Pointless Announcements
Thanks for your condolences Pepper. This is rough.
Whatever Whore!
I don't even want to think about any of my boys first heart breaks. let alone my girls.
I think it's lovely that you're there for him, Winnie, and I think it's awesome that he shares all of that with you. I don't have that kind of relationship with my parents, and sometimes I wish I did. At least because it would spare me a lot of making excuses and lying.
The first time my heart was broken my mom gave me this little plack thing with this poem on it:
After awhile you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept
your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much so you plant your
own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn...
She told me her mom gave it to her at her first heartbreak and I remember promising myself I would save it for my daughter. (and I have it for her when she needs it)
My mom only learned about my heartbreak by reading my diary while I was in hospital for a week. That was when our relationship got screwed up.
That poem is beautiful, Amber, and I hope Lily never needs it.
Well, it is kind of hard to not notice your six month pregnant 15 year old dying because her love had and affair and then left moving over a hundred miles away. Especially when he had been living there.
No diary reading was necessary, and it was one of the few times my mom came through for me as a kid.
Lily will need it, but if i do my job correctly, never under those circumstances.
Why were you in the hospital?
Well we he and I spent a last ditch effort to hold it together. We bought her a single white rose, a card about distance. In the card he wrote the story of the penguin. The male penguin searches the beach for the perfect pebble and places it at the the females feet. If she accepts the pebble, then they are mates for life. Then he wrote, Kaitlyn you are my penguin. I had the stuffed penguin that I gave Bob years ago, cause he's my penguin. Anyways we went into the woods and found a pebble, put it in a little black velvet bag around the stuffed penguins neck. She cried and said it was real sweet of him, but she just thought it would be best if they break it off right now, because it's too hard on them both right now with the distance:( HEART. BREAK. ING. When he came home, he went straight to his room and texted me,"Mom, she's not coming back." I was a blubbering mess and had to real pull my shit together to go in his room after he asked me to come in there.
Thanks Irina, that's really all I can do for him right now is being there. And Pepper, Im glad you have that poem, and I may just borrow it, if that's okay.
Whatever Whore!
I had pneumonia twice in the same winter and the second time I got admitted to a hospital for a week. I asked my mother to bring me a few books to read and I had a reading list in one of my drawers. She took the list and the notebooks underneath it, found out about who I liked and for how long (it had already been two years back then), about my cutting, my first kiss and various other things. When I got out of hospital she came to my bed and started sobbing, saying she'd read those because "she'd thought they were fiction", and said "I'm glad you didn't do it". She was referring to the night I turned down sex because I wasn't ready yet.
Absolutely.
It wasn't written by anyone in my family.
Public Domain for all HeartBreaks.
Perfectly healthy activity I'm sure. Carry on.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Don't be so mean Tuff. She could do well to get on with her life and forget those dates, but then everyone has some days.
Why would I forget those dates anyway? They're not what's holding me back from like, looking for someone or whatever.
I want her to leave the house. I want to be able to hang out in my bed with my boyfriend and her not cockblock every goddamn time. he and I only get to hang out on weekends cause he works every evening during the week. and yeah, we can go to his place usually, but SOMETIMES I want to hang out in my own house and not worry about being quiet if I'm going to have sex or if she's sleeping and we're playing music or talking loudly or something.
I just need some space. it's been like 3 weeks and she's almost always here. usually sleeping.
god this sounds so selfish, I want her to get better. but she's never going to if she doesn't try.
I don't think that's selfish.
But who is this boy? How thoroughly was he vetted? What does he do? Does he come from a good family? Is he awesome?
The only one that really matters is the last one.
he's wonderful and he loves primates as much as I do
PA: I'm drunk. boy picked me up from gay club drunk and sweaty and brought me home and tucked me in and kissed my forehead and told me goodnight. ...when he left I got on the cult.
“if you want to be a bird,” you said once, “with colorful plumage and buoyant trills, you must also be ready for hollow bones."
I'm going to do some penalty tracking at roller derby today.
It's my first proper day at my new uni tomorrow so I'd rather have a nice relaxing day but there we are. I'll be happy having done it so long as no one shouts and swears at me this time if I make a minor mistake.
It's also how The Raven got made.
But word. And I wonder, because as the past grows it becomes inevitable that the time you spend thinking about it, daily, will become greater than the time in a day if you think about it all.
The other night I spent hours with seven pieces of paper; each titled by a year and the most current year was 2011; I wrote on each paper anything that I could remember happening in that year. 2011 had 50 or so entries, 2010 a little less, dwindling to about five entries for 2005. I ended up going through a gym bag full of writing, looking up my old posts, trying to remember more from different years.
It helps to have a reading list. You look up a book, find when you read it, and with that book comes memories of what you were thinking about at that time, where you were and maybe even what you were wearing. The workout journal provides the same thing, I'll notice an entry where I didn't complete a full set and I'll remember why, who bothered me, what they wanted.
It reminds me of a Hemingway short story about an insomniac who stays very still and pretends to sleep so that nobody knows he can't sleep, and all he does is lay there trying to remember things. He'll think of last Christmas, the one before it, on and on until he loses it, then he'll think of candy canes until he finds a memory from a Christmas he couldn't remember and add it to the stack, and he gets so good at doing this that he can recall almost all of his life every night before he finally gets to sleep.
I've kept a reading list since 2003. Never missed a book, and there are also quotes I liked.
I unfortunately didn't start until 2005. Before that I had a list without dates, just books written down. Now I have a reading list, a game list, a movie list, a show list, a workout journal, and a document where I write exactly how much I drink every day. I've never made a non-fiction list. Diet, weight lifting, martial arts, science, grammar books, I always skip over enough that I don't read the entire book, so it doesn't seem to call for a list.
PA: I'm drunk. boy picked me up from gay club drunk and sweaty and brought me home and tucked me in and kissed my forehead and told me goodnight. ...when he left I got on the cult.
I love primates, too, but I only want to fuck them on occasion.
I want to be tucked in right now.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
I really, really, really want to watch The Fox and the Hound, but nobody makes VHS players anymore.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
I'm making nutella ravioli for breakfast this morning. This is why everyone in my house thinks I'm so wonderful.
Not true, but buying The Fox and The Hound on DVD and a DVD player would be a cheaper solution.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
STRESS IT'S TOO STRESSFUL. It's really hard work doing these jobs at roller derby. I found it extremely hard to concentrate today, I think because my head was really occupied with my first proper day at my new university tomorrow. Anyway, I messed up quite a bit but no one was especially rude to me or anything, so that's a relief. I just feel kind of...embarrassed? I don't know, just shitty about the mistakes I did make. It was a bad day for me.
it's on youtube
“if you want to be a bird,” you said once, “with colorful plumage and buoyant trills, you must also be ready for hollow bones."
Why would you want to cry?
Also.
I never wrote that but Shoutbox has been soooo ready for me to say it for months
No me importa, Gritacaja. No me importa. Dejalo asi
I knew you had us all on Birthday Reminder...
/creepchills
That didn't even make sense, dummy.
Oh joy. My parents came home to tell me another bear attacked two rangers in the village next to where my maternal grandmother lives. What the fuck is up with that? There are 41 counties in Romania, and out of the three that get the most attacks, two are where my grandmothers live.
Well then I guess Best Buy just doesn't distribute them. Also, a DVD's just not the same, at least with this movie.
With VHS quality?? Imma check.
To know that I still can.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
That was the only movie that ever made me cry as a kid. I didn't feel a thing when Bambi's mom died. I'll never forgive that old lady though.
Oh gosh I know what you mean about not the same quality. I have Pinocchio on VHS and I've seen how it looks on DVD and Bluray. Why did they have to take the hand drawn colors and make it all computer animated? It looks horrible!
Bestbuy.com has em. Who shops in actual stores anymore?
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
I had a great day yesterday. I'm getting closer to having enough money for a nice vacation abroad. We didn't get out until after midnight from the restaurant last night but I convinced my friend that we should treat ourselves to at least a couple drinks before last call. We ended up at the Havana House and running into a couple of his friends. It was a good night.
Wine and cigarettes acquired + I found five bucks on the ground in the parking lot.
There is a strange euphoria that comes from exhaustion induced by creating art.
I love coffee all over again.
Go Raiders!
Silver and Black forever.
Tuff
Coffee is the bestest.
I was born in Oakland, Pep. You can't fuck with me; I'm as dirty as they come.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
today my VP for the club I'm prez of was supposed to run the meeting and discussion. he came in stoned and was a fucking shitshow. I just... I don't even.
I was furious.
“if you want to be a bird,” you said once, “with colorful plumage and buoyant trills, you must also be ready for hollow bones."
hhhmm?
Where is your loyalty then? Common, now.
When I was five I won the Palo Alto public Childrens Library summer reading challenge. I beat out kids over twice my age.
Want to know why?
The prize was A's tickets.
And yeah. they lost.
because that is what Oakland does.
The Glory will be all the more sweeter when they don't.
Damn roommates been around all day. I miss our previous arrangement where he's never here.
I read all 98 PA's. I don't want to be out of the loop.
my mother is on the phone and doesn´t stop talking about the wedding she´s been last weekend. i´m running out off "hmm-hm"s.
Ha, I hate those sort of phone calls. My Mum just always calls me on her drive home and the phone always cuts out, then she calls back, it cuts out again, and so on!
Speaking of weddings, my favourite girl cousin got engaged at the weekend! I always knew she'd be the first out of all of us 
. Her fiance set up a Narnia-themed treasure hunt in a park! She had to first go through a wardrobe, then solve all these weird riddles that led her to a lampost, where her boyfriend was waiting under and he then proposed. Very cute.
Throw in a couple of "ja"s
"Oh?" and "Oh ja!" are often used by me in conversations.
PA - It was so good to come home yesterday. I received my first French Donald Duck Pocket (YAY!!!!), and it was good to see my boyfriend again. Yes, I know it had only been 2,5 days, but still.
Strange. I don't know what to do with myself, I have much more free time and I like it. It's a weird sense of freedom.