.

Ahhhhh! I keep having deja vu today! Stop that!

Seriously though. It's creeping me out more than usual.

Not you pep.. the deja vu.

Well damn. If the deja vu is worse that awful picture of me...

Why did you get rid of the picture, Amber? It was awesome!

Jaz, the things you put in your mouth, tsk tsk.

Today's sky after rain

Yes, some of our trees are still green.

Our trees were beautiful, until the frost set in. Everything's pretty much dead now. Wonder what'll happen now that the temperature's suddenly gone up again.

Today the temperature is supposed to go up to 18 degrees again, but it might rain. I kinda doubt it'll be that warm, though. Especially if it rains.

It's only candy. (In the best innocent voice I could imitate)

And Amber, post that picture back!

(I used your real name so that means you're in trouble if you don't do as I say )

my half senorita/half sugar skull getup

Wow! That's a great and very imaginative make up job!!

I love the rose detail, Cammie. And the make-up.

I agree, it looks great. Your friend is cute as well!

Hey, yeah. Yeah!

Cammie you look great. Come do my makeup for me.

Cammie looks so beautiful!

I don't know why I deleted that picture guys. I barely know which one it was. I drank way way too much..

It must be this one because it is what is in my photobucket?

The opposite of beautiful.

woah, that is intense. cool picture! you look sad, though..

I am sad.

I haven't been okay since early February, when I had to do something that just tore me apart. I'm sure I could have been better by now but all year people just seem to be falling out of my life. Everyone has moved away or gotten too busy or straight up told me I suck and to go away. You guys are the only ones I can rely on to always be around, and James is on my case constantly about how I waste my time here and some of you all take a good portion of what I say or post the completely wrong way and I find myself unable to be nice and thoughtful in the way that is my normal nature.

I have been severely depressed for a couple of months.

sorry. Don't mean to mess up the picture thread.

Prozac. that shit saved my life. And my head doctor marc.
I need to make an appointment with him infact.

Feel better, someone could shave your head while you sleep and glue the clippings to your face.

I'm sorry, Amber. You seem like a really genuine person, and a genuinely cool and nice person. I hope you find a way to feel better soon.

I like you!!
Robo-baby says, "INITIATE CHEER MODE"

Haha yeah!

Amber, I hope you feel better. I hate depression and have fought it since my 20's. I have been on Lexapro for the last 8 years. It helps a lot. Maybe you should go talk to a head doctor. Sometimes that does help. Or well you can do that to get you headed in the right direction. Also, when I find myself headed downward, I start doing things I like a lot. For instance, crocheting, knitting, drawing, crafting and just anything really that generally relaxes me and puts me in a better mood. I'm artistic, so I tend to go to those things, since they make me feel the best. I've been fighting it right now, due to my Dads cancer. Soyesterday was a Ah Ha Day for me. I'm going to concentrate on me a little more. To start, I've decided I want to get a job. I haven't worked in 12 years, so this is going to be interesting. But I've devoted the last 12 years to my children and husband. It's them, him and the house. No me in there. I've lost me and I've decided to go find her. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I don't know a whole lot about you, but don't you do the stay at home thing too? Maybe you have lost you too. I don't know that just going by me, but I do hope you come out of this. And feel free to PM me anytime. I'm very familiar with depression and know its really hard to climb out of that hole. *Big Hugs*

Amber, I wish you weren't sad right now.

Tell James to hush up because I saw that pineapple thing you made for him. Bet he didn't think that was a waste of time.

Pineapple upside down cake. It is his favorite.

Funny, that day when Gabe come home I asked him to do something, I forget what, and he groaned about it and I was all "but look! I made you a cake!" and he replies "You didn't make that for me. That is Dad's cake."

I'll be fine. I will figure it out. don't want to mess the picture thread up talking about my issues.

A problem is how very terrible I am at expressing my emotions verbally (or written) it is generally obvious how I am feeling by my behavior, but in terms of saying it out loud I usually just state the facts. "I am sad" "I am lonely" et cetera. I don't go " I feel thus and it makes me feel than and then I feel such and such and such." so people don't realise that if I say something like "I am sad." I very well mean it just as much as if I had vented for an hour about it all, not that I don't vent sometimes for hours too. ha.

I need to find some new real friends.

Cool pics you guys.

Love the make up Amber and Cammie!

Amber, are there any free or low cost counselling or therapy sessions you can go to? I know that has helped me so so much. It's helped me with depression and anxiety. But I think that one of the best things it's helped me with is that it's ok to feel angry and express it (still a work in progress though). I'm so sorry you're going through this, and it sounds like you're going through it alone. Do try and reach out to others. We might not be "real" friends but we do care and want you to feel better. From what I know of you you're a great Mum, wife, daughter, sister, artist, cook ...and loads of other things. I hope you feel better soon, please see your doctor if you don't. Hugshugshugs.

I don't have a primary care doctor.

there is a service I know of that is free, but they are christian based and while what I am told is that they don't insist you pray and focus on the god thing, I don't want to have to say out loud to someone that I am going to for help that they should please leave their spirituality out of it.

I'm going to recommend hitting the heavy bag.

Twenty minutes a day, two or three times a week, can make one feel all kinds of better. We too often forget the therapeutic healing power of rage-fueled violence. Need more therapy more often? Just step out to the garage and wail on the thing as needed.

They can be picked up dirt cheap at garage sales or on ebay.

The shit works, mang.

A speed bag is smaller and often even cheaper - and really satisfying - but requires learned technique to be useful.

Now there is a plan.

updated pictures of babyniece, stella!

my sister and froggy hat

Well working out, releasing those endorphins really helps. I think that's one of the biggest reasons I got depressed when I first moved into the house at Diamond Bar. I wasn't working out or being physically active for those 2-3 years and I would just curl up in bed all day. My mom was really worried during those years.

Try to do something for yourself pepper. I know it must be extremely difficult with your hubby and 4 kids but if you don't do something fun/exciting for yourself, who will?

That is one cute kid.

Oh my god! Cuteness!

Drone Emperor and Mack Daddy playin a show in town, y'all!

"I got a drone fer yah!" - Mack Daddy's response, grabbing his dick.

I agree, very cute kid indeed.

Also I got a visitor at work today...this wasn't taken at work(FYI)

precious

I swear there are too many cute babies here. Where are all the ugly babies at? lol

The babies gave me cuteness overload and Tuffy, I like the way you think mang!

GOO!

babies YAY! babies in froggy hats EXTRA YAY!

! Cam, Stella is way too adorable.

Cammie! I want those bunny straps for a backpack or something. She's really cute.

Mmm! Yeah, we ate quite a bit already.

YUM!

Is that melted chocolate or icing on top of the cake?

Melted chocolate.

Sweet.