all you've destroyed.
or
6) Peter Lillycrop.
You are either an alt of a banned account or you are just some random douchebag here to piss us all off. For your information we all rather like each other around here, so why don't you do us all a favor and either do something to get banned all ready or just go on and fuck off?
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
Lib made me laugh in my pants.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
I'm cynical, nihilistic, facetious, bastard, insults everything and one (including myself), go off on random tangents for no reason, suffer from a insurmountable amount of mental illness that have for as of this time gone completely untreated, and last but not least have only one testicle. If I could be anyone else, even pretend, I would.
But great loaded question anyway.
What about kidney failure?
I thought it was liver failure.
I was wondering why this thread had so many posts.
TMI: I almost shat myself last night after having a conversation about butt sex and some chick shitting all over her friends car because she had butt sex. That's not why I almost shat myself though it was because I ate some greasy food and my stomach was hurting and I had to pee and shit really bad while we were on our way to the race track and some cops hit on us while we were looking for a restroom and I wanted to straight up tell'em that i didn't give a fuck because I really had to take a shit and piss. I was so happy once I made it to the restroom.
Hahahaha
I lost my glasses so the "I" looked like a "!" and I only click on it because I wondered what the fuck "TM!" meant. Long story short I wish I didn't loose my glasses so I didn't have to read your disgusting little comment you filthy ugly bastard I hope you penis turns black and falls off.
When I was the rat,
The rat who would be king