My Girlfriend Got Fat

RK, I think its the whole getting comfortable thing... I mean two years is a good time to be together and become comfortable. She knows she has you so she no longer has to look as good since she isn't "looking" for someone else.
I mean was she active? Besides the yoga and whatnot. Was she the athletic type?
I say you talk to her about it. Being together that long, would it be a hard topic to discuss? I can't really relate becuase I have never been in your position. I say bring it up. If she gets offended tell her that you are concerned. Maybe there is something wrong... I dunno.

Obviously dump the cow.
You know, since it means so much to you.

Supremo's Theory: Brother Supremos of the world do not beat off to plus size models.

Hm. I'm also female and in a 2 year + relationship. So I can see where you're coming from...

It happens when we get comfortable and don't have to impress anyone anymore. The gut that my boyfriend formed is sometimes cute, but I do miss how scrawny he was when I met him. Of course it's my fault cuz I actually FEED him (I don't know what he ate when he was a bachelor, he was bloody skinny).

Anyway. Point being that it's easy to let yourself go when you don't have to 'wow' the person into liking you. However, if it's changing how you feel about her, it's worth bringing up.

Hopefully she's the type that'll appreciate the extra interest you're taking in the way she looks, and not the type that'll freak out and point out everything you've been doing that irks her...

I agree, she's probably come to the conclusion that she doesn't need to impress you with her body any longer. Her being fit has surved it's purpose. The hook is set and can finally let go and have a cheeseburger and screw the yoga class. You let her in too close, made her feel too secure - she knows she's safe and can put on the pounds now....

[QUOTE=Underscore]I agree, she's probably come to the conclusion that she doesn't need to impress you with her body any longer. Her being fit has surved it's purpose. The hook is set and can finally let go and have a cheeseburger and screw the yoga class. You let her in too close, made her feel too secure - she knows she's safe and can put on the pounds now.... ;)[/QUOTE]
this thread is almpst as lame and shallow as the "ur a great guy, but i dont wanan ruin our friendship" line

yu guys should either be rather ashamed.
or proud of yourselves

My advice on this:

1. Get that flirting thrill in your relationship. Take her out, but not the regular restaurant visit. Make it something romantic or even old-school romantic. Take her to the movies, but make it special. Make her an unexpected gift. Something to bring energy and freshness into your relationship. That way you'll again make her want to be more attractive.

2. Get her to excercise more. But don't just tell her to go to the gym, tell her, for example, you've always wanted to go swimming on a regular basis with her. Two times a week to the swimming pool and she'll be a doll again. Or make biking tours on your weekends. Something that involves sport. But remember to do it with her.

3. I'm not sure about that one, but have more boy friends come over for dinner or something. With other men around she'll be much more concerned about her appearance and she'll note the lack of attention from your friends.

4. I am very unsure about that one, but it just might work: In a jocular but definite manner, tell her that she will get some kind of reward if she loses the extra weight. Like, something she has alwaysa wanted but never got. A trip to Mexico, a new stereo, a dog. Something that she would really want and which won't be much of a harm to you. I know this might sound dumb, but as I said, it just might work.

5. Stop joking about it. If you make fun of it, she might think you are generally okay with it. Next time she self-ironically says her old dress doesn't quite fit, just say nothing. Or say, "That's too bad, I liked how you looked in that dress." Don't be aggressive about her weight, but don't take it too lightly either. That way she'll understand that her weight is beyond acceptability (if there is indeed such a word...)

6. That I think is a little bit in connection to number 1: Make her just a little bit jealous. Look at attractive women on the street, talk a lot about that hot new colleague of yours, comment on her girl friend's great looks. Making her jealous will probably make her much more self-conscious about herself.

Take her on a vacation, some deserted place, a desert or boat will do just fine. Make sure there's plenty of manual labour for the two of you, forget to pack enough food for the trip, but double water reserves instead, return in a few weeks and first drop her off at the hospital, things will be all happy and beautifull for the two of you from now on.

Or get another lame tattoo, maybe 'JUDGE BY COVER' on your ass!!

FJ's right you have to get rid of her cause fat don't go back. She's just typical of someone who only kept themseves up in order to attract someone else and when they hooked the guy/girl they reverted to the disrespectful pig they really are. Its everyones job to keep fit and look good in order for the world to be an aesthetically pleasing place for all. The town I live in is full of what I call the 'potato people' ; they are large and gray and do nothing more than take up space, breed and breath our air, everytime they leave the house their appearence says fuck you to the world! Its time for the world to say fuck you back. RK remove this behemoth from your life before she poisons it anymore than she already has. Good luck.

Thank goodness americans are the best looking people in the world, no!?

we don't care, we don't pose, we steal your money, we steal you show

[QUOTE=Alexander]Thank goodness americans are the best looking people in the world, no!?

we don't care, we don't pose, we steal your money, we steal you show[/QUOTE]Dude this is THE FATTEST country in the world we are disgusting pigs.

Hey hey man! I know, I was being sarcastic...

I guess we're tallest and most concentrated. (or densest, or most dense, waaateva)

[QUOTE=morey]Dude this is THE FATTEST country in the world we are disgusting pigs.[/QUOTE]
this explains why im single. im short and skinny and not shallow

[IMG]http://www.httpcity.com/ronq/news/picts/fatfarm_ppl.jpg[/IMG]

It disgusts me to make fun of fat people... do you laugh at hungry people as well? I know some killer Dafur jokes and I have really funny pictures too!!

Hey, did you pay a lot to get that great member add on.. I miss adding all those wonderfull pictures, it really flavoured my posts.

No, I rarely laugh at hungry people cause it's not their fault. Technically, often times fat people aren't really responsible for their obesity as well. It's rather the whole culture of a society that has lost direction. And that's really why I'm posting this. A manifestation of a fast food culture.

I'm not making fun of those people in particular. I'm posting this as a display of obesity, one of the greatest problems America is currently facing.

Fat people are an insult to God and all his children, they perpetuate all that is ugly in this consumer driven greed filled society, and we literally do not have room for them anymore-they must be stopped.

RK, kill your fat girlfriend and save the world!!

[QUOTE=stoyan]No, I rarely laugh at hungry people cause it's not their fault. Technically, often times fat people aren't really responsible for their obesity as well. It's rather the whole culture of a society that has lost direction. And that's really why I'm posting this. A manifestation of a fast food culture.

I'm not making fun of those people in particular. I'm posting this as a display of obesity, one of the greatest problems America is currently facing.[/QUOTE]

What people eat and how much is none of nobody's gdamn business. but that's just my humble opinion. Europe's filled with fast food, we have couch patatoes, chinese food, burger king...
Reading your post above, I can give you a stupid and useless response: fuck you for eating meat!

Eat a fat person, save a cow!!!!

Kill all hippies
And for every animal [i]you[/i] don't eat
I'm gonna eat three (fat americans)!

Stoyan has good advice. She sounds like she just got lazy, but if she complains about it then all you can do is suggest that it would be easy to lose weight again, just go back to yoga. When my friend was gaining weight it was because he was depressed, so it wouldn't have helped to make him feel worse about it like to make him jealous. She's not depressed, is she?

If this large lady is in fact depressed then the question that must be asked is the unanswerable; is she fat cause she's depressed, or is she depressed because she's fat? Either way she's a big problem and he needs to rid himself of her one way or the other.

I’m curious about what exactly you think is fat, so could you compare her to someone famous so I can get a better idea? Because if your girlfriend looks like Kate Winslet or someone else with a similar body type and you think that’s fat, she needs to beat you over the head with a box of Ding Dongs.

I don’t care for the advice of purposely making her jealous, either, by pointing out women you think are attractive. It could backfire and make her eat more, especially if she’s an emotional eater and turns to food for comfort. Or it might make her lose 185 pounds (or however much you weigh) right on the spot by dumping your ass.

Its just a no win situation. For sure the relationship must be put out of its misery.

[QUOTE=fullmetalbrak]I’m curious about what exactly you think is fat, so could you compare her to someone famous so I can get a better idea? Because if your girlfriend looks like Kate Winslet or someone else with a similar body type and you think that’s fat, she needs to beat you over the head with a box of Ding Dongs.

I don’t care for the advice of purposely making her jealous, either, by pointing out women you think are attractive. It could backfire and make her eat more, especially if she’s an emotional eater and turns to food for comfort. Or it might make her lose 185 pounds (or however much you weigh) right on the spot by dumping your ass.[/QUOTE]

Woohah. Coincidentellay, RK, you fit yerself?

Mr. Brown,
I have gained about 5-7 lbs in the last 2 years, but I'm fit. I play golf 4-5 times a week. Which is walking 3-5 miles with 30 lbs on my back up and down hills.

I will comment on what everyonoe has said in a little while. I have take care of some stuff. some of you are very funny.

[QUOTE=morey]RK, kill your fat girlfriend and save the world!![/QUOTE]

But fat-bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round!

Stoyan totally adviced this thread up. That guy knows everything. He should be the only one allowed to post.

Robert, Darling,
Surly you're not that shallow. My god, if you love her, then what the hell does it matter what she looks like?

[SIZE=1]And that also means I haven't a chance in hell[/SIZE]

[QUOTE=Nightrious]Stoyan totally adviced this thread up. That guy knows everything. He should be the only one allowed to post.[/QUOTE]
I was to go on a second date with a very cute girl today so I spent some time reading [url]www.askmen.com[/url] for adice on first kisses and stuff, just in case. These guys there are amazing, they really help when it comes to dating. It makes the whole dating and love affair a bit insincere, but who cares anyway... No really, some of their articles a too a la cosmopolitan and suck, but some are very very helpful.

[QUOTE=Cindy Weston]Robert, Darling,
Surly you're not that shallow. My god, if you love her, then what the hell does it matter what she looks like?

[SIZE=1]And that also means I haven't a chance in hell[/SIZE][/QUOTE]
I don't think it's a matter of shallowness or not. Love is blind, yeah, like hell, but not when it comes to looks. And it's not like he has lost all emotional attraction. It's just that, well, every guy wants his gal to be pretty, and when she starts loosing her prettyness, of course he is going to worry about it.

[QUOTE=Cindy Weston]Robert, Darling,
Surly you're not that shallow. My god, if you love her, then what the hell does it matter what she looks like?

[SIZE=1]And that also means I haven't a chance in hell[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

Agreed on the first sentence.
[SIZE=1]Not agreed on the second 1 type font. Due to the fact that if it is what I think it is.....its wrong to think and say such things when you are married. Thats a whole 'nother thread, though. One Im sure will never be initialized by you. ^_~ Lots of people probably think it isnt wrong, and maybe it isnt, but....theres always more than one take on things. [/SIZE]

Stoyan had awesome advice. Except for the jealousy part. Thats where Brak's advice takes over.

The whole 'fat' issue is a hard dealing. This situation kind of makes me think of [I]Eros[/I] and that makes me believe you've been struck with the owl feather arrow. Not saying thats bad or that youre bad for thinking what you do, I think it'd be quite normal. Reflecting on the past.

Sometimes things as these mean that not only you need to look at your surroundings, but yourself as well. And maybe pointing out something on your chick is a lack of experience for pointing out things about yourself. [I]Maybe[/I]. No one can tell for sure, except for you and anyone you care to listen to, such as your wonderful, beautiful babe. (inside and eventually out. if you get over it, or she goes back to yoga, which is extremely healthy for not only the person practicing, but those in their lives, too) And this is just a bunch of rambling and I havent had much coffee yet.

Whatever happens, if it is love that is felt and true, you will both become aware of a new understanding for eachother. Which always makes things better.

this is interesting. there's the concept of getting comfortable/lazy/gaining weight, but one might also want to maintain one's attractive nature in order to keep said partner. when my grandmother died about two years ago and things all around weren't going so great, i also ended up working insane amounts of job-hours and about the only source of immediate pleasure was going out to eat, and needless to say working so much, i didn't have much time to work out. it didn't take long before that caught up with me, and i gained about 15ish pounds... i complained and whined but eventually got fed up enough with things that as soon as i went back to a normal 40-hour work week, i dedicated myself to going to the gym, rode my bike more, and seriously altered my diet, i.e. all those practical lifestyle changes necessary to lose more than 5 pounds at a time. i lost 20 pounds in a couple of months and did a sprint-length triathlon (something that helped as a goal as i worked out). it sounds like she just lost her routine. it's not too hard to get back to that, really. i signed up for swim training sessions, which was ridiculously effective, and also a meditative stress-reliever. i like the way clothes look when i'm slimmer, being generally more athletic and mobile, and whether it's giving into societal pressure or not, i feel better about myself... i sound like dr phil, but whatever you guys work out in terms of your treatment of the situation, fitness is only a big deal when you make a big mental block about it, so long as you don't work 80 hours a week or something.

[QUOTE=stoyan]My advice on this:

1. Get that flirting thrill in your relationship. Take her out, but not the regular restaurant visit. Make it something romantic or even old-school romantic. Take her to the movies, but make it special. Make her an unexpected gift. Something to bring energy and freshness into your relationship. That way you'll again make her want to be more attractive.

2. Get her to excercise more. But don't just tell her to go to the gym, tell her, for example, you've always wanted to go swimming on a regular basis with her. Two times a week to the swimming pool and she'll be a doll again. Or make biking tours on your weekends. Something that involves sport. But remember to do it with her.

3. I'm not sure about that one, but have more boy friends come over for dinner or something. With other men around she'll be much more concerned about her appearance and she'll note the lack of attention from your friends.

4. I am very unsure about that one, but it just might work: In a jocular but definite manner, tell her that she will get some kind of reward if she loses the extra weight. Like, something she has alwaysa wanted but never got. A trip to Mexico, a new stereo, a dog. Something that she would really want and which won't be much of a harm to you. I know this might sound dumb, but as I said, it just might work.

5. Stop joking about it. If you make fun of it, she might think you are generally okay with it. Next time she self-ironically says her old dress doesn't quite fit, just say nothing. Or say, "That's too bad, I liked how you looked in that dress." Don't be aggressive about her weight, but don't take it too lightly either. That way she'll understand that her weight is beyond acceptability (if there is indeed such a word...)

6. That I think is a little bit in connection to number 1: Make her just a little bit jealous. Look at attractive women on the street, talk a lot about that hot new colleague of yours, comment on her girl friend's great looks. Making her jealous will probably make her much more self-conscious about herself.[/QUOTE]

1 & 2 are good advice. but i'd emphasize positive reinforcement. when i felt chubby, it was eventually a sense of selff-loathing that, healthy or not, forced me to reverse things. i did it in a healthy way - i love food, and i just ate more salads and less fried things, all the obvious solutions - but more negative reinforcement, like the jealousy angle... i don't think that would've helped the situation. i'll bet she already feels self-conscious enough. you don't want to verbally abuse her into losing the weight - ultimately it has to be her own process. that way, she'll enter a healthy, long term solution, rather than encouraging some kind of desperate short term fad diet or worse. it's a delicate process, if you want to talk to her about changing her weight. enabling her is the way to go - don't shame her into it.

I wanted to go swimming last year but the prices and times were so ridiculous I could never fit it in. But this year I'll be making those laps. Besides, I love water.

[QUOTE=Mr. Brown]I wanted to go swimming last year but the prices and times were so ridiculous I could never fit it in. But this year I'll be making those laps. Besides, I love water.[/QUOTE]
good god, i fell in love with swimming. i eventually swam a mile about three times a week, so that by the time i swam the open water quarter mile it was a piece of cake. the sound of the swishing around, the submersion, the temperature... absolutely peaceful. it fools you into working out much harder, b/c you're not conscious of beinh hot or tired, as much. it really helped move me to the next level of where i wanted to be fitness-wise. a new pool is opening near me in the spring - i'm ecstatic.

I could go nuts for our doing cranes from many feet up. I love the way my body could just slice the water in half when I dove in...

Well, this is a much better response than I expected. There were some very funny things said as well as some very thought provoking things.

I love my chick. I like my chick. I am attracted to my chick. I am not going to break up with her and am not even considering it. I am defiantely not going to kill her (Morey), but is if did, I should wait till she gets huge and sell her off by the pound.

It's not abuot me being shallow (Cindy). It's about caring for the person I'm with and caring abouot myself. She's unhappy about the weight gain. She was thin all her lilfe and then had a kid and got huge and then got thin again. She was terrible unhappy then and depressed (Madde), she's not suffering from depression now, but the weight gain does depress her. My concern is really more for her and less for me. Sure I want a hot girlfriend and she's still beautiful, but she's lost that edge. It''a made her not want to go out as much (Stoyan) but I still want to.

I agree that I need to stop the joking (it's enabling) and just be straight and calm and serious.

What do I consider fat? This of course varies from person to person. She was not a hard body or a beach volleyball player. We're in aour mid 30's and live in Texas. The weight she has gained is all in her torso, so it's comes over the sides of her clothes and her face looks rounder. I don't know who to compare her too. I really don't. She's gained like 40 lbs. It seems like it's right about the point of no return, or at least ease return.

To all the folks who were trying to be funny or sarcastic, keep workin' on it. Except for Brother Supremo, because this....

[QUOTE=VERY FUCKING FUNNY and true!]Supremo's Theory: Brother Supremos of the world do not beat off to plus size models
[/QUOTE]

It is about me really though isn't it? (minuet) I mean it's about what I am comfortable with and how I want to live. When I was in my 20's I would put up with all sorts of crazy shit from a chick, now I can accept and understand people, but I don't put up with any crazy shit. Maybe it's that I'm older and the 20 somethings look at me like an old guy and I have little to no chance of being with those type women anymore. Which is fine in reality, because I trully am not willing to put up with all the things that come with being with somoeone young. That's not a knowck on young peopole, it's just that a 25 year old woman and a 35 year old woman are two different creatures.

So, I look at where and how my lilfe has changed. Incourage by girlfriend to get back to yoga.

thanks for all the suggestions and conversation. I think this is something that happens too many people.

[QUOTE]To all the folks who were trying to be funny or sarcastic, keep workin' on it.[/QUOTE]

This is a very lame thing to say...

Say what you want but the world doesn't need another big fat lady, or another sap telling her she's beautiful the way she is.

im getting fat
i dont know why really i chalk it up to eating too much even though i know thats not the real reason
i think i look disgusting

im a fat chick tryin' to look sexy

[QUOTE=TheJudasCow]

im a fat chick tryin' to look sexy[/QUOTE]
while pregnant!!

She has no goddamn business breeding.

[QUOTE=morey]Say what you want but the world doesn't need another big fat lady, or another sap telling her she's beautiful the way she is.[/QUOTE]

Morey, you have a point here. And you're funny, but that's another subject. We DON'T need more fat people thinking it's okay to be overweight, because it's not. It's unhealty and shortens life spans. Now I understand that people just have different body types and some women are going to be heavier than other, but being fat, (by your doctors definition, not your magazines) is wrong.

You are also correct on your second notion, we don't need more people telling fat people it's ok. This is an Emperors New Clothes scenerio. These "guys", although I know a really hot chick that likes fat guys, are more concerned with thier own fetishes and desires than the people they are saying this too.

i'll agree. i've known and dated bigger girls that pulled it off nicely.
but at the same time you get the kind of people who say "oh hey im getting fat. thats how it is i spose" and they dont combat it, even if they can.

and not to be a huge asshole here, but nothing pisses me off more than someone i'd confuse for a sea mammal when im drunk telling me how hot they are. absolutely baffling. especially when you count all the people who look great that think they're ugly

[QUOTE=Ozymandias]She has no goddamn business breeding.[/QUOTE]

He has no goddamn business breathing.

You guys should breed each other.

No.

[QUOTE=Minuet]while pregnant!![/QUOTE]

this had nothing to do with being pregnant
its the "pooch" and the fact that I eat junk all day. i was like this before i got knocked up.
its the same with other fat chicks too- those HS girls with long corkscrew grease black hair that walk around in too tight spandex tops. the ones that have to pull their shirts down to cover the gut oozing over their J.Lo padded pants but when they sit it just pops out again. the ones who wear jeans in the summer to outdoor functions. they sit for 45 min and when they stand to walk away- the sweat has soaked through their pants and darkened the denim under their ass cheeks and behind their knees. the one with dirt in their fat wrinkles in their overlapping stomach and neck rolls.
the ones who still have dimples in their knuckles.
the ones who waddle when they walk
the ones who wear tight lace up sandals and allow their foot fat to ooze between the straps.
the ones who wear thongs that come up over their pants and actually be lost in the back fat.
(i havent gotten to any of these points yet but im sure im well on my way)

these are girls with no respect for themselves.
why would you want to date a chick who cant respect herself? do you think youd be any different?

your girl, she knows she's gained weight. so don't bother telling her about it. I think a person loses weight sucessfully if they do it for themselves, not for somebody else.

the best way to get the ball rolling on fitness is to do something really fun that also happens to be physically active. just to get moving. it may sound a little corny, but doing rec-room sports, like ping pong or bowling or stuff like that is a good way to get somebody started.

around the house, be more playful and physical. shoot, you could even have a pilllow fight or a sock fight or FOOD FIGHT. put in your favorite music and dance like assholes. it's your house, use it.

it's good to encourage people to be more physical in small ways. take stairs, walk to the store, stuff like that.

when she quit yoga, she changed her lifestyle, and her weight was affected as a result. encourage her to return to a more active lifestyle. once she starts using more energy, she'll be able to take the next step, which is rejoin yoga or do another type of structured physical activity.

this is a woman's metabolism, so this whole thing will take six months at least, so for fuck's sake be patient. the worst would be if you dumped her and then she lost a ton of weight and looked all hot again and you are kicking yourself.