Porn?

good way to relate Mr. Show to porn. I too have the Mr. Show dvd and I just watched the very first episode where the guys from Tool make an appearance. People don't always realize that Maynard has quite a good sense of humor.

Fucking hell man, thats a good story... not really one to tell the grandkids though...

So guess what this song is about...

"Rosie you're alright,
you wear my ring.
When you hold me tight,
Rosie, that's my thing.
When you turn out the light,
I've got to hand it to me -
It looks like it's you and me again tonight,
Rosie"
-- Jackson Browne

... even the old and has-been need to masturbate I s'pose... or as Tom Waits used to say, "I ain't wierd or nuthin'. I don't tie myself up before I do it." So yeah... and you know the worst of it? It's realizing everyone does it, and yet we are still expected to shake hands with people. Good thing I'm not a germaphobe, and that explains my affinity for shaking female palm... so now... the REAL post...

PORN... well, here's the thing, I mean, one of the greatest things that Chuck Palahniuk does with his writing is that he talks about the hidden sides of all of us... the sides we don't often show everyone... and more and more I see that side...

It's like no matter what you think goes on behind closed doors, you are always wrong. This is basic stuff. No matter what you think is going o in people's heads, you're wrong. It's just not possible to know. The only way to ever know is to plant a thought and after the fact it will appear, but other than that... so whatever you do don't think of a giant, blood-engorged cock penetrating a swollen, moist vagina... see what I mean, case in point? That's the only way I could ever say I know what you are thinking, or rather I know what you are about to be thinking...

so yeah, porn... dig this...

... so I'm at this party on Saturday, last night even, with a bunch of older people, by older I mean about seven to ten years older... friends of an older friend, and as I'm 28 and the youngest one there, these people are like 35 and up, and so the thing is, I'm just chilling, drinking as much expensive beer as I can find hidden behind the cheap stuff in the fridge, and looking through their music collection and it hit me...

... I mean, their music was old and dated, they were old and dated, most of the guys were attorneys and dressed like attorneys or at the very least guys talking about balls at a golf club, and most were fat and bald and gave up on life a long time ago... trading it in instead for bored existences with mortgages and car leases and drooling over their secretaries while they avoided their trophy wives like the plague, ya know the type, creaming their shorts about the latest electronic gadget, and I totally was not fitting in, just sort of avoiding all the small talk about stock portfolios and fantasy baseball and whatever, all that stuff to apparently think about when you never do anything or think about anything except what to name the next smudged facsimile of yourself that your wife pops out, etc... and so I found myself moving towards one of the guest bedrooms...

... so it's me, and I'm now conciously avoiding everyone, and well, next thing you know I'm smoking in the boy's room and exhaling out the window as they were all so fucking health concious for a bunch of lazy, middle-aged misanthropes, and I felt this sort of ambiguity towards everything they stood for, me with my overall ennui towards everything...

... and well, in walks this brunette in her 20's, wearing jeans and a tiny t-shirt and she's like 'hey", and I'm like 'hey", and she's like taking one of the beers I nabbed and guzzling it, and I'm looking at her arms and neck and the way her belly is barely showing beneath her shirt and the way the jean-seams seem to meet dead center perfect between her thighs, and she asks for a smoke, and sits down on the sink across from where I'm sitting on the closed toilet, and she puffs and drinks and puffs and drinks and when she finishes her beer, she kinda looks at me, and I say, all serious and stuff, "are you even old enough to drink?", and she blank-faced says "who are you?", and I say "what's your name?" and she says "old enough", and I say "you live here?" as she fishes through a drawer for some nail polish or something as she's putting her naked foot up on the counter, her nail polish looking chipped and firey blue, and she says "got any weed?" and I say "what are you doing in here?", and she says "I live here", so I'm guessing daughter or something of one of the old ones...

... cut Invisible Monsters-style to 5 minutes later and she's dry-humping my leg so hard it sounds like a corduroy orchestra even though we both have on jeans and I can feel the moist heat emanating from her core through my denim-covered thigh, wet-spot-style, while I'm sucking on her fleshy numerous-pierced earlobe and palming one small pert breast kinda rough-like, as she squeals with her best kittenish-cocktease expression on her mug...

... cut to 4 minutes after that and I'm carrying her down the hall with her sinewy legs wrapped around my hips and her panty-clad ass in my hands, my pants hobbling me as I walk-slash-shuffle towards where she directs me, all the while licking my neck or jamming her slippery tongue in my ear, my pants falling... first my thighs then my knees then my ankles and I stumble and hit my elbow on the wall, knocking a picture ass-backwards...

... cut to ten minutes later and I'm behind her on the plush carpet of a bedroom, me thinking "rugburns" then thinking nothing with my face pressed between her fleshy saliva-covered cheeks and her foot pressing and rubbing my cock hard against my stomach, toes squeezing my achy-breakies, and she's like saying some pretty cute shit for sure and I'm more than ready and she's like 'hey", and I'm like "mmmphhh", and I'm thinking "with your face between two asscheeks you only talk in vowels-Fight Club-style, in this case consonants-rimjob-style, and she says "hey" again louder this time, so I look and she says "check this shit out", and I'm like slurp-slurp, and then I stand and she's holding a videotape, ya know, "adult entertainment", and I'm like "so?" and she tells me we're in her parent's bedroom, those friends of my friend, and I'm thinking "gotta love a girl who likes to fuck in her parent's room while they're home... she's just begging for a spanking", or at least that's what I'm thinking right now in retrospect as is most of this thinking...

... and then I'm thinking, right now, I mean, damn, her parents look like total bores, and cut back to after we're done pounding one out and her head's on my chest, cheeks burning the way you'd think of the devil's cheeks, breath coming fast and soothing on my flushed skin, and I'm lighting up a smoke and putting the ashes on some kind of trendy sculpture thing on the bedside table, and we're watching the television with some fat guy wearing a leather mask bending over this ugly chick's lap and getting spanked and saying "no more, mommy"and the picture is real bad and the voices can barely be made out and I'm thinking "bad taste in porn, for sure", and this chick, she says to me "god... do you believe my parents videotaped THAT?" So yeah... porn... ya never know WHAT you gonna get... Oh yeah, and I keep thinking, I wonder if she even changed the comforter after I blew my stack? Anyhow... that was then and this is now, and I'm thinking of calling her up just to hear the parents answer... ya know, wondering why I'm calling her... as I'm definitely the dude they raised her to avoid....

you should direct a porn

Sorry, had to do it.

If I'm not mistaken that was Silvia Saint, right? I don't know, maybe it's just me, but her and some of the other top names in mainstream porn don't really do much for me. It's like watching plasticized fembots with artificial bodies and frozen fuck-me faces just going through the motions... and even when they do sort-of get into it because a cock so large is actually ripping their insides up Reservoir Dogs-opening scene-'Like A Virgin'-style, they still make me think of Han Solo frozen in carbon... the same face no matter what is going in or up them... sexual ennui for the new millenium makes me think of "Bully" makes me think of Stella makes me think of her mouth makes me think of her labia make me think of nothing...

If I gotta watch porn, and I most definitely do, then i go for more amateur stuff and/or chicks who actually look like they're getting fucked, or actually choking on a cock so large it maks their eyes water, or who i might actually think, at least for a second, have never gone down to Beavertown before... stuff like the Real Sex Magazine series, or some of Rodney Moore's stuff, even some Eurotrash rutting from the likes of Ben Dover or Rocco Siffredi, whatever... the point being, that porn has to be and look pretty much dirty in order for me to get into it. Not dirty like bad picture and audio or fucking in a mud wrestling ring, but dirty like maybe it could just maybe be your next door neighbor, if you lived in a porn "star" producing village somewhere in a neglected Russian village...

And that's another quick thing. Why is it everywhere I go, people have 'porn star' bumper stickers and t-shirts, etc.? That and the fact that almost every new video has a "naughty newcummer", and well basically every chick ever in a porn is called a porn "star"... I mean, every actor in a regular flick isn't a star, so what's the deal? Most of these chicks are so far from anything even remotely like a star, unless you count their crinkled browneye that looks more stretched out than that long piece of drooling spit connecting their lips with the cock in their face. Same goes for that crap about exotic dancers aka strippers aka exhibitionists aka would do anything for a buck aka gotta love these chicks... with their not-so-perfect bodies and body dismorphia and eating disorders and settling for less by comprising for everything and well... Mary Magdelene and all ain't nothing changed, and why should it?

Brock, Brock, Brock...you must be thinking of those top level contract girls for Vivid. Those couples videos make me want to vomit. Silvia Saint is "top level" because she kicks ass. She actually did a lot of Euro stuff for Private and she's worked with Rocco Siffredi before (mmmm...ass to mouth...). And her tits are real.

Sometimes I check out the the amateur stuff, but a lot of times the camera work is bad, the lighting is bad, and the girls are sort of shy since it's like their first or second scene, and they just don't get into it all that much. At least the Rodney Moore stuff I've seen. I might check out the Real Sex Magazine stuff from New Sensations, doesn't Peter North have a stake in that company?

You should check out Jenna Haze's earlier stuff. Not the flicks from Jill Kelly Productions. I hear they suck. My favorite's come from Anabolic, Diabolic, Red Light District, and Evil Angel.

So I was sitting around this morning with my bowl of Cheerios and playing with my Superstars of Porn action fiigures [see below], and got to thinking... when did porn become so... um... I don't know... not dirty? These days porn is everywhere. The regular video store has "The legend of Ron Jeremy" documentary for rent next to the "Exhausted: The Life & Times of John Holmes"... and I saw a car go by earlier with a bunch of high school girls in it and the entire back window had a giant sticker that said "amateur porn star on board"... and I don't know I mean, I like my porn really dirty and raunchy and the kind of stuff you gotta hide incase the cops search your house... ya know? Where has all the guilt and repression gone? Maybe it's just me... maybe you see enough explicit images and ennui sets in... man...

[img]http://fp.entertainmentearth.com/AUTOIMAGES/SID1303lg.jpg[/img]
[img]http://fp.entertainmentearth.com/AUTOIMAGES/VTSD02Dlg.jpg[/img][img]http://fp.entertainmentearth.com/AUTOIMAGES/PF009lg.jpg[/img]

Snoop Dogg: Yo... these bizzitches iz snoopafly...
Bruce Campbell: Excuse me Mr. Dogg... you mind tag-teamming these broads?

wow, i almost forgot about this thread

porn is always a good topic and now the general public is finally starting to realize it

Here's where the problem arises, DNT... when anything becomes mainstream it suck, right? And yeah, porn is supposed to "suck" but not in that way...

Yeah, but with everything there is always an underground scene. There are always hardcore fans that will live and die for porn. Let the general public have their watered down mainstream porn.

True I guess, but I used to think people like Jenna and Houston were hardcore... now the only true hardcore is usually compilation crap with tattoed guys who think they are Tommy Lee with bad metalrapcore music in the background... I'm serious... all the artistic perverts are gone... mostly just a bunch of slobs forcefeeding some burned-out "fresh" whore their beef. I look long and hard for good nasty porn, and it's few and far between for sure...

Porn is hilarious. It doesn't do anything for me, but I love watching it with my friends. I can't imagine the guys I like watching porn. Well, I can, but I don't like thinking about it. My friend earlier at school today said, 'Isn't it really disgusting imagining all the guy's orgasm faces?'...It really is frightening..

It's the best way to unsexify any of us. Just picture us, mouth open, eyes rolled back, head arched,

well you get the picture.

I had that running avatar theme of 'Coitus Faces', I think I'll start it back up soon enough.

Taking down the system, one by one.

Yeah... i just HAD to put "coitus face" in my search box... it gave me this really dirty porn pic below... what a disgusting spectacle... pretty funny too...

[img]http://lexi.hillabolt.com/images/posted/noway.jpg[/img]

Still, to each his own... it seemed to turn this little furry fella on...

[img]http://lexi.hillabolt.com/images/posted/mousevsmouse.gif[/img]

The humpty dance is a trance, do the hump... hump, hump to me baby...

ok, i guess i'm a weird girl.

i LOVE picturing guys' "coitus faces". i love men, i love cocks, and i love hetero porn. i don't really know what else to say.

i find it interesting that mario was willing to admit earlier that he watches lesbo porn b/c he's intimidated by the male porn stars. it takes a lot of sack for a guy to admit to something like that. i salute you.

i guess i'd fuck a girl if i had to, but what really turns me on (i also said this in the kinks/fetishes thing) is the gangbang type shit...i like the idea of like two or three guys fighting over me. guys are so competitive and possessive by nature, it would prob. drive them nuts if they had to negotiate with one another for a woman in the heat of the moment...but i'd get off on that.

i love extreme close-ups

IRL or just in porn?

It most definitely applies to both situations

that's cool...let me give you my number...j/k

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Ariel [/i]
[B]first of all that wasnt my point, and yes of course i like porn who doesnt? [/B][/QUOTE]

Me. Hate the stuff. Not for moral reasons mind you - I have no problem with people collecting it however they like. I just find it a huge turnoff. Seriously, show me a porn flick and I won't think about sex for days without the bile rising in my stomach.

i think porn (professional) is a bit fo a turn off, i mean the girls are always skinny double D's

Yeah, bring on the flat chested fatties!

[i]*shudders*[/i]

man, im watchign this thing on enlarging boobies, the doctors got her whole hands in the girls tit. thats right [B][I]IN[/I][/B] her boobie

lol i cant believe i just said that aloud. im sitting here, and i cant believe i just said that aloud, by myself lol

"thats a big boobie"

So... gangbangs and porn-related bile... uh-huh, interesting stuff, for sure... I mean crowd scenes to me are, I don't know, think Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice or Bob Goullet meets Shag Carpet... although I used to live next to some swingers in my old condo, and it was always fun to listen to 2 or 3 chicks taking on 4 or 5 guys... even got invited to a few parties, but usually just stuck with one chick, although I remember once being behind this girl dogging her out and feeling a tongue on my ass at the same time, and to this day I don't know if it was their cocker spaniel or one of the other people spread around the room, wasn't really paying attention, ya know? Like, I get all woozy feeling in my guttiwuts and my eyes get all intensely glazed feeling, warmth flushing my neck and face so it's hot to the touch and it makes me think of being in heat makes me think of the way she just slicks over with this sheen of female excretion that foams around the base of your... and all over your slapping... and like mucusy and sluicified and such... and the smell, damn... if they could bottle that shit, i'd keep some in my pocket at all times just to close my eyes and take a quick smell when the mood should arise, that nasty funk, that pussyfart squelching smell that fills a room after a humid session. But yeah, for me porn has always fascinated... not just the behind-the-scenes squalor and degradation involved in the actual porn world, but sometimes a flick comes along that really makes you hot, really makes your loin throb uncontrollably, makes your balls ache and your mons drip... and the stuff that really gets me hot is the fresh faces, not the seasoned like beef jerky vets... the stuff where it really seems like the keilbasa facsimile of the male counterpart is truly, even painfully feeling a girl from the inside, that look on her face when real is so genuine, and maybe you've never seen that look on a woman's face before, but there's nothing in the world like a woman truly out of her mind in lust with you, nothing quite like a chick who's really, really, even psychotically into whatever the fuck it is you're doing to her, or vice-versa, even jamias vu-style, ya know, in reverse vice-versa like you've been with her before and know exactly what to do, all tubes are flooded and you're ready for launch, and maybe you're trying to defect Red October style but the threat of nuclear war is impending and you've got to get aboard her vessel, fill her port or the world may end, and all is good, but whatever... and as far as bile goes... you've just seen the wrong porn dude... cause if it's something that turns you on, I mean REALLY turns you on or the chick looks just right or the camera angle is just so or whatever it may be, you WILL enjoy watching it...