Cult Secrets!

Well now that you've spilled the beans, honey, I may as well tell the other secret of how we're going to elope to Vegas and get hitched by an Elvis impersonator.

have we decided on old elvis or young elvis yet?

In a vegas chapel there could only be one obvious choice on which elvis it is silly

Exactly, Arch, and the fact AC asked me that question is now making me rethink things and I think I'm going to secretly call off the elopement. But shhhhhhh. This is just between us gals.

[QUOTE=jane s.]This is a picture of our baby.[/QUOTE]
hold on one thieving moment.

that kid's the cutest!

[QUOTE=alene]I am going to have a baby with Jane.

Also, one of the mods is sleeping with Dennis. OOOOOHHHHH.[/QUOTE]
This is like some sort of corporate secret but i know who you're talking about and i don't even work here.

[QUOTE=alene]I am going to have a baby with Jane.

Also, one of the mods is sleeping with Dennis. OOOOOHHHHH.[/QUOTE]
i am not, i'm a happily married man.
er. wait. you're not talking about me.
who is it?

It's um.........Tuffy?

[QUOTE=jane s.]It's um.........Tuffy?[/QUOTE]
still jane, where did you and alene find such an adorable little lady?
it's almost as if i know that face from somewhere...

We took her from out in front of the grocery store. She's pretty awesome. She has a nanners dance.

[QUOTE=jane s.]We took her from out in front of the grocery store. She's pretty awesome. She has a nanners dance.[/QUOTE]
nanner dance, oh man, nanners are awesome.
i wish i had a kid just like her, i'd name her sophie and everything.

I think my deepest secret is either that a guy has given me a handjob(and it was better than some girls...), or that I fingered a 6 year old. No joke.

They arent secrets anymore.

^that's a tough act to follow.

Fino's right.

Posting after NightMonkie is like being expected to make a toast after Uncle Karl gets drunk and pisses himself, swearing at the little kids on Christmas Eve.

Thanks NightMonkie. You ruined Christmas.

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]still jane, where did you and alene find such an adorable little lady?
it's almost as if i know that face from somewhere...[/QUOTE]

I guess you will just have to pray to the stork that someday you can have such an adorable little kid.

I am thinking of getting her an eye patch.

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]i am not, i'm a happily married man.
er. wait. you're not talking about me.
who is it?[/QUOTE]

Here is a hint. This mod is not married, nor have they recently broken up with anyone.

[QUOTE=alene]I guess you will just have to pray to the stork that someday you can have such an adorable little kid.

I am thinking of getting her an eye patch.[/QUOTE]
good thinking, looks like there's a possibility she has strabismus.
might take her to a good doctor to have them check that out...

p.s. watch out for adhesive burn, kids have sensative skin...

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]good thinking, looks like there's a possibility she has strabismus.
might take her to a good doctor to have them check that out...

p.s. watch out for adhesive burn, kids have sensative skin...[/QUOTE]

Awww, poor thing... I mean, er... she must have inherited that from me. I am allergic to adhesive.

[QUOTE=alene]Here is a hint. This mod is not married, nor have they recently broken up with anyone.[/QUOTE]
vigorous puppy?

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]vigorous puppy?[/QUOTE]

Think darker hair.

[QUOTE=alene]Think darker hair.[/QUOTE]
meh, i give in, i suck at match making.
i once thought my friend would want to date my girlfriend's uncle, they both liked fishing.

how was i to know they are straight?

Here's a picture of our baby with the man nanny. She loves her kickin' eyepatch.

[img]http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=2234[/img]

[QUOTE=jane s.]Here's a picture of our baby with the man nanny. She loves her kickin' eyepatch.

[img]http://www.chuckpalahniuk.net/community/attachment.php?attachmentid=2234[/img][/QUOTE]
i want to be a man nanny.
play with kids all day, watch nanner dances, watch rollie pollie ollie...

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]i want to be a man nanny.
play with kids all day, watch nanner dances, watch rollie pollie ollie...[/QUOTE]

You can go ahead and submit and application and Jane and I will consider you.

I throw cats on this child

[QUOTE=lokigod]I throw cats on this child[/QUOTE]

We regret to inform you that you will not be accepted as our man-nanny, thank you for your application.

successful job application or not
[QUOTE=lokigod]I throw cats on this child[/QUOTE]
:cool:

[QUOTE=alene]You can go ahead and submit and application and Jane and I will consider you.[/QUOTE]
23 of her chrmosomes are from me.

the other 23 matching chromosomes belong to someone i married.

[QUOTE=lokigod]I throw cats on this child[/QUOTE]
not when her father supports gun ownership so strongly;)

[QUOTE=The Average Cultist]have we decided on old elvis or young elvis yet?[/QUOTE]
Graceless asshole! I've put people on my Ignore List for less than that. I never should've taken you off.

There's no such thing as Young Elvis or Old Elvis.
The only two types of Elvi are:

Elvis
Fat Elvis

I don't give a shit if it's Vegas, anyone who would pick the latter should be sterilized.

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]23 of her chrmosomes are from me.

the other 23 matching chromosomes belong to someone i married.[/QUOTE]
Wow, those are some good credentials. I will move your name to the top of the list.

Trypd
Loki
Anyone else?

[QUOTE=alene]Wow, those are some good credentials. I will move your name to the top of the list.

Trypd
Loki
Anyone else?[/QUOTE]

how much work is involved again?
am I to understand there shall be cigars in the maternity ward?

jane I'm typing this on my veranda and theres a bunny rabbit hopping through the grass on the other side of the road!

i love living in the industrial area

[QUOTE=lokigod]how much work is involved again?
am I to understand there shall be cigars in the maternity ward?[/QUOTE]

Cigars, booze and any psychotropic substances you would like to provide.

Now why would a bunny be in an industrial area? I thought they roamed the prairies in groups, grazing on grass and elegantly bounding through the brush.

Does anyone else read the thread title like on conan.

CULT........Seeeeecrets

[QUOTE=Fino35]Does anyone else read the thread title like on conan.

CULT........Seeeeecrets[/QUOTE]

yes. I do too.

[QUOTE=tetsuo]yes. I do too.[/QUOTE]
me too.

the best one was HANKS! seeeeeecrets....

Whoa, I don't even watch Conan.

PS: I regularly steal office supplies.

jane steals office supplies, but refuses to steal postage.

Nah, I steal postage now too. My conscience is on its last pathetic, gimpy little legs.

well why aren't you sending me more mail?

p.s. you're lookin' at a felony charge right there...

My supervisor was recently charged for stealing thousands of dollars in product, almost daily, and mailing it out to friends in the company mail room.

Good times.

Yeah, the FBI is really going to come after me for the 74 cents I owe them...

never know, jane, never know. guess this is a good time to tell everyone fiberopticjesus is really a g-man...

I always had him pegged as more of a thong man...

[QUOTE=trypdwyre]i suppose this is partially true now, she has to wear a patch on her right eye for 2 weeks to strengthen her left eye. it gives her an odd look, and no one is hesitant about staring at it. still gives me a chance to publicly emberass the people who do stare at it.
but those are our pictures...[/QUOTE]
Well that's great, now she can stare a hole in them. Picking out all the little details she'd never stare long enough to get if they'd ever just return your gaze, this, this is her revenge.

I got married last week.

What the shit?! for a split hair second i believed it

i've got 3 testicles

I did! Jane and I got married and then divorced a short while later when we realized that it would never work. She likes football, and football makes me feel bored. I won't be returning gifts since you ingrates never sent any!