My GF caught me fapping, and liked it!
I live in the small town out in south florida, and i've had a girlfriend for about 7 months now. She is a really cool person (and very hot if i do say so myself) so anyway, one day I drove over to her house to pick her up for a movie. I usually go through the back door sinc ethe front is locked, but today it was open. Since her parents and dog know me, i just opened it and went in.
I walked up the stairs to her bedroom and thought i smelled something strange, i couldn't place it until i heard moans. Her door was partially open so i got a good look of her masterbating with her eyes closed while laying on top of her bed, she was kneading her breast with her other hand and everything.
Naturally, i got extremely hard, now, i didn't want to interupt and startle her, so i figured i'd 'Take care of my needs' in her bathroom and then go downstairs and call out her name a few times.
So i go in the bathroom and am nearly done when the door opens, she is holding out one hand while still cupping her breast in the other. evidently she came in to wash up before i 'got here'.
We sorta looked at each other for a bit and then she walked up to me, and without asking for an explanation kissed me. Then something amazing happened! And now i can talk to animals! It's really cool!! but a complete secret... and you know what? Life's never been the same!
HAHA!
This is how Dr. Doolittle got his powers.
I've just been schooled in the worst possible way.
You know, I don't think I've ever heard it called fapping before.
Also, I'm glad I learned where Dr. Doolittle got his powers. I'd been wondering about that. Thanks Glamhoth!
lawlz at the you can talk to animals now...
Obey
Dear Penthouse Forum...
When we call soccer 'football' the terrorists have won.
lawlz at the you can talk to animals now...
That was my second favorite part.
My first favorite part being at the idea that he has a girlfriend.
There is hope, but not for us.
The title of a popular Penn Jillette television show sums up my judgement of this erotic fabrication.
I almost didn't click on this thread because I wasn't sure what fapping was. Seriously, who calls it fapping?
"I'm glad I live in the GPS era. In a different century, I would've set off to visit the other side of the village and wandered off into the mountains and been eaten by a carnivorous plant. Or discovered the Americas."
-LaJessica
-Asgenar
Gertrude Stein said it best, "To write is to write is to write" you have to do it to do it.
Stuff about me
-Asgenar
Gertrude Stein said it best, "To write is to write is to write" you have to do it to do it.
Stuff about me
This link is NSFW: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fapping
Didn't fapping get its start on Fark.com?
-Asgenar
Gertrude Stein said it best, "To write is to write is to write" you have to do it to do it.
Stuff about me
Hahahahahahahahahaha @ this whole thread.
oh brother with an eye roll to this whole thread.
then a hahahaha
Brentinlouis Wrote: What was that rule about being intentionally annoying?
Fuck this thread!
It's the reason Gordon is in the Cult!!!!
He was googling "fapping" and he found this thread!
TRUE STORY
I miss Zach.
There is hope, but not for us.
QFT
Thanks Jane.
So, does that mean you were googling all about fapping? Researching new techniques mayhap?
This is a really good idea.
He fapped all over the place.
As a computer guy, I want to say for crissake use Portable Firefox on a thumb drive for fapping. I can't tell you how many times I go to fix someone's computer and that shit is all in their web browser history plain as day, especially laptops, occasionally desktops in closed offices, usually offices without windows (not the OS but the glass kind). I think I'll just do a quick search on an error message from the Events Log or something, and suddenly I'm seeing things I really wish I hadn't seen. I don't want to know. Really. It creeps me out even more if the box of kleenex and bottle of hand lotion are right there on the desk in plain sight, geez, why don't you just post a big sign on the office door that says, "I like to jerk off to internet porn at work!" I bet people have inadvertently broadcast themselves fapping via laptop built-in web cam and it ended up on youtube or something. I just know if I had an ultraviolet lamp I would see there would be um "biological material" all over the keyboard and mouse. Sometimes, I think I should just carry a box of rubber gloves and put on a fresh pair before I touch anybody's computer. Or maybe a box of saran wrap, just wrap it around the keyboard.
This is a really good idea.
It's the reason Gordon is in the Cult!!!!
He was googling "fapping" and he found this thread!
TRUE STORY
NO FUCKING WAY!!!1
To bash the bishop, to beat ones meat, a five knuckle shuffle, to choke the chicken, shaking hands with the unemployed, a crafty Sherman tank, to pull ones plonker, shakin the snake, avin a wank, tossin it off but I never thought I'd see an elephant fly, whoops got distracted, fapping, is that really a term for masturbation. It sounds like something a buck toothed shaven headed retard with jam jar bottom glasses would do when he wakes up on Christmas morning.
"You going to the toilet again, you got the craps?"
"No I have the fapps."
"You off to the crapper?"
"No the fapper."
I think the moral is don't wank off in your girlfriends toilet, what the fuck is wrong with this guy anyway, he finds his girlfriend naked, playing with her little man in a boat and he goes for a wank, Jesus with toothache, what do you need a written invitation with a fuckin map attached. WOT A FAPPER!
There are no pacts between lions and men.
To spank little johnny behind the ears.
QFT
Thanks Jane.
I didn't make this thread!
There is hope, but not for us.
QFT
Thanks Jane.
I didn't make this thread!
I meant for getting me in on this QFT phenomenon!
This is the one then.
We must build upon it.
Fapping is the word.
The word is fapping.
Fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping if you say it loud enough, it sounds quite atrocious.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Sixth place is an insult to the Cult.
Fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping fapping.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
Also, we need pageviews.
Tuffy the Dump Truck may rarely increase the risk of a heart attack or stroke. The risk may be greater if you have heart disease or increased risk for heart disease (for example, due to smoking, family history of heart disease, or conditions such as high blood pressure or diabetes), or with longer use. Tuffy should not be taken right before or after heart bypass surgery. Also, Tuffy may infrequently cause serious (rarely fatal) bleeding from the stomach or intestines. This effect can occur without warning symptoms at any time while taking Tuffy. Older adults may be at higher risk for this effect. (See also Precautions and Drug Interactions sections.) Stop taking Tuffy and get medical help right away if you notice any of the following rare but serious side effects: bloody or black/tarry stools, persistent stomach/abdominal pain, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, chest/jaw/left arm pain, shortness of breath, unusual sweating, weakness on one side of the body, sudden vision changes, slurred speech. Ask your doctor if Tuffy is right for you.
i heard this was the fapping party?
can i get in on some fapping?
i love life when i'm fapping!
Step back. Evaluate. Recognize.
Aawww, fuckin Ay!!! Shoutbox only goes back seven pages??!
I wanted to find that time me, Minerva and Damien named movie titles, replacing one of the words with "fap". It was all like, The Godfapper, Goodfappas, To Live and Fap in L.A., Someone to Fap Over me, Good Will Fapping. It went on for like 12 pages.
Fapping faptastic! We can do for the word Fapping what Morey did for Iniggeration.
If you're fapping off a cliff, you might as well come fly!
This image was the first time I had heard the term:
this thread is faptacular and fapulous.
Step back. Evaluate. Recognize.
I can't deny it. I'm a fapping rydah. You don't wanna fap with me...
I don't even want to google fapping to find out how we're doing.
There were a few others we had in the top ten that were completely unrelated to Palahniuk. I think we had Fashion Parade and Manuary.
Good coffee is like drinking Rock and Roll.
there's a bunch of pictures for fapping too.
Google's last cache of our fapping page was June 18th. So we have to keep fapping this thread for at least another week.
Agreed. This was the part of the story where I was like, "What the Hell, dude? It's your girlfriend. Join the party, fercrissakes."
Get on over to my website, young'un! www.subvertfromwithinrecords.blogspot.com
We are moving up the fap charts. Fapping has us at #4 on google now. It cached on July 3rd, so it's time to uh...beat this horse a little more. So to speak.
Slow down there, hondo, yer gonna fap yer fapping hand right the fap off.
HONDO IS SECRETLY FAPPING IN THIS POSTER!
homo
I'll see your John Wayne and raise you a Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Blue Juice was Smurfette's porn name.
Also, this:
That's her O Face, so surely there's some kind of FAPPING or soemthing goign on down there, near the Hell's Mouth.
Here face is no match for my buddha-on-a-tank O face.
um, so fap. fap. fap fap. am i doing this right? because i feel kinda like a duck. fap makes me think of ducks, it sounds like quack when you say it out loud.
also that movie was aweome. fapping or no.
up to #4 with the fap fap fapping!
if gordon were still around im sure we'd be tops by now!
POIDH. You know the rules.