hello my name is Rhizome and i am a dating coach in san francisco
For the record, i'm no poster child for all of this PUA stuff. It was something i did, yes. I got away from it a while back and i'm not even sure when the last time i got laid was so i'll just leave it at that. I've somehow developed these ridiculous issues with myself that i'm struggling to get past. I have a fair share of admirers, yes, but i write them off far too easily. I just know that it can work if you truly want it to work. And it definitely is more about improving yourself, i wish all of the guys getting into it would see that instead of being dumb about it.
Wow. Male problems are interesting.
For females it is an issue of how to fend off hoards the sleazy dudes and find the genuine nice ones, or if a woman is already spoken for, how to fend of the sleazy ones and let the nice ones down in a way that isn't bitchy.
I seem to have found myself reading quite a few articles on human sexuality recently (I always wonder how I end up in some parts of the web that I do) and supposedly science is showing that women are in fact just as interested in having a casual good time as men, the difference is that a man is almost 100% sure to have a good time hooking up with someone where as a woman only has a %25 to 35% chance. Plus there is the societal pressure to be good. So she fends the men off until one catches her attention that seems to be likely to give her a good time (he seems likely to be good in the sack) Or in other words, until she finds someone who exudes confidence without being a sleaze ball about it and who makes her feel good and special to be around before the bedroom is brought up in any way.
So yeah, confidence is a good idea, but it should be mixed with some humility. Odds are, she wants to have a good time with you, but you are going to have to show her how that is a great idea without acting like a loser about it.
When I was in high school I clicked a link to an ad for an ebook by David Deangelo. I got his news letters for a while, had a friend lend me The Game, and then when I switched my email, just forgot about the stuff. I for some reason am friends with one of the better known PUAs on Facebook (Gambler (that's not his name on FB)) and saw a video of that guy I posted about on his page. This was about a month ago. I've had dates in between.
I know I come off as some dweeb that is socially retarded and I apologize to myself for doing that. Truth is, I can be well liked and as some people on this site can testify, I can get annoying.
I have a scarcity mentality (which ruined me getting together with that one girl on FB) and believe that a truly remarkable woman is as rare as a truly remarkable man is for the women looking out there.
As for the idea of not much going for me, well. I think I'm a great guy. People who I think are cool are my friends and that's really all I can ask for. (cool by good character). But ever since I graduated college (2010) I've been kind of lost in where I belong and what I belong doing. So that kind of messes with my confidence too.
I have some work to do. On myself. On my mindset.
I don't understand the "Be yourself" thing. "Yourself" might be clumsy and awkward and socially retarded. Then again if you're not "being yourself" I'd have to think that meant putting on a whole act, Nutty Professor-style or something.
Now, I'm no chick or anything but whenever I see a guy doing that, it's like you can just see and feel the ooze of sleaze rolling off him. I get this look on my face like I just smelled something spoilt/this look of a monkey trying to solve a math problem because I just can't grasp why anyone would think that was "cool" or going to work on anyone worthwhile.
The only thing I can think of that would be better advice is to just continually strive towards improving yourself. If you can do that humbly, you're going to get better and it'll rub off and everyone else is going to become a better person just for being around you.