Pointless Announcements
I am starving.
The only things readily available are cold cooscoos, leftover roast, cake and over ripe babanas.
Do not want any of these things.
I am too hungry to think about how to fix food.
My friend showed up this morning unannounced and gave me a sparkly skull ring with a bullet hole in the head.
If it's at that point, usually they aren't dealing with it, so destroy away.
*I am a notorious "fuck-it,-destroy-it-all"-er.
This is why we can't have nice things.
"Happy birthday what'd ya get me?"
I used to be the master of that.
I am drunk on 9% beer and now want a birthday blowjob even though it is not my birthday nor anyone else I know's.
I wish some of you lived nearby so we could hang out even though it's a given you'd hate me e'er long.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Don't be so sure. I've been told that I have an unhealthy amount of patience.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
I doubt would hate you, at least not too quickly.
I'm sure it is someone around here's birthday, perhaps a lurker could speak up, so you may talk them into giving you birthday presents.
Fuck presence I need a blow job.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Don't fix that typo.
no typo there.
i meant what i said and i said what i meant.
This is why we can't have nice things.
The only things readily available are cold cooscoos, leftover roast, cake and over ripe babanas.
Do not want any of these things.
Want all those things.
I don't mind over ripe.
Should I be drunk? I made plans to go out and have fun ~*on my own*~ for the first time ever and I got blizzarded in. Sorry about your birthday dick Tuffy
Edit - this was in response to all the blowjob talk
I've been wanting to give one recently. It's probably one of my "fight like hell" responses. Also, a way to make up for getting slightly liquor drunk where he worked and flirting with other guys to get drinks, then yelling at him for not wanting to come back with me.
"We're developing a new citizenry. One that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won't be able to think."
— Rod Serling
"Chuck calls Noah fortnightly on his bakelite rotary phone and gives him publisher's insider information and stock tips."- Tuffy
It's everyone's birthday except mine! I deserve one!
This is why we can't have nice things.
Damn what did I start. I knew I should have left that part of my story out. We are going to have three pages of BJ laments now aren't we?
Let's not? pretty please?
So, it looks like I insisted on buying a case of beer at the store last night along with the chips.
Now I have a case of beer I just discovered that needs drank.
hhmmmm
Beer is good. Going to get some tomorrow and de-stress some.
"We're developing a new citizenry. One that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won't be able to think."
— Rod Serling
"Chuck calls Noah fortnightly on his bakelite rotary phone and gives him publisher's insider information and stock tips."- Tuffy
I made banana bread.
Over-ripe bananas FTW.
This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to make a practice birthday cake for Lucy. It's going to be vegan banana cake.
Banana cake is awesome, let us know how it was. 
It'll probably outlive me too.
I'm sorry about you and vodka. But making you buy potato chips for her is manipulative and you shouldn't put up with that shit.
Pizza and Supernatural(tv show) for breakfast. It's gonna be a good day.
Over-ripe bananas FTW.
Pretty much the only thing ripe bananas are good for.
I'll only eat bananas raw if they are still tinged just slightly green, otherwise the sweetness and the mushy texture is the worst thing ever.
It'll probably outlive me too.
I'm sorry about you and vodka. But making you buy potato chips for her is manipulative and you shouldn't put up with that shit.
I've dumped that bitch.
I can't really call her a bitch, no. I do love her intensely.
It is something like that staring down a tornado thing Sema was talking about. You can hold your ground or run.
I have to run.
beer is good.
Beer treats me so much nicer than Vodka.
I don't mess with any of those skanks anymore.
Beer is god.
This is why we can't have nice things.
I could do well to take this advice, but for...
truth
Over-ripe bananas FTW.
Pretty much the only thing ripe bananas are good for.
I'll only eat bananas raw if they are still tinged just slightly green, otherwise the sweetness and the mushy texture is the worst thing ever.
Also good for smoothies. The best banana smoothies I ever had were made with those sweet, strong, over-ripe bananas.
Over-ripe bananas FTW.
Pretty much the only thing ripe bananas are good for.
I'll only eat bananas raw if they are still tinged just slightly green, otherwise the sweetness and the mushy texture is the worst thing ever.
THIS!
More bananas for me.
Sexy
Si vis pacem, para bellum
I'm confident, capable, and progressing. I have what people are envious about. But I'm still empty. Hm... time to find a decent woman to date, I guess.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Nah, just fill your void with bananas.
I'm aware of how it sounds.
I'm not as curious about the pinky these days.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Coward.
That sounds like a challenge.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Siiiigh... I'll take that challenge. I'm... I'm just afraid I'll enjoy it...
Si vis pacem, para bellum
I like having "imke" as a username on Pinterest, so that other Imkes have had to use "imkeimke" or a combination of their first and last name. Score!
There are other Imkes?!
There can only be one Imke.
This is why we can't have nice things.
You can't use relationships to complete yourself. That's not healthy.
I'm ridiculously happy because Are You Afraid of the Dark? seasons 1 and 2 are on Lovefilm! I'm binge watching and doing some writing.
Contentment.
Of course there are! You can find us mainly in The Netherlands and Germany.
Whiskey pickleback shots on a Tuesday night, eesh.
Last night is the first time I've thrown up from being drunk in about 5 years. I feel seedy. And now I have to go to work!
also I seem to have lost my phone charger. I hope it's at work, cos otherwise that means it fell out of my bag on my way home.
Good luck today, Kit! Hope you get through it without too many problems.
PA - Language is a funny thing.
Avtar - to become less
Tar av - to become more
Lesson learned! Good thing I was talking to a colleague instead of giving wrong information to a student.
Last night is the first time I've thrown up from being drunk in about 5 years. I feel seedy. And now I have to go to work!
Urgh that's awful! Have a powernap in the toilet cubicle. And Lucozade!
Any more late nights this week and I am going to cry. I now have permanent bags under my eyes 
Lily Tomlin said on Rachael Ray this morning, to get by in life "...you have to have a back bone, a wish bone and a funny bone."
Amii is making me want to watch Are you Afraid of the Dark.
I have to laugh when I find myself being that way. Bitter, silent laughter.
After our intense fling last night I now remember why Vodka and I broke up three years ago. I think we will need to part ways again for a while.
I wasn't really drinking much until I realsied nobody was showing up and then decided to get happy with the bottles help.
Some movie was on the TV and a guy was waking a girl up with a flower and snuggles and telling her happy birthday and for some reason it bothered me and I got on James' case for not waking me up with snuggles ever and then he was annoyed and then I was standing in the doorway and demanding to know why he was arguing with me when i was clearly the drunk one and not him, then I stomped my foot like a three year old and dared, yes, dared, him to give me a hug. Which he did and then I made him take me to the store for potato chips. That is another thing I forgot about. Something about Vodka makes me demand potato chips, I now recall that I used to demand midnight trips to the store for potato chips all the time. So we went to the store and James pulled me into some abstract conversation about hypothetical moral situations but I was able to snap out of it when I realsied I was devils advocating non truth while looking at kiwis and onions.
He played me happy birthday naked then we went to bed and he almost talked me into a birthday blow job, but then I was, wait a minute you fucker, it is my birthday not yours what the hell try to take advantage of a girl and I went to sleep instead.
My waking thoughts were that Jessica has never lived in a world where the Simpsons do not exist. Don't ask me why. They just were.
Vodka and I are breaking up again I think. I just like her too much, this love will always be turmoil and it will never work.