I love a well researched joke. That was educational.

For example, I learned I am a terrible lesbian.

If you get a raise, just put all the extra money your making in a box under your bed. Go on living your live as if you're making the same amount of money. Then after you do your taxes and get less money back from the government and you're feeling all bummed out, go get the box and remember how you got that raise and made more money and buy everyone you know a steak dinner. I like extra pepper and my napkin folded in the shape of a North American swan.

I'm totally obsessed with this Jodi Arias trial, y'all.

I'm taking another literature class this semester because I have a problem and I can't stop. But I just noticed that the professor posted an assignment for next Tuesday to come up with some questions to ask John Updike and to leave space for his answers because he will be coming to talk to us. Next week. John Updike. The guy who wrote the famous short story "A&P" in 1961. And died in 2009.

Guys, I'm so excited.

wtg Zack!
Rosette, glad to have you back.
pepper, we want pics. Wish you could send a plate here. Especially that pie.

Today was kind of a bummer. work sucked pretty much from the moment i got in - one of the company owners fucked something up royally which involved me having our delivery guy pick up an item downtown, bring it back to the office, take it back to where he picked it up, pick it up again and deliver it to the client... all of this took place between 10am and 11:30am... our phone system kept fucking up, dropping out in the middle of calls, calls not able to be put on hold, etc... meanwhile the production manager was being his usual combative self and picking fights with everyone in the office. I got something of a break around lunchtime, but then managed to slam my finger into my desk drawer. I have a pretty bad cut right below my cuticle, it bled for ages. I'm hoping my nail isn't so badly bruised that it falls off. Made it through the rest of the afternoon and home unscathed, then banged my already injured finger into the cabinet above the sink and now have a cut on my knuckle. Basically i should just go to bed, the sooner this day is over the better.

Wh-... Wha?

That's like when I was supposed to go to this club, cuz JGL was supposed to be there after promoting Looper all over Austin, and it turned out that he was hosting SNL that same night. Luckily, no unintentional look-alikes were mauled that night.

Let's see UT top this shit.

You were going to go to a club just because JGL was going to be there? What a girl.

Your professor must have friends on the other side.

And hey, I'm just sayin', if the the group's goin' out, and an awkward pic with a celebrity is possible (the kind where they sort of smile while your brain struggles for a second to make you smile before it realizes you're already smiling), you bet your apple bottom I'm goin'.

But I'd totally go full groupie for Rian Johnson, who was also rumored to be there.

I would normally assume my teacher was joking but this particular professor reminds me of Frasier... if Frasier took himself just a littttttle more seriously.

Anyway, leave my apple bottom out of this. And yeah... I'd probably attempt to attend that too.

I found a picture on tumblr that shows my favourite position. Until now, they were only variations, and it was very rare that I came across something like that. This is also a bit sad, because it means other people do it, too.

Link.

Irina doesn't want anyone else to know her magic tricks.

So stingy.

NSFW

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9soibck4Y1qkcds1o1_500.jpg

Sorry for keeping you waiting, my mum used the computer and she takes ages only to find ONE thing.

I'm weirded out by that man being inside that pretty girl who looks like she's 14

Well, I look 14 too!

His nuts look weird.

I'm watching this show on the new bay bridge they are building (San Francisco) and I am really in awe of the feats.

They also just climbed, on foot, to the very top of one of the cables just to to change a lightbulb.

I have to say I have some real respect for the guys who do that sort of thing for a living, the host is clearly out of his element and trying to be brave and calm and cool, but these guys that just do this sort of thing everyday... they deserve to be paid very well.

I'll never cross that bridge again with the same thoughts or feelings. (it is the bridge I always take going into and out of San Francisco.)

I just had the worst bagel of my life, a waste of eggs. Imagine if you were an egg and you were like, man, I hope that Dan guy ends up taking me home, he always enjoys his eggs, appreciates every one, makes excellent breakfasts out of them--and then you end up on this bagel. I didn't even bother cutting up steak, a tomato, onions. Thinking: let's just get this sandwich over with, wolfing it down while a fourteen year old gets slammed by some dirty mexican with weird balls.

These things are horrible. Do you guys have things from Maple Leafs foods? They're a very silly company.

I thought that said DUMPSTER'S Thin Bagels. You really should've known better. With a name like that, it has to suck balls. The opposite of Smucker's, I guess.

Do you let guys like that inside of you?

It just totally creeps me out and makes me think that this girl is being held against her will as a sex slave or some other fucked up shit that I'd rather not think about... I sound like a conservative yuppy, I'm sorry. I should go to bed.

I mean my face looks 14, Jaz, come on.

And I suppose the answer is no. I've always hooked up with guys my age or 1-2 older. Only exception was my boyfriend who was 23 when I was 18.

I had STEAK AND EGGS MOTHER FUCKER for breakfast for the first time yesterday. I feel ignorant having never accepted steak as breakfast before. But we grow and we learn.

I just made cinnamon rolls and bacon and scrambled eggs for everyone. That last part's a lie, though, because I made scrambled eggs for the boys and two eggs sunny side up (so gross) for Drew. So I didn't make scrambled eggs for everyone. I don't eat that stuff, so I'm going to have some fruit with yogurt and nuts mid-morning because I can't eat anything this early.

That's another difference between America and here, your eggs. Now, let me tell you, here we don't say "sunny side up" because that's just a normal fried egg. I don't know what you would ask for if you wanted it different, you'd probably have to be like, "Can you flip it over please? I don't like runny yoke." I don't even know because I've never heard anyone request such a thing!
So, with your poached eggs do you cook them solid or are they runny in the middle? They should be runny! If so, why is a sunny side up egg gross and a poached egg not?
We scramble eggs the same, there's nothing to say here.
Boiled eggs: do you do these runny and dip toast in them?

Americans are so exotic <3

hmm, dipping toast in runny eggs is the best thing ever.

It so is. Even better if you have a lovely egg cup.

Comfort food to the max!

Does one outside the UK also call it 'egg and soldiers'?

oh i will now. dipping egg is not very common around here, i think my grandfather adopted it when he was a pow in france.

That would be a hard fried egg!

Fried eggs can be ordered in varying degrees of runniness. Over easy, over medium, and over hard. Poached eggs can be done runny or not, or even scrambled. A runny boiled egg is a soft boiled egg. Most people over here eat hard boiled eggs. Me, I only eat scrambled eggs.

I need to get my ass up and go to the DMV and get my tags renewed, but I'm really tired and I just don't want to. I may go after work. I also need to do laundry. Bah.

Eggs.

Raw.
Basted
Poached
Up
Over easy/medium/hard
Scrambled
Hard-cooked ("boiled")
Burnt.

In order of doneness.

Did I miss any?

You want to confuse your waitress/short-order cook? Ask for basted eggs. No one knows what that means anymore!

Ritt should try pork chops and eggs for breakfast tomorrow. Live on the wild side.

It's alarming how fucking intolerant my parents are. They were so outraged because there has been a Gay Pride event in a highschool in Bucharest. Silly parents.

If you want to see stereo types personified, go to morning traffic court in a nearly all white suburb. (I was there for a ticket for something else, even stupider than traffic things, the only one who it wasn't about traffic things)

We've got the slew of pretty and polished white teenagers being let off with wrist slaps for speeding in school zones. One of which the judge smirks at and says, "well since you know me... you can request a different judge if you like?"

The barely able to speak english Mexicans, that the judge talks really slowly emphasising all her vowels for, there for everything in the book that you can do wrong- no lisence, no tags, no insurance- and no reason for being pulled over. Making a $35 a month payment plan.

The blue collar guy, that says he just lost his job and his wife lost hers, near tears because the judge acts as though her hands are probably tied about his barely over the limit speeding ticket and now he won't be able to get his CDL (brings him to the brink of tears before she lets him know he can do a safety course and have it dropped).

The ethnicity I couldn't place guy pulled over for too many stickers and tinted windows.

The bitter truck driver who didn't use his turn signal pleading not guilty and insisting on trial because "I damn well did use my signal! Not my fault if the cop didn't see it. I had a malfunction in my electrical system I was unaware of. But I damn well clicked my turn signal prove I didn't!"

And the douchbag twentysomething hipster with a bluetooth in his ear paying his whole fine off right there with disdain.

And then me, trying to look as respectable and conservative as possible, with a dog at large ticket because my dog ran out front to greet the neighborhood kids when mine left the door open right after school.

So many options! I love America. We are so far behind in terms of eggs.

I had no idea that eggs could be interesting and exotically cooked.

I knew they could be cooked all these ways, but I assumed the rest of the world knew this too.

I am pretty sure eggs over hard is the worst. And such a bummer when you accidentally over cook them and that happens/starts to happen.

My kids like what they call Egg in a Hole.

You use and upside down glass to cut a circle out of the center of a piece of bread, put some butter in the pan and put in the bread (leave the circle aside), crack and egg into the hole in the bread and fry it over easy, flipping halfway through. Use the leftover circle of bread to mop up the last of the yolk after you slice up and eat the rest.

Gabe likes it with BBQ sauce.
Lily with Syrup.
Zach with Ketchup.
Trevor doesn't like it because he says eggs are terrible.

That is not at all true.

That's... disappointing.

we used to call that Egg in the Window in my family
I don't even really like eating eggs, but that way of cooking them is tasty.

You're talking about porn here. 95% of the dudes look like sleazy skeezeballs.

In terms of hard boiled versus soft boiled eggs, it is most definitely true. At least in my part of the country.

Also, I forgot to mention that you can order eggs scrambled hard.

I like the way Eggs in a Window sounds better.

Only 95%?

I have a friend that always orders his eggs basted and he has to constantly tell the waitress the cook will know what it means. It's only happened once that the cook actually had to come ask him what it meant.

yeah I guess more like 99.5%

If that little girl stays in porn it won't be too long at all before she is nip tucked botoxed crinkled wrinkled fucked up sucked up strung out and dry.

wow I fucked up that quote somehow. Too lazy to fix it now.

Again, 99.5%.