Everyone On This Board Has Died, This Means I Get to Be Emperor

wait, so all the chit-chat posts were removed and we've got 21 pages left, or actual stories were lost?

The thread jumps from june '03 to july '04

The stories from that year are all in the hall of fame, but all the chit chat is gone...

Prensa said it lost like 44 pages or something, but i don't know...I didn't notice it until like last year or something...

All the chit chat was removed for the birthday book, so it would only be the actual stories. Then while they were moving that edition into the hall of fame a bunch of the stories were lost too. I think what happened was they were able to salvage some of them from a saved file or whatever and reposted the original thread in GD. which is why there's two of them now.

It's like JFK conspiracizing!

[QUOTE=nathaniel parker;981732]All the chit chat was removed for the birthday book, so it would only be the actual stories. Then while they were moving that edition into the hall of fame a bunch of the stories were lost too. I think what happened was they were able to salvage some of them from a saved file or whatever and reposted the original thread in GD. which is why there's two of them now.

It's like JFK conspiracizing![/QUOTE]
wasn't this a brown project?

Are you guys speaking in code?!

[QUOTE=moe.ron;981739]wasn't this a brown project?[/QUOTE]

I've got no idea. I've never actually read through this thread and the only info I'm going on is what I remember Prensa mentioning in PA.

[QUOTE=succotash moon;981745]Are you guys speaking in code?![/QUOTE]
yes...in the DAVINCI CODE!!

i was asking if moving this thread to the hall of fame was one of mr. brown's projects.

Ha Ha! You spoke it's name!

shit... i just dried up and blew away like the nazis upon drinking from the false grail.

[QUOTE=moe.ron;981785]shit... i just dried up and blew away like the nazis upon drinking from the false grail.[/QUOTE]

ohh, great referance.

Someone needs to come up with a story so we can get this train wreck back on track.

i killed a guy once. is that a good story?

Gosh your smart.

[B]1.[/B]

She was sixteen. Same age as myself at the time. You know this girl. She was maybe five foot six, hair dyed black, lots of make-up, an iPod with all the myspace music on it. My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco. Yeah, you know her. So this girl, she'd been at a bottle of wine. She'd maybe drunk the bottle by now, and she was off her face drunk. That type of drunk where you're laughing and proclaiming yourself to be drunk. That type of drunk where you're cornering boys and girls alike and fondling them aggressively. That type of drunk where you trip up and in an instant all that laughing is gone. In an instant your flooding the floor with tears screaming about how damn awful your life is. The second after, this girl is trying to kill herself. Initially, we were all worried. Turns out we had little to worry about. God knows how the convoluted mind of a suicidal drunk works.

Her suicide attempts:

[LIST]
[*]On not being able to find a razor, she wet a piece of toilet paper and put it in the freezer.
[*]At the freezer, she got distracted by ice-cubes. Intent on making her body temperature, "drop below zero" she attempted to swallow them. At this point, we started to laugh. Have you ever seen someone vomit up wine and chunks of ice? It's hilarious.
[*]At this point we copped on to her idiocy, and told her how alcohol injected straight into your veins will kill you. She immidiately took out an earing, tried to her pry a vein open. She didn't manage to even break the skin. Then with a mouthful of beer, she tried to spit it into her arm. You know the way water sprays everwhere when you put your finger on the end of a hose? It was like that. All over her clothes. She then proceeded to lie down and wait for the alcohol to reach her brain. Some smart kid replied she might want to sit to left a little to facilitate that particular process.
[*]I'm getting bored now, so in quick-fire points. She jumped out of a ground-floor window.
[*]Tried to fall asleep behind the tires of her mother's car.
[*]I should point out, she was fairly good looking. I told her I had AIDS which would kill her if she slept with me. She genuinely seemed up for it. I ruled she was too drunk. I ruled she was too drunk in conjuction with her stoned boyfriend.
[/LIST]

I forget the rest, but I remember the climax of the night.
It was getting late. Maybe three in the morning. The alcohol had run out. Most were alseep upstairs on beds with six or seven people lying across each other, some snoring next to a toilet, their clothes covered in puke and the sort. The other were all downstairs. We were in the kitchen playing poker and smoking, drinking coffee and tea. (I'm ashamed to say this happened before the black coffeee and jazz revolution.) I was drinking tea. Anyway, we were all really getting into this game of poker. We were using chips from someone's poker set. There wasn't much money involved, but what there was, most of it was in the pot. We were steely faced, we were unblinking. We were all tired, all of us yawning and wishing we had cigars to blow smoke rings with. I don't like cigars, I should say, but that was the sort of atmosphere in the room.

This girl was lying against the fridge. Suddenly she just jumped up and filled a sink with water. We'd thought she was asleep, she was sobering up. Turns out she had actually a bottle of brandy and was slowly downing it on the quiet. Well, despite all this unblinking hardcore poker playing shit, I couldn't keep myself quiet. I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was killing herself. At which point she inhaled and thrust her head under the water. Again, initially we were worried. But when she started coming up for air, completely disregarding the physics of drowning, we carried on ignoring her. She kept saying, "almost there." as if holding her breath under water was the same as drowning.

Again, this story probably isn't anything great. But it's hilarious looking back on it. Silly bitch.

I went to this after hours club Timbers by myself. I wasn't ready to go home. I met this chick and before you know it I was back at her place an hour away in the middle of no where. I was a little nervous. She could have been some deranged psycopath that lures guys from the club to her desolate home (it was more like a farm) to do god knows what with them. Now this didn't stop me from coming here (in her car, of course, to ensure that there was no escape),but I was still a little nervous. She didn't butcher me. We actually had a splendid time. I never told anyone about that night. I didn't even remember the chicks name if I did want to tell anyone. Almost a year later I got a phone call from a guy asking me if I had left Timbers with some girl and went out to a place that as he described became more familiar. I hadn't know how he knew, who he was, or how he had found me but being the honest person that I am, I told him yes. It turns out that he was the girls boyfriend and had just gotten out of prison. His girl had sworn the whole time that she had been faithful. She had not been. He was not mad at me but before I could take in what was going on, she was on the phone. "Why are you doing this" was all that she could manage to get out between the sobs. Her voice was familiar. Why was I doing this. I've always thought until this day that she was asking me why I was lying to her boyfriend. Though she knew the truth, she was sticking to her story. Goin down with the ship. Fighting the good fight. I respect her for that. She would do anything to keep her relationship together, even lying after she had already been caught. I also pitied her. Her boyfriend knew the truth as well, he had heard it in my voice. I wasn't lying. Why was I doing this? I understand her question now, though it is too late to correct my mistake. Hindsight is 20/20 and if I could go back and change my answer to his question, I would. I sold out. I told on her. Why was I doing this? We shared an intimate night that was not to be discovered by anyone. We hadn't agree to this, but we both knew the drill. An unspoken promise never to tell. Looking back, I'm almost sure she broke the promise. She had told someone who told someone else, etc. etc. until it reached her boyfriend. Nevertheless, it was all speculation until I confirmed it. I created a truth out off a rumor. A hurtful truth. I should've said no. Something are better left unsaid, somethings are better forgotten. Who would've ever known but for me and her? I had the power to end a fight. I made it worse. For that I am sorry. Am I wrong?

This is a short one.

One day I was walking with a friend down a street talking about world, school etc. and he suddenly says: "Hey look a dogs paw."
I laugh and think: "Yeah right."
I look back and see a dogs paw. Old dusty limb, almost the sam colour as asphalt, which is cut off so that i can even see the bone lurking just above the skin line.
My reaction: "What the fuck?"
He said that he suprised three or four friends by this way and thay all had reacted same way.

Not a very good story but the first one to recall.

That sounds like he cut off the dog's paw and planted it there so he could bring people by to see it!

[QUOTE=nathaniel parker;988614]That sounds like he cut off the dog's paw and planted it there so he could bring people by to see it![/QUOTE]
Fuck you crack me up! Nice Bill and Ted quote.

what's this thread about then?

I ended up going out with those chicks last night. It didn't quite go according to plan. The chick was pretty cool and I hung out with her at the bar. The other chick had some guy friend there. We had drinks and when we went to leave they invited my back to their place. The other dude pulled out at the last moment, something about her being friends with her ex-boyfriend that she had just broken up with. Whatever. I was down. She was a little upset and asked if my penis was adequate for the both of them, not in those words. We got back to the house, they were drunk. They were dancing and making out with each other. I drunkedly made out with both of them and somehow ended up on the couch with one of them. When I came up for air I noticed that the other chick had gone in her room and went to sleep. This chick I was with led me to the other room, but suddenly had a change of heart. She said she hadn't been touched by someone other than her husband in six years. She just wanted to cuddle. I wished Corellion was there for that. I told her I wasn't really tired, that I was gonna go have one more drink and listen to some music. I proceeded directly to the other chicks room and crawled in bed with her. She was a little more receptive to say the least. Woke up this morning and they had breakfast delivered. Oh yeah, and they paid the tab at the bar. Good call everyone who told me to go. Thanks.

[QUOTE=00jeffree;988713]what's this thread about then?[/QUOTE]

It's about 23 pages.

[QUOTE=bigshrimpn;988711]Fuck you crack me up! Nice Bill and Ted quote.[/QUOTE]

really though, if that guy was any older than 10 and did that he had to be the one to plant it there to show off. No normal adult would do something like that! Bring 4-5 other people by [i]just[/i] to show em a dog's foot?
I say older than 10, because once when I was 10 I found a bloody french tickler in the woods and brought like 3 or 4 other kids up to show em where it was over a couple days one summer.

[QUOTE=nathaniel parker;988755]really though, if that guy was any older than 10 and did that he had to be the one to plant it there to show off. No normal adult would do something like that! Bring 4-5 other people by [i]just[/i] to show em a dog's foot?
I say older than 10, because once when I was 10 I found a bloody french tickler in the woods and brought like 3 or 4 other kids up to show em where it was over a couple days one summer.[/QUOTE]

Dude! I overlooked the part where he said his friend had done it to other people before, which changes everything. You can imagine how funny your reply was to me when I thought the sighting was completely random. I only really pay attention to a hand full of peoples posts. Others I just skim over, usually losing interest before I make it to the end.

Although I have no interesting stories to share, I do own an impressive collection of ruined guitar strings.

[QUOTE=bigshrimpn;988725]I ended up going out with those chicks last night. It didn't quite go according to plan. The chick was pretty cool and I hung out with her at the bar. The other chick had some guy friend there. We had drinks and when we went to leave they ...[/QUOTE]

Every time something like that happens to me the story ends right there.

Big Shrimpin' - did you rock her socks?

[QUOTE=Synnove;988809]Big Shrimpin' - did you rock her socks?[/QUOTE]

Hell yeah he did!
her toes were curling like the wicked witch from OZ after the house fell on her!

[QUOTE=Synnove;988809]Big Shrimpin' - did you rock her socks?[/QUOTE]

Honestly, it wasn't my best performance. I didn't feel the need io impress, as I doubted she would remember the quality anyway.

Is sex all you people talk about?! Gawd...

no! sometimes we talk about [I]not[/I] fucking.

[QUOTE=nathaniel parker;988614]That sounds like he cut off the dog's paw and planted it there so he could bring people by to see it![/QUOTE]

I doubt. He was older than 10 at that time, btw.

[QUOTE=xec8;988795]I do own an impressive collection of ruined guitar strings.[/QUOTE]
Me too!

Bump. Copy and paste WORSE. DATE. EVER. here, Frank!

Yeah. Deleted.

So I went out on a date tonight with a girl I met on Saturday. Back story: I was out and about on a Fake Surprise Birthday bar hop for a friend's co-worker. We started out at a dive bar right off the bat. We had a few beers and proceeded to the next bar.

Skipping to the third bar, thats where I met Elise. They had karaoke night that particular night and it seemed like everyone there before we arrived was having a smashing time. I mean people were dressed up and really into it. A couple of chicks had matching outfits. So, the people there were hardcore karaokes. Elise was sitting at a table near the bar and I sort of started talking to her. We chit-chatted a bit and before I left I gave her my number and she gave me hers. I kissed her on the cheek and left with my group to the next bar.

Going forward to yesterday: Elise calls me and asked me out for dinner for tonight. Caught me by surprise since I had planned on calling her later this week. I said yes and she ended up coming to pick me up tonight around 5:15 and went off to this great steak place we both knew about. We said our pleasantries and were on our way. She wasn't as cute as I recalled. I was sure she was cuter but I guess because of the beer goggles I was sporting the other night, it wasn't the case. I overlooked that and decided to give it a chance since I do recall having a good convo with her

So we get to the steak place and it was packed. I forgot it was Veteran's Day and people were out and about taking advantage of the holiday, I guess. We ended up sitting at the bar as we had about a 20 minute wait. She was being pretty introverted so I tried harder to get her out of her shell. I brought up the karaoke night. I made a joke about a girl in sequined pants. Elise didn't find it too funny as that chick was her friend. I said, "Oh!" The kind of "oh" you say when you find out something bad, like when someone shows you a C-section scar or when a friend tells you about catching the herp, or when you make fun of someone weird and they end up being your date's friend.

After a long awkward silence I tried to change the subject so I started asking her some normal personal questions like what she does and where she grew up etc. Elise wasn't having it. I tried explaining to her that I didn't know that chick was her friend and even if I did I still would've made fun of her pants. I told her that the next party I had I wanted to invite her friend but she had to wear those pants. I told her I'd hang her from the ceiling, shine a light on her and have a great disco party. Again, she didn't find this funny.

Not only did she not find it funny, she took it as her queue to leave. I asked her if she was serious. She said yes. She told me she'd give me a ride home if I wanted it. I told her I didn't as I was there for dinner and if she wanted to leave she was more than welcome to, but I wasn't gonna leave until I had my steak and potato.

She asked me if I was serious and after I told her I was she said I was an asshole. I gave her a very obnoxious, "BYE!" as she left.

So to make a very long story short, I ended up calling a buddy of mine and he came through about ten minutes after I was seated. We had a couple of awesome steaks, delicious baked potatoes and a few beers. Aferward we went to his place and made love.

Ok, so that last part wasn't true, we just fucked. I figured I'd make this thread and see if anyone else had some bad date stories to share.