Embarassing Admissions & Confessions
I have a banana flavored titanium dildo that can SMASH ANYTHING.
ive never eaten a banana and only know what banana tastes like because of banana flavored laffy taffy
so was the infamous vaginal banana the first one you ever tried?
It was the first and only one i've eaten.
i have a glass one. you can wield it like a bat and hit it on walls, counters, doorknobs, even concrete, whatever you can think of, but it is simply unbreakable.
i think i'm using it wrong....
mine's silicone.
not hard enough to weild like a bat but I could suffocate someone with it. at least someone who's not a homosexual.
"It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities."
I've been putting tiger sauce on everything i eat for the last week.
you've been eating tiger cum for the past week?
"It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities."
Too far
Step back. Evaluate. Recognize.
Oh you have no idea how far I can go.
"It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream - a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities."
All the way to the base, and then some!
i think Vincent D'onofrio is really hot. at least, up through the medicating and bloating thing that happened a year or so ago. i was all hot for him through the punching people on set and twitching and all that.
i like people that talk with their whole bodies.
Kevin Corrigan does that, too - and i've always kinda have a thing for him.
most embarassing of all, i'm totally gonna lie to my kid and tell him there's a Santa. i thought Santa was AWESOME when i was little.
I like the band Paramore. A lot.
I eat poop.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
you liar!!! wait, do you mean you eat poop AFTER 6pm?
I eat poop all day, every day.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
that makes more sense as a confession.
i get angry at people with poor reading comprehension skills.
i also dumb down my vocabulary in the grocery store so the big girls in there with their flip flops and ponytails don't eyeball me.
wow, if someone were to really get rolling in this thread, it could be very cathartic.
i always knew i was supposed to take library books back. i just PRETENDED i didn't understand the system so i could keep the books and look like a moron as opposed to a thief.
This one time, about five years ago, I let someone pee on me.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
i have a stungun in my purse that could drop a cow, and when i'm in stores and restaurants and things i secretly hope SOMEONE will do SOMETHING that i could reasonably have miscontrued as a threat so i can ZAP THE SHIT OUT THEM.
Ditto
I have also been known to listen to Panic At The Disco and the very occasional Fall Out Boy. I'm sure there's a bunch of other music stuff I should be confessing.
wait, was this after a jellfish sting?? cause if so it doesn't count.
wait, was this after a jellfish sting?? cause if so it doesn't count.
Nope, we were just bored and she suggested it. Why, I don't know.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
wait, was this after a jellfish sting?? cause if so it doesn't count.
Nope, we were just bored and she suggested it. Why, I don't know.
Eh, depending on the girl, I probably would have went for it too.
wait, was this after a jellfish sting?? cause if so it doesn't count.
Nope, we were just bored and she suggested it. Why, I don't know.
huh. it's so complicated for a girl to aim. as an appalachian girl who spent much of her highschool existence drunk and peeing beside stopped cars, i can testify to this.
oh that toalyy leads to another confession.
when i was in highschool, i totally thought ONE FORM of littering was okay - throwing beer bottles at road signs as you sped past them.
Well, she was my girlfriend, it's not like she was a complete stranger. I'm not sure if that makes it any better, though.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
you could be reasonably sure that her urine was not poisenous, so i guess that makes it better. did she want you to wear a collar after that, or spit in your mouth or anything?
Not that I can recall.
thanks for sharing.blackhawk tactical pants.
— Spambot
"I could have done worse!" exultantly cried the murderer Lebret, sentenced at Rouen to hard labor for life. — Félix Fénéon
you can't make getting peed on any better than it already is.
i lied and told my mom my kid doesn't have chicken pox.
i lied to my husband and said i had a headache so i could take a nap and get out of eating dinner.
i lied almost every time i've told anyone i was sorry - mainly it was just a shot at pacifying them, or getting them to shut up. i apologize, in a very sincere and heart-wrenching way, ALL OVER THE PLACE. so far my husband is the only one that's on to me.
i lied when i said i thought my most recent workshop submission was shit - i was just emabarassed i'd written something cute and frivolous and romantic and wanted to insult it before anyone else got the chance.
i lied when i told mt husband i did not wish his mother was dead, that was crazy talk.
i lied when i said the reconciliation with my sister was going okay. it's actually like walking on glass and smiling.
i lied when i said i was heterosexual for good, since i'm married.
i lied when i said i never use being a girl to get out of trouble - i will pick things up all day long if i think it's going to diffuse a potentially volatile situation.
i lied when i told my doctor i was sleeping "just fine".
i think that's everything for now.
this is a good thread.
if this is what being catholic is like, i'm totally in.
Peeing on people is disgusting and I sincerely resent it.
My 3 year old walked in on me and the guy I'm dating having sex this past weekend. 
I felt so bad.
She said, "Mommy! Why was he shaking his tail like that? He coulda' pee peed. That would be so ugly!!"
I felt like Chris Hansen was about to walk in. I'll never forgive myself if she ends up on Oprah in 20 years and blames that one moment for her becoming a hooker.
I tell religious people that I'm spiritual (when I'm not) just so they don't judge me.
Humankind cannot stand very much reality.
~T.S. Eliot
i just googled urine to see how safe it is.
I judge people who claim they're spiritual.
I felt so bad.
She said, "Mommy! Why was he shaking his tail like that? He coulda' pee peed. That would be so ugly!!"
I felt like Chris Hansen was about to walk in. I'll never forgive myself if she ends up on Oprah in 20 years and blames that one moment for her becoming a hooker.
this is why they make those kid harnesses with the leashes. next time, hook her up in one of those, nail the handle part to the wall, and leave her there. voila! no chance of emotional trauma.
i don't think that helps. i'm pretty sure they think "spiritual" is code for naked-dancing paganism.
I felt so bad.
She said, "Mommy! Why was he shaking his tail like that? He coulda' pee peed. That would be so ugly!!"
I felt like Chris Hansen was about to walk in. I'll never forgive myself if she ends up on Oprah in 20 years and blames that one moment for her becoming a hooker.
this is why they make those kid harnesses with the leashes. next time, hook her up in one of those, nail the handle part to the wall, and leave her there. voila! no chance of emotional trauma.
Or you could, you know, lock your door.
i lied when i said i thought my most recent workshop submission was shit - i was just emabarassed i'd written something cute and frivolous and romantic and wanted to insult it before anyone else got the chance.
okay, so i really do think the ending is shit. there's no saving me from that ending - it wanted to go somewhere and i didn't let it, and now it just reads...weird. i pulled that section until it's fixed.
I felt so bad.
She said, "Mommy! Why was he shaking his tail like that? He coulda' pee peed. That would be so ugly!!"
I felt like Chris Hansen was about to walk in. I'll never forgive myself if she ends up on Oprah in 20 years and blames that one moment for her becoming a hooker.
this is why they make those kid harnesses with the leashes. next time, hook her up in one of those, nail the handle part to the wall, and leave her there. voila! no chance of emotional trauma.
Or you could, you know, lock your door.
This all happened at around 5:30 in the morning. Of course my kid will be the one to wake up randomly right when I'm getting boned. Gah.
I felt so bad.
She said, "Mommy! Why was he shaking his tail like that? He coulda' pee peed. That would be so ugly!!"
I felt like Chris Hansen was about to walk in. I'll never forgive myself if she ends up on Oprah in 20 years and blames that one moment for her becoming a hooker.
this is why they make those kid harnesses with the leashes. next time, hook her up in one of those, nail the handle part to the wall, and leave her there. voila! no chance of emotional trauma.
Or you could, you know, lock your door.
This all happened at around 5:30 in the morning. Of course my kid will be the one to wake up randomly right when I'm getting boned. Gah.
so did you handle the whole thing in proper Golden Girls style and tell her you guys were playing some sort of harmless game? i remember Rose's parents told her they were playing leap frog.....
I'm the worst liar ever, so when she asked again, I said he was having a bad dream. When she saw him later that morning, she said, "I saw you shaking you tail!"
<---- worst mom/liar ever award goes to this one right here.
Just tell her she's dreaming this too.
i made out with a 16 year old at a party a few years ago. she was from out of town and it was truth or dare so it wasn't really a big deal to me and it wasn't a very long kiss. probably the best kiss i've ever had though. i never saw her again after that.
...creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy...
ooooh! i've got a REALLY embarassing one.
i think this is the sexiest music video ever made:
embedding is disabled, but i figured just the names and title were enough to make my point.
for the record, i'd never do that again. i was still in my wild days back then and a little too impulsive. i've had the chance since then a few times but i've politely declined or dodged the advances.
...you're not helping...
For some reason, I thought eddy was the one with the kiss. It makes more sense now. Kinda.
Ditto
I have also been known to listen to Panic At The Disco and the very occasional Fall Out Boy. I'm sure there's a bunch of other music stuff I should be confessing.
I like you two.
I felt so bad.
She said, "Mommy! Why was he shaking his tail like that? He coulda' pee peed. That would be so ugly!!"
I felt like Chris Hansen was about to walk in. I'll never forgive myself if she ends up on Oprah in 20 years and blames that one moment for her becoming a hooker.
If it makes you feel better, I used to accidentally walk on my mom having sex when I was a kid all the time, (None of our rooms had doors?) and I'm not a hooker! In fact, I think most people who have sex nowadays are gross.
I love you, Tobes. Real bad.
Hahahahahahaha.
I walked in on two folks screwing at the Motel 6 in Fife, Washington once, but they were totally cool about it as the guy was an extended stay dude and the chick was this girl that was always hanging out at the motel and stuff, so you know we were all basically like family, no big deal...people fuck, people clean, our paths are going to cross, it's just a matter of timing and unlocked doors...
ive never eaten a banana and only know what banana tastes like because of banana flavored laffy taffy
so was the infamous vaginal banana the first one you ever tried?