Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Everything (But Were Afraid To Ask)
How funny! I was just gonna ask you if you knew about that! So sad.
Edit: I meant it was funny I was going to link that story right before you linked it. Getting ate by a bear is not funny.
They say if you're ever confronted by a bear, you should shout at it because that will scare it away. Do you think you would be able to shout at a bear?
From previous shocking experience I will not detail here, I am certainly NOT able to scream when in danger.
They also say you should play dead, but my heart betrays me.
You don't think you could muster up a demonic angry "BOOP" from deep within the bowels of your trauma and emotional scarring? I think you have it in you somewhere. I think if you were face to face with your biggest fear, you would find the grizzly in you, and you would mirror that bear in the form of a human...A young woman who has just had enough of these bears waiting, stalking, lurking...waiting for people to die off so they can step up the next rung on the life ladder and take it all over. I think you will find an Irina deep within who will say, "NO! YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT!! YOU BEARS ARE HORRIBLE! YOU EAT PEOPLE WHILE THEY TALK TO THEIR MOTHERS ON THE PHONE!!" And after he eats you, that bear will go back to his den and tell his comrades how the people are stepping up, putting up more fight, and this is going to be harder than we thought. And you will send a message to those fuckers. For people.
My heart betrays me all the time.
My cruel cruel heart.
This is why we can't have nice things.
You're pretty okay, Ritt.
I think my biggest problem in a bear situation would be wasting time trying to decide between playing dead, or becoming the most alive I've ever been and shouting...the ultimatum itself would be what gets me killed.
In Seven Years In Tibet, Brad Pitt has a rifle and it still doesn't help.
Maybe I can say "bebop" and faze it with cuteness.
Nepalese Sunbears are bulletproof. It is known.
This is why we can't have nice things.
I have that book. I've been meaning to read it for a while. Alecia read it and she said it was funny.
My only hope is that if a bear encounter is meant to be my death, I'll have a heart attack first and die before it actually gets to eat me.
What about this:
I read an article in Mental Floss Magazine that said you should act different for different types of bears. Playing dead will get you mauled by a polar bear. I wish I could find that article.
While looking for it, I found this though:
A Bald Bear
That totally looks like a man in a bald bear suit.
I read an article in Mental Floss Magazine that said you should act different for different types of bears. Playing dead will get you mauled by a polar bear. I wish I could find that article.
That's okay, we only have brown bears.
While looking for it, I found this though:
A Bald Bear
Dear God, why?
I know, right? Weird!
That is the saddest fucking thing I've ever read. Something I already knew; Russians are tough, man. An hour of phone calls while being eaten alive? Gawddamn!
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Also, I fucking hate you, China... Gawd, I fucking hate you:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2182127/How-China-trains-childre...
Si vis pacem, para bellum
That happens everywhere. I read an article about a ballet school in Bucharest once, and how everybody got beaten up and had tons of diets and draconic schedules and everything. If you want performance, you gotta sacrifice something, even though that stuff in China verges on child abuse.
I have a question for whoever wants to answer. Why are our police officers so dumb?
Bald Bear is awesome.
And cranky.
This is why we can't have nice things.
He's definitely not in a great mood. He's not into getting his picture taken before he gets a chance to get dressed.
That is child abuse. Also, I doubt that stuff happens everywhere.
LMAO it looks like he swerved to avoid hitting that old man standing on the grass. But to answer your question: I dunno. I guess police departments like 'em dumb. There are articles somewhere about police applicants being denied because their IQ levels were too high.
http://www.minotdailynews.com/page/blogs.detail/display/745/Is-it-a-prob...
I don't know about other cultures/languages, but the most jokes in Romanian are about stupid blondes, a generic coward character called Bula (which appeared during the Communist era) and stupid policemen.
Have you heard the one about the blonde cop?
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
I was rafting years back and a bear abut the size of a german shepard walked up to me, rolled on its back then started batting a chunk of wood at me. I wanted to be friends but everyone told me to run away. They know nothing of my friendship with the animal kingdom.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Yeah, we have that joke too.
Why is my thread derailed now that I'm sober?
Someone beat you to it.
http://9gag.com/gag/4912236
http://9gag.com/gag/4912236
This is awesome!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2182127/How-China-trains-children-win-gold--standing-girls-legs-young-boys-hang-bars.html?ICO=most_read_module
I don't understand the first picture where the trainer is standing on that girl's legs, what's that about?
No really, it was really friendly and non agressive. We were next to this lake that formed when the river lowered so it was easy pickings for the bear. I am going to steal that guys bear.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
Intoxicated and annoying right now. Lucky for you guys, I only bother the boyfrienmd.
I don't believe you can be annoying.
This is the internet, I wish I were drunk, BOTHER EVERYONE!!!!!
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
What do you get drunk on when you do? This is addressed to everyone, not just Noah.
POWER!
Sobriety and good health.
Which is why I love the internet. I can be beyond annoying, for example by laughing at absolutely everything when I've had a bit to drink.
Wine, by the way.
Vent in the blacksugartop thread and kill the spammers.
I have bEen stoned in my every post since June. Does that count?
For the record, I'm not liking pot all that much, but I am getting used to it.
This is why we can't have nice things.
At which point did I become a conspiracy theorist?
"They sold you hippies grunge, hip hop, now liberty activism."
You kind of implied it in the Olympics thread. It's not an attack, I don't mind your activism at all and if I were less polite and taller, for instance, I would've protested myself against our government, even back in January when things were violent. I just think sometimes you exaggerate a little.
Which is why I love the internet. I can be beyond annoying, for example by laughing at absolutely everything when I've had a bit to drink.
Wine, by the way.
POIDH.
I am happy to say no pictures were taken last night.
So I am still under a bit of anaesthesia. Let's pretend this is the equivalent of being drunk and I can still be the omniscient bitch around here.
Why is there something rather than nothing?
There is always something AND nothing, but you only get to see the something.
Help!! What's wrong with my eyes!? Why can't I see half of the things that aren't there!?
You're supporting your head with your hand and your fingers are too long and they cover your eye.
Just don't carry packages of Ding Dongs in your backpack when your scout troop goes hiking.
That's how we lost my little brother.
This is why we can't have nice things.