Facebook is not: a confessional, a shrink's office, a diary, etc.
Pepper, please, please, please don't take this the wrong way, PLEASE (okay?), but why don't you have a job outside your home? Do you want one and can't get one, or do you just not want or need one? That's not a leading question, I promise. I'm just curious.
I've worked some in the past Alecia.
Life has been complicated for me, there have been various hardships and difficulties that have prevented me from working, if that makes sense at all.
I don't really fit in anywhere either. And things haven't gone the way I would have liked them to go.
The last few job interviews I have had things were going peachy, the explanation that I have large gaps in my history due to staying home with the children was accepted well, until the conversation turned to their ages. The same things written all over their faces as every other person that asks that, only they aren't at liberty (legally) to ask the prying questions eating their curiosity and judgments of me. Who knows what my own face or voice does.
I've never NOT wanted to work. Things just have been what they have been, life's knocked me around and I've just done my best with what I have to do.
Well I'm certainly not judging you. I'm a firm believer that raising children of all ages inside the home is harder work than almost anything one could do elsewhere (and get paid). I honestly don't know how you do it and stay sane. I love my children, but I don't think I would've been the kind of mom they needed if I'd stayed home with them their whole lives. It's never been an option for me - I've always needed to earn an income, with or without a husband to help provide, but working outside the home has also allowed me to be a better person than I probably would have been otherwise. Technically, I work "outside the home" but I do it from inside the home, but that's only been for the last 3 1/2 years since my company closed the local office. There is definitely something to be said for being able to do it this way. I spend very little on gas, and I can be here when they get home from school and we're not rushed like crazy in the mornings like we would be if I had to get them ready and myself ready to go to an office.
I really hope that wasn't too prying of me, and if it was, I'm really sorry - I genuinely admire how good of a mom-provider you are.
Of course it wasn't prying of you, we've been friends for three years now, it was a perfectly reasonable question to ask, though one that may be hard for me to answer because of the reflection on my adult life it causes and all the things I've never told about the way the years have gone(it took me three hours to come up with a reply).
I've probably shown through many posts that I am rather sensitive to prying and do my own best too respect peoples privacy because of it. It is due to way the grown up world treated me (and treats me sometimes still). When I was pregnant with Gabriel strangers would literally come up to me on the bus or in the store, on a weekly or daily basis, and demand all kinds of questions; "Where is the father? did I even know who he was? what right did I think I had?" et cetera. The sorts of things no one would dare ask or say to an adult woman. And people continued with all of them. I remember bumping into an old boyfriend of my sisters when I was pregnant with Trevor and his question was "Oh. Who is the father this time?" And with Zach and Lily strangers would get all excited and ask if it was my first baby and then walk away in horror when I replied. I know you had your kids young too, so maybe you felt some of this judgment from the world yourself. Being five years younger than you were, I've caught it pretty bad from humanity.
The flip side of the coin are the people, strangers, who decide to look on me with awe and admiration. As though they never realised that there is more than one slice of the statistic pie and sometimes people do come from the small slice. As though I am the first person in human history to have a bunch of babies as soon as my body was physically ready and keep them and love them and have them turn out intelligent and kind and polite. And Shock and Awe! All with the same man! my gosh! She is even still with him! Amazing!
I have a lot of respect for people like you, and my sister, that are able to go beyond what I have managed. In a way, part of the reason, I have never been the breadwinner is because the few men I have had in my life, first my grandpa, and then James, have made sure it wasn't necessary when things became dire. I have been taken care of, and though my feelings on it are mixed, I am grateful.
Amber, one of the reasons I respect and admire you so much is this exact thing. Your kids seem to grow up just fine and even well above that. I'm scared of pregnancy, of most of the things you have and look so okay with, that I can't but admire you. I've said it a few times, I know, even in my cards, but that's only because I really mean it.
I'm scared of pregnancy too Irina!!! haha.
I appreciate your words. They do mean something when they come from someone who knows me. It is just when they are empty words from people who don't know me and are fascinated with the side show I just provided them that I get annoyed.
I've told you before how much I admire you, and all the other young ladies here that are so smart and working so hard to have what they want and keeping it together much better than I ever did. I'm jealous of the lot of you quite often.
Yeah, well it's easy not to get pregnant when you don't get laid too often... As for having what I want, I still don't know what that is yet. At the moment I'm even considering moving town in a few years, right after I finish my postgrad studies. Or shortly after. It's something I said I'd never do, but I also considered it two years ago.
I was skimming through all this and kept seeing pregnancy, That is a scary word. Just saying
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Yeah I don't know what I want either. It's a trait that seems so small, but affects me in almost all aspects of life. From why I still live with my parents to my lack of a social life and girlfriend.
Going off on a tangent here but with the amount of lesbian friends I have, I feel like the male equivalent to those women who are unsuccessful with men. They have gay friends telling them how fabulous they are. And my friends tell me how funny and what a great guy I am.
Sorry, that just popped into my head.
It's hard, particularly when you just aren't going with the flow of how we are told it is all supposed to be done.
Here:
I've seen that. It's really good.
Oh yeah. It was tough at 20, but I can't imagine becoming a mom sooner than I did. That had to be hard to have that judgement thrown at you over the years. It's wrong for people to do that to you, especially when they don't know the first thing about you or your children. You have awesome kids, and they're blessed to have you as their mom. Anyone can see what good people you're raising them to be.
I had Giancarlo entirely on my own, without financial or emotional support from anyone. Lonliest, scariest time in my life. My family was ashamed of me and made me feel that shame to the point that I stubbornly (and perhaps foolishly) refused to take anything they even considered offering to me once he was born. I was like fuck you, I have a beautiful, sweet baby and y'all are all the ones who're missing out on the awesomeness that is my baby. We don't need you. I lived in extreme poverty when he was a baby, even though I held a full time job,and it took time to work towards getting out of it. When he was little, I swore that I would do whatever I had to do to make sure that as he grew older, he would never experience poverty like that, or live with any kind of worry or fear that we didn't have enough. Poverty pissed me off, and even when I got married and the offer was there for me to not work, I declined, because I promised myself that I would never ever put myself in a position to have to rely on anyone else for anything. It's like that Charlie Daniels song that goes, "I ain't askin nobody for nothin', if I can't get it on my own". I will do whatever I can to make sure that we maintain a certain lifestyle - college savings, reasonable mortgage, no debt, and a retirement fund. For me as an individual, it's a big deal for me to be able to do these things all by myself. It makes me feel a lot of self worth because I think I feel lacking in other ways (I'm not a good friend, not sure I'm always a good wife. I'm definitely not a good daughter or sister all the time). Having a partner contributing with me is the icing on the cake, but I could live without icing if I needed to.
I wish I could be different sometimes. I know deep down it's a trust issue, and it's not healthy that I can't put that complete trust in someone to provide for all these needs/wants and this lifestyle. I just try my best to set a good example and be a good mom. It would kill me for either one of my boys to ever look back and think I've been a shitty mom. It's hard to balance the priorities of work and family for me, and I wish I could do better with it.
Christ on a pony listen to me. The Cult is not a confessional, a shrink's office, a diary, etc. Except it is.
It's okay. I think the Cult might be a confessional for all of us at times.
I got the wrath from my family too.
When I first found I was pregnant I wrote to my sister, who was living in Florida with her dad at the time, she wrote a letter to her friend (as teenaged girls used to do back before texting) telling her about it and her friend wrote her back. My sisters paternal grandma (my step grandma) snooped through her bag and found all the letters and put it all together and called the whole family, Every. Last. One. Of. Them., and told them all in gaiant demand that it must be dealt with.
This was shortly after I had told my mom. My mom and James were the only ones that knew, and my sister who I wrote to. No decisions had been made yet at all and suddenly there was the Huge Uproar.
My grandparents called me, my grandma, shortly after that and told me she had Figured Out What To Do. There was this HOME. On the east coast. They were going to send me too it, say I was visiting family, staying with my step dad and sister. I'd give the baby up. Come home. nobody would ever know.
That is what probably cinched my decision to keep him. That phone conversation.
I wasn't going to ever let anyone's judgment of me decide my fate, let alone the fate of my child.
I wish I could tell all the things that have happened over the years. It is all too much. One of the hardest times I ever had was when I was 18. I was six months pregnant with Trevor, and Gabe was not quite three. James abandoned me in a run down motel. five days worth of rent paid still and .9 cents to my name. Gabriel stood at the window watching for daddy to "come home" all day long for three days. When he finally came he gave me $200 and said he just couldn't do it and left.
It was too much for him. He was very young too.
I ended up in a shelter. Welfare refused to help me. Treated me like a liar. (and I never have and never will ask for their help again, cash assistance wise) Asked me why I didn't just go home to my mom. Nobody would hire me, in my giant belly state. I had at least four interviews a week at any employment that would talk to me. My grandparents finally saved me by renting me a one bedroom duplex two weeks before Trevor was born.
I've never managed to be the provider monetarily. all these years.
I'll be damned if my kids aren't raised well and feel as though they are valued and loved and important, though. My age has nothing to do with the fierceness of my love for them. Never has. Not my fault if the rest of the world can't understand.
My age has nothing to do with the fierceness of my love for them.
This is profound.
This is the truth.
This is how all mothers should feel.
This is why I can't accept my brother's girlfriend. She chooses to have no interaction with her son. ON PURPOSE. Nothing stands in her way, she just doesn't want him (after having raised him for the first ten years of his life).
I cannot understand that. Not at all.
James' sister (who is one year older than me) gave all of her children up for adoption. We were pregnant together more than once. They are the same ages as mine. She was pregnant with her son David at same time I was pregnant with Gabriel. Eldon was born one year before Trevor. Kyle was born the same year as Zachariah. And Robin was born one year before Lily.
She gave them up, all rights, and let her ex-husband's parents adopt them six years ago. She is only just starting to be able to talk about them and what happened. She is very messed up. And I am only in the last year or so able to love her and be her friend again and understand as best I am able.
Also, ironically. I realised today is the 13th anniversary of the day the story I told above happened. September third.
Fun Fact: Biologically our brains remember, first and foremost, the worst things that have happened to us. After that come all the good times. It is a survival mechanism. We must remember the things that nearly kill us before all else, to avoid being killed by them in the future. All pleasurable memories come next as what to go after when you see no danger around.
I got the wrath from my family too.
When I first found I was pregnant I wrote to my sister, who was living in Florida with her dad at the time, she wrote a letter to her friend (as teenaged girls used to do back before texting) telling her about it and her friend wrote her back. My sisters paternal grandma (my step grandma) snooped through her bag and found all the letters and put it all together and called the whole family, Every. Last. One. Of. Them., and told them all in gaiant demand that it must be dealt with.
This was shortly after I had told my mom. My mom and James were the only ones that knew, and my sister who I wrote to. No decisions had been made yet at all and suddenly there was the Huge Uproar.
My grandparents called me, my grandma, shortly after that and told me she had Figured Out What To Do. There was this HOME. On the east coast. They were going to send me too it, say I was visiting family, staying with my step dad and sister. I'd give the baby up. Come home. nobody would ever know.
That is what probably cinched my decision to keep him. That phone conversation.
I wasn't going to ever let anyone's judgment of me decide my fate, let alone the fate of my child.
I wish I could tell all the things that have happened over the years. It is all too much. One of the hardest times I ever had was when I was 18. I was six months pregnant with Trevor, and Gabe was not quite three. James abandoned me in a run down motel. five days worth of rent paid still and .9 cents to my name. Gabriel stood at the window watching for daddy to "come home" all day long for three days. When he finally came he gave me $200 and said he just couldn't do it and left.
It was too much for him. He was very young too.
I ended up in a shelter. Welfare refused to help me. Treated me like a liar. (and I never have and never will ask for their help again, cash assistance wise) Asked me why I didn't just go home to my mom. Nobody would hire me, in my giant belly state. I had at least four interviews a week at any employment that would talk to me. My grandparents finally saved me by renting me a one bedroom duplex two weeks before Trevor was born.
I've never managed to be the provider monetarily. all these years.
I'll be damned if my kids aren't raised well and feel as though they are valued and loved and important, though. My age has nothing to do with the fierceness of my love for them. Never has. Not my fault if the rest of the world can't understand.
Jesus, I mean wtf. Well done!
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Amber. I just want to hug you so hard right now.
Only if we hug Alecia too.
Alecia already knows I half wanna be like her when I grow up. So, group hug. And pie.
Alecia's tough cookie's.
I heart you guys!
Happy face Pie
Whoa, I knew there was a reason I love you guys so much.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Freemena where have you been.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Amber, Alecia, you girls really are wonderful human beings. And awesome, in the truest meaning of the word. <3
It is so nice of you, Pepper and Alecia to share those parts of your lives. You are very strong women.
Whatever Whore!
Wow, I definitely knew that I wasn't the only mother on here who has been through some really rough times, but I have certainly gained so much more respect for you ladies. (And don't take that to mean I didn't respect you before.) People can really make things so much worse than they need to be. It's support and love that really gets us through most of the hard times. I know that I have a really supportive family, but I don't think a single one of them was the least bit happy for me when I told them about both my boys. It's a shitty feeling to be happy about being pregnant, but dreading having to tell people.
"We're developing a new citizenry. One that will be very selective about cereals and automobiles, but won't be able to think."
— Rod Serling
"Chuck calls Noah fortnightly on his bakelite rotary phone and gives him publisher's insider information and stock tips."- Tuffy
I too was a young Mother. I graduated mid term from high school in January and found out I was pregnant in February. I was Seventeen. My Husbands Dad walked out on the back porch and threw up after he told him I was pregnant. I went to my Graduation ceremony in May, 4 months pregnant. I turned 18 in June, eloped in August and had Haily in November. It was a rough year. All the parents wanted us to be married soooo bad, but none of them ever offered to give us a wedding. Especially not my Parents. I mentioned this to my Mother a couple months ago when she wanted to throw in my face for the hundredth time, how much it hurt her feelings that we eloped and she didn't get to see me get married. I have listened to her say this so many times over the years and I had just had it. I told her that it really hurt my feelings that she never offered to give me a wedding. She said that it never crossed her mind? She said she didn't want to push anything on me with me being so stressed. I know it was because she didn't want a big wedding with family and friends, especially hers, and her only child/daughter being the knocked up bride. God forbid, how embarrassing. My Mom is one of those "it's all about how things look" type of people. To her, this did not look good. I don't ever want to make my daughter feel this way. Being made to feel ashamed while pregnant, not good for you or your baby. When we told his sister, she all but said the words abortion and said we would be doomed. We would never make it and never have anything. She talked to him like I wasn't even sitting in the room. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary in August. Anyhow, I understand and feel it too. We all made it though and have turned out to be pretty great Moms huh?
Whatever Whore!
That is what happened to me too Winnie. I was 20 and eight month pregnant when James and I eloped. The general attitude when I told people we were going to get married was "well, it is about time, now hurry up with it before you have another out of wedlock." Not one woman from either side of the family was interested.
I was so annoyed by it I didn't bother telling anyone unless the fact that we were husband and wife came up in normal conversation. Some people, family, didn't know for a good year.
I was shaking so bad on my wedding day. Through the whole thing. James was calm as could be.
One of my mum's second cousins who added me on Facebook is a bit of a weirdo. Every time he spots a palindrome/pattern in the date, he gets so excited. i.e. today's post was:
21.9.12 today. I missed that and had to be told by [wife]. Must be losing my grip.
I sense he's kind of being sarcastic about his own lameness, but it does make me want to scream.
He recently sent me and this person off his friends list a message to tell us that although we didn't know each other, we did have a FB friend in common (whom he didn't even know). It turned out to be this really annoying girl from university halls who I'd probably only directly spoken to once. It was quite awkward trying to explain that to both of them.
Ugh, sounds like someone with too much spare time (and then still failing to spot a palindrome, my goodness!).
Ha, he may have retired come to think of it! If he hasn't, I bet he's that guy at work, sharing Dilbert cartoons and making cheesy Dad jokes.
But the date is 9/21/12, not 21/9/12 
It is always weird when you find that you have common friends with other friends that you wouldn't have expected to know each other.
Once I noticed that a and old friend of an old friend and my brother in laws wife's cousin were facebook friends. It really creeped me out because I tried to make a joke of it, small world and stuff, and neither of them would respond or tell me how they knew each other. I ended up deleting them both because of it.
I was invited to this Halloween party and when i looked at the event, there were like 2300 people invited and so far a hundred and something people were going. It's at this house in Spring. There are some nice houses in Spring, but i don't know if they can accommodate such a party, it's a pretty suburban area. I'm gonna go though, even just a hundred people is a lot of people for one house. I want it to all go wrong like an episode of Skins. Secretly.
I feel a cull of my Friends List coming on.
This is really weird and rude of them not to respond. How irritating!
WHO ELSE IS READING THIS IN 2012
I thought it was pretty rude too. The brother in laws cousin in law I barely knew and I think she only added me out of politeness after meeting each other at a baby shower. But the friend of the old friend I've known for years even though we aren't close (our relationship sort has consisted of coming together several times over the years to brainstorm about crisis with our mutual close friend and try to intervene and vent and lean on each other over the stress and things) So i thought it was particularly rude of her not to respond to me about it, especially since I was just mostly trying to be friendly about the coincidence.
I just removed about 70 people from my list because who was I kidding, right? I still need to remove more, but it's really cumbersome because you can delete them all at one fell swoop.
Don't delete me!
Me neither!
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Hahaha! Are you stuck?
But Facebook friends means friends for life...
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Don't delete me either?
Of course I'm not gonna delete you guys!
Mostly people from high school I don't really know/remember, some former co-workers that I don't care to network with for ethical reasons, and a couple of dudes I apparently friended when I got shitfaced on my birthday in 2009 while out with my cousin.
I need to purge my list too.
I just unfriended myself.
This is why we can't have nice things.
I just unfriended you too!
And You!
And You!
And You!
All Of you!!!!
hahahhahaahhahahhahhahahahahahahah
wow.
That was a lot funnier in my head.
She won't get one.
She won't do anything social on the internet at all. uses it purely for looking up information she needs, driving directions and music. (which she has questionable taste in these days) Very firm about this. She's made a stand.
She also gets a lot more done than me, holds down two jobs, mothers five kids, takes care of a sick man, has a perfectly clean house and time to plan fantastic parties and go places.
I should take a note out of her book.
(even without the internet, I'd just spend every spare moment plus double un-spare moments more on my amusing hobbies, no different than now. No internet would just make me read and paint and muck around more, not necessarily accomplishing anything)