The Morgue

Bro Su'mo cut rape holes in me. See? He really does love me FOREVER!

I needed tighter holes to fuck.

So far, chivalry being Dead is my favorite part of the afterlife.

Tighter holes ... you big flirt!

[QUOTE=Brother Supremo]
mr_hash- Examination of the stomach shows 9 different types of sperm.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Sperm Poisoning
[/QUOTE]

fullfilling my wish in the die die die thread to be [URL=http://chuckpalahniuk.net/community/showthread.php?p=531924]poisoned sexed[/URL] to death
I really am way too excited about this being my death

hit me with your best shot?

I'm gonna die the way I lived.
Doing nothing on the internet with one hand one my mouse and one in my pants, except when I'm typing or not wearing pants, then it gets hard.

...my life, I mean.

In conclusion I, Thomas William "Fiberoptic" Harvey "Jesus" Nelder will die whilst typing or whilst wearing no pants.

One of those GOLDEN threads!

I just gave it one GOLDEN star, Brown.
But dont worry. They add up.
If 5 people do the same, it will be rated 5/5!
But it also resets, so if six people vote IT'LL GO NOWHERE!

This is more difficult that the voting system in America. Sheesh.

Like making Golden Thread on The Sims! Happy happy happy.

after all the dumb things ive done that should have killed me.. i'll probably get done in by choking on something, or accidently eating something with fish in it

More examinations:

Sara Faye- Subject found dead on pool table without pants in local pub. Throat was slit. Semen residue from several different men points to a gang bang gone wrong.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Slit Throat.

Vendetta- Subject brought into the morgue in a glass jar. Subject was apparently skydiving and landed onto a passing helicopter. Remains were wiped off helicopter window and put into jar.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Helicopter Decapitation

Mr. Brown- Subject was found with dead behind the counter at a local videostore. Sunject found with copy of "Prehysteria 3" and a bullet in the head. Possibly killed by angry customer over late fee.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Bullet wound in head.

Snuffy- Subject was found anally impaled on a metal bedpost in his bedroom. He was discovered by his mother in the morning, with the television still on. The victim apparently was watching a homosexual porn video.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Anal Impaling.

Fiberoptic Jesus- Subject was found floating in a river. Examination of the body reveals several illegal drugs in blood stream. Victim last seen in homosexual dance club, The Flex. How subject went from night club to the river is a mystery.
[B]Possible Cause of Death:[/B] Drug Overdose.

Still more to come . . .

i want to know in what sexual way i will die !

Wait a minute ...

How did Brother Supremo die?

hopefully he hasnt yet so his doctorly ways can fill us all in on our own demise but when he does go i bet its from a gay widower that caught him sodomizing his deceased companion !

Do me! Do me!

[QUOTE=Thag]Do me! Do me![/QUOTE]
please be referring to the death descriptions

Federov- Subject masturbated self blind. Stumbling around home blind, subject fell out of window and plumetted five stories onto parked car with pants down.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Nasty Fall.

Karbunkle- Known local favorite and homosexual, subject's body found in woods covered in black and blue bruises. Subject last seen in known heterosexual bar room. Apparently cruised the wrong person and was the victim of a brutal gay bashing.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Gay Bashing.

Atomos- Subject found camped outside of movie theater waiting for release of the latest Star Wars installment. Subject failed to bring food or water. Body found covered with traces of semen residue.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Starvation.

Brother Supremo- Last seen in entering hotel with local male prostitute, D' Mario Brown.
[B]Status:[/B] Missing.

Ok, I'm curious now. How will I be done in, Supremo?

i was obviously murdered and set up to look that way.

these are gruesome.

[QUOTE=snuffy]i was obviously murdered and set up to look that way.

these are gruesome.[/QUOTE]

Dude, 'anally impaled'!

[QUOTE=Mr. Brown]Dude, 'anally impaled'![/QUOTE]

i know it,! my prefferred way to go is death in battle while successfully protecting a village of smurfs from a robot attack.

[QUOTE=snuffy]i know it,! my prefferred way to go is death in battle while successfully protecting a village of smurfs from a robot attack.[/QUOTE]

I was guessing protecting plant-watering robots from those black 'nak nak nak' smurfs.

More to wet the bloody whistle . . .

Undertow- Subject found naked in street with torn fingernails and intestines exposed. The anus was also bloodied.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Rape Murder.

Thag- Subject found mutilated in dumpster. Subject's penis and testicles slashed and split in half and sewn into makeshift vagina. "Vagina" stuffed with PVC pipe.
[B]Cause of Death: [/B] Torture.

L. Kirshner- Subject was performing oral sex on driver in a speeding vehicle. Driver suddenly hits brakes and lodges erect penis into subject's throat. Subject chokes to death.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Choking.

UbikRex- Subject has crushed torso and head. Subject was trampled by rampaging elephant while attending circus event.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Elephant Trampling.

. . .

Anyone else hear Vincent Price's voice when you read the causes of death?

oooh, oooh, pick me! pick me! I want to die next!

After that short chat in the chatroom today, I'm soo looking forward to the next couple of autopsies.

Send me in for the big sleep.

I just need to know if my death is going to involve "vomit" and or Sigourney Weaver. A man's just gotta know these things.

Sorry. Working in the morgue is my second job. So anyways:

Alex Cassun- Subject serving time in state correctional facilty was found in the shower room with his head impaled. Apparently his murderers unscrewed a shower head and slammed his head into the exposed end. He was scheduled for release the following day.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Head Impaling.

Earthbound- Subject found torn in half in the middle of a street. Examnination of the deceased's ankles reveal rope marks. One theory is that the subject had legs tied to two different cars which drove in oppostite directions.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Torn in half.

urmynme- Subject found at the airport vomiting blood. Further examination reveals that the deceased tried to smuggle illegal drugs into the country by stuffing them into condoms and swallowing them. Condoms apparently broke inside and subject overdosed.
Cause of Death: Drug Overdose.
[COLOR=Yellow]On a Lighter Side of Death: [/COLOR] Movie Starlet, Sigourney Weaver was apparently at the same airport.

[COLOR=Red]Special Request examination:[/COLOR]
Vidalia- Subject was quite found of swimming in the ocean and playing with the dolphins. Examination of the corpse reveals dolphin semen. Subject was apparently raped by her dolphin friends and drowned. The subject [I]was[/I] wearing a revealing swimsuit.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Rape/Drowning

Still more to come . . .

dolphins masturbate. they'll be fine without me.

Hey, I want someone to open a cupboard one day and for my corpse to fall out.

[QUOTE=Brother Supremo]
Earthbound- Subject found torn in half in the middle of a street. Examnination of the deceased's ankles reveal rope marks. One theory is that the subject had legs tied to two different cars which drove in oppostite directions.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Torn in half.[/QUOTE]

In retrospect, I should've paid Don Solero.

Enjoy another set of examinations . . .

Minuet- Subject found in bowling alley. The face was mangled by the ball return machine. Eyewitnesses reveal that subject had bowled a perfect game which upset her opponent. The opponent then grabbed the skilled bowler and shoved head into the ball return machine. The hair and skin were torn off of skull.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] The Ol' Head In the Ball Return Machine Trick..

Jane S.- Subject recently abducted last week. Body found by hikers in the forest. The eyes were removed from sockets and stuffed with what looked like chicken feathers. The organs were missing. A pentagram was carved into the back.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Religious Sacrifice.
[COLOR=Red]Update: [/COLOR] Murderers arrested. They were Christians trying to scare local children.

Jayp- Subject found decapitated in various garbage bags in landfill. Location revealed by captured serial killer,"The Homo-cidal Maniac". He admitted to killing 80 homosexual men.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] Axe murder

Brother Supremo- Skeletal remains found in the middle of Nevada desert. Dental records needed to identify deceased. How the subject ended up here is a mystery. Last seen with male prostitute, D'Mario Brown.
[B]Cause of Death:[/B] unknown.

haha, nice work

Coming soon: Kit!, RandomThought, Morey, and others . . .

Also: I hired UbikRex as another forensic examiner to fill in while I'm gone every other night. Don't fail me and bring down this thread.

[QUOTE=Vendetta]Hey, I want someone to open a cupboard one day and for my corpse to fall out.[/QUOTE]
And for something to fall of off the corpse.

*steps in for his graveyard shift*

[B]Walking Contradiction[/B] - After taking local cult suggestions of posing in a scandalous semi nude photo shoot, Walking Contradiction would later contact local pornographic giant [U]Guns and Ass[/U] magazine. [U]Guns and Ass[/U] photographer Shimp Douglas and WalkingContradiction would hit the streets of Phoenix, Arizona. Halfway through the shoot recreating the Madonna nude hitchhiking poses, Walking Contradiction would step to far off the sidewalk and be crushed by local ViaTrans Bus 457.
[B]Cause of Death[/B]: Crushed by Bus.
[I][COLOR=Red]Update[/COLOR][/I] - Guns and Ass publishing is currently under investigation for hiring underage models.

[B]Bboymute[/B] - A lynch mob would form together at a Transvestites Together meeting when members discovered a young male(Bboymute) masterbating in the far corner of the hall. Lynch mob members flew in a murderous frenzy beating him furiously and then tearing him apart with their bare hands. They would later state upon questioning that he was always seen entering but never noticed through out meetings till today.[B]
Cause of Death[/B]: Beaten and Torn to death for Voyuerism

[B]NightMonkie[/B] - Local Kentucky farmer Ted Cletus shotguns resident Cult Forum member NightMonkie in the chest, when he was awakened by loud cluckings from the Hen House. Ted was shocked when he arrived at the scene what he could only describe to authorities and news media as the most raciest scandal he has ever laid witness. Ted shot victum upon arrival when he laid witness to a three way sex romp with a rooster and a lovely hen.
[B]Cause of Death[/B]: Shotgun blast to the chest.
[I][COLOR=Red]Update[/COLOR][/I]: The hen made a full recovery.

[B]Batman[/B] - Bataran impaling the Caped Crusader in the back of the head when resident butler (Alfred Pennyworth) would arrive in the BatCave with a tray of milk and cookies. Alfred would drop his tray of milk and cookies scattering across the cavern floor when he bared witness to a bottomless tights Dark Knight in the cave with a crying, confused Robin.[B]
Cause of Death[/B]: Batarang impaling to the cranium.

[QUOTE=Six On The Dot]Contrary to popular belief, right now, at this very moment in time, I am doing the Not So Dead Yet dance.[/QUOTE]
Good to know!

First, let's give a hand to UbikRex. Okay, now to some serious business:

Kit!- International internet TV porn "star", Kit!, died live during the internet broadcast of her show,"[B][I]Kit! Kock! Kah-rayzee![/I][/B]" The young lady was trying to break to break the "anal gang bang" world record. Her heart may have burst during hour 7 of the non-stop event. Contestant #67 was the first to realize she had died.
[B]Cause of Death: [/B] Heart bursting.

Morey- When subject was brought in, I almost ruled him as being burned to death, but further examination reveals six bullet wounds in his chest. His corpse was found after his home had burned down.
[B]Cause of Death: [/B] Bullet Wounds.
[COLOR=Red]Special Note: [/COLOR] The subject's killer was found. He was a young teenager claiming to have been molested by the deceased years ago. An undamaged wall safe in the subject's home revealed a child porn collection that collaborates with the story.

Six on the Dot- Subject was dining at the grand opening of a new restaurant with a 1920s theme. The restaurant held a dancing marathon contest in which the subject entered. Hours later she collapsed on the floor from exhaustion. Subject's fall to the tile floor damaged her head and caused her brain to hemorrhage.
[B]Cause of Death: [/B] Brain Hemorrhaging

[I]Flashback to one of the first ones from the original chatroom:[/I]

RandomThought- Subject was an apparent victim of incest for years. While performing oral sex on her father, the subject decided to finally fight back by biting off her father's penis. But before she could make her escape, her father strangled her to death.
[B]Cause of Death: [/B] Strangling.
[COLOR=Red]Update: [/COLOR] The father was raped and murdered in prison.

woah cool i was a porn star

These should be saved and backuped a dozen times.

Okay, I can't think of anyone else. So if there's anyone I missed, please remind me. Pha pha pha!

*Eating a ham sandwich examine a corpse*
Ju..*finishes chewing* Just start grabbing members that post anywhere that should getting people looking to post instead of writing stories or chatting in a chatroom.

[QUOTE=UbikRex][B]Bboymute[/B] - A lynch mob would form together at a Transvestites Together meeting when members discovered a young male(Bboymute) masterbating in the far corner of the hall. Lynch mob members flew in a murderous frenzy beating him furiously and then tearing him apart with their bare hands. They would later state upon questioning that he was always seen entering but never noticed through out meetings till today.[B]
Cause of Death[/B]: Beaten and Torn to death for Voyuerism[/QUOTE]

I was predicting death by chock on cheese but same differnce...
thanks

How 'bout Milroy Borden's death?

Lemme see . . . Milroy Borden's death . . . Oh my shit, I didn't do one on one of my favorite cultists, Fullmetalbrak! And a few others too.

*[I]throws radiohead cd out of window[/I]*

I need something more harder. I can't possibly write about more bloody anal rape deaths while listening to [I]High and Dry[/I].

Stay tuned . . .

[QUOTE=Vendetta]And for something to fall of off the corpse.[/QUOTE]

Depends how long you were in there for. Theres a good chance your bowels would have emptied into your keks.

I'll be sure to wear a skirt. More spreadage.

It's the gift that keeps on giving.