Buzzkill of the Day

All over Wales, it's a charge for not being environmentally friendly. So you have to bring your own bags. When we go to England now they say, "Do you want a bag?" and I say, "Nah...Oh go on then!!!" because I remember they're free and I treat myself.

It's a noble idea, I applaud your country!

My cupboard under the sink is only for plastic bags. It's probably a waste of space but where else do you put them??

In Wales we'd call that cupboard a "goldmine" now.

In all seriousness though, I love the carrier bag charge. It's even fun when you realise you've forgotten your bags and you have to walk to the car with your arms full of your weekly shop. No one minds it. Would London not like it?

London is simply far too selfish. Actually, I think Boris Johnson did try to before the Olympics, but there was a bit of a public backlash - more because of the notion that supermarket chains would profit from the charges than anything else.

Oakland just passed this measure. 10c a plastic bag.

It's a pain in the ass, but totally worthwhile.

I feel a teeny bit queasy. G just got over stomach flu, and my husband is toward the end of his tummy flu. I sanitized every surface I could think of.
Please. Do. Not. Want.

We pay for plastic bags everywhere, too. It's not a lot, but now if I don't need a plastic bag I just carry my own.

Besides, I have a lovely strawberry bag from Sarah and a large one from Tesco, the ladybug model.

My job hunt is not going well at all. I've only found one job in the last month that is relevant and I might be interested in doing. A couple of job interviews for that position will happen this and next week, and they'll invite more people for an interview after Easter. Fingers crossed I'm one of them.

This lack of interesting jobs is very demotivating. I know I can do better than the positions that are out there now.

Are you staying within Universities?

Not necessarily. I've been looking at everything really, but the job I applied for is actually at another university.

How the fuck do I get my husband to see I am not fucking around on him and am not going to? I will leave him before I find a lover?

He is constantly harassing me about various male internet friends, all of which I have know for years (yes I am talking about several different cult men, shit, most of you, but also it has been others in the not so distant past from other sites, people known for even longer than you guys- sites he encouraged me to join and participate in, just like he did with here!) and who if I were going to do anything with I would have made it happen with explicit unequivocal intent (or made myself be brutally rejected by) already. Sorry if saying that makes anyone uncomfortable but I don't know what to do aside from never post here again.

It is worse than that though, I mean I can handle that jealousy. Don't want to, but it just seems like something I have to put up with, oh well.

There is this girl I met on another site who lives nearby and we were making friends quite nicely. I mentioned her to him several times, he seemed happy I was maybe making a friend that would become a real life friend. I invited her, about two weeks or so ago, to go to this thing in town with me then made a joke about how it sounded like I was asking her on a date. She replied saying she was busy and asked me about doing something else instead and laughed about it being 'not a date'. This chick has some guy as her avatar, I vaguely recognize him as someone famous but not sure who exactly.

The next morning he wakes me up literally screaming in anger about my "date" with her. About "when am I going to learn this is not acceptable?" just blowing the fuck up.

All I could do was yell as loud as I could from bed "It's a woman!".

Of course then he walks away and comes back and apologizes a short time later.

I've never gone and said a word to her since and don't really want to at all, he ruined it. Haven't responded to her other invitation at all.

Now this morning I have an email, I am almost tempted to post it, telling me what a piece of crap I am, how I eventually will be left alone with nothing but my guilt, I "forgot to delete my history" (I don't delete any history nor hide any passwords or anything from him... okay, I have deleted one or two very insignificant things from the history because I didn't want to deal with his attitude when he blew it out of proportion, learned my lesson when he dug them up anyway and don't bother now)

The email was because of some stupid spam I received about some dating chat website, which I junked, and because of a freaky fetish website I visited last night briefly (looked at all of four pages I think then got the hell out of there) out of morbid curiosity after reading an article about a NY cop convicted of intent to kidnap and cannibalise women, the site was in the article. It was really fucked up shit and my curiosity got the better of me.

But he acts like I went there to be a fucking member there or something!

I probably would have brought the stupid site up and the article I read as a conversation, because it was so fucking gnarly, to him today myself. Instead I get accused of being a whore.

I haven't cheated on him since I was sixteen and haven't even been touched in any way by any other man since a good year before we were married, since I was nineteen. I have betrayed him emotionally, after years of being treated like shit, but that is as far as anything has ever gone.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I feel like I am going to develop an ulcer or have a stress heart attack or something at this point. I try to drink all of it away half the time, most of the time, end up saying stupid things to him and others and then get accused of even worse.

I feel like it has gotten to the point of real psychological abuse. I am constantly on edge. I have to write this, because I have to say these things out loud, I was raised with abuse and the silence that is beaten into a person, and I can't, won't just silently take this anymore. Saying it to a bunch of internet friends isn't exactly breaking silence very much, but, I guess if I end up leaving here you guys should all know these are the reasons.

He never gives me the benefit of the doubt, EVER. He never gives me a chance to say anything to him about anything first.

This shit has been going on for several years, and it has increased to boiling point more than once. We are at boiling point again. What I have listed is just the most recent examples in the past two weeks, not the only examples.

WTF do I do?

If we end up separated he is going to tell everyone I know it is because I wouldn't stop talking to men online. That is what everyone is going to believe.

talking to him does no good. Getting off the internet does no good, then it just turns into jealousy over real life people- I have tried in the past, even gone more than a year with no computer at all.

WTF do I do?

This isn't a buzzkill for most people, but I have horrible anxiety so i'm shaking. I'm on the train to work and I just got a call from my manager informing me that Anderson Cooper is filming a hidden camera show in our store all day today. They told me to come in straight to the back room. I have no idea what this entails but i'm bugging out.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, Pep.

I don't have anything really helpful to say, but perhaps he will see your post here and realise that you are not fooling around!

On the one hand it's positive that he understands that you are lonely but I agree that his insecurities are damaging you, your relationship and potential to make real-life friends and that is awful! My only advice is that from now on you keep everything as transparent as possible so he can feel involved (well, 'in the know' at least) about your internet interactions and potential meetings, instead of having to go root around for your online activity for clues.

Would he go to couples counselling with you? I know you yourself mentioned about going to see someone for your own stuff, but perhaps it would be beneficial for you both.

Take care.

Everything is as transparent as it can possibly be already.

He knows all of my passwords, all of the sites I visit regularly.

I'm just a really fucked up cookie with a fucked up little life aren't I?

The amount of embarrassing things I have posted here in hopes he would read them and wake up a little is pathetic.

He picks and chooses. If it doesn't support the evidence of me being a cheating slut then he ignores having read it.

That is psychological abuse no question.

Did he ever read Tom Sawyer?

You're going to be famous.

The easiest solution is just to get off the internet, right?

It will just transfer to real life people.

Five or six years ago I used to hang out at the park across from my house all the time, there are quite a few stay home parents in my neighbor hood including three stay home dads i got to know quite well back then. I never went to any of their houses or vice versa, but we would all hang out at the park whenever anyone was around.

I was very lonely at the time as this was when James' gambling addiction was full swing and we would rarely ever see him. at most it would be briefly on the weekends or for an hour or two late in the evening. Sometimes we wouldn't see him for up to four days on end as he would leave before we (the kids and I) awoke and come home after one or two in the morning.

I realised I was enjoying the company, just the conversation sitting at the park or bumping into him at the library, of one of those stay home dads too much and pulled away. I realised I was developing a small crush and pulled right away. Stopped associating with him completely and abruptly. A year or so later I confessed this to James in an attempt to get him to trust me- that I noticed my emotions acting errant and took actions to correct the situation as soon as I realised and instead of trusting me he has pretty much fucked with me about it ever since. If that guy is around the neighborhood I get picked on and he is mean to me about "oh look, your boyfriend is at the park. better go say hi."

Another one of those dads lost his two year old daughter in a tragic accident. I wrote him and his wife a letter expressing my thoughts and feelings and sympathy and telling them about my brother. Just last year that dad added me on face book and when I didn't recognise his name an asked who he was (he was using a random picture instead of one of himself) he messaged me that I "had only written him the most heartfelt personal letter he ever received and I better know who he is!"

To be told that my words, my written words, meant something to a person in their deepest sadness really meant something real to a person really touched me and I told James about the message- his only attitude and response was irritation that a man in our neighborhood had messaged me. Instead of sharing in my good emotions that I had helped someone a little, let alone in the compliment that was as a writer.

So it isn't even the internet that is causing these things. Getting offline will do no good at all.

I would like to punch him all over, Amber. What the fuck?

*Hugs* Amber.

He is being a total dickhead.

If you stopped going to the park, stopped going on the internet, what would you stop doing next? And when would you stop stopping things? What would you have left?

I must get rid of this boyfriend of mine. I need to be single. I don't even care if I never meet anyone else, he is annoying as fuck and it's killing me. I can't listen to his pompous shit anymore. Fuck it, I deserve better and I'm not being guilt tripped back into it this time.

Do what you gotta do, and good luck. I hope you don't get too much shit this time.

He just whines and gets upset. I need to steal myself. Have to do it though.

He whines? Ugh

I'm gunna be on tv!

I'm going to watch it when I can! I've never heard of Anderson Cooper. Can you say what it was?

yep. That is about the things I am thinking. I told James too, what if I get a job and what if I go to school, there are going to be people that hit on me. So what. that is what happens in the world. Just just get over it and carry on. But living like this I am afraid to move forward in life at all.

Godspeed and Strength.

I read your first response. I'm really sorry, you don't deserve to live like that, I wish he would just be a man and trust you.

He has a daytime tv show. Friday at 12 on Fox. I'm so embarassed, they've had me mic'd and acting all day I am so not prepared for this kind of thing i'll probably watch it then suicide

I still haven't got over when I was on the news for 3 seconds in 2000 but I WAS wearing a Nike puffer jacket and talking about Catatonia so that stuff haunts you.

Totally DVRing Anderson Cooper.

I had cameras on me all day and I wasn't nervous but the minute they left I promptly threw up

Next on Anderson Cooper...

Awesome.

Amber sorry you are going through that. That is just poor behavior, especially when you have kids to witness these outbursts. Perhaps he should take some anger management classes.

I'm gunna look fart and stupid. I'm not even telling people I know when it's on.

Amber, seems to me that he either needs to actively participate in fixing the problem, or you need to get out. It's a toxic relationship and you're both suffering.

Yesterday I almost started weeping in class like a fool, after my classmate started making fun of my bear phobia and said he'd make me an Origami grizzly bear and that I should watch The Edge, where the two protagonists are chased around by a bear half the movie. It took a lot of effort not to start crying.

What kind of total dick would taunt you with bears?

My mum, for one. She called me once when I was at a music festival outside town to let me know a couple of peasants from the village next to ours were eaten by a bear when they took their cow grazing. I was like 'and do you think this is how you'll convince me to come to the countryside more often?' (and 'hell no' inside my head). I still only go there once or twice a year, last time was last Easter.

Then again, I only told my classmate I was afraid of bears and that I should know beforehand if a movie features any bears, like Twelve Monkeys.

I laughed out loud at this and I'm sorry =( It wasn't at you it was at how Twelve Monkeys has bears in it but is called Twelve Monkeys. I'm still grinning! What's wrong with me??

After I saw the bear in Twelve Monkeys I sent him a harsh text saying he should tell me beforehand if any of the other movies he recommended me have bears in them.

I know I know but the title implies it's full of monkeys, not bears. Don't worry!

That fucking wanker.

...I quite liked Catatonia.

He's only the sexiest character on those news shows I guess I'm going to have to start watching now that I'm an adult.

Here he is rescuing a hurt little boy in Haiti three years ago. I don't know from what but look at him go.

Monkeys are just scrawny nerd bears.

Oh Anderson Cooper who is famous for having sexy arms or something. I remember someone telling me about him! I could have Googled it. I thought it was a hidden camera show as in Punk'd or Jamie Kennedy.

The Silver Fox is famous for having sexy everything.

I'm so sick, I've only caught the boyfriend's cold. Ugh. Plus my face is aching from that tooth extraction. Not at all happy right now.

All the more reason to lose that git!