the Curse of Drank Funk: Survival Guide
I think by now we are all familiar with Drank Funk. Lately I've used Drank Funk to personify the stupid shit I do when super shitfaced drunk. Last night was one of those nights. Running on very little sleep and fuel yesterday was not the best night to go out with my buddy who gets me drinking like the 300+lb 6ft something black dude he is who was raised by an italian/irish family.
I had spent the day with my other buddy sippin on some beers casually while hitting up her wall(painting), listening to some music. On my way to pick up my other buddy to go watch my other friends band at some bar I was fighting the urge to fall asleep but because I'm a trooper and can't rank out I decide to go out to the bar anyway.
SLAP SLAP
So I wake myself up a bit drive to the bar which is another 15 miles on top of the 20 miles I had just finished trekking.
Me and my buddy Gavin catch up over a beer while waiting for my buddies band to show up. I'm pretty sure that beer alone got me drunk but no I had to be a tough guy and drink another
and another and another and another
It was also karaoke night at the lovely Shamrocks. My friends band basically plays while anyone drunk enough to get up in front of everyone sings a song.
I try to convince Gavin to sing a song with me but fail so I decide I'm drunk enough to make a fool of myself and succeed by being too drunk to even sing Wild Thing. It was downhill from there.
I smoked a cigarette
Sang some more
Made a pretty girl feel uncomfortable around me...I don't remember what I told her but she assumed I had a thing for her.
BLUR
I stole some guys beer
Sang some more and finally got Gavin to sing along.
Close time
I drove off with some guys phone, Gavin decided to give my number to, as I was trying to delete my number out and with the guy still in my window chasing his phone down.
Don't worry I returned the poor guy's phone.
Now it was time for the lovely journey home but first to drop Gavin off at home. No instead I go home first because I have to pee like a racehorse. This stop was the last thing I remember before running out of gas on a freeway no where close to my home or where my friend lives. So I call my cousin to pick me up luckily for my eagle eye I could see the name of the next exit and what freeway I was on.
Called my boyfriend because I was freaking out being on the side of the freeway which was really busy at three in the morning for some reason. Semi's shook the car as I struggled to get my car started.
The exit was so close yet so far.
It's times like these I hate that I am only 5'3 100lbs and a girl.
I just wanted to get home.
My phone was dying and my cousin still wasn't there yet.
PANIC
ANXIOUS
I want to fucking get home!!!!
Finally my cousin arrives, I buy some gas still drunk off my ass.
As I refuel my car on the side of the freeway the semi's that drive past nearly knock me off my feet.
Home at last.
How I survived the curse of Drank Funk is one mind fuck after another.
What Drank Funk Curse have you survived?
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
Every regrettable thing I've done in life, I've done sober.
I am in the process of writing the next Cult Musical track. It's called Drank Funk.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
!!!
I feel really bad about this Frank. I know how bad it is to drink and drive yet I find myself doing it from time to time. I was doing so good recently being responsible about not drinking and driving.I even cut back on drinking too. I know I have a problem and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like the only way of beating this addiction is going cold turkey but then I feel I would have to completely end social ties with quite a few people. I always say this is the last time but there's been quite a few those already.
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
Them's the breaks. I realized I don't have the self control to only have a drink or two so I cut drinking out of my life entirely. I have to much shit going on in my life that getting drunk and in trouble would make things worse. I've been sober a month now and I have definitely cut back on my social life. I haven't really hung out with anyone other than my immediate family. You really have to be selfish and worry about yourself rather than those you won't be drinking with anymore. I went cold turkey and have yet to have a problem. I think I need to be sober for a while longer for my own good.
Whoa. It's getting pretty responsible in here. I should go. Not that I was actually here to begin with, but...
"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism." -Carl Sagan
"Am I cruel? Probably. Is she an idiot? Yes." -jane s.
I'm actually really proud of you and am looking to you for some inspiration. I know i have to do whats right by me it just sucks because my closest friends are like family to me and i've already cut back with spending time with them as it is but they usually keep me from drinking and driving so thats good. But when I go out with my other buddies like Gavin who is like Devil's Advocate I do shit I know I'm not supposed to be doing. I get this courage/pride that if I can drink as much as my buddies I'm like some fucking super hero that can at like a douche bag and get away with it. Its a very dangerous combo.
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
the curse of Drank Funk struck me one of the times a few years back when I still worked in a deli. I wasnt old enough to buy alcohol so another person who worked in the store brought in a bottle of Yaeger. Over our lunch we proceeded to finish the bottle, shortly after I went back to work it finally hit. The next thing i remember is my boss dragging me to the back room with part of my finger in a cup. I ended up having the spend the next few hours in a hospital getting fixed up. The doctor messed up the novacaine and I felt every stitch going in. Another aspect that sucked was my dad was so mad that I was drunk that he wouldnt pick me up from the hospital so I had to walk the 8 miles to my house, still drunk.
BUMP
Curse of Drank Funk has struck again!
New Year's celebrations usually call for some champagne or mixed drinks. I spent my night of drinking with a few friends at their apartment along with some of their friends i had never met before. Most everyone was trying to pace thier alcohol intake to make it towards the countdown.
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
Happy New Year!
Everyone made out with their significant other and gave each other hugs. The party was on. Twenty minutes into dancing and drinking our way into the new year a girl decides to jump off my friends balcony into the downstairs neighbors backyard. Didn't land right and was laid out unconcious. So girl number two jumps after her to make sure shes alive in doing so breaks her jaw. Everyone was drunk and frantic trying to give their friend CPR. Blood everywhere. We called the paramedics. Cops arrived. Fence was broken down. Drunks were hysterical.
Madness I tell you!!
Girl two had jaw wired shut.
Girl one went into surgery as well.
It's nice to know i still have some sort of brain between my ears that prevents me from doing something like this.
Survival Tip #1
DO NOT JUMP OFF BALCONIES WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE
Survival Tip #2
DO NOT JUMP AFTER A FRIEND. USE THE STAIRS!
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
Tell me about it.
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
What happened to this track? Is it lost in space with that Chicken or did I miss it or something?
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
What happened to this track? Is it lost in space with that Chicken or did I miss it or something?
This link may or may not work.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fdl.dropbox.com%2Fu%2F114732...
What happened to this track? Is it lost in space with that Chicken or did I miss it or something?
This link may or may not work.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fdl.dropbox.com%2Fu%2F11473236%2FFrank%2520Holds%2520the%2520Fort.mp3&h=118d9
But that's not about Drank Funk that song is about Frank.
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
In my opinion,you should make your own thread to talk about your opinions.
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
In my opinion,you should make your own thread to talk about your opinions.
Yeah, but that's just your opinion.
This doesn't actually mean anything. You're slipping. Try to hold up the facade until the weekend, k?
"Tuffy, you're a Dalek, but only because you're only being kept alive by metal, science and hatred." - ScubaSteve1729
I can't ever put enough pieces together to tell stories about my partying anymore. I was at this halloween party last weekend dressed as a cop from the "Sabotage" video so i stayed in character and i had this vague memory of saying something rude to this girl i thought was dressed as Marilyn Monroe. The only part i remember is her stopping and looking at me all offended so i said "i know the type" in my cop voice and walked off. Anyway, i saw pictures later and she was actually dressed as Lady Gaga not Marilyn so i apologized just in case and i guess i did say something rude because she said "It's ok, i understand now". I think i made her boyfriend mad too.
I've been a drunken whore as of late.
That is all.
You are the reason cavemen painted on walls!
True story.
"Tuffy, you're a Dalek, but only because you're only being kept alive by metal, science and hatred." - ScubaSteve1729
I don't get it. It's okay to insult Marilyn costume, but not Lady Gaga?
"Tuffy, you're a Dalek, but only because you're only being kept alive by metal, science and hatred." - ScubaSteve1729
I have a bit of a hangover this morning. I was a good girl though and stayed off the interwebs while drinking.
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you make it shallow so that I can feel the rain? - D. M.
No mena! You were a very naughty girl! We expected better from you, you should have been here all night making penis comments.
That would be penis confit.
You make a confit of anything and it's pretty damn good. So penis confit is probably delicious.
Just sayin'.
"Tuffy, you're a Dalek, but only because you're only being kept alive by metal, science and hatred." - ScubaSteve1729
Mmm, it does sound good. Of course, I am rather biased. And very orally oriented in general.
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you make it shallow so that I can feel the rain? - D. M.
Also, penis.
"Tuffy, you're a Dalek, but only because you're only being kept alive by metal, science and hatred." - ScubaSteve1729
Also, to address you directly... I probably would have gotten at least a harsh talking to from the site authorities. And made 5 threads. All about inappropriate things with long, rambling OP's that would make me cringe in the morning.
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave, could you make it shallow so that I can feel the rain? - D. M.
Phooey on all that.
PENIS!
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
I don't get it. It's okay to insult Marilyn costume, but not Lady Gaga?
It seemed logical at the time.
What happened to this track? Is it lost in space with that Chicken or did I miss it or something?
This link may or may not work.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fdl.dropbox.com%2Fu%2F11473236%2FFrank%2520Holds%2520the%2520Fort.mp3&h=118d9
I like this.
There was something else I was going to say about this thread, but I can't remember.
Anyway, you're all Boozehags.
I know I am!
It's 0500 hrs and I'm drunk... and at work. I showed up almost an hour alte. Damn you delicious beer!
I had a beer yesterday cuz I was thirsty and hadn't had a beer all weekend. No Drank Funk though. Just one beer to satisfy the beer cravings.
Ice cold Tecate. I was a true Mexican for the time it took me to drink that beer.
"Everyday takes figuring out all over again how to fuckin live."
Thats horrible. Of course I would tell you how bad it is to drunk drive, but I would be a hypcrite to give you shit for it.
I like that you use Drank Funk to label your drunken expeditions.