Swine Flu: Know the Facts
Swine Flu was biochemically engineered by Johnson and Johnson. A corporation known for its apathetic hate towards Mexicans and its lucrative hand sanitizer business.
Here is how it happened.
Johnson and Johnson's Purell division was encountering dwindling international sales after the SARS hysteria finally subsided in late 2006. Purell's marketing division using help from parent company devised a scheme to quadruple their sales.
The first step was fairly simple. They traded some weapons grade plutonium with North Korea for a dysfunctional biologically engineered apocalyptic zombie flu virus based off of stolen samples of a 1971 swine flu out brake; under the assumption it would be as effective as their ICBM.
They needed to make a flu that came from a pigs seem realistic. They needed to pick a location filled with dirty people constantly entering and exiting the United States, their target was Canada. Pigs are dirty, so are Canadians; makes sense, right? A specialized team was on route to Vancouver but was ultimately faced with a dilemma of epic proportions: whether to turn around or throw away five pounds of beef jerky (valued at $40) and be allowed to enter Canada. So instead they turned their Ford Pinto south and headed into Mexico City.
After infecting the general population the team returned to their homes in suburbia with an almost euphoric feeling of accomplishment. It was discovered that the virus had much more adverse affect on people without souls, also known as Mexicans. Vacationing journalist with layovers in the Mexico City airport starting to "twitter" about all the dead custodians left in the Mens bathroom in Terminal B. Soon a film crew was sent to investigate whether the unsanitary conditions of the restrooms had any potentially derogatory effects on Apple iPhones. People became fascinated in the mysterious deaths of Mexicans and soon "news coverage" of the flu replaced Dancing with Stars' prime time spot.
After a few days the first reports of Caucasians contracting the flu resulted in hysteria and additional media coverage. Stressing the importance of Purell hand sanitizer which had been stockpiled at every walgreens, walmart, and, target in anticipation. Schools and every office began to buy hand sanitizer by the pallet, and despite a turbulent economy Johnson and Johnson's stock steadily begin to climb as revenue soared.
Flu + Hysteria + Hand Sanitizer = Profit
BUT
you are probably correct about johnson & johnson's hate against latinos since they continually butcher the company's name as "yohnson & yohnson".
cool story, bro
poidh
i don't buy it. for the simple fact of, even when SARS kinda came and went, they still had bird flu for a good 18 months there to keep shelling out purell. no way they would have needed to go into emergency create a disease mode that soon.
how embarrassing would it be to get sick and die from SARS or bird flu right now? It'd be all like, you can't even get the right disease, loser!
how embarrassing would it be to get sick and die from SARS or bird flu right now? It'd be all like, you can't even get the right disease, loser!
It'd be all like "This Fucking Guy!"
Finally someone else sees the truth in what I've been on about concerning the swine flu! Granted I've never mentioned my theory here, but I've know from the get go it was a ploy and distraction to boost the economy in it's global down slide!
Glad I'm not the one who had to work out the kinks in who exactly is behind it corporation wise.
(grey pistol black pistol hungry little knife)
(everything I carry in the back of my mind)
Swine flu is a virus. Purell kills bacteria.
Fuck your face off, Paula Deen's coming on.
--Alecia
I am asleep, dreaming of waking up.
Swine flu is a virus. Purell kills bacteria.
Most people don't know this, or they don't know the difference. I myself find it easy to forget, which I am ashamed of.
Swine flu did 9/11
I love pigs! And they taste good too!
9/11 kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.
I love pigs! And they taste good too!
brings up an interesting question. Good Christian Americans love pigs and ham and bacon. Muslim fundamentalists hate it. Maybe they manufactured it to solely attack those who eat pigs???
Swine flu is a virus. Purell kills bacteria.
Most people don't know this, or they don't know the difference. I myself find it easy to forget, which I am ashamed of.
It's just that the thread is called "Know the Facts", and umm...
Fuck your face off, Paula Deen's coming on.
--Alecia
still, washing your hands after taking a shit or getting change back from the gas station is about the best defense from getting the thing.
That's true, and I use hand sanitizer after I change the baby and stuff like that. I just think this is pretty idiotic. I have a hard time believing Johnson and Johnson would introduce a disease into the general population that kills infants. One of their largest products is fucking baby shampoo. Does all that Purell really bring in so much money that it offsets the cost of the loss of all those baby hairs?
They're not Bayer. They wouldn't just kill people for profit, especially their target demographic.
Why am I even arguing about this? This is so obviously retarded.
Fuck your face off, Paula Deen's coming on.
--Alecia
Swine flu is a virus. Purell kills bacteria.
Most people don't know this, or they don't know the difference. I myself find it easy to forget, which I am ashamed of.
It's just that the thread is called "Know the Facts", and umm...
Oh... yeah.... hehe, I forgotted.
I love pigs! And they taste good too!
I'm really glad you didn't say that right after one of my posts. I was getting weirded out about that.
(grey pistol black pistol hungry little knife)
(everything I carry in the back of my mind)
That's true, and I use hand sanitizer after I change the baby and stuff like that. I just think this is pretty idiotic. I have a hard time believing Johnson and Johnson would introduce a disease into the general population that kills infants. One of their largest products is fucking baby shampoo. Does all that Purell really bring in so much money that it offsets the cost of the loss of all those baby hairs?
They're not Bayer. They wouldn't just kill people for profit, especially their target demographic.
Why am I even arguing about this? This is so obviously retarded.
Come on now. It's not retarded. 
I think this is probably the best joke I've read here so far (sorry Nate) some good good satire for anyone who has ever had schizo paranoid friends or family of personal tendencies.
Also, I wash my hands a minimum of ten times a day.
(grey pistol black pistol hungry little knife)
(everything I carry in the back of my mind)
I love pigs! And they taste good too!
I'm really glad you didn't say that right after one of my posts. I was getting weirded out about that.
Did I put it after your post the other two times? That wasn't intentional. haha
yes you did.
Actually it is sort of a shame you didn't this time too!! (since it was an accident) That would have probably made me fuck off for a week out of paranoia.
(grey pistol black pistol hungry little knife)
(everything I carry in the back of my mind)
That's true, and I use hand sanitizer after I change the baby and stuff like that. I just think this is pretty idiotic. I have a hard time believing Johnson and Johnson would introduce a disease into the general population that kills infants. One of their largest products is fucking baby shampoo. Does all that Purell really bring in so much money that it offsets the cost of the loss of all those baby hairs?
They're not Bayer. They wouldn't just kill people for profit, especially their target demographic.
Why am I even arguing about this? This is so obviously retarded.
You do know that this is satire, right? At least, i think it's satire...I'm fairly certain it's satire. Come to think of it, that pusherman guy seems a little off his nut at times, maybe it wasn't satire...
besides, couldn't johnson & johnson just up the marketing to boost sales of purrell instead of killing people with smallpox or whatever it is? i need a better conspiracy.
That's true, and I use hand sanitizer after I change the baby and stuff like that. I just think this is pretty idiotic. I have a hard time believing Johnson and Johnson would introduce a disease into the general population that kills infants. One of their largest products is fucking baby shampoo. Does all that Purell really bring in so much money that it offsets the cost of the loss of all those baby hairs?
They're not Bayer. They wouldn't just kill people for profit, especially their target demographic.
Why am I even arguing about this? This is so obviously retarded.
You do know that this is satire, right? At least, i think it's satire...I'm fairly certain it's satire. Come to think of it, that pusherman guy seems a little off his nut at times, maybe it wasn't satire...
You know, after Pepper said that, I mulled it over, and re-read it, and then thought...even if it is satire, it's not very good. We're not dealing with a Jonathan Swift, here.
Fuck your face off, Paula Deen's coming on.
--Alecia
I had swine flu for THREE WHOLE WEEKS (And I live in the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
By the waaayyy... I'm new to all this 'The Cult' stuffage, so you guys better be nice to me 
And...
Johnson and Johnson are RUBBISH at making moisturiser that smells nice. End of.
Now, a question of ettiquete...
As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
Everyone search "pukejob" on youtube. Third result down.
Lovely.
"Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time. It's only a natural feeling." - Haruki Murakami (Kafka On The Shore)
I want chili dogs so bad now.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST TALE EVER TOLD EVER.
Two blondes walked into a train track. Between the two of them, you'd think they'd--
I had swine flu for THREE WHOLE WEEKS (And I live in the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
By the waaayyy... I'm new to all this 'The Cult' stuffage, so you guys better be nice to me
And...
Johnson and Johnson are RUBBISH at making moisturiser that smells nice. End of.
Get an avatar, you freak!
Here: 
[citation needed]