Embarassing Admissions & Confessions
I have a tailor.
And a cobbler.
(In Pittsburgh though so I'm fucked in california with just my valet.)
This is why we can't have nice things.
I sat in chat for half an hour without someone joining me.
I also have a tailor but mine is an idiot. He always makes my pants too small so he takes forever putting them on me. For ten minutes, the waistband gets stuck around my thighs and I tell him, "I don't think these fits", but he's always like, "No, no, it's just the material. It will expand over your body once I get it it up, up, ugrh!"
Finally, he gets them on me and it feels like my ass and genitals are in the a vice grip so he does this stupid little massage thing that he always says will loosen my muscles and allow the material to adapt and expand. I hate the way he says "expand". I don't know why. I think it's his drawl or something.
"Expaaaand."
He smiles when he says it, too, like he's making a funny joke or something. It's so stupid. Anyway, the massage never works so I'm just like, "Fuckin' zip me already," and wouldn't ya know it, the zipper always somehow gets stuck halfway up! So he's gotta spend another ten minutes just sitting there jiggling my zipper up and down, up and down. Telling me I gotta relax and let the stupid shit expand. "Eeeexxxpaaaaand," and then his goofy smile again.
Finally, we conclude the pants just won't work for me so he's gotta take them off me, which is a whole nother chore of tugging, pulling, rubbing and "eeeexxpaaaanding" aaaaalllll over again.
He's such a moron.
Maybe he shouldn't be doing that with his mouth then?
Don't talk about him that way. I've been going to him since I was a little kid.
Fine then. He can use his mouth! Jeez, no need to get crotchety.
Finally, he gets them on me and it feels like my ass and genitals are in the a vice grip so he does this stupid little massage thing that he always says will loosen my muscles and allow the material to adapt and expand. I hate the way he says "expand". I don't know why. I think it's his drawl or something.
"Expaaaand."
He smiles when he says it, too, like he's making a funny joke or something. It's so stupid. Anyway, the massage never works so I'm just like, "Fuckin' zip me already," and wouldn't ya know it, the zipper always somehow gets stuck halfway up! So he's gotta spend another ten minutes just sitting there jiggling my zipper up and down, up and down. Telling me I gotta relax and let the stupid shit expand. "Eeeexxxpaaaaand," and then his goofy smile again.
Finally, we conclude the pants just won't work for me so he's gotta take them off me, which is a whole nother chore of tugging, pulling, rubbing and "eeeexxpaaaanding" aaaaalllll over again.
He's such a moron.
Why do you have a tailor?
To get his jimmy squeezed.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Because I can't just fire him. He's practically an uncle.
I wish i had a tailor.
I wish I had a tailor, because most stores don't carry my size. Or they do online, but not in the Romanian stores.
I always wanted to be a tailor. Someone hire me to be a tailor.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
CROTCH-ety. Damn it! Someone acknowledge my awesome pun!
That was an awesome pun mike.
[Gold Star]
I locked myself out of the apartment.
Upside: Now I know that I can still get in a window when I need to.
This is why we can't have nice things.
My sister walked in on me checking my Tumblr. She's 12.
I can never think of any admission to put in this thread.
I left the tv on standby when I went away for three nights. Felt pretty guilty and stupid about that.
Oh, and double confession - I don't have contents insurance. I keep meaning to get covered but I keep spending my leftover money at the end of the month on other things (which will probably all burn in a fire if I keep putting it off any longer).
Now I am curious about your tumblr?
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
You don't know my tumblr?!
noah, what the fuck is wrong with you?
It's a goooooood tumblr
Tumblr = "collection of porn I found. On tumblr."
This is why we can't have nice things.
There are also tumblr blogs with kitties and food. And home decorations.
There exists an actual tumblr blog with porn, kitties, food, home decorations, and Gilmor Girls gifs. Exery other tumblr account is someone else somewhere else hittling the tumblr euivalent of "like" reposting it to their own "blog".
I'm dead serious.
This is why we can't have nice things.
So, this particular tumblr blog, it is basically 99.94% of the internet.
The center, which everything else spirals out from.
Now that is quite the tumblr. Too bad I am at work.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
It is the Big Blog from whence all the internet was created. Before it existed nothing. The explosion of it was so forcefil that it actually caused some data to travel backwards through time. We call this anti-data or "dark" data.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Yet, Despite all evidence proving this to be fact, some loonies claim the internet came into existence a few months ago and consists of a direct and traceable line of ludicrous chain emails.
I had a pretty good day.
Though it started with me worried about my Star Wars friend (pic I posted in PA) and her ego. Ever since she was in a ton of official pics for G4 and the Star Wars website, she's gotten a lot of friend requests from guys she doesn't know. So she posts the status, "If I don't know you, I won't add you." I've been on the receiving end of this before from girls who've forgotten me since high school. And I think to mysel, this is how it must start.
All these embarrassing thoughts of mine aside, I was a little too proud of myself for how I need the pursuing FB convo.
I said, "Honestly, I just added you because of the Leia bikini too." She laughed and called me a jerk. It was the boost I needed for the day.
There's this guy who's been wanting me to come over to his place for sexy time for months now. Only reason I haven't met up with him is because he lives with these two other guys who I've never met and it would just feel awkward going over there and going "Um, hey, I'm Justin. I'm here to fuck your friend so, uh, see you later I guess?" Plus more than likely they'd probably be in the next room and, ugh...
Once again my social awkwardness is keeping me from getting laid.
Don't be a bitch, Justin. You go over there, fuck that guy into a stupor, and then walk into the living room in a towel, and say, "Next."
This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to but I just can't.
Man up a little, honey.
Only way to get what you want in life.
It's not that you can't; you *can*, you just haven't before.
Go forth and conquer.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Go forth and conquer.
And once you do go forth, you'll have the confidence to continue to conquer.
Grab the bull by the horns!
Just don't google anything about She-Minotaurs when you are grabbing those horns...
I thought about it and I think the reason I never have anything for this thread (or others like it) is because I am not embarrassed by anything of myself, I'll tell it all if it comes to mind, except one thing. I'm always telling random little stories from my life that pop to mind, without worry of what will be thought of them.
My innermost emotions, is the one thing. They are the only thing that it embarrasses me to reveal. To anyone.
So that is my confession. I am embarrassed most of my own inner truth.
Because I do not understand them.
I seriously want to delete my past two posts. So bad. uhg
Bullshit. Get out there, say hello to the roomates, and make sure they know exactly whats going on. Before, during, and after.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
I'm scared that Justin's gonna get raped by all those guys. Be careful!
I had a similar situation but with 2 ladies. There were two male roomates and there was ni hidding what was going on. So in the morning I wake up, go downstairs and get high fives. It was also the one girls third night of living there.
Moral of the storm, be loud.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
I think high-fives might be excessive.
This is why we can't have nice things.
They were, it wasnt my idea.
As your attorney, my advise to you is to start drinking heavily(er).-Tuffy
To further complicate matters, the three guys are all sort of involved with each other and the other two guys have previously expressed interest me at one point or another.
I think what I'm really afraid of is me going over there to just fuck the one dude and find myself getting dragged into a foursome.
Yep, that's what I'm really afraid of: A foursome.
Why don't you just ask the one guy if that is on the table with them and say you aren't sure you are cool with it if it is.
Why don't you dress them all up as GWAR?
Foursomes are easy. Pair-off, switch, repeat.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Hmm, far out man.
Haha
http://amiilloyd.blogspot.com/