Ignorance of Australia...or something

have you ever hunted for opal?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Rip_Purr [/i]
[B]Aboriginals have their own bathrooms. [/B][/QUOTE]
Isn't it called the outback?

Yeah, in a tourist shop. It was easy finding the opal, impossible getting past the trials of the asian shop clerk.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Rents [/i]
[B]Isn't it called the outback? [/B][/QUOTE]

That was fucking hilarious. I salute you for that Rents.

*Salutes Rip*

What, they have segregated bathrooms?

that really was very funny. lol

Rip Purr- great idea for a thread-- i start one of these whenever i fly over to a message board with lotsa Mericans and Europeans. so, take note, i am also freely giving myself up to be probed and questioned about our joint.

I was serious. Now I feel stupid. Crap.

We also have something known as the drop bear. Wes, you can explain.

what is the motto of australia
what is australia's national bird and / or symbol and why
why is the southern cross on your flag
how come industrial waste is in foster's lager
how come the outback really isn't out in back of someone's yard or a steakhouse

paul hogan was decidely one of the funniest comedians i have ever seen. just loved his show, especially the dude with the blow torch. that's how we make toast in 'stralia mate.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Rip_Purr [/i]
[B]We also have something known as the drop bear. Wes, you can explain. [/B][/QUOTE]

well, it has something to do with ampled-breasted swedish girls. doesnt it.

SHITE ATTEMPT TO ANSWER:
1. what is the motto of australia
2. what is australia's national bird and / or symbol and why
3. why is the southern cross on your flag
4. how come industrial waste is in foster's lager
5. how come the outback really isn't out in back of someone's yard or a steakhouse

1. we have a motto?
2. erm, the emu i guess- and we put them on coins, cos we fukn almost killed them all
3. its the constellation some wanker associated with us.
each state has diff,. variations of/placements of.
4. well, we cant bury it all
5. oh, but it is.

wait a minute . . . australia has states!?!

yeah, they are as follows/capital:

New South Wales/Sydney
Victoria/Melbourne
Queensland/Brisbane
South Australia/Adelaide
Tasmania/Hobart
Western Australia/Perth

...+ 2 territories
Australian Capital Territory/Canberra ( nations capital also )
Northern Territroy/Darwin.

Where do you take your pet kangaroos for walks? I mean, it's gotta be pretty dangerous with all those crocodiles and whatnot.

P.S. Seriously though, have you guys ever been asked a stupid question like this?

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by The Gucci Ghost [/i]
[B]nobody cares Wes, fuck.

im kidding, australia is VERY interesting. [/B][/QUOTE]

um ok then.

and yes Rents, been asked that alot. ive met foreigners who were convinced we ride the damn things to school. well, sorry to say, we dont. and never will. what they DONT report to you- is that kangaroos are the most vicious fucking animal around here. worse than a croc. in some parts of Aus. roo's roam around the outback and fuck up farms, and assault people, sheep, cows etc. they are actually a pest sometimes. and then there are culls from time to time. id rather hug a croc. than a 'roo.

And no, New Zealand is not a state or territory of Australia. It's quite offensive being asked that. And if you ever go to Oz, don't be scared of the drop bears... it's just a story they tell tourists to scare them shitless. I think it's the old story that koalas droip on people and eat their brains. Oh, and you have to watch out for the sheep. They're used to the natives being... quite affectionate, so you might have to beat them off....

Anyway, jokes......

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Wesley Sonck [/i]
[B]um ok then.

and yes Rents, been asked that alot. ive met foreigners who were convinced we ride the damn things to school. well, sorry to say, we dont. and never will. what they DONT report to you- is that kangaroos are the most vicious fucking animal around here. worse than a croc. in some parts of Aus. roo's roam around the outback and fuck up farms, and assault people, sheep, cows etc. they are actually a pest sometimes. and then there are culls from time to time. id rather hug a croc. than a 'roo. [/B][/QUOTE]
lmao, I wanna ride a 'roo to school!!! Well, one that wouldn't rip my damn head off. What the hell is wrong with foreigners? Why can't they just use some goddam common sense? And on that note, is it true that you Aussie's have never heard of Australian Toaster Biscuits? "They make my mouf wateh."-little kid on commerical.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Manik_Munkey [/i]
[B]And no, New Zealand is not a state or territory of Australia. It's quite offensive being asked that. And if you ever go to Oz, don't be scared of the drop bears... it's just a story they tell tourists to scare them shitless. I think it's the old story that koalas droip on people and eat their brains. Oh, and you have to watch out for the sheep. They're used to the natives being... quite affectionate, so you might have to beat them off....

Anyway, jokes...... [/B][/QUOTE]

Apologies dude, but everyone should know- the 'They Root Sheep' joke- is about New Zealanders, and solely used to take the piss out of them. You cant use your put-down on us Nooz.

This joke is made bitterly cruel, and possibly real- by the fact that there more sheep in NZ than people. Sad to say manik- i dont think we have an epidemic of that scale here. But who knows. Maybe we rut with roo's instead.

And foreigners are idiots. No offense.

I mean... how hard is it to read a fucking book- or use the internet. And find out.

Are there really tons of evil spiders and shit that will kill you lurking all over the place? I saw some thing on TV and they're just like in some normal suburbia neighborhood and they're like "yeah right here is this log with a million fucking deadly spiders" then five minutes later there are kids playing just a few feet from it. after watching that, i was like "yeah, fuck australia"

there was also this one spider that is actually agressive, supposedly... like it'll really come at ya just to fucking kill your ass, cos it's an asshole spider.

Yes, there are fuckloads of poisonous spiders.

that guy is such a fucking hack.

he is best ignored.

LMAO. Best conversation about spiders ever. EVER.

the spiders here seriously are little fucking malcontents.

disx is right, some do chase you for fun. and for sport.

Ok, I'm going to graciously bow out of this before it turns into a trans-tasman war... even though that might be fun, I'm probably the only kiwi on this board, while there's billions of aussies. probably says something about the intelligence of kiwis though, no-one's heard of chuck...
Everyone here found out about fight club through my mate chris, who had a copy sent to him burned onto cd, whileI've been going around spreading the word of chuck...

Anyway, that went way off topic, I apologise.
I've got to go now.. my girlfriend's baaing in the backyard

Now seriously, Australian Toaster Biscuits. Ever hear of 'em?

yes manik, be careful of pizzle rot.

and rents- i have no idea what that is. got a pic of it? or a link?

they don't sound very nice... now, question. Who invented the pavlova? what nationality is neil finn? what nationality is edmund hillary?...

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Wesley Sonck [/i]
[B]and rents- i have no idea what that is. got a pic of it? or a link? [/B][/QUOTE]
Yeah, for some reason I'm not surprised at all. Damn american advertising. They were these things like English Muffins only slightly different (I think they were a bit fluffier or something). Little Australian kids were supposed to love 'em. I heard that it was just a crock of shit. Turns out they are. Sorry, no links, no pics.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Manik_Munkey [/i]
[B]they don't sound very nice... now, question. Who invented the pavlova? what nationality is neil finn? what nationality is edmund hillary?... [/B][/QUOTE]

they use Crowded House over 100% NZ ads- so dont get precious.

and yeah Renton, 'crock of shit' is sounding about right.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Manik_Munkey [/i]
[B]Ok, I'm going to graciously bow out of this before it turns into a trans-tasman war... even though that might be fun, I'm probably the only kiwi on this board, while there's billions of aussies. probably says something about the intelligence of kiwis though, no-one's heard of chuck...
Everyone here found out about fight club through my mate chris, who had a copy sent to him burned onto cd, whileI've been going around spreading the word of chuck...

Anyway, that went way off topic, I apologise.
I've got to go now.. my girlfriend's baaing in the backyard [/B][/QUOTE]

Three things:
1. Don't respond to this post, for it is stupid.
2. There aren't billions of Aussie's, just millions and millions. Few countries have billions of people.
3.You girlfriend is baaing? And why is she in your backyard?

Aaaaaaaaaand there he goes with the squirrel master back out into left field. XChuck, he's posting in response to comments made earlier.
1. How is it any stupider than other posts made?
2. He's being excessive on purpose.
3. His girlfriend is baaing in the backyard because he's referencing a joke made earlier about there being more sheep in New Zealand than Kiwi's. Therefore, they've got to do something with all their free time and abundance of sheep. A little of the ol' in-out in-out if you catch my drift. Eh, lad? eh?

I'M THE SQUIRREL MASTER? HOLY SHIT!

And I haven't been on all day, except for this morning, so I just read through this entire thread, and I had a question. Anywho, why are Kiwi's have sexual relations with sheep? I think it's very gross.

No one needs to explain anything to me, my posts are important enough for you to go out of your way to do things that relate to them.

"Few countries have billions of people."

Replace few with none. China has approx. 1.3 billion, but that is still not billionSSSSsssssss.

Good point Disx. You still astound me.

so anyway...funny story about aussies...my friend's roommate was an exchange student from australia back in college (ha! back in college!! i've been waiting for YEARS to say that!!), and unfortunately i never met her when i was sober. it's not really that i'm that much of a lush, i just only happened to see her at parties, and usually only when i was already completely smashed. i'm mortified about this now, but whenever i'd see her i'd yell drunkenly, "CRIKEY ME ARM!!"

oh god. why.

...amazing!.. more pearls of wisdom from XChuck.

the sheep joke is a joke we use to denigrate the population of NZ, its origins being explained earlier by me- so read thru the thread. if you think of a real Q. by all means- post it. we/i shall answer it to the best of our/my ability.

and if all you guys/gals have serious Qs- it would probably make this thread better for everyones.

Well, that wasn't very nice, and I think you should try harder at restraining youself now that you are a mod. And I did read through the thread, but I must have skipped that part by accident. And my question, which I labeled in the same thread as stupid, was already answered.

*restrain this*

oops, i went back on my not responding to/ or reading XChucks posts.

sorry guys- i forgot.

*here, take these nails*

and nail my sorry ass to that crucifix and give me a good old fashioned stoning.

and btw- ( lets make this the last )

XChuck, darling little brother- dont you dare ever tell me what to do.
And thats not a 'threat' or 'being mean'.
Call it, friendly advice for free.
Service with a smile. see.
and Everyones a Witness to it.

*love*

--- so, ask a Question on Australia- or dont post in this thread.

Wait a second, Wes, when did I tell you to do something?

guys, end it. over. now. just stop. xchuck, sometimes you just have to let things go. wes, back in your corner.

i'm also kinda pissed that no one acknowledged my drunken use of crocodile hunter catchphrases.

ouch- i see them now in plain sight.

i cant get my head around why/how that guy is even popular?
he is ugly, loud and uncharismatic... why on earth does anyone pay any attention to him?

I've never actually seen the crocodile hunter, so I didn't pick up on the comment, kitty

A few comments (as I've been sleeping up until a few minutes ago and missed this (despite what xchuck says) obviously kickass thread.

a) I've never heard of "hoopball". I, and everyone I know, call it Basketball. But then, Rip is from Melbourne... melbournites are weird. I dated one ones for a year and a half.
I've also never, EVER heard of a pizza referred to as anything but a pizza.
c) Dropbears, as nobody has explained, will be explained in a further post, once I've had a coffee.
d) We don't ride Kangaroos to work, but we do go spotlighting for them.

(more after coffee)

I assume your talking about me, and it's because you take everything I say the wrong way. How do you know if I am loud?

P.S. If your post, was in fact, not about me, then I appoligise for this one, and you should disregard it.

the crocodile hunter is a show i love to watch for the same reason i love to watch jerry springer and beavis and butthead. as the great trent reznor once said: "sometimes it's fun to just be retarded."

[b]The Confusing Country[/b]
[i]By the late Douglas Adams[/i]

Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first
looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight" proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can't spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this.

The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on
the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, (though those that are there are usually deadly) possibly because the spiders have killed them all. But even the spiders won't go near the sea. Any visitors should be careful to
check inside boots (before putting them on) under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.

Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common Wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as its name, and spends its life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs.
The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is damn near undestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weightlifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (Road Trains) have hit them at high speed, with all 9 wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes an asymmetrical launching pad, with results that can be imagined, but not adequately described.
The second way the wombat kills people relates to its burrowing behaviour. If a person happens to put their hand down a Wombat hole, the Wombat will feel the disturbance and think "Ho! My hole is collapsing!" at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of its burrow with incredible force, to prevent its collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the Wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through their crushed hand as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don't talk about it much.

At this point, we would like to mention the Platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter's tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects its aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venomous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all 'typical' Australian attributes into a single improbable creature.

The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history: Some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and lot of them died. The ones that survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.

Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in Autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons when moving from the top half of the planet to the bottom), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since.

It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal, and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say) - whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick.

Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on Extended Holiday and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside your boots every morning for fatal surprises.

They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories.

Be warned. There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the entire world. Although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to
contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock, and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.

As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless they are an American.

Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string
, and mud. Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact,
the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz", "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country") and "Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth." The irritating thing about this is they may be right.

There are some traps for the unsuspecting traveller, though. Do not under any circumstances suggest that the beer is imperfect, unless you are comparing it to another kind of Australian beer. Do not wear a Hawaiian shirt. Religion and Politics are safe topics of conversation (Australians don't care too much about either) but Sport is a minefield.

The only correct answer to "So, howdya' like our country, eh?" is "Best {insert your own regional swear word here} country in the world!". It is very likely that, on arriving, some cheerful Australians will 'adopt' you, and on your first night, take you to a pub where Australian Beer is served. Despite the obvious danger, do not refuse. It is a form of initiation rite. You will wake up late the next day with an astonishing hangover, a foul-taste in your mouth, and wearing strange clothes. Your hosts will usually make sure you get home, and waive off any legal difficulties with "It's his first time in Australia, so we took him to the pub.", to which the policeman will sagely nod and close his notebook.
Be sure to tell the story of these events to every other Australian you encounter, adding new embellishments at every stage, and noting how strong the beer was. Thus you will be accepted into this unique culture.

Most Australians are now urban dwellers, having discovered the primary use of electricity, which is air-conditioning and refrigerators.

Typical Australian sayings:

* "G'Day!"
* "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
* "She'll be right."Tips to Surviving Australia:

* Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it.
* The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.
* Always carry a stick.
* Air-conditioning.
* Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fistfight.
* Thick socks.
* Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.
* If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die.
* Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

[QUOTE]I assume your talking about me, and it's because you take everything I say the wrong way. How do you know if I am loud?

P.S. If your post, was in fact, not about me, then I appoligise for this one, and you should disregard it.[/QUOTE]

xchuck, as i said before, stop. if wes is pissed off at you, that's his problem. it's not going to make anything any better to bug him. just stop. cease and desist. it's over.